Reading Reviews for Lunar
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Torah violet Motter The Monster

13th April 2012:
I love this, it's snazzy and very eerie. Write soon! I can't save it because my acount didn't working by write soon ok?! It's really good, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're very sweet. :3

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Review #2, by Gryffin_Duck Luminescence

2nd August 2011:
I adore this! I am always on the look-out for good werewolf stories and I do believe I've found one. I've never read any stories about female werewolves, with the exception of a fan fic my sister once started, and I've always found them intriguing because in Harry Potter we only ever meet male werewolves.

Anyway, onto the specifics of your story! I really love how you started this off right in the thick of things. It really hooked me. I am definitely interested in reading more and finding out how she became a werewolf and what lead her to this point.

OCs are always some of my favorites to read because when they're done right they're amazing. I think you've done a wonderful job of characterizing both Diane and her sister and mother in this story. I'm slightly mad at the both of them although I do see where they're coming from since it is her wedding.

Lovely chapter and I can't wait to read more! :)

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Review #3, by Owlpost68 The Monster

9th May 2011:
wow, creepy ending... well, I'm guessing she's either a vampire or a werewolf, unless there's something else that does what that poem at the end talked about. Maybe it's even some other kind of monster entirely... But overall, I really liked this chapter, it introduced her more, and what she does for a living. I really loved how you included Harry as her boss. Plus that part that Mr Weasley died. That was really sad :( But it happens...
I'm wondering where you introduce James, since it said the pairings were James/OC. I'll be interested to see that. I'm still not sure I like the almost horror-y part of this though. Like I said, I don't really go for those kinds of things. I never understand how people can watch horror movies and scare themselves for the fun of it. The thing is, I love your writing. It's very smooth, and subtle brings in more information without even realizing it. That takes a lot of talent :)
Great job!!

Author's Response: Very creepy. Yeah, James'll come in soon. Thanks so much for this terrific review!

ash


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Review #4, by Owlpost68 Luminescence

9th May 2011:
You did a really great job! For someone who hasn't written a mystery before, it really mysterious lol. I saw what you wrote to someone else lol. But mainly, I don't read mysteries, I'm usually a romance, fluffy, maybe some action or something, type of gal, so this was really interesting for me. I think my favorite part was the ending, when she grabbed her duvet and went on the roof and just stared at london. I think it made her problems she's having, whatever they are, somewhat more intense. Plus it's just plain and simple an awesome idea to go and think about stuff. Especially if it has a great view. I think it helps you're mind when it has something peaceful to look at.
Anyway, I'm off to read the next chapter. It is a mystery after all, I want to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm so glad you loved it! Thanks for the review!

ash


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Review #5, by doglover The Monster

30th December 2010:
this is really confusing. please update soon!!! :D

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Review #6, by doglover Luminescence

30th December 2010:
wow. that was really intense.

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Review #7, by IwRiTe4mE The Monster

17th December 2010:
oh my gosh! know i really want to know whats going on! and i want to know if she is going to meet anyine *wink wink* (a guy!)
~Kat

Author's Response: HMMM! Perhaps she shall. Thanks for the awesome review!

ash


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Review #8, by IwRiTe4mE Luminescence

17th December 2010:
oh this sure does sound interesting. whats wrong with her?
~Kat

Author's Response: Hmmm, who knows? ^^ Read on! Thanks for the great review!

ash


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Review #9, by inessa The Monster

12th December 2010:
OMG Is she a WEREWOLF? is that the reason why she's so weird, that her boyfriend left, and that she doesn't speak to her family? Did she killed those people?
This story is awesome. I love mysteries.
Update soon.

Author's Response: Who knows! You'll have to wait for the next chapter! ;) Thanks for the review, doll!

ash


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Review #10, by Fluffystrikesatmidnight The Monster

11th December 2010:
Your writing is so good! Is she a werewolf? The title it "Lunar" after all. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much darling! More is coming!

ash


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Review #11, by MarsIsBrightTonight The Monster

30th November 2010:
Wow.

That is so striking, your writing style is very haunting in this story.
I'm guessing she's a werewolf? Am I right?

This is amazing, seriously. On my favourites list RIGHT AWAY.

