Reading Reviews for The Third Year.
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by sian redgewell Coming Home, Part Two

1st June 2011:
reaaally good :D

i especially liked how you put 'Bella was going to be the death of him...'
nice touch ^_^ xx

Author's Response: Thank you! It was sort of sad to write though...poor Sirius. :'(

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Review #2, by saffy Conversations with Mother

12th May 2010:
Hit there :)

Well this chapter just plain broke my little heart. Poor sirius !

It was nice that you finally revealed what had gone on between him and his parents which you had been hinting at throughout the story but geeze, it was entirely horrible and believable.

I love the relationship you created between Regulus and Sirius which is suitably complex.

I'm even feeling sorry for Regulus i mean the poor boys only 11 and he's come to the conclusion that the only way to live is to become a death eater.

Favourite quote: "And maybe it's only the second day of summer"

This chapter was particularly well written and i thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks and i cant wait for the next update :)

Author's Response: Siris doesn't exactly get to live the childhood most children want to, and neither does Regulus. Regulus doesn't even seem to understand what's been taken from him, his childhood innocence. That's not something the Black family is really into. :) Stay tuned for the next chapter, I have about two thousand more words to write before I'm done! Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews.

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Review #3, by saffy Coming Home, Part Two

12th May 2010:
Hi there :)

I loved this reference "or maybe he could get one of those Muggle car things he had heard Peter talk abouT..."

Your characterisation of regulus seems in keeping with someone who would put That sign on their bedroom door.

I loved the way you portrayed Sirius's relationship with him, that mix of frustration and dislike balanced with real worry.

Poor Sirius it just broke my heart that he worried about becoming like his family.

It was nice seeing the parallels between sirius's childhood and Harry's in that they both hated the summer holidays. Though no wonder he does with parents like that.

Favourite quote: "Either that or I've turned rather ugly, I don't like this reflection at all."

Thanks :)

Author's Response: Sirius' reference to the Muggle car will eventually, as we all know, be turning into that of a motorcycle. Regulus is the type of person who would do that- prim and proper- but to an extent. Sirius is never quite sure how to react with him, as Regulus can change moods rather quickly. I never really thought about Sirius vs. Harry for the summer holiday, but you're absolutely right. (: Glad you like Sirius' joke. Thanks so much Saffy!

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Review #4, by saffy Coming Home, Part One

12th May 2010:
Hi there :)

Remus was really good in this chapter nice and measured in his responses but still like a 13 year old :)

That is one nasty curse to put on your own son! They really are awful awful people.

Nice job on working in the mirror it felt really natural and fit in really nicely.

i really liked the way that you showed the difference between regulus and Sirius by the way they approached their parents. With sirius having to try and act like the rest of his family whereas it come naturally to regulus.

Thanks for a great read and i cant wait to continue on to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I work really hard to keep all the characters in their age group, I feel like they're all a bit more mature than the average 13 year old, but then again growing up during a War matures you faster. I'm glad you liked the mirror, and Sirius's parent's really are nasty folks aren't they? Of course, Regulus isn't really a walk in the park either. :) Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by saffy Charade

12th May 2010:
Hi there :)

So here i am feeling smug with my "i am totally now up to date with my reviews" sense of satisfaction when i find 3 stories, thats right not 1 or 2 but THREE stories which still need to be done, honestly im such a numpty.

Anyhoo i loved your marauders, the characterisation for them at this age is so good. especially Peter who i think can be quite hard to write for considering the rather unattractive personality he has.

The plot seems really interesting and believable and i cant wait to read on :)

Favourite quote: "He could practically feel the anger coursing through his veins, not only because James was completely right, but because it didn't matter. He didn't have a choice.. he never had."

Thanks :)

Author's Response: No, thank YOU for the review!! (: The marauders are tricky, everyone protrays them differently, but there are definetly some things that everyone does. Some of those things you need to follow, other you can discard as cliche. To me, the biggest cliche is a neverthereannyoingpeter which I try really hard to avoid. I rather like Peter :) Before he went evil that is.

