This was heartbreaking to read. I love that you wrote this about Poppy Pomfrey and her sister and I love the relationship you portrayed here. As someone with five older sisters, I found it very easy to relate to Poppy here. Especially her adoration for her sister and how she wanted to do everything her sister did - and then the pain of Iris growing up and away from her, of wanting more out of life. And, as always with your writing, this was beautifully done.
It is a bit cliche to make her want to be a Healer because of her sister's death but, at the same time, you did such a good job with this that I can't really complain. I think it's also interesting because if Poppy had been a Healer, there's a chance that she could've saved her sister, that she could've stopped the bleeding with a wand - unlike Muggle doctors, where even all the professional training in the world won't necessarily mean that you can save someone. And now you've got me thinking about how that's part of being magical: you can fix a lot of things that Muggles can as long as you know enough, as long as you can act fast enough. It's kind of depressing because it paves the way for a lot of guilt if you don't.
Anyway. I like the theme of laughter that you started with because it painted such a vivid picture of Iris and really showed why Poppy loved her so much. But I felt like that theme faded out a little as the story progressed, and you maybe could've included more about her lack of laughter in the end - just to tie it back to the beginning and the title better. You did reference the laughter a little bit in the end, but...I don't know. It all just happened so fast, and parts of it just seemed off. Like, with this sentence: "Iris was supposed to laugh. She was supposed to run. She was supposed to go to Asia and scratch her itch." The third sentence just didn't seem to fit very well with the seriousness of the ending, although maybe that's your way of showing how childish Poppy still is. I don't know! I'm all sad and mixed up. Why do you do this to me.
I did like the last two sentences of this piece, Poppy deciding to take control of her own life and stop living through Iris'. It's hard to ever say that someone's death does anything good but, I think, in this case, it did do Poppy good. She would've eventually learned to take her own life into her hands, but this sort of forced her to. And I feel like I'm doing way too much pondering and not enough reviewing in this review...sorry! I think you should be flattered that you're making me think this much when I'm so tired right now hahaha.
I think the most fascinating part of this story is Iris, and the change she undergoes. And, in a way, it's kind of sad that this is from Poppy's perspective because I think Iris' perspective would've been very interesting. I think that everyone gets an itch like Iris does at some point or other - a sudden irritation with all of the familiarity and overwhelming urge to scratch that itch and break from your own bubble. But I really wonder what took her to such extremes. I don't know if I'm reading this the wrong way, but did she actually intentionally run out into traffic? Or are you leaving that up to reader interpretation or something?
I don't really have any solid criticisms for this, besides my semi-confused ramblings, so good work, overall. You really do have a knack for creating believable characters and believable lives for those characters in a short amount of time. Now I definitely want to see what your multi-chaptered stories are like.
Cherry Bear Report Review
This is such a beautiful story. I love how perfectly you portray the younger sister, looking up to Iris with so much love and trust. It rally tugs at the heartstrings. I think the line:
No!” I said quickly. Iris was the only sister I could ever have.
is my favourite, because it says the perfect things in so little words.
I also loved how you imagined Poppy's transformation, from helpless sister to lie saving nurse. I guess i could say that it... clarifies Poppy's determination and dedication to her job. Very beautiful fix. I love it. Thank you.Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by! I wrote this story some time ago, but it's one of my few early stories that I'm still quite fond of. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed it too. Report Review
I’ve often wondered about Madam Pomfrey. I feel that this is a sad, but still wonderful, way to introduce her life to healing. This story is very lovely, and you can’t help but get the feeling that something isn’t enough for Iris.
I love the way that you portray the young girl’s devotion to her older sister, and that as we listen to the story that she tells, we never question for a second that her sister’s laughter is all that there is. We see, like Poppy, a wonderful girl...but perhaps a girl who is too large for life.
I find that I’ve tried to write a couple versions of this review, but everything that I say seems silly or trite. All I’ll do instead is leave you with a “lovely story” because, like your others, it just is.
Happy Valentine’s day!
--lilyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm an older sister, so I've always been on the receiving end of that sisterly devotion, which for a while was just plain irritating. I hope I got the other side right! Thank you for all the lovely reviews. Report Review
FINALLY! I have found it! *cheers and dances*
I remembering reading this a long, long time ago and loving it. That was before I had an account on here. ;) Now I finally found it again! Ah, what the snowball fight brings you...
Anyways, I loved it. I adore minor characters, and Poppy Pomfrey is never used. And she gets her shining moment with this story, you know? xD
It's so sad what happened to Iris. She's just one of those kids that died too early. Poppy's right- Iris was supposed to laugh, and she was supposed to go to India, and she supposed to live. But she didn't, and that happens everyday and it just breaks my heart.
I believe that's why Poppy decided to become a Healer. To stop other kids from going before their time. Honestly, some people in the health profession have such chilling stories behind their choices.
Overall, I just loved it. If you couldn't tell before. :P Going into the favourites! (At least I'll be able to find it more easily, eh? ;))
-LizaAuthor's Response: Hello! I'm glad you found it, and thank you for taking the time to review it! I love taking minor characters and doing them justice, and I had lots of fun with this one. Despite the sad plot. I just see such a passion for healing in Madam Pomfrey, and wanted to show some of that passion and spunk in something else. That something turned into Iris. Happy snowball fight! Report Review
Oh my sweet Merlin and the goblins of Gringotts, I love this! It is so nice to see the history of such an underused character in fanfic be so developed and well written. Congrats! It's awesome!Author's Response: Thanks a bunch. Report Review
GASP! That ending was unexpected!! Poor Iris :( They way you described her character was amazing, and it really moved me the way she talked about her sister. It kind of made me sad that I've never been that close to my siblings.