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love this piece, I will certainly write more of it. However, it's difficult to keep up with so many novels! Ha ha.

Ash


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Review #12, by luckylilly75 The Monster

21st August 2010:
did she have a kid? update soon!

Author's Response: A child? As in a baby? Ha ha, I won't say anything but that's an interesting guess. Thanks for the review hun!

Ash


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Review #13, by ochalke5 The Monster

14th April 2010:
Whoa, I'm interested to see where you take this story but I did enjoy these first couple chapters. Can't wait to see more from this story.

Natalie

Author's Response: Hey girl! Thanks for another review! I'm glad you like it so far. The next chapters a bit crazy, ha ha.

ciao Ash


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Review #14, by ochalke5 Luminescence

14th April 2010:
I liked the first chapter so far. I'm interested in the second chapter. Good work.
Natalie

Author's Response: Hey doll! Thanks for the review!

Ash


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Review #15, by SearchingForLuna The Monster

8th April 2010:
Ooooh, scary... I like your writing! This chapter was brilliant. I love the mystery surrounding the whole situation, and how you just gave us random clues and hints to help us along. Is she a werewolf? Keep writing!!!

Author's Response: Hey there! New reviewer! Woot woot! I'd love to know how you found my story. :) Thanks for such a lovely review. And I can't tell you that! It is a mystery. (:

ciao, ash


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Review #16, by Jackson Robles The Monster

20th March 2010:
Hiya Ash! Thought I'd drop by and offer my two cents on this interesting chapter. Glad you see you came up with a name, and it's so fitting too, as it kind of encompassing a lot of the content in this chapter as well as DiDi's character on a whole.

Anyways, about the chapter itself! Hmm. Well, I know a serious worry you've got is if this lives up to the tone that your first chapter sets. You've done great in that regard! The last few paragraphs themselves do your whole story enough justice to stand among the content of the Prologue.

Mind you I don't love this story, as I'm not partial to romances myself (well, JUST romances, but I have a feeling this might turn into much more than that), I do think it's got great potential to be very interesting. And like Binx from the Moviegoer (Walker Percy novel) I thrive on interesting.

You tie DiDi down in canon and the Harry Potter world with references to Harry Potter the man himself! What is she by the way? A secretary? Ain't that a bummer! There are a few awkward phrasings that are only awkward because they seem slightly out of place. The green flames licking her porcelain skin was one --- I think it'd be less awkward if you'd given us a real representation of the character herself.

Well! I gotta go, just know that despite the last paragraph the story's in great shape! Don't give up on this story, right?

Jackson

Author's Response: Buddy! Hiya. So sorry it's taken me a thousand years to get back to you. As I tell you often, I have quite the busy life. ;D

You know what's funny? About the title thing that is - but all the title I choose for any of my story or not thought out at all. I obviously don't just slap a title on there last minute but I always let the title come to me. Glad you thought it worthy. I do quite like it myself. XD

You always make me so nervous with your 'hmm's' and such, Jacko! And then you're all, "oh, you did great in that regard!" Grr. It's stressful on me, it is. And the few paragraphs came to me while I was doing work in class. I was in a dark mood. I tend to write poor DiDi when I am in bad moods. It's a good time. ;)

Woah, woah, woah, WOAH. Who said this was a love story buck-o? It may have romance but trust me, that is NOT where this is going. I have quite enough love in my other stories [heck, in my own life] to write something else for a while. But trust me, this isn't at all a love story. It's more of a mystery and an adventure and a drama. Stick around. I'm going to want to know what you think. :D

Thank you as always!



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Review #17, by dyqw1700 The Monster

19th March 2010:
This chapter was really good! Can't wait for more! Please update soon?

Author's Response: I appreciate the review and I will definitely update quickly. ;)

Ash xx


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Review #18, by HarrietHopkirk The Monster

19th March 2010:
Ooh me likey. Me likey a lot.

Author's Response: Thank you for the fantastic review, Harriet! :D


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Review #19, by stepnhunguyen The Monster

18th March 2010:
Does this mean that DiDi is like a werewolf or something? The last couple of sentences got me. :)

This pretty much cleared up my questions. About DiDi and stuff, but her physical image is kind of blurry, to me. I feel so sorry for DiDi, she lost her dad and she lost connection with pretty much her whole family. :(

10/10 of course. Love it!

