Your writing never ceases to amaze me. This is a wonderful blend of Rowling and Austen, an unlikely pair that you have brought together with such harmony. A truly striking story that promises heart ache, intrigue and courage. Your characters here are so easy to see and identify with despite them existing in a completely different world, culture and time! I have fallen in love with all of them and this story completely!
I am looking forward to where you take it next.
Best of luck and God Bless! Report Review
Definitely enjoyed this more than the previous chapter, mainly because of how things are moving forward. I especially loved the exchange between Luc and his Mamma - how you managed to show us more about their character through their dialogues. I thought it was executed rather well. Loved this line in particular:
"Don't blame bad blood for your sins, mother. I have none but you to thank for all my character flaws." Luc smiled sweetly at her.
Gotta love Luc. ^_^
Elise. I'm liking her more and more, and while I know next to nothing about courtesans, you've written her internal struggle in such a way that I understand what she's going through. I understand how torn she is between choosing what (or who) is expected of her and what (or who) she really wants. When she was analyzing Guy de Rozette's letter, it really struck me how deep and complex she is. Like she's resisting/rebelling, and inherently wants to choose and do the good thing. The right thing.
Guy de Rozette had offered her an apartment in Paris, a substantial allowance, horses, carriages, servants and the security that would last as long as his interest.
That line pretty much summed up what I believe should be expected from the kind of life she chose. But again, like I previously said, I can feel some sort of resistance from her. Not sure why, but it definitely makes me think about her character more.
And those little details - squibs instead of house elves, how Luc paid Anne to spy on her - just makes this all the more authentic.
There were some oddly phrased sentences here and there, especially at the start of the chapter. It flowed better towards the end, though. I think I like your dialogues the best.
Here are some tiny stuff I picked up that may or may not need fixing. For all we know, I should probably be the one who needs fixing :P:
Elise heard the door open and the stifled footsteps of the maid try to follow her. --> Should it be 'footsteps of the maid as she tried to follow her' or 'footsteps of the maid trying to follow her' or something else?
A man who would provide for her every need and whim while suffering her to she did as she pleased --> Not quite sure I completely understand the second half of this. Perhaps it's missing a word?
Caused quite the with the downstairs maids, I'd say. --> Could this also be missing a word?
I think that's it as far as technicalities go. (:
Honestly, Rita, you're such a brilliant writer! I've read your other stories, and they are so different from this one. It just goes to show your versatility and insane writing skills!
Feel free to re-request and whatnot because I truly enjoy all your stories. So proud of you! Keep up the great work! Report Review
Hi, Rita! Apologies for the delay, but I'm finally here to review. (:
I've been meaning to read this for quite some time now, so when I saw that you'd requested a review for this, I did a little happy dance.
This was fantastic, Rita! I thought the introductions were very intriguing, and you've also managed to establish the main relationships rather well despite the fact that this is only the first chapter. I really want to commend you for being able to pull this period off. I will be the first to admit that I don't read much period fics because I find that I can't really enjoy them if they aren't well written. Tell you what - I definitely enjoyed this. A lot. And I'm actually learning from it. You've definitely displayed your amazing writing skills here. Every word fit the story and the mannerisms/pecularities of that particular period in time.
I've grown quite fond of Elise, especially with the history you've given her thus far. It would be very interesting to see how her relationship with Captain Rigfort and Marie-Cécile develop, and how all of these people and events will lead to the creation of Beauxbaton. Luc, while arrogant for the most part, is really quite endearing. I'm in awe at how you've managed to balance all these characters really well.
Technically, the only issue I noticed was that of missing commas here and there, but really, it wasn't too distracting and it's nothing a bit of editing can't fix. (:
Otherwise, I have nothing but praises for this and I look forward to reading the next chapter! Report Review
I quite liked this novel. Well done. Very entertaining. Report Review
I think your story is really different and original , i hope i could read more chapters ! Report Review
That plot twist... wow. I did NOT see that coming.
This whole story is so brilliant and eloquent. You constructed it as a good designer constructs a new, extempore design for a dress--fabricating layer upon layer, a myriad kaleidoscope of elegance and simplicity, wit and charm, magic and culture. And the delivery as smooth as the paper upon which it's drawn. It's like the Pride and Prejudice of fanfiction, the best story I've read, and better than many published novels I have read:) It's just... classic.
