It was very sweet and well-written. It was marvelous.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it - this was one of my favorite one-shots to write, so such a lovely review is highly appreciated. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Super cute!! XD I like the flashbacks you used to tell their history-i almost laughed literally out loud when the poor boy tripped! I read quite a few stories where they have Lily do the 'kiss James and run' thing, but I think you make it work decently in your story. The only thing I'd have to suggest is maybe when that part comes transition from Lily being furious to flirty a little more swiftly cause it's like she's storming away from him, but then she's showing him her dimple and it seemed a little too quick for me...
but all in all, you did a great job! it was super cute! good luck in the challenge (if a winner hasn't been chosen yet. hehe)!!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story, and I'm glad for the feedback. I'll give that bit a second look :) Thanks again for the review! Report Review
jeez everybody reviews and no one mentions the classic song and band you used. all they have are pointless little "action overload" quandries and saying they have never heard of the song. well i love avenged sevenfold and this fits great. RIP The Rev
avpAuthor's Response: Thank you for leaving such a lovely review. Yes, it sort of surprised me, too, that no one had heard of the song, much less the band, but that's alright. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. :) Report Review
Tink from the forums with your review. Sorry it's taken a while to get to it. Life has been busy.
I have to admit, I'm not much of a song fic person. Simply because most of them just don't work out. But yours, this song (even though I've never heard of it) seemed to have work. You've got the emotion that Lily and James feel for each other down wonderfully. I can feel a connection right from the start.
You've written descriptions amazingly and the flow and pace of this story is smooth sailing. I can feel every movement and every word they're saying as if I'm a little mouse in the corner, watching.
Overall, this is a wonderful one-shot.
Great job!Author's Response: The wait was no problem, really. Thank you for reading, and the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story :) Report Review
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review. I'll start off with a few concerns/suggestions:
One small thing I noticed was that every single time you used dialogue, you had to line up an action with it. For instance, here, a random sentence: "I'm not stalking her!" I blurted abruptly, causing the three of them to look up at me all at once in surprise. "I mean, I've simply -", you could have simply said: "I'm not stalking her!" I blurted abruptly, "I mean, I've simply -". What I mean to say is that you tended to overload the reader with actions, when we could've imagined all that up ourselves. You don't need to mention that the three friends looked up in surprise, beacuse when someone blurts something, it's generally known that they're saying something suddenly and people give them their attention to see what's going on. So perhaps you could edit out just a few of those actions, and it would be a more enjoyable read.
Otherwise, it was a good story. Honestly, it was a little predictable, and what I didn't predict didn't awe or surprise me. I'm the kind of reader that wants to be surprised a little, or if not surprised maybe just be able to say "That's a good idea, I wouldn't have thought of that." I know Lily/James is hard to make truly exciting, because it's been done SO many times, but it's just something I noticed.
Overall, it was well written. Even if I did think you overdid the actions, as I mentioned above, the quality of the detail was good. The tone of James was enjoyable, his perspective both amusing and insightful. It was a nice read.
~lllbAuthor's Response: Thank you for the helpful and overall lovely review :) I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Report Review
KatieRoo here! :D
Yay! "nother story for me to review! I have to say, this is a very interesting first. :) You did very well writing it as a song fic. Everything just flowed so smoothly, I loved it! THis was a wonderful first and you got all the details and emotion perfected in this story! ^.^
Good luck in the challenge, and wonderful job writing this gorgeous story! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you for the lovely review, and making such a great challenge! I'm glad you enjoyed the story :) Report Review
Ooh My Gosh! that was Brilliant! As you can tell by my name (JilyRonks) I love James and Lily and stories about them but I absolutely love Song-Fics ! JilyRonks xAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) This was actually my first time writing them, so that's a relief xP Report Review
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