I like your characterization of Peter. I think it was very good. I think he would be very self-depreciating and loathing of himself. However, if there was one thing I would criticize, it would be his lack of fear. He always seems like such a coward in the books no matter what situation he was put into.
I really liked the part where he asks himself, "What is one more?" I think it shows how deeply immersed he is in with the Death Eaters now, and how warped his thinking has become. Instead of redeeming himself, he is willing to forfeit his soul for evil simply because it's easier.
That really does strike me as something Peter would do.
I also liked the way that you had Remus and Sirius react. I really do think it's realistic.
I also think that the irony in this is realistic. After all, of all the people for Peter to run into, it seems highly unlikely that he would run into Remus Lupin. Yet, life seems to favor irony, and thus I could see it happening.
As far as spelling and grammar are concerned, I don't see any errors. So kudos, there.
It's interesting that you chose to write this from Peter's perspective. I don't think many people would have chosen to do that, but I rather liked it. :)
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you for all of the great reviews! I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to respond to them. :)
Oh my, I hadn't even thought to throw fear into the mix. Peter's mind is a kind of hot mess at this point, and I was trying to write emotions left and right--but I'll definitely go back and add a couple mentions of him being terrified at the situation.
I'm glad that you liked Peter for the most part, though, and that his thoughts/actions showed how much being a Death Eater had done to him.
I'm happy you liked it! As twisted as he is, writing from Peter's point of view was fun. Thanks for the great review! Report Review
wow! just wow! This one shot was incredible. The wording was great and it sounded like I imagined Peter would sound (not sure if that sentence makes sense)I never thought of Peter being used and victimised more on the death eater side, but now I can see that he was used badly. I imagine this now as how he would have felt if he hadn't had died in the battle and had gone on to kill Remus himself, because if he could have betrayed James and Lily then I'm sure he would have let something happen to Remus and Sirius. This story is going into my favourites, your writing was superb!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this fabulous review! You sentences made absolute perfect sense, and they're just what I was going for. Was Peter used by the Death Eaters? I think he was kind of, but remember that this is in his POV, and he's going to make everyone sympathetic to his 'cause'. I'm thrilled that you liked this story enought to favourite it, yay!
Thanks again! Report Review
This is completly wonderful. Don't worry about Pettigrew's characterization. It was perfection. The emotions were flow as clearly as possible. The best dying scene I've seen in a long time. You're a spectacular author! I don't know what else to say, but I love this! *favorites*Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed enjoyed it, and I'm flattered. Report Review
Wow. There's a lot of power in this piece. You showed the folly of wallowing in self pity, the bitter consequences of betrayal, and Peter's Gryffindor qualities (however ugly they may be). When he did that to Remus, it actually made me feel sick, which is a compliment in an odd sort of way.
The only thing I had a little trouble with is how much time he had to stand and reflect in the midst of battle. I wouldn't want you to lose the idea of his feeling that he wasn't important enough to be a primary target, because I think that really emphasizes what you're going for with his character. Still, it seems likely that he'd be hit with a random curse just standing there, plus if Remus and Sirius were involved they would certainly feel him worth taking down. If you could somehow show his thoughts in a choppier manner, like they're just coming in flashes as he's fighting (or running), it might improve that part.
Overall I think your characterization of Wormtail is pretty spot on, very believable. This was very well done.Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! (And I must say, I'm rather glad that Remus's murder made you feel sick. The thought made me feel that way, too.)
I see what you're saying about the luck of Peter not getting hit. I like what you said about his thoughts being choppier; maybe I'll go back and add a dash of the actual situation every paragraph or so.
Again, thanks! This review made my day!
--propertyoftheHBP Report Review
Oh, Peter. I think you did a really good job here of getting his characterization down. Peter is such a deeply conflicted character, and I think you did a really good job of showing that. I'm glad you had another reason for him being a Death Eater besides cowardice - I think that's an easy way out that some author's take, but as you said yourself he is a Gryffindor, and even if he is not the traditional hero is does have some backbone.
Remus' death scene was particularly wonderful, and I think a reflect of how Peter lived his life. One ill-fated decision followed by regret, but having Peter unable to turn back. It was a really interesting take on the rumor in question, and I like that you didn't take the obvious, silver-werewolf connect with this.Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for this review!
I'm thrilled that you liked my characterization of Peter -- after all, JKR did say that the Sorting Hat is never wrong.
To be honest, the lore with werewolves and silver never even crossed my mind while writing this. When I saw what I'd gotten for the challenge, Remus being strangled was my first thought.
Thanks again for the great review! Report Review
Hi, WeasleyTwins here with your requested review.
First off, I have to say that I admire your courage to write such a truly complex individual. To be honest, I clicked on your story expecting to have to write paragraphs and paragraphs of suggestions and give you my opinion as a fellow writer and avid reader. Alas, that is not to be. We know so little of Peter, so in reality you can do anything you want with his characterization - as long as it makes sense with canon, there isn't really a problem. With this piece, I believe you captured Peter's inner turmoil fantasticly. There is only one small suggestion I have and it doesn't necessarily pertain to Pettigrew's characterization. "One without a spine does not deserve to be treated like dirt, which I had been." - This sentence gives the reader so much insight into what Peter believes, yet you do not embellish upon it further. Now, this is just me talking (it's YOUR story), but if you were to add just a sentence or two embellishing on this little piece of the puzzle, I think it would do wonders. I know it's a small thing and of no consequence, really, but I loved that line!
