Great start Gail, can't wait to see where you take it.
DanAuthor's Response: Next chapter soon! Report Review
Very cool! I'm hooked already. Report Review
Hello again! :)
I like the chapter title! ^_^
The second thing I noticed was, while I found the description in the first few chapters very good, I thought you repeated the word 'warmth'/'warming'/'warm' etc. a bit too much in the first few paragraphs. While I don't mind the same word a few times, I think maybe a few alternatives dotted about would have helped. ;)
Well, the was 'whishing' again... did you mean 'wishing'? Still, only a small mistake, and my spelling/grammar isn't the best, so I could easily be mistaken.
'But nothing worked, because he was COLD. And real coldness didn't go away with warm thoughts.' Haha, poor him. I really like those two sentences, I thought they captured his thoughts well.
Aw, I felt sorry for little Merlin, after his home burnt down. Though I can tell his mother would be scared and everything, it wasn't really Merlin's fault!
Ah, a cliffhanger... Okay, now I'm really curious as to who is carrying him, so I'm looking forward to chapter two!
- Ria_LeeAuthor's Response: Ria! You're such a star! I'm going to go find all the 'whishing's and replace them! Urgh! I thought I'd fixed things. So much for speedy typing during November! :-P I'll also check out the warm/warmth thing, try and find some extra synonyms in Roget's without making it look like I was just playing 'thesaurus' all afternoon. I'm working on finding a Beta too...
Thanks for the praise on the title front. I tried to get into the mindset of a young child when writing the chapter originally, and the title just popped into my head.
Poor Merlin! Things get better... and worse. It's hard being the only one who can do magic in a muggle settlement. Especially in a world where 'deamons' are the watchword.
Anyway, stop back soon for more of Merlin's rather unusual life.
Gail Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter; I thought it was very well written.
My favourite line was "It zapped, it stung and we drew back, exchanging looks of bemusement." I liked the rhythm of it (if that makes any sense...) and I could imagine the two people looking a little shocked. :D
I wasn't so sure about this line: "We do not whish." I double-clicked on whish to get the dictionary thing, and it said 'whish' is like 'swish', so does that mean they didn't apparate away or something? Or did you mean 'wish'? Or am I just confused (which is likely)? :)
So yeah, this chapter wasn't very funny, but I'm assuming that seeing as this is just the prologue, the humour will come later. Oh, and sorry if I'm mixed up about this, but is this the novel you write for Nanowrimo? I think I saw something about it on the forums, then, but I may be mistaken.
Anyway, great job on this prologue, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter! :D
- Ria.Author's Response: Yeah, I meant 'wish'. And yes, I wrote this story during NANO, and I've not yet found a beta, so I did my best. The beta thing is in the works. I'll post a request over on the forums once the next chapter is up, so that the possible Betas can get a feel for the actual story, and not just the 'casing', so to speak.
I'm glad you liked this, though. I was a little worried about posting a prologue written in first-person plural like this, that it might scare people off. And as for the humour, it's in the actual story, rather than the introduction. Or at least, it's meant to be...
What's really got me smiling is that you liked the rhythm of the prologue. Because it was one of those, 'writing from behind my body' bits that just... well, they are either very good, or very, very, very bad. So, thanks! :-D
Please do come back for chapter 1!
PS. Thank you for being the first reviewer! Report Review
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