Lots of love, and keep writing!!! Report Review
This is a lovely story and one of the very best I've found here. I really like that it connects with the events of what occurred during that time, it just makes it much more real. Your characters are also very lifelike.
You have a few grammatical/spelling mistakes that sometimes make it a little confusing, so I might correct those. Also, you are spelling Madeleine Poisson's name l-i-e-n-e; the correct spelling is l-e-i-n-e.
Something that I would like to see in your story is little details about Elise's personality or about the setting thrown in, just to make it really lifelike.
I am really enjoying this story, so keep writing! Well done! Report Review
Loving this, especially the French Revolutionary historical details you've put in such as some Austria-hating, salons, etc. It was a little difficult for me to place the exact year though until you just mentioned Napoleon's escape; I'm not really sure whether salons were still prevalent at that time? Some of the names you used were pretty reminiscent of French Revolution people too: Madame Poisson for instance. Anyway, nice plot development, definitely looking forward to more :)Author's Response: I am so glad you liked the story and appreciated it's historical details! Very hard chores, but it makes it worth while when people notice :)
It's true, I didn't specifically leave any clues as to what the exact date was, though I did drop hints that this would be the 19th Century Bourbon Restoration. I'm glad you finally figured it out with Napoleon's escape from Elba.
As for salons, yes! Actually they were an active part of 19th Century Parisian culture, though not as integral as it was during the Revolution itself. During the 19th century, it focused more on the arts and literature. It even existed up till after the Prussian War as a haven for aristocrats wanting to hide from the public eye.
And you noticed the names! Actually, a great part of Elise is pattered after the amazing Mme de Pompadour so I decided to put it in as a little homage to her :)
So glad you liked the story! I really appreciate this wonderful review :) Made my day! Report Review
I adore your writing, Rita. I love Elise too, she's like a Jane Austen character. All of your characters are, they're rounded and believable even beneath the weight of the old traditions and titles.
Also, I just wanted to tell you that I have a rabbit named Napoleon and his hutch is called the Island of Elba. I'm going to try and get him a Josephine this summer :)
-Nora Report Review
I feel odd writing a review to your work because I feel like I can't do justice to your elegant style. It's a review and I feel like I have to live up to some standard you've set. Your skill as a writer is great. Your characters are unfolding at a brilliant pace. We can only just taste what they are. The more we delve into that character, the more we aquire a taste for them. With Marie-Cécile the taste is bitter, with Elise there is a sweetness with just a small touch of spice. With Luc we are deceive, he is like dark chocolate. Something that we think might be sweet until we are left with a bitter aftertaste. Monsieur de Rozette is salty. He sits our mouths as we struggle to salivate. He's very dry. Finally, there's the Captain that, who is minty. A breath of fresh air for Elise and the reader. How about that? I just assigned a taste to your characters. I hope you liked it. I forgot Anne. Hmm, she is, well you tell me. I will read on to find out. This is a truly unique story and I am enjoying it. Well done! Report Review
I love your story, it is impeccably written and wonderful to read. I do have one comment though "Poisson" in french means fish. so whenever i read Madelines name i read it as Madeline fish, which is a little funny. just thought you should know if you weren't already aware of it. Report Review
First things first. Your knew banner is STUNNING. I liked the first one, but I am absolutely in love with this one. Not quite as much as I love Matt Smith, but being in The Harem you will understand that even coming close is monumental.
This story and everyone in it has captured my heart and, to be honest, I really don't want it back. The twists and turns are just absolutely divine and your writing! -dies- So in-keeping with the time period and a treat to read.
Characterisation is absolutely flawless. Luc has really, really grown on me and my heart broke for him in this chapter. You know what? It's a little bit Doctor/Amy in the sense that we didn't know that he loved her until now and she doesn't want him... -sobs hysterically-. Marie Cécile is extremely interesting; thoughtful and calculating, loving and heartless. She's an oxymoron of a character and she keeps everything interesting. And of COURSE I love Elise. She and Captain Rigfort are made for each other - but what about Luc? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN HERE, RITA XD.
