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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by celticbard Will you?

23rd December 2010:
Hi Shiloh!
Yay! Go Lily! Not that I'm a man-hating, extreme feminist or anything, but I'm glad she's making Lorcan win her back. Good for her. She's one tough cookie, and smart too. If she is ever going to recover her relationship with Lorcan, then he really needs to understand just what he did wrong. I'm not anti-Lorcan, but his sudden proposal just seems, I don't know, slightly impulsive. Part of me wonders if he wasnít just charmed by the romantic mood of the wedding. I'm certain that he does love Lily and perhaps, in his heart of hearts, he really wants to marry her, although I think he needs time to digest his decision.

I loved that Lysander was the same sensible, peace-maker he was in "Hey Lucy". You really have made him a memorable character.

And Lily, wow, what a firebrand. I'm rooting for her all the way, especially since she hates weddings. I have to say, I quite agree with her.

This was a great realistic, romantic fic, Shiloh. I absolutely loved it!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: I see Ginny in her daughter, and she is nothing if not tough. And I can see Lily just being completely disgusted with Lorcan. He's such an idiot!

Thank you for reviewing!

xoxo
Shiloh


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Review #2, by butterbeergal Will you?

8th May 2010:
Hi, Shiloh!

Ah, I can always count on TGS to broaden my (reading) horizon. This is the first Lily/Lorcan fic that I've read and it was definitely a very interesting experience for me.

I love the summary! It caught my attention, especially this: Now he's back and Lily must decide between her hurt and her love. I think that captured Lily's struggle really well.

As far as the plot goes, I can't say I haven't come across it before, but I liked how you worked with it. I can't think of anything that you absolutely have to change because it is quite realistic as it is. And as much as I like reading fantasy to escape from RL, reading realistic stories is definitely a more meaningful experience.

I liked how you characterized Lily here. You gave her a strong voice that really made me feel her pain even if I haven't actually experienced what she went through and is going through. You've managed to effectively convey the bitterness she was feeling not only through her choice of words, but through her actions as well, her body language in particular.

I won't pretend to understand how the male mind works, especially where commitment and marriage issues are concerned, but suffice it to say you captured what I think are the typical reactions a young man has to the idea of being tied down to one person for the rest of his life. I also appreciate how you made Lysander brutally honest for Lorcan to come to his senses. He seriously needed that, seeing how confused and lost he seemed to be. Their conversation was very entertaining.

You mentioned that you might be revising this, so here are some of the things that you might want to consider:

- Signalling a passing waiter, she grabbed two more flutes. Glaring at the dubious look her gave her, causing him to scuttle away quickly. The second sentence sounds incomplete (fragmented?). Maybe you could merge it with the first sentence so it reads more smoothly. There are a few other sentences that are structured this way so that's one aspect to watch out for.

- "Sorry, sorry." She mumbled, doing her best to get around him. I noticed this in all the dialogues of the story. I suggest this format as this is the one used in the books: "Sorry, sorry," she mumbled, doing her best to get around him.

-Just some comma issues here and there but, like the points above, these are things that a bit of editing can easily fix.

Oh, and I loved the moment when Lily and Lorcan first met after breaking up. I held my breath while reading that entire paragraph. And the ending was brilliant! I really liked it.

I hope this helped. Thanks for requesting for a review (the first one, at that!). I truly enjoyed reading this. :)


Gillian

Author's Response: Thank you Gillian! I really appreciate your reviewing this for me :) Yes, hopefully sometime soon I will get around to editing this and making it much better. I am terribly notorious for fragments :P

Thanks dear!

xoxo
Shiloh


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Review #3, by Evil Sami Poo Will you?

10th April 2010:
WHAT??? I was soo sure I review this! My computer must've died or something! Sorry about the wait. This is a very realistic story, I like the way that you introduced Lily and her attitude, you have this picturesque wedding combined with this dark view of this angry red head. It's perfect for the story.

There's not much I can say against this, only thing I can pick up on is something that I did until recently. Instead of going ("Blah blah blah." Said Blah.) the correct way to write is to go ["Blah blah blah," said blah." If you want more information about this just PM me on the forums

Plot wise it is very realistic and something where a girl can follow and relate to Lily at one point then feel tugs of pity for Lorcan at the same time. Flow, amazing.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Really appreciated your feedback :)

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Review #4, by Leney Will you?

4th March 2010:
Sorry that I'm not logged in, but my computer is being dumb again. Anyway, I love it! Your characters are very real in this piece. Lily isn't perfect, and neither is Lorcan, but both are likable. I love that you made me so angry at Lorcan for being such a jerk, but also pity him for the lost love, even if he threw it away like an idiot. Well done my love!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review sister mine :) ILY!
XOXO
Shiloh


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