Overall, fabulous job and from my perspective, you've nothing to worry about as far as Pettigrew's characterization goes!
10/10. Shelby. :]]Author's Response: o.O I'm thrilled that this story exceeded your expectations! I WAS scared to death to write Peter.
Oh, I remember that sentence sticking out in my mind as I wrote it. By 'embellish', do you mean add more on to his feeling of being a pushover-type person? Or by his 'being treated like dirt'? Either way, I really do like the suggestion. I'll definitely see how I can add on to it.
Thank you SO much for this fabulous review! One of the most flattering I've ever received. :)
--propertyoftheHBP Report Review
Holy cow. This was epic. o.o I loved your characterization of Peter, and I loved your ending... He had to die. I also really liked how you had him feel "brave in his own right". A lot of authors do the opposite, have him know he's a coward, but I like that little spin you put on it--the "I'm a Gryffindor, just not like everyone else." It's like having a nice Slytherin. (: I like it.
I loved Peter's voice in this, how he felt bad but didn't, at the same time. And again, I adored the ending.
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much for the review!!
He did have to die. Me, being the Remus-lover that I am, couldn't let him live. For so long, I did think of him as a coward -- but JKR did say that the Sorting Hat is never wrong. You're right, he is like a nice Slytherin -- a bad Gryffindor. (Though I still think he does have a cowardly, weak, spinless side.)
Thanks again! Report Review
This is WittleAna from the forums.
Hm. I have to say that this story is rather interesting. I love Peter Pettigrew stories, because he really is a complex character, but no one ever seems to give him credit. I think you did a good job in your characterization of him. The only thing about this is he seems too. . . hm, I'm not sure of the word. Peter always seemed like he would just submit to whoever respected him, and he never truly seemed to realize that the Voldemort was just toying with him. Though, looking at this from a different direction, you evolved his character by making him realize that he was just being toyed with.
Does that make sense at all? I feel like I'm just rambling here.
Anyway, moving on. I loved that he killed Remus. xD Well, I mean, I didn't want Remus to DIE but the fact that he was going to do it, but the fact that he wasn't brave enough to watch was absolutely amazing. It was like a blend of Peter, who once was friends with Remus, and Peter, Voldemort's little toy. That was the most brilliant part of this whole thing, the characterization was amazing. I'm quite jealous of your ability.
(:Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Like you said, Peter IS a really complex character -- I'd never written him before this, and like I said in my request, I was scared half to death to. I actually found it really challenging but fun at the same time, trying to get into his head. I definitely see your point about his not seeing Voldemort's toying with him -- then again, I like to think that by the end (of the canon time-line, which this obviously doesn't follow) he did see it, but knew that it would be plain stupid, in his mindset, to try and leave.
Oh, I'm so, so glad you liked the part about him not being able to watch. Actually, the first reason I did that was because I didn't want to write him watching the murder from his eyes, because I didn't feel comfortable with actually writing it. But then it ended up working out that way, because it was even more in character for him.
Jealous? Aww, wouldn't put it that far, but thank you very much! :) And thanks again for the awesome review!
--propertyoftheHBP Report Review
Thanks so much for being a participant in my challenge!
This was a really powerful piece of writing and I cannot tell you how proud I am to have it written for my challenge.
There was one thing though: "not by far as vulgar" you might want to say "by far not as vulgar." Just a little thing.
On to the story: I think your characterization of Peter was well done. He is obviously a very complex character, and you captured that aspect of him very well.
Also, this was a very creative way to have Peter kill Remus. The AU is obvious, what with Kingsley dying and OMG SIRIUS STILL ALIVE!! (sorry, Sirius is one of my favorite characters (tied with Remus, actually))
I'm interested to see where this goes. Will Sirius kill Peter? Or will he let his old friend go, even though Peter has now killed both James and Remus? I really hope the next chapter is up soon!
This was a really great piece of writing, filled with just enough detail and no noticible grammar mistakes. (well, I didn't notice any)
Thanks for participating in my challenge and I can't wait for more!
-AKABARAAuthor's Response: Thanks for making the challenge! I must admit, I'm grateful -- after seeing what some other participants got as 'dispelled rumors', I think mine was relatively easy. ;)
Hmm, you're right about the wording -- there are a couple of other things I noticed myself, reading it over once it was validated, and I think I'll make a little edit soon.
Oh, I'm so glad you thought Peter's characterization was good. I was insanely intimidated about writing him -- for me, he seems like one of the hardest characters to write. But it was so, so, so much fun, because I really tried to get into his head.
YES! Sirius is alive! Lol. I mean, the story was obviously going to have to be AU, because by the time Remus died (and we did already find out Dolohov was the one who killed him at The Battle of Hogwarts), Peter was already dead, so might as well have Sirius there! In all seriousness, though, I really wanted Sirius to get revenge on everything Peter had done to him. I kind of envision this OotP time, though.
It is to be implied that Peter was killed, and didn't have time to process exactly what Sirius was doing before the curse was completed, and unfortunately, this is a oneshot.
:( I never really considered it for more, and I don't think I can push it further.
Thanks so much for the review, and again for the challenge! Report Review
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