I just do not know how to express my love for this, but I cannot wait for more ♥ Report Review
Yes, yes, I'm only supposed to review three of these chapters, but this story is much too amazing for me to help myself; I had to read the fourth chapter, especially because it's hardly gotten any attention so far. I can't imagine why - it's really the best one so far! There are so many things I want to say right now but the biggest one is basically just: WHAT?! Seriously. I can't believe Luc's in love with her and at the same time it's kind of cute and sad, but then the Captain's in love with her too! And just when I thought the plot was already thick enough, you throw this bombshell at us.
Well, his love certainly explains what I was confused about last chapter, and I think I've figured out everything else I was confused about too. I think what makes this story so captivating to me is that I have absolutely no idea who Elise is going to end up with - isn't that strange? In that way, you really have the upper hand here. And the twisted love triangle you've so wickedly created really is just that - twisted. Madeleine and Anne fancy themselves in love with Luc, who thinks he is in love with Elise, who might be in love with the Captain, who we think (but don't know for sure) loves Elise. If we wanted to make this a full love circle you could throw in the twist that the Captain is in love with Madeleine or Anne, but I don't think even you could pull that off. Still, if that ends up happening, I'm going to be really proud that I called it.
If I'm going to address everything that happened in this chapter chronologically, let me start with Elise's bribing of Anne. Honestly, that scene where Anne was brushing her hair completely tore my heart out; it was that depressing. It stood out as really poignant in my mind mostly because of the dialogue; Elise's harsh words and particularly the line, "He is the best man I know Anne, but that does not make him a good one," stood out to me because it really just shows so much about their relationship (and believe me, I'm eating my words from my last review that you can see their relationship is very brother-sisterly). And I liked how you clearly established Elise's dominance over Anne in her mannerisms and dialogue. It kind of revealed the slightly snobbish side common to ladies with wealth from this time period, but it's an understandable and fitting arrogance.
The scene between Marie-Cecile and Luc was even more heart-breaking. I'm still reeling with shock from this revelation. I think what made the scene so strong is the dialogue, which I'm quickly beginning to realize is one of your stronger points (along with characters, plot, style, and just about everything ;D). Their words are so biting and blunt and they tell you just so much - the scene was really an eye-opener for me about pretty much everything. Marie-Cecile's words, particularly: "But Elise is young. She has just come out into society. She is the talk of Paris! I am slowly fading into the walls while she receives the eyes and smiles that I used to. She has begun the path to earn her freedom the way I had. The way Madame Deuxmoulin had. The way Madame de Rozette had," really helped me understand what Elise mentioned in the first chapter about wanting freedom. So as much as this chapter has muddled me, it's also cleared quite a bit up about the character's motivations and such.
I think my favorite part of this chapter was: "'Elise is not like you, Mamma! She deserves to be loved!'
Marie-Cecile shook her head. 'She deserves to be free.'"
I'm not sure if I can even explain why I like it so much without ranting nonsensically. You have such a way with writing words that just makes them so powerful and memorable, and the words just fit the characters so well. Luc's reaction to his mother's statement is so fitting for his character, and, additionally, so is Marie-Cecile. I've mentioned countless times how much this reminds me of Austen's novels, but in this chapter you really emphasized the conflict between wealth and love (and I'm assuming the others you mentioned have these same themes also, but I haven't read those so I'm just noticing the similarities with Austen). Elise wants to be free. Marie-Cecile thinks this freedom will come from wealth; Luc thinks love is a heavy price to pay for freedom. It kind of offers a different perspective to love, one that isn't seen in chick flicks or Disney movies or anything like that. Because, love...well...it's kind of a cage. And, really, kudos to you for writing a Harry Potter fanfiction that can get me thinking so much.
Gaaah. I feel like I haven't said half as much as I intended to. And now I've finished reading all the chapters and I'm really dying to read more. Perhaps I'll pick up one of my Austen books and read it to satisfy my hunger (yes, that's right: I pretty much just said that you're as great as Jane Austen - well, almost at least - and that's a huge compliment coming from me). This story is truly amazing and original and there's not enough words in the English language to express how I feel about it. I am so so so glad that you won my challenge and I was obligated to read this. Now I have a new story in my favorites! :D
Can't wait for you to update.
P.S. Is your chapter title inspired by the song of the same name, by chance? Report Review
And the plot thickens. This chapter was just as excellent as the last two, and can I just say that all your chapters seem to be just the perfect length? I know that must seem like an odd thing to comment on, but not once have I thought, "Wow, this chapter sure is dragging on!" or even, "That's it? That's all that happens?!". You include just enough to develop the story but not too much to bore which is a difficult balance to maintain, to be sure.
