Aw :))) I love lily/remus and lily/sirius. not as much as lily/james, of course, but just lily/everyone! Report Review
hey, it's madelgranger with your review. SO sorry about the wait, I had some computer issues. anyways, sorry about any confusion in the post on my thread, the thing about responding to my reviews was a general thing and I didn't think you had taken too long or anything. anyways, on to the review!
I thought this was very interesting. it was definitely a different type of romance. I do kind of feel like Remus seemed a bit out of character; I just can't picture him loving Lily and talking to her about it on her wedding day. I think you made a really good character, though, he just didn't really seem like Remus to me. and that could really just be me and my image of Remus, so don't take that the wrong way (I am a bit of a canon freak :D) beyond that, I thought this was a well written piece. a bit heavy on description for my personal tastes, but that's not necessarily a bad thing (people are always telling me to add more description to my writing, lol). anyways, I think you did a very interesting thing with this; I'd certainly never thought of a remus/lily relationship that way before. it's a very interesting idea. good job thanks for writing!
~madelgranger Report Review
so.is remus upset? are remus and julia together!!! fill me in!!! ( PS- Otherwise it was really really really (really x11) good!!! Author's Response: excotic,
I'm really glad that you like this. However, especially in the case of one-shots, I tend to write them open-ended. Is Remus upset? No, I think he's just severely uncomfortable. I think he just realised something about himself, but he hasn't yet settled on the answer. Are he and Julia together? It's not canon. I don't know. You tell me. Are they?
Thanks for reading and the review.
SP Report Review
Aww that was really cute. I liked this one-shot.
The only criticism I have is that its a bit vague. I had to read it a couple times to fully understand what was happening and who was saying what. &There were a few typo's and grammar mistakes but I think after a quick edit then it will be fine.
I loved how you explored the relationship between Remus&Lily. You showed that love is versatile and that it isn't just reserved for a significant other. They love each other as friends and nothing more and you wrote that beautifully.
I liked the way you characterized both of them and even the little extra bits of the marauders was a nice touch. &Even this Julia character added a special something. Lily was perfect, I absolutely loved the way you portrayed her. &Remus was very very likable, not saying that he isn't normally, but reading this you get a sort of soft spot for him.
I enjoyed reading this, keep up the good work hun.Author's Response: Thank you. Sorry it took so long to respond. It does need editing. It needs serious editing. Thank you for the support. Report Review
Yes, this was definitely different and I liked it even better. I have to admit, though, that I read it twice before writing this review just to make sure that I really followed Remus's train of thoughts. The first time I was a bit confused but the second time was easier for me. Nevertheless, I like your style of writing and the subtlety with which you treat it with. I understand that love is complex and not limited to romantic love, and you've managed to capture that here. I truly felt for Remus - how all throughout your story, you could really feel his pain about the whole companionship issue but at the same time, you also know that he understands the (sort of) hopelessness of his situation. And I could truly understand why he found these things in Lily because as was hinted in the books or movie (forgot which of the two), she was the one who was there for him during the time when no one else was. Or something to that effect.
Anyway, I also loved Lily here! Love your characterization of her. And her seeming obliviousness to the 'I love you' from Remus was just so adorable and heartbreaking at the same time.
So far, I'm really liking your style of writing and the quality of your work because it really makes me think, especially where the characters are concerned. Keep it up.
P.S. Again, my biggest apologies for taking so horrendously long with this.Author's Response: G,
You think you take a long time to review? I'd win that bet with how far behind I was onn mine. I actually didn't realise I handed you the wrong piece. I'm glad that you liked this one, seeing as it came out of nowhere. Yeah, I liked the connection with Remus and Lily. I don't think it was documented in canon, but I've always thought they were similar characters. I like when people think.
I meant to hand you the revised version of 'the Voice', which, not surprisingly, has been revised again. You got the 'I love you' thing? Yeah.
Well, thanks for the review. I meant to respond ages ago. Sorry.
SP Report Review
I thought this was a fairly good story, but my enjoyment of it was puncuated with confusion. The confusion was mostly the result of two repeated technical errors I found. The first was your use of past tense. Not "Lily shrugged her shoulders", but when you talked of the past. It was phrased oddly, for instance: "Quite honestly, Remus stayed away from any possible relationship for as long as he could remember." should have been "Quite honestly, Remus had stayed away from any possible relationship for as long as he could remember." This happened several times and got to be a little irritating as I kept on going back to see if Remus was talking about the past or the present.
My other concern was your organization of paragraphs. They often jumped around a switched ideas and were very confusing. For instance, the one that sticks out in my mind is the one where Remus starts off by saying Lily never calls him Moony. Then in the same paragraph he jumped to prefect duties, and I had to scroll up to make sure I hadn't missed something. That paragraph also confused the past with the present.
Otherwise, it was a great story. I was glad it didn't end with Lily and Remus running off together and ditching the wedding, so kudos to you for keeping it realistic. You used description excellently, and had a good sense of the characters and their feelings. Overally it was well written, and the plot was good. It's the flow that worried me. Good job.
~lllbAuthor's Response: The flow. Yes, it does need to be revised. When I went back and added things, I realised that it wasn't weaved through enough with canon. Somehow, I always end up adding that stuff. You'd think it would be the first thing with HP. The pieces don't fit even when I tried weaving in that backstory. I need to tie the revisions, you're right. The grammar mistakes? I should know better. No wonder you're backtracking, Thank you for the