The line that especially got to me was "Iris was supposed to laugh. She was supposed to run. She was supposed to go to Asia and scratch her itch." all the should have's and could have's of life really make me sad; for alot of peoples (like iris)lives seems to end before it really starts ya know?
really wonderful story, you have alot of talent as a writer :D
10/10Author's Response: Yes, I'm not close to my sibling at all but I hope time will change that. I suppose in a way I poured some of that hope into this story by making Iris such a great big sister.
The mood changed rather abruptly; it was all happy and reminiscent and all of a sudden Iris died. But I'm glad you enjoyed it as well. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Oh, my. I have chills. Really.
This was awesome. Beautiful. I love how the title ties in, and (at least to me) seems a bit morbid; the whole 'laugh your heart out', and then the sister dies. -shudder-
I like how you made her Poppy. (: I kind of suspected, early in the story, but by the end, I had forgotten. Good job on that. (:
I especially loved this line:
“Mum,” I sobbed, a handful of drooping daisies clutched in my hand, “When is Iris coming home? I picked these for her.”
It just seemed so... sad, so haunting.
(And for the record, I totally thought her name was "Isis" until I c&ped that... Wow, I feel dumb.)
Seriously, this was an awesome one-shot. (: Favoriting!
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Yes, this may be my first actually clever title. For some reason I enjoy writing stories where I don't come straight out and say who the character is, I'm not sure why. All I know is that when I read a story, I like for the author to leave some things to my imagination. Usually it's not the character, and this time I did have people call Poppy by her name, but I still like the mystery of it. Thanks for the enthusiastic review! Report Review
Interesting view. There are many things that inspire people to take certain paths in their lives. Especially in the health profession, people have a shaking purpose behind their motives. Well, I want to say that as a one-shot, you covered your base with a purpose. There is no need for us not to think that Promfrey was not a Muggle who decided to take on the magical health profression.
One thing that I would caution you againist is that perhaps you jump too much. I understand this is a one-shot, but still. I don't usually go for this type of thing because often I feel that the writer needs to add just a bit more. I'm saying this to criticise you, yes, but you can't just mention something as a vague fact in a short piece. If you choose to follow a drabble or a one-shot format, make sure you have a point even though some of it might be a spill of catharisis. Loose threads go nowhere and the readers eyes willl wonder until a connection is there.
Notice that you skip in between tenses.
You also mix up Americianisms and British English. I personally think in some areas, you date Poppy strangely, but that might just be in my head. I don't picture her as ann ancient matron or anything, but that was a little strange.
I like that the story has Poppy as a Muggle, but I hope you realise this erases almost any hint of a magical element in your story. That might be all right with a one-shot, but usually HP fan fiction carries more magic to it. The car accident sat with me though. I tend to think that HP readers forget that witches and wizards can easily die by Muggle means. They do live in close proimity to each other, so it's not lile that is impoosible. Nice job there.
The last line is interesting. An interesting read into a minor character.
Please respond to the review and return the favour,
Sleeping PaigeAuthor's Response: Thank you for your suggestions, I appreciate them. I like the idea of flashbacks in a one shot, but I do realize this makes it a lot choppier than longer stories. I'm not quite sure how to fix that, but I'll look into it. As for tense changes... they will be the death of me! I'm sure there are plenty.
The problem with my American and British English is that I'm American, so much of my writing sounds American. However, when I do know of a specific British word more commonly used (taps instead of faucets, sweets instead of candy, both of which were recently pointed out to me) I try to put it into my story to make it more realistic. This may make it a little mixed up, but I'd rather have some Britishisms in there if I can help it. As for spelling, I'm not going to bother with it because I'll never find all the differences.
I'm not quite sure what you meant by "dating" her... I'm not exactly sure of her age in the books, so I tried write in a way that didn't suggest any specific time period. And as for being a Muggle, I know I wrote about her and her sister going to Hogwarts, so that's the only thing I'll straight out disagree with there. It has magic in it because she goes to a magical school.
Anyway, thank you for the many suggestions, I appreciate you taking the time to review this. :) Report Review
This is a wonderful story; it is beautifully narrated and the flashbacks match the overall tone of the piece. Writing-wise, your style is really quite compelling. Minor characters are so very interesting to explore, and you have crafted a masterful, poignant coming-of-age story here with your exploration of Poppy Pomfrey's background.
Thanks for sharing!Author's Response: Wow, what a thoughtful, flattering review!!! Thank you very much! I'd never even thought of describing it as coming-of-age, but that really sums it up perfectly. Thanks! Report Review
Oh my god. That last bit almost made me cry. I'm on the verge of tears, seriously. It all changed so suddenly, from happy, to subdued, to ... depressing ):
It's a really amazing story. I connected with Poppy almost instantly. Amazing vocabulary, amazing plot - I love it. Excellent job. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks for the spontaneous review! I hope it wasn't too much of a downer; I started writing it knowing that Iris would die and that it would inspire Poppy to become a nurse, but I gave a false impression of a happy, fluffy story for about 3/4 of the fic. I'm surprised you liked the vocabulary, as I definitely don't think that's one of my strong points, although I'm working on it. But anyway, thanks a bunch for the good review. :) Report Review
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