I'm going to start off with all my spelling and grammar advice and typos, just to get the nitpicking stuff out of the way. It seems like you rushed through proofreading this chapter a bit, so I'll just point out a few mistakes that I noticed. In, "Elise finished lacing her shoes and grabbed Luc’s coat, hat and gloves. In one swift movement, he took him by the wrist and dragged him out of the house", the 'he' in the second sentence should be 'she'. Another error that cropped up a few times in this chapter was the punctuation of dialogue. I think it's mainly just an oversight on your part, since at some points you seem to have it down pat, but in sentences like: "'I do not appreciate being treated thusly,' Luc hugged coat. 'You know how I hate the cold!'" not only should you fix that typo and put a 'her' before 'coat', but it should be a period after 'thusly' but before the quotation mark because the verb hugged isn't indicating how she says her statement. There is only a comma in sentences like this: "'A compliment to France! So rare from our friends in the West. It is very much appreciated, I can assure you Captain,' she teased him". I'm not sure if I've explained this very well at all, but there's a great topic on the HPFF forums that I recommend checking out if you want help with this; it's in the Writer's Resources forum under the Grammar Guidelines subforum and it's called "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Dialogue". I know that I found it really helpful, at least.
On to the actual content of this chapter. I definitely enjoyed the insight into the relationship between Luc and Elise, and especially Luc's threat of using magic on her - not only because I love your brief mentions of magic, but also because I think that entire scene showed a lot about how protective Luc is over Elise and sort of confirms how they consider their relationship like that of a brother and sister. Not only in their playful arguing and how Luc tries to protect her, but also in the fact that Elise is keeping her jumbled feelings for Captain Rigfort a secret for him. As I said, the plot thickens.
I do really love Elise's character, but I'm getting a bit confused about her goals and feelings. A courtesan is...well...to keep things appropriate, let's say a companion for the wealthy, yes? Obviously this "job" is accompanied with an aversion to marriage, because that wouldn't exactly help with business ;) But I can't quite understand her aversion to Guy de Rozette; it seems not quite fitting that she's so picky when the only motivation I can see for her occupation is wealth. Or perhaps her feelings for the Captain are fogging her judgement and she wants him instead? But she doesn't want marriage so why does she desire what promises to be only a flimsy acquaintance with him? I am very very confused about this, but perhaps I've just got everything all wrong.
I'm also having a bit of difficulty understanding Luc's aversion to the Captain, although not quite as much. I can see how it could be just because he's an overly-protective brother, but then he would be displeased with anyone. Is it the Captain's differing views of the Revolution that make him unappealing? Or is Luc just rightfully worried about how attached Elise might grow to him? You do have a talent in keeping me interested.
And on the subject of Elise and the Captain (I know this sounds bad, but I keep forgetting his name so I'm settling for just calling him this), I really love their relationship. Their witty conversation definitely reminds me of Austen's works, particularly Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's. I'm highly tempted to read the other works you cite as inspiration in the beginning of each chapter, if only because if they've influenced this magnificent piece of work, they must be just as magnificent. I particularly liked how symbolic their analysis of the pillar was; perhaps I'm looking too far into it, but it seemed like a really fitting metaphor for Elise.
Something that I also enjoyed about their conversation was how they both manage to stay within the realm of politeness in their comments. I can't even imagine living in a society where gossip has to be done with such style, and flirting with such wit! Your dialogue seems effortless, but it must take so much thought to come up with banter that flows so smoothly and fits the formality of the time period so well. I'm not sure any other author could accomplish it half as well as you do.
Alas, I've rambled on for too long now. This chapter was another excellent one; I really don't know how this story has managed to stay so under-appreciated.
Cherry Bear Report Review
To profess one’s love, very bold indeed, Captain Rigfort. Very bold.
But, ah, how the tables have begun to turn. From professions of love from men unacceptable, to letter from others unseen, and ending with banishment threats to others. How it all has begun to get interesting.
