Very interesting, Sleeing Paige. I have to say, this is the first time I've read a Professor McGonagall fic so this was definitely a bit out of my comfort zone.
Very good characterization of the Professor. The choice of words and the manner in which you described the events sounded so much like her, like how she would see things. The brisk manner of narration with hints of something else, something softer, is very much like how I've always perceived her - tough on the outside but with more heart than we give her credit for.
Aberforth, too, was in character - goat and all. You've managed to reinforce the less-than-smooth relationship between him and Dumbledore in just several lines.
And Leo... He seems like a very interesting man, and one that I would imagine is a perfect fit for McGonagall's sharpness. I don't think she'd be able to tolerate someone too soft or too slow, and Leo provides just the right amount of spunk to keep her on her toes. I liked how you made McGonagall correct him, sounds so much like her. I found him very intriguing. What does he do?
After reading this, I was definitely left with several other questions - who's Jasper? Jacques? How exactly did Leo and the Professor meet? I'd want to hear more about that. I expect you made it a bit vague on purpose? It's always interesting to find out more about the lives of the other characters in the series outside of Hogwarts. I've always wondered if McGonagall ever got married or ever had a significant other in her life. Perhaps this can be answered in the following chapters?
Techincally, I didn't find any issues - at least not glaring ones so good job there. I always like a technically well-written story.Author's Response: You liked it? Colour me surprised. I liked it when I wrote it, but then I realiseed it wasn't connected. I like Leo as a character, but the two parts were mot connected. So, this will definitely be a rewrite. Thank you for your compliments though. This was just a draft. I hated it about three days after I wrote it because I saw the flaws. In a one-shot, things are supposed to be connected. Perhaps this will be two chapters. Jaques? That was simply a reference. Jasper is his son.
Thank you for the review. I'm writing this as a rewrite. Hopefully, I can bring these characters to life, especially Leo. I hate everything I write, and this should have been revised. Don't feel that you wasted your time. Thank you for the review. You bought up points that need to be addressed.
Thank you for the review.
Sleeping Paige Report Review
hey, it's madelgranger here with your review. So I liked the first part with Aberforth a lot. It nicely shows the context in the series. The next part was a little bit confusing; for a few seconds I thought the man she went to meet in the three broomsticks was dumbledore! this mysteriousness wasn't bad though, it was kind of cool. what might be good to work on is to try and show a bit more leo and minervra and aberforth's relationship, because that was very unclear. also, it might be helpful if you could add a few more clues about who Jasper is. Besides this minor confusion at the end, this is a very nice story beginning; it looks like it will be quite original. Great job thanks for writing!
~madelgrangerAuthor's Response: mandelgranger,
All right. I feel I owe you an explanation. I did not respond simply because I haven't had the time with all my university demands. I meant that I don't like the piece. That doesn't mean anything to you personally, or that I even tried to agree with you. I hardly ever like what I write because I take writing as a serious skill. A few days after I wrote this, I realised it wasn't coonected. The Aberforth/ Leo thing had no other connection. You are completely right about the confusion. I'm planning on rewriting the whole thing in a different context. It wasn't connected. I swear to you, I usually write better. I hate this. If I don't respond right awau, please reakise that I am a student who tutors and I'm on a literary mag staff. My free time is so limited, but I'm not givig you the shoulder. Thanks for the honest review, yeah? This'll be a rewrite. We're on the same page.
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