Thanks again for the review Saffy!


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Review #6, by Im_No_Muggle Conversations with Mother

7th May 2010:
Wow, this was such a great chapter. I can tell this is all leading up to... something. But what? In this story and Wolves and Wizards, the suspense is killer. You just keep wanting more! I have now added you to my favorite authors, because now you have written three fics, eacho of which are spectacular. You show such a variety of writing techniques in your fics, which shows how mulit-talented you are. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: I know I tell you this after every review, but let me say it again: you are my favorite person on hpff. Everytime I don't feel like updating now I think of how you're waiting for more and just have to keep it up! Right now the chapters for both Third Year and WaW are about half way done, so you won't have to wait much longer! I'm so honored you have me on your favorite authors list and you think so highly of my writing, you're just to kind!! Thanks SO SO SO much! (:

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Review #7, by GwyneddLynn Conversations with Mother

7th May 2010:
Oh my gosh I love your story!! :D it's genious!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like the plot.

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Review #8, by Im_No_Muggle Coming Home, Part Two

23rd April 2010:
It was quite interesting to see the side of Regulus who was a jerk, as opposed to the side of Regulus who tried to overthrow Voldemort, which is the side that readers of the original books see. Of course, we knew that Regulus was a jerk from Sirius, but we never saw it in writing, something you have done excellently. I also thought it was particularly eerie seeing Bella interact with Sirius, knowing what she would do to him in the future... =(

So overall, excellent chapter. I think this is almost as good as Of Wolves and Wizards. Great job!

Author's Response: Im No Muggle, could be a more wonderful reviewer? I doubt it. (: Regulus is one of my favorite characters in this fic- he is almost bipolar in some cases but what really underlines his character is the will to please his family, which includes Sirius as well. Of course, with Sirius being the Black sheep of the family, that makes Regulus confused a lot of the time. The Bella section made me sad, there was one line I threw in their for irony, something about Sirius thinking Bella would be the Death of him or something that made me particularly sad. :( Thanks for another review- now I'm off to write my next chapter of WAW!

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Review #9, by Im_No_Muggle Coming Home, Part One

14th April 2010:
Ah, the mirror! Of course! Very clever of you, Spangles. I thought it was so terrible of Sirius's parents to put a curse on their own son! It just shows what terrible people the Black family is though, which you have shown quite well in your writing. Another good chapter!

By the way, to show that something belongs to James, it is James's, not James'. Same goes for Sirius. Sorry for being such a grammar freak! Please don't think badly of me - this is a really good story and I have now added it to my favorites! Can't wait to read more. =)

Author's Response: I'm not sure if you're in the UK, US, or somewhere else-- but in the US we don't add an extra s, sorry if you find that confusing! Sirius' parents are monsters, even Sirius doesn't fully understand how bad they are. I'm also glad so many people have enjoyed the mirror, it's going to be playing a lot of importance in this fic.

Thanks so much for the awesome review and the add to your favorite's list! ^_^


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Review #10, by Im_No_Muggle Charade

14th April 2010:
A very good start to what I'm sure will be a good fic. The emotions are easy to relate to, and everyone seems to be pretty IC. Very nice, my only criticism - I found some grammar errors, particularly in the beginning. I'm kind of a grammar freak... sorry.

P.S. My next chapter is up...

Author's Response: The grammar mistake have been taken care of by a beat. (: I'm glad you think it's a good start, thanks so much!

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Review #11, by littlearrows Conversations with Mother

14th April 2010:
wow...there are so many things that could have happened to Sirius, the worst, of course is the cruciatus curse. You write Sirius and Regulus SO well. Can't wait to read the rest of the story!

Author's Response: I'm so flatted you think I'm doing well with the Black brothers, I was a little concerned people wouldn't like Reg this chapter. Ch. 5 is being written as we speak, your awesome reviews are really motivating me, thanks so much!

