Hello, You requested a review a while back and im sorry that it has taken me so long!! But i have finally let real life settle down enough to get to my review thread! Thank you for your patience and not just yelling at me!! ^_^
I really enjoyed this, it is rather rare when you seem to get a story with just the teachers in them. Especially one as miniscule as Flitwick, but i like him, He is a good teacher and from what little information there is in the books and on the internet about him i believe you did a marvelous job on his characterization. As well as Albus, Minerva and Snape!! It just seems like you did a wonderful job on those.
The painting made me smile, it seems to real and like they would actually act that way! It reminded me like at the end of hp7 where they are all congradulating harry, but on a different scale! Im glad i took the time to read this. The plot was so well developed and the details filled in perfectly! All in all i really did enjoy this fic!! Great Job.
Xx JessAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like the story so much, and I certainly loved the review! I will definitely be back for more! Report Review
From the forums, here, and let me just say, wow.
1. I found no spelling or grammar mistakes, and the sentence flow worked really well. There were really no awkward spots in the story and it seemed to move along quite nicely.
2. The plot is very believable. You were really able to make it your own while still incorporating old characters. I liked the thought of Flitwick being headmaster, it's one that isn't used very often.
3. Characterization is really good. Flitwick and McGonagall especially.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the story! Praises always feel good no matter who you are. Report Review
Hello OliveOil_Med! It's notreallyblonde44 (obviously) from the forums, here to do your review! 0 reviews?! I'm happy to change this number :) Already, the banner is inviting and drool-worthy and the story summary sets up the reader nicely. One thing in the summary is the word 'welcome', for some reason I feel that it should say 'welcomed'...but this is more of a stylistic choice I think. Since you did not specify anything for me to look at in your review, I'm going to be doing a full comb over of the one-shot.
'In numerous crates stuffed with hay were all of Filius' old dueling trophies.' -Again, perhaps this is a stylistic choice in phrasing, but I feel that this sentence is backwards. I feel that it should start with Filius' old trophies and end with hay. I wish I could elaborate more on this feeling, but I can't :/ I'm just stuck on the sentence feeling that it reads funnily. Either way, I think the story so far and find this detail, his trophies, to be nice and support your decision for making him Headmaster.
'Binns was dead, Trelawney was mad, Firenze wasn't even human, and Sinistra was likely too antisocial to have anymore contact with her students than she already did.' - LOL
'The student would be running while through the castle like heathens before Christmas.' -Haha. Poor Filius, I'm sure he'll do better than he thinks. So far you've done great job in building up his character and giving the reader a solid sense of his abilities and lack of abilities. He is coming alive as a character and I am enjoying the ride. I'm sympathetic for him and miss the old days like he does.
'Filius then looked up to the chamber-like walls of the office' -you've already used chamber-like. Spice up the diction and description.
'Minerva had always been such a practical person, and though her advice might have often been biting, but it was always spot on.' -the but isn't needed here.
'he felt that oh-so-familiar feeling of being completely overwhelm overtake him once again.' -overwhelmed
'because she moved on to another suggestion "You' -missing punctuation here for dialogue.
There were a few exchanges that I found slightly confusing. One was with Minerva's portrait, when she said she had nothing to do and then replied to herself saying he would never be lonely. I felt like Filius would have told her she would never be lonely. But, the second instance is more important. When Amberose Swoot made his comment and Filius was offended, I didn't understand why. Because Ravenclaw Headmasters are bad? Or because of something Filius did personally? What is he talking about? It was very unclear and the 'Being adult' line with the quotations around it didn't help my confusion. I thought those quotes signified something the portrait said, not a semi-sarcastic narrated use of the phrase.
'there were times when he stilldid not always understand it' -space between still and did. A sulky Snape made me laugh. I always think he had the most potential as a character and instructor/Headmaster and was so sad in the 7th book for him.
Overall, I found this one-shot to be SUPER endearing. I thought it was a great idea to show all the portraits welcoming in the new Headmaster, a good ritual and baby haze into the position if you ask me. You clearly mastered all of canon and your characterizations were flawless in my opinion. While I would have chosen, and have, Sprout, I found Flitwick to be just as believable. I think you did him more justice than most, even in the books. He was adorable in his fear, feeling like a child, and overwhelmed-ness. I enjoyed reading this a lot. Besides what I have mentioned above, there is nothing I feel that I need to comment on. It's a simple one-shot with a simple aim and I enjoyed the potentially missing moment. I wish maybe Flitwick would have mentioned the new teachers, but I understand that's pretty irrelevant...I just wanted to read a bit about Neville :P
Lovely job and hope this review helped any!
nrbAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like the story, and maybe I can now fix some of the things that seemed to confuse you. Report Review
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