This is a really fantastic use of second person. There are certain kinds of fics that just beg for it, and there are others that don't work with it at all, and this was one of the former. I didn't even thinking once about the fact that it was second person - by that I mean, it wasn't jarring or difficult to get through. It seemed very natural.
I really liked how you tied this in to the story of Lot's wife, and how you used the theme of looking back from beginning to end. I did think the second flashback was a little awkwardly placed, though I can't really figure out where would have been a better placement for it. Maybe if you had preceded it with a line or two dealing with the idea of "looking back," that might have provided a slightly more seamless transition into the flashback. You could probably do that with the first flashback as well, though the transition wasn't quite as jarring there.
Anyway - the other thing I really liked was this idea about how much the family loved Teddy, and how everyone loves a war orphan, etc., making Victoire very much the outcast in this scenario - like Teddy is more a part of the family than she is.
Good job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm terribly flattered. XD Imagine! Mel! Saying my use of second person was fantastic! I pretty much automatically start most fics in second person out of habit and then have to re-think whether it really fits, so I'm glad you think I made the right choice here.
I'll keep the awkward flashback placing in mind, though - thank you very much for the feedback. I've looked and you're right, but I don't have much of an idea of a better place to put it either. XD I'll think about it, though!
You're the best -hugs-
- emma xx Report Review
My dear, I don't know why I never stalked you earlier. This is lovely, it really is. The Biblical allusions and the summary were haunting and beautiful.
IT IS AMAZING. SO ARE YOU.
1. Evil Teddy - hard to pull off, but accomplished!
2.Twisted story line - brilliant
3. I LOVE second person a ridiculous amount, but I didn't even register this was 2nd until I stalked your reviews.
Description: really rather wonderful. This entire piece is easily your best yet! From this point on, I am going to ignore your age and start pushing you. Seriously, if this is what you are capable of now, you're only going to get exponentially more fantastic!
♥Author's Response: ...I love you. I love your reviews as well. They make me feel awesome. XD I'm so glad you liked it! YOU ARE MORE AMAZING. I have a secret love for Evil Teddy - though I've thought about it and I think it's pretty much impossible for Teddy to have actually been evil...but that's what fanfiction is FOR.
And I'm so glad the storyline is okay - I was a little worried that it wouldn't be obvious enough with Victoire killing Teddy - that it was an accident and that she didn't mean to and honestly regrets it. Sort of. Does she? This cold is messing with my head... Anywho, I'm not sure whether to be offended or not about my age being a factor in your expectations, but it's praise, so I'll take it!
And second person is my favourite pov. It's my secret favourite child, you know?
You're an absolute darling and I loff you to bits.
- emma xx Report Review
Wow. Honey, that is amazing, albeit a bit disturbing. I absolutely love everything about it, especially how you use (I-can't-be-bothered-looking-it-up) person... anyways, as if you're speaking to Victoire. (It's really too late, isn't it. *sigh*)
Also, do I see a hint of PWB in there?
You are a goddess of writing. I love you lots.
Em xxAuthor's Response: Goshles, Em, you really know how to flatter a girl, don't you? I'm so glad you like it (even if it did disturb you) and it's second person, love. I totally didn't see PWB in there when I wrote it, but you must be right - guilt is such an interesting thing to explore, and PWB does it so well.
I am not a goddess of writing, but I love you muchly.
- xx emma Report Review
Emma, hello love!
I saw this in the recent stories the other day but hadn't time time to read/review it so I put it off till I had time. And the time has come!
Anyway, I was so excited to see a Teddy/Victoire, I just love them, and then I read this and I was like WOAH. The ending! I didn't see that coming. But more on that in a moment.
I loved this, really. Second person stories are always some of my favourites. There is just something about that POV that really gets me. I really like how much you are in the character's head.
I thought your narration and descriptions were lovely. The whole idea of running when you are upset of something is one of my favourite illusions. And then in this, how She (Victoire) is running, running from what she did is done well.
I think my favourite thing has to be the mention of the forget-me-nots and how they are looking and staring up at her, like they know what she did.
And then the ending, I didn't see that coming, in the beginning I had assumed she had done something she would have wanted to go back on, like left or broke up. But that! Well that took me by a surprise. It was a nice twist, and I enjoy that in stories, when it takes me by surprise.
This was a lovely little one-shot, darling. I really enjoyed reading it! I need to read more of your works as well as shot you an email! (I think I might have been then one needing too, but I have also been crazy busy!)
ColletteAuthor's Response: Collette, my darling!
Hurrah for the time coming! I really ought to have reviewed you this weekend but I read all weekend instead and I'll have to really do homework all week but... but... two weeks until Easter Holidays! Just think of that! I'll review you heaps then. :D
I apparently don't like Teddy/Victoire. EVERY Teddy/Victoire bunny I have includes Teddy being dead. It's really quite sad. Though in the other one I have he died in a work-related accident, she didn't murder him. xD
I also adore second person. It's so addicting to write, though I haven't read it in quite a while.
Running, I thought, had become quite commonplace and almost cliche, but I couldn't think of any other way to do it, so I did it anyway. XD The forget-me-nots would never have been included if it weren't for the banner, you'll have to thank Cathy for that! Though of course she didn't know I would snatch it up when she made that banner... but whatever.
I like twists as well - though my 'twist' was the entire premise of the story, and was the only clear idea I had right from the very beginning.
I'm so glad you liked it, my dear! And thank you tons and tons for the review, it was much loved.
- emma xx Report Review
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