First this letter, Guy de Rozette. I cannot decide what to make of him quite yet. But it seems Elise almost cannot as well, as she pays Anne to not tell Luc (amongst other things). It is the charming boys you much watch for, I do suppose she has it correct. But poor Anne, how Luc toys with her heart as he can. I don’t know if I should, but I do have a bit of a soft spot for Luc…
Marie-Cécile, she mustn’t be forgotten, what with such a daunting way to wake her son with such proclamations. Must be a bit for the boy to handle having just woken from slumber. Such interesting things she says too, and yet to begin Luc does no such thing to seriously refute them all, other then to say she deserves to be loved. Then he slams the piano, and I love the line, that they are not her ‘Chess pieces’. Oh, Luc.
Brilliant chapter, my love. My favourite so far! I do believe I am the first review, and I must tell you it was just as lovely as the rest! I cannot wait for more now, what with this ending between Marie-Cécile and Luc. Oh, I just must know more, and hopefully soon.
Marvellous, just marvellous! I have now caught up and cannot wait for more.
Collette Report Review
First off, I wanted to tell you I read your response to a review, and I loff you darling. You are beyond adorable! Anyways, review, yes.
And I apologise for sounding like a broken record, but this story is so beautifully crafted, so marvellous with dialogues and enthralling in descriptions. Seriously Rita, this is a stunning piece you have written here.
Luc is still as darling as ever, doting on Elise as she set out for chilly Paris winter (oh how I love the chill! how I wish I could be there right now, all the lights and pretty window displays!) and how he not only pays off Anne for his maman, but too for gossip on suitors of Elise. What a darling he can be. I love the relationship he and Elise have. Very teasing and playful, but still brother and sisterly all the same.
I love the plot, it is just as gorgeous as the rest of this. I do look forward to seeing it unfold more. Especially after such a bold bit of speech from our Captain Rigfort.
Divine, darling. Marvellous, ma Chérie. I do not know what else to say to you.
Collette Report Review
I was going to put off reading more till tomorrow, but this story is much too intriguing to keep me away from very long. There aren't enough synonyms for original and incredible to describe this story, and the only real adjective I can use to describe it is captivating. It's definitely different from what I've read of your work so far in that the humor isn't quite as much a central part of the story. This seems much more dark, and the humor that there is lies in how serious and consequently borderline ridiculous the rules of this society are. Or perhaps I find strange things humorous ;)
One of the things that struck me right off the bat as extraordinary about this chapter was the opening. I think you have quite a way with opening stories and chapters and scenes, and the beginning of this chapter definitely rose to meet my expectations: "It had been a fortnight since Madame Deuxmoulin's party and rumors were now, not only spreading about Marie-Cecile, but about her protegee as well." As I mentioned before, your writing is much more relatable and modern than Austen's, but I like how you still try to keep it formal and fitting to the tone of the story. You are possibly the only person who I will let get away with using fortnight seriously.
I mentioned in my previous review that I was interested in learning more about Marie-Cecile, and this chapter did not disappoint in that aspect. I thought the interaction between her and her son was really solid and realistic in its complexities. Their personalities are eerily similar in some manners - which is fitting considering their relation - and their relationship is extremely original (there's that word again) and captivating (and that one). I particularly enjoyed seeing things from Luc's perspective, and how you gave another dimension to his character; despite how wrapped up in himself he appears to be, he seems to notice quite a bit about other people that he cares about.
I forgot to mention this in my last review, but, as it's more prominent in this chapter anyway, it seems fitting to mention it now: I adore how you incorporate magic into this story. It's subtle and not so extreme that it stares you right in the face - which is quite rare in Harry Potter fanfiction. There may have been only one mention of in the last chapter, but I liked how you incorporated it a little more into this one and I can tell that you put a lot of thought into how magic would affect French society in this time period. One phrase that particularly stood out to me was: "a part of the library deemed as unseemly for ladies as bringing out her wand in public," because it told me so much about how magic is treated and how ladies are treated. It wouldn't make very much sense at all for women to have the same rights to magic as men in a time period where they don't have the same rights to much of anything, and I'm definitely interested in seeing how magic affects the story in general. I also thought it was interesting that they employed Squibs as their house maids rather than house elves, and it was really the only thing in this chapter that made me remember that this is a fanfiction.