And I guess this means your computer is fixed. Joy to the world!

Author's Response: Hmm...who knows? I sure don't. ;) The physical image is coming, I promise. Thank you for such a stunning review!

cheers, ash


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Review #20, by Alopex Luminescence

14th March 2010:
Hi there. I think you're the same person who has a story called "Just Ordinary," right? I recall that I personally didn't feel much of a connection for the main character . . . although it can be hard to judge these things after reading only one chapter. :- (If I've mixed things up, my apologies.)

Right, about THIS story. It was short, so as I said, difficult to make a definitive judgement. However, I enjoyed it a lot. Therefore, you get top marks in enjoyablility.

Your grammar also seemed fine to me. I can definitely be a stickler for grammar, so if there is anything the matter, it wasn't glaring enough for me to pick up on it.

Flow: Overall, pleasing. The writing itself (as in word choice, sentence structure, etc.) was not as fluid or poetic as some writers I have come across. It was average-to-good. The way you structured this chapter flowed well, though.

Ok, I've just checked, and you ARE the person I thought. Let me just say I connected with Diane far better than I did Laney. I especially liked the part when she left the wedding. It was my favorite part of the chapter, and I thought it was well-written. You really got into her thoughts there and let the readers feel who she is.

At this point of the story, I am still confused about a few things. However, it's nothing for you to be concerned about, because the questions I have concern Diane's background, which is information you have not yet revealed completely (thank goodness . . . why give everything away in the first chapter?). I typically do have these sort of questions at the beginning of any story.

Author's Response: Hey Alopex! SO sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. The last chapter of one of my novels was sort of a cliff-er so it got a big response.

Right. The review. Yep, that's me. I wrote Just Ordinary and I do recall you not connecting with the character very much. But hey, no worries. I get it all the time. Laney's a tough one to like.

I guess I can let out some air now that I've heard the famous Alopex enjoyed my prologue. -flops back in chair- That is a huge compliment to me so thank you very much. I'm also pleased that you didn't find much issues in the way of grammar - I tend to be a grammar/canon nerd when it comes to reviewing, so it's nice to know that the grammar here isn't glaringly terrible.

I had a little trouble with the flow in this chapter. well, hey, I always do with prologues. I guess it's sort of my thing -- like when you buy some new shoes and it takes some time for your feet to adapt to them. Hm. Bad example. But if you catch my drift...

Great -- wonderful -- review.

Thanks so much!

Ash xx


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Review #21, by lustylover Luminescence

14th March 2010:
This is wonderful. I love the mystery you have created just within the first chapter. There are so many questions that I am asking now, and I am just dying to know what happens next. Please continue to write, for this looks like the beginnings of a very good story. Thank you for requesting a review, and feel free to check out my stories here on HPFF. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Hi there, lustylover! It means so much that you've read this story! I have never written a mystery before now, so it's fun to experiment with. Thanks again for such a great review!

Ash xx


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Review #22, by Tinkerbell01 Luminescence

11th March 2010:
Hey Ash!

Tink here from the forums with your review!

I'm a bit confused as to what's going on in the story, but it's only the beginning, right? There's bound to be confusion. Naturally. But I like it so far. You have the basics to the beginning, yet you don't tend to lose interest.

I love the concern that she had for her sister. Show's that she really cares about her and is worried about what is going on, especially at her wedding.

There were a few errors here and there, that could easily be fixed by a beta. Other than that, I'm intrigued as to where you plan to take this, so don't hesitate to drop by again when you have the second chapter up.


xx

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the wonderful review! :D

Yes, my goal was to sort of baffle people with confusion and curiosity in the beginning. I always like to give my OCs interesting relationships with their family. I just like giving them a unique mind set about family. Yes, I may get a beta if I decide that I am serious about the story.

Thanks!

cheers, ash


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Review #23, by emmapotter Luminescence

10th March 2010:
Wow, that was..different and INTENSE! I liked it a lot! :)
I think this needs to be beta'd, not for the grammar, no, that's OK, but for the punctuations, and all. If it does get beta'd, it would be so so much better, yeah?
Anyway, thank you so much for the great read! :)
love
AK!
P.S: 10/10!