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Review #12, by Natalie Coming Home, Part Two

13th April 2010:
This is a really interesting story and very well-written. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Chapter Four is in the que right now! (:

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Review #13, by littlearrows Coming Home, Part Two

5th April 2010:
Excellent! I'm very interested to see how all of this plays out. You're writing is beautiful.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you SO much! I'm extremely flatterd that you think my writing is beautiful.

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Review #14, by melian Coming Home, Part One

31st March 2010:
Back again!

You know the drill, inner critic stuff first. And the first thing she noticed was that the excessive spacing between paragraphs was a bit annoying in this chapter. I'm not sure why you kept it there considering it wasn't in the first chapter, but maybe you didn't realise it had happened. If you didn't paste your text as plain text this tends to happen (it's an archive glitch, I think), and the best way to change it is to delete it all and re-paste, as unfortunately it's hard to edit once it's been pasted as rich text. It's not a huge deal, but it does make it easier to read.

Now, my inner critic noticed a few typos ... "Sirius would be surprised if the left him more than a Knut in their will" - you've got "the" instead of "they" in this one. "Sirius pushed these thoughts out of his min" - I think you mean "mind". "You own dad did this to you!" - you wrote "you" instead of "your". "standing just a straight as we was walking" - I think you mean "he was walking".

Right. Your story. The canon nerd in me feels the need to point out that at the end of third year, Sirius was 14, not 13. It's widely accepted that his birthday is in the September-December window which would make him almost 14 at the beginning of the year, and closing in on 15 at the end of it. Just a small thing but you might want to go back and edit at some point.

Aside from that, again, I thought this was fantastic. I adored the introduction of the mirror and thought it was a very clever way of bringing in a canon item within the context of your story. It was very believable that Sirius' mail would be inspected on both the inward and outward journeys and that this was James' way around that, and I really liked the backdrop of camaraderie and brotherhood that really binds these boys to each other.

I also liked the way Sirius put the haughty look on his face and started to walk and carry himself like a Black. It was a nice touch. :) I also liked the way Regulus looked like that all the time, it drew a nice contrast between the brothers.

I'm very interested to see where you take this story. Feel free to re-request when you've got some more chapters up!

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Thanks for the review again! (And sorry for the long wait for response...again.)

I meant to take that extra spacing out, but it kind of just popped back in, when I post the edited version of the chapter up I'll make sure to re-edit it once I post it to get rid of the extra line. And as for the typos, thank again for pointing them out, I will have to fix them a.s.a.p (same to the age, I can't believe I did that since I'm a bit canon obsessed as well, thanks for that!).

I'm happy you found the mail thing believable as I was worried some people would merely think, "Oh, well there has to be a loop hole she's just ignoring!" The Sirius vs. Regulus things will grow more and more constant as I go on, as these story almost turns into a battle of wills. Obviously canon can tell us how it ends, but I like to think it'll leave readers hanging.

Thanks for the review, and I'll definitely be re-requesting sometime soon, Ch. 3 is in the que and your reviews are absolutely fantastic!


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Review #15, by melian Charade

31st March 2010:
Hi! Here with your review!

Now, the way I review is I allow my inner critic to dictate the first bit, and outline any typos, grammatical errors and the like that I may have noticed. Then I talk about your story.

Now, my inner critic did notice a few things. One was here: "he was to rash" - you're missing an "o", it should read "he was too rash". And later on you wrote, "Sirius bit him lip" instead of "bit his lip", and here you wrote "their" instead of "there": "Is there any way you can get kicked out before they get their?"

I also noticed some errors in formatting dialogue. An example is this: "Hello?" he asked, looking impatient, "You there?
With this one, ideally you should have a full stop (period, I think you Americans call them) instead of a comma after "impatient". The "hello" bit is clearly intended to stand alone within the dialogue, so the next bit should start a whole new sentence. It's only a little thing but I think it will read better.

And here, I think it would read better if you inserted another comma: "Peter said sounding a little triumphant," - I find these easier to read when there's a break between the dialogue tag and its description. In this case, it would read, "Peter said, sounding a little triumphant".

Finally, you've got a tense change here: "he had spent last night studying (while Sirius has played Exploding Snap)" - I think you mean "while Sirius had played Exploding Snap".

And lastly (and SO sorry I picked up on so many things! I really thought I wouldn't, it reads really well), it's a peculiarly North American habit to say "write me" - in the UK people say "write to me", so if you want to keep this sounding authentic, which I suspect you do due to your spelling of "mum", then you might want to go back and give it an edit.

Of course, you can by all means ignore these suggestions, but since it's what I do in my reviews I thought I'd make them. :)

Right. Your story. I admit that the beginning threw me, probably because I'd just read your A/N about the story being set in Sirius' third year. Starting it at his Sorting was not really what I was expecting. It read well, though, and once I worked out what you were doing I was fine with it.

Now about the rest of the chapter. I really liked this. Really really liked it. Of course, as a Sirius fan it was likely that I would, but then again I'm pretty picky when it comes to characterisation of Sirius (and James, for that matter) and there aren't an awful lot on this archive that I really identify with as Sirius. But this was great. I thought your characterisation of each of the boys was spot on, I loved the dialogue, and I liked the situation you put Sirius in, with Voldemort (or someone high up in the Death Eaters) coming to stay over the summer and Sirius being hamstrung by being bound to his parents and not being able to do anything about it, or even vent his frustrations. It was really well done. I loved that Peter had been staying up all night trying to get his study done, I loved that Remus was studying for Transfiguration before anyone else was even dressed, I loved that James was tuned in enough to work out what was going on even when Sirius tried not to let on.

In other words, I loved every part of this chapter. I think it was a fantastic start to a story and I can't wait to read on.

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Ok, I'm sooo sorry it took me so long to reply to this AMAZING review, really I don't know what got into me.

*ahem* Now to respond, I will be adding all of these changes when I post the beta'd copy (I just accuried myself one for this fic) and I'm EXTREMLY thankful that you noted the American-ism. I'm sooo bad at catching those.

I will probably edit the A/N a little so the begining isn't so confusing, because I noticed that myself before you commented on it and just kind of hoped no one else would see it, guess not. ;) And I LOVE that you loved so many things! I speant an extremly long time on the dialouge between the marauders, because it irks me beyond belief when Remus and Peter (usually just Peter) are just shunted to the side. I'm so honored that you feel like I fit in with the few who keep that from happening, really I am! (:

Thanks for the LOVELY review. You've motivated we beyond words. (:


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Review #16, by Lenneth Coming Home, Part One

23rd March 2010:
I love this story so far! Your plot sounds really intriguing! Please continue!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, and of course I'll continue! Ch. 3 will probably be finished around Friday but I'm leaving town, so expect an update by next Wednesday at the latest!

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Review #17, by roy Charade

13th March 2010:
Good piece Spangles, really good work nice dialogs and stuff but i think you should trie to inject more surroundings and environment in it, it feels a little empty.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll work on that, it's my biggest flaw, whenever I add in surroundings I feel like it's an over kill but I guess that's better than none. Hopefully it'll be better by next chapter! Thanks again!!! (:

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Review #18, by Katiatrix Charade

11th March 2010:
Update it already! I"m Waiting!

Author's Response: The second chapter will be posted after the eighth chapter of Wolves and Wizards, my other fic is up. I'm glad your so anxious for an update!

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Review #19, by alexandramarie Charade

8th March 2010:
Fabulous! You're a really amazing writer that leaves me running through the story to find out more. Sirius was never a huge interest to me character-wise but in this chapter you've given me an interest in him and what's going to happen. Keep going this is great!(:

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! I haven't really gotten any feed back on this story yet, so I'll take your review as a good sign. Thanks again! (:

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