I enjoyed the interaction between Elise and Captain Rigfort, although I'm surprised that Elise has so much knowledge about the Revolution. It seems to me inconsistent with the inferiority of women in this society and so much knowledge seems like something Marie-Cécile would think unbecoming for a lady. I did find it interesting that their views clashed and yet, as he left, each of them were more interested in the other than before. I'm incredibly curious why Captain Rigfort mentioned her family again - it seems like too strange of a coincidence that he would say something to unsettle her twice without meaning to, although I'm probably looking too far into things.
Forgive me for skipping around, but I also liked the conversation between Luc and his mother. I know I already mentioned how it showed more about their relationship, but the dialogue in itself is really well-written, both in that scene and in the previously mentioned one between Elise and Captain Rigfort. I think each character talks in a way completely fitting for their personalities, which is something hard to accomplish but which you have certainly achieved here. Luc is blunt and challenging, Elise is sly yet polite, ect. It does a lot as far as showing who the characters are, rather than telling us who they are, and I value that a lot.
A theme that you seem to be continuing from the last chapter into this one is Elise's inner chant not to be overwhelmed. I find this incredibly interesting and it's nice to see something that ties the chapter together, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this connects with the next chapters. I'm especially intrigued because this Elise seems almost inconsistent with the one mentioned in the summary of the story: the founder of Beauxbatons who is said to be a great woman. I'm hoping this means there will be some massive character development in this story, and I do love some good character development.
Looking forward to seeing what happens next. As always, your writing/ideas/stories are, as they say in French, incroyable.
Cherry Bear Report Review
I feel quite deceitful advertising this in my forum signature without having read it, but at last I can finally sit down and enjoy it. Jane Austen is one of my favorite authors, so it's really no surprise that I do enjoy this. There's something so magical - pardon the pun - about a society so wholly wrapped up in securing money and marriage; historical romance just has some strange charm to it. I can honestly say that I've never read a fanfiction like this (drat! Your originality strikes again!) and this promises to be an entirely refreshing read just by the first chapter.
At first glance, I thought for sure that I was going to be completely confused and incapable of keeping all the characters straight, so I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out quite simple after all. I liked how you started off the story with the perspective of someone who wasn't the main character, if only because it allowed me to see Elise clearly. I enjoyed the slight explanation of her past in this, although I am confused about how her brother would be able to trap her. Hopefully the next few chapters will clear things up for me, though.
One thing that you accomplished really well was making Elise relatable. A lot of the times in Jane Austen novels, I feel a sense of detachment from the main characters because the language is so rich; it's really more of a time period barrier than anything else. Your writing is much more modern and it makes it easier for me to understand everything. I'm also very interested in the character of Luc; in some ways, he reminds me of a more proper version of James Potter in that he seems so arrogantly careless about the games he plays with the girls, yet he knows how to play them just right. What makes him so intriguing to me is how this cruelty contrasts with his obvious affection for Elise. I'm really curious to see precisely how their relationship functions, and especially to see how Elise acts around the mysterious Marie-Cecile, who already seems to be a very enchanting character.
When I started reading this, I had honestly forgotten what I read in the summary about Elise being the founder of Beauxbatons, and it was incredibly easy for me to get lost in the story and forget this was a fanfiction. Skimming through your other reviews, I see you get this a lot, but this is written so incredibly well that it reads exactly like a published work (and actually better than a great deal of some published work I've read). I really hope you are/plan on pursuing a career in writing; your talent really shouldn't go to waste.
My only critique for this so far is in the structure and connection of some of your sentences, and it's purely a stylistic critique. In this paragraph: "Damn Luc for knowing her too well [...] His means to an end", all of the sentences were rather choppy and didn't seem to flow half as smoothly as the rest of the story did. I think you should definitely try to vary your sentence structure, as most of the sentences in this paragraph were simple or fragments and there was no punctuation besides periods. You seem to have no problem with this in the rest of this chapter, but it might help to connect the relating ideas better. For example, you could try something like changing: "She was not afraid of simply meeting Remy. She was afraid that he might take her back" to "She was not afraid of simply meeting Remy; she was afraid that he might take her back." The ideas of the sentences are so closely related that a semicolon ties them together very well. Of course, if you have a preference for the way you've written it, I can completely understand. It feels slightly wrong of me to be even thinking there's something wrong with such an excellent piece of writing.