Author's Response: Hi emmapotter! Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm not sure about getting a beta yet...I have to decide how serious I am about the story yet. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I really needed a push. :)

Thanks, ash


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Review #24, by Jackson Robles Luminescence

9th March 2010:
I'm sorry but I don't think that I'll go into as much detail as Sleeping Paige. You have (you in general) to admire that dedication. However, I'll make a few quick criticisms and then get to what I like about this peculiar piece.

The colon thing? Hm. Well, I see where it works here, but I do kind of feel it was overused. Colons are to join two complete sentences (not clauses, that's what a semi-colon's for --- we had this discussion today in Southern Lit) So I suppose that it can be used in that space. I mean, honestly, I dunno. It doesn't exactly link, but the dialogue could be considered a one item list (the other use of a colon). Would I change it? Sure. Should you change it? Probably not. It works, I think, and so long as it's grammatically correct, eh, leave it be.

Characterization is rather vague, actually --- it's completely vague, but I think that's the point. We're getting fog, and a running girl between. Fragments of her past, fragments of her life, fragments of her setting, fragments of her actions. It's all pieces of a puzzle. We can put them together to know things have happened. Bad things. Things she doesn't want to talk about and things that are affecting the lives of, not only her, but also those she cares about. It's like looking at a life at a distance while walking by. You get the gist of what's happening, but not the specifics, not what's really being said. Because the words spoken aren't coherent to us; they're part of the story; part of something (I'm using it wrong, I think --- the semicolon) more that we couldn't see.

So, honestly, it's awesome for a beginning, Ash, really. It's really vague, so you can't really bash it for not describing the main character --- yet. This is a short piece, I have no doubt that with your ability and mindset that a description is coming soon. A story is coming soon.

This chapter is a poem. It has all the characteristics of a poem, yet it is written in prose form. You know what I mean?

But yeah, really good story! I'm interested to see how the darkness at the end and the story title plays into everything.

Thanks for requesting, definitely,
Jackson

Author's Response: Hi Jackson! Don't fret about not having as much of an...intense [let's say] review as the person before. Trust me, I don't mind.

I'm stupid. Really, I am. That was so meant to be a semi colon. :P Well, thanks for pointing that out because I would have gone along for quite some time without realizing it. Haha, into the queue, then. Though I think (as you mentioned) that I could probably leave it and it would be fine. Eh.

Yes, the vague characterization most definitely is the point. I wanted to draw the readers in with a mysterious prologue where you get sort of glimpses of a lot of things. I think you understood that spot on, meaning, I did my job. :) And I have no idea if you're using the semicolon right in that context. I tend to use it when it sounds right. Probably not a good tactic, haha. But I'm only taking Roman Lit. this semester so it isn't much help toward the semicolon.

Thank you so much! And thanks even more for not tearing it apart because I didn't describe the characters or settings much. I wanted it to be vague - I thought that was a usual thing for a mystery. I guess some people are more literal [if that works in this context, haha] than others. And a story most certainly is - has been - forming.

Oh! I was having a conversation about prose with my Lit. teacher today. I like prose, and it's interesting you point it out because she was actually encouraging me to practice my prose writing. Dunno why. But it's nice to hear I'm doing well!

Oh sure thing, and thanks for the wonder-fantasti-sational review!

cheers, ash




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Review #25, by MrsKatieGrint Luminescence

8th March 2010:
Beautiful start. I love how you just pulled me in to the story.(:

Everything was just so appealing. The wording was gorgeous, the details, fantastic. And the emotion was literally screaming at me! Everything was just wonderful!

I also like how vague this story is. It pulled me in and I really want to know what happened to Diane. Which, is a very interesting character so far. THis chapter tells a lot about her in this oh so short chapter. We find out she has an ex-fiance, how she feels about her sister, her job too. If I might say, your character is already very developed from this first chapter.

Well like I said before, you've got me hooked! I'm very interested as to what happened, and truely can't wait for an update! :D Wonderful chapter. Absolutly charming!

Author's Response: Hi Katie! Thank you for this wonderful review! :D

I'm thrilled I pulled you in! It is fun to write a mystery. Can you guess what happened to her? I hope not! ;) I'll definitely let you know when I've updated.

cheers, ash


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