I mentioned in the beginning of this review how much I adore the affairs of French society, and I think you pulled off the complexities and social necessities particularly well in this, especially in Madeleine's reluctance to speak to Luc when they hadn't been properly introduced and there was no chaperone. It really shows how much effort you put into this and how much you care about it; you obviously know a lot about this time period and I'm sure that will make this story even more incredible as it progresses. I'm definitely interested in seeing what happens next.
You must be one of the most under-appreciated authors on this site - I can't imagine how this story can have so little reviews for how amazing it is.
Cherry Bear Report Review
Rita, ma little darling!
I have come back to read more of your simply divine story here. The second chapter did not disappoint, not to say I figured it would be any less the the first, it is not a Rita story for anything!
Anyway, Luc and his maman. I love this relationship you have set up with the pair. They have something rather special. I love that he pays off the gossipy maids for knowledge on his maman's suitors! And how she goes for the younger men. The banter between the two is lovely.
Elise, she is wonderful as well. I do love her quite a bit. She is unique, and I can't wait to see more of her and her two suitors.
As always your descriptions, narration and dialogues are all simply marvellous. Enthralling descriptions and charismatic dialogue compliment your beautiful characters my dear.
I love forward to reading more chapters! This is beautiful! I love it and I love you, doll!
Collette Report Review
Rita, it took me a long while to get around to this and for that I am sorry.
This chapter was a great start. I thought everything was good from description to dialogue to everything in between. I'm pretty confused as to where all your characters stand in the Muggle/Magical worlds but this does not detract from the story as it causes me to continue on.
I was emotionally connected to all of your characters, especially Madeliene and Elise. It dawns on me what a feat that is so early in the game here. I probably would be less engaged and more suspicious of another less-talented author's characters after the first chapter. You have got me trusting both ladies and their counterparts already though.
I wonder how much work you put into this. It would take me at least 10 years to write something that seemingly comes out so effortless to you. Harry Potter's world in this setting makes you realize how clunky J.K. is compared to Jane as a writer. I think that you have outdone Rowling and done justice to Austen. I hope this wonderful effort continues to shine as I move along. Well done! Report Review
Oooh, what a place to leave off! His words are indeed bold, but only if interpreted a certain way. From what the Captain has said before, he might just mean it in the way that Elise believes, though he could be playing her, disguising his affections for someone else. That would be very Austen-like to do. :P
What I really want to applaud in this chapter is your use of wit in dialogue. You manage it successfully in a way that I haven't seen very much of. It sounds like you spend hours figuring out the perfect lines. *jealous sigh* It's just another bonus of this story.
I'm wondering if Luc actually likes Elise as more than a sister. He's acting very protective of her, and I don't think it's just out of brotherly love. He has a jealous streak to him, or perhaps it's because she's the only female who hasn't fallen for his charms. Being part Veela, that wouldn't surprise me. ;)
One thing I forgot to mention in my last review was that the previous chapter and this one contain a few minor typos. The previous chapter had more than this one, but both should be glanced over - they shouldn't be hard to find.
Otherwise, this was fantastic! Thank you for asking me to read this story. It's one that I've been eyeing since it came out, but getting the request definitely pushed me to read it faster, and I'm really glad to have done so. :D I'll be looking out for the next update! Report Review
If the last chapter was for squees, this one's for swoons. The Captain is very likable in his passionate beliefs and kind courtesy. I hadn't been sure of what to expect from him initially, not knowing whether he'd be a Wickham or a Wentworth. Even now I won't trust any of these gentlemen yet. They definitely seem lovely, but one can never be entirely sure until closer acquaintance is made. ;)
What I love about this story is the complex relationships you've built between the characters. Their lives are so socially political with all sorts of details in their past and present actions, making this story much too fascinating for its own good. I really like Elise and find her to be a sympathetic character who is easy to relate to. The characters around her all have these plans of their own, and she has to fight through them to get that freedom she wants.
Another great chapter, Rita! You're a wondrously talented author and am hugely jealous of your abilities. ^_^ Report Review
Words cannot express what I think of this story so far. I must must must continue reading, and therefore this review will be hopelessly short. For me, that is, which is long for some. :P
Oh my gosh, Rita, this is brilliant! You've combined with great success the mannerisms of Austen-esque characters, the beautiful setting of 19th century Paris, and little hints of the magical world around the edges. I know that you said this story was partially inspired by Persuasion, but I actually saw a bit more of Northanger Abbey in this, particularly with the Tilneys and Catherine. Your use of Austen in this story is actually the best I've seen so far in fanfiction, and probably also the best of published Austen-inspired stories. It's a very very yummy story. ^_^
There were two little things I'd noticed on the way. In the first paragraph, you have an unnecessary comma between "old" and "widowed". Also, in the line Captain Rigfort turned his attentions to her, there is some pronoun confusion - I think you mean Elise, but it's not clear in that paragraph.
Otherwise, all I can offer is a SQUEE of happiness at his story. Contrary to my review thread rules, I'm going to keep reading the next two chapters, just because I'm that enchanted. :DAuthor's Response: Susan used Austen-esque to describe this fic...I am in shock! Way to send me into a coma hun! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You can't know how ear to ear my smile is right now!
Oddly enough, I was reading Northanger Abbey while writing this chapter so that must have showed a little too much :) I kind of have it in my mind that Catherine is the perfect way to introduce a story because she is so in awe and observant. And now that you mention it, Elise and Luc are kind of less virtuous versions of the Tilneys the way they are introduced! I am so glad you noticed that because I honestly did not. It shows you how much Austen really does rub off on you :) Although I can't help but feel like I ripped her off somehow *sly grin*
Oh! I shall fix those as soon as I can! Good eye there Susan. Shows how much I need a beta. *notes to self to stop procrastinating and find one*
I am so glad you liked this story thus far! Your squee of happiness cannot be greater that mine at hearing you're breaking your rules for me! *Tackles you*
This review was just O_o WHOA! (translation: amazing!!!) Report Review
I think this chapter was by far the best one. I can't even imagine all that is to come. I'm charmed by this story. Absolutely. I don't even have that much to say this time. The dialogues is snappy, smooth and just makes me sitting at the edge of my seat, waiting eagerly for what this and that character is about to say. I love their speech. You really have the style of Austen and Bronte jotted down very well. At least in my opinion, because I truly feel as if I was reading a novel of their likes. Which is really saying something. So yeah, the technicalities of the writing is just amazing. Descriptions and everything else.
Characters are more and more alive with each new chapter, and some of them are truly shining. I can't help but adore Luc for the time being, but I'm also slightly wary. I love how Elise described him and their friendship. Utterly lovely. Once again the dialogue between them was just fantastic. I liked how Elise trusted him with her secret and how he tried to reason with her because he cares, I assume.
Oh and I also liked that one cool touch on Elise's characterization where you mentioned that despite her manner and education, she's still this child. It was very well-written and that paragraph stood out to me.
Rita! I love it. I love you. You're too great for words to explain. I can't wait for another chapter. Love ya.
Elizabeth Report Review
Rita, this story is amazing. I expected it to be, of course, and now I know it really is. Let me start from the beginning.
It was fascinating to watch the exchange between Luc and his mother. There is so much energy between them, perfectly transported into the words. I love their conversations and arguments and everything else. I was also taken aback by that sheer manipulation going on when they were discussing Elise. Great job on portraying that. Also, I love the fact that Luc is part Veela. I have never before read a story where a MAN was part Veela, so that's very original and new for me. Exciting, yay! And I laughed when Luc commented his mother's first attempt at retirement. :D Luc has won me for now. He's independent, bold and snarky. I love reading his parts.
Rozette is a pushy man and even though I haven't met him yet, I don't like him. Bring me the Captain already! ^_^ --> was what ran through my mind when I was reading the letter. Then the Captain arrived and I BOUNCED! I liked how Elise was quick to try and keep her compsure. Unsuccesfully, but I can't blame her. I rather like the equality between them, the direction of their conversations. you've created interesting chemistry between them, so I obviously can't wait to read more. Let me also tell you that Captain's entrance was just wow. He just stomped into the room, said so many things quickly, like whether he wants to sit or not, what he wants to drink and all that. i found it endearing, not like when someone is all too gentlemany and slow and annoying, lol.
I noticed this: Caused quite the with the downstairs maids, I'd say.
Isn't there a word missing between 'the' and 'with'?
The ending of the chapter once again gave me shivers. Wonderfully written. You have great chapter closings. It makes me want to read more...not later or when you're ready to update, but RIGHT NOW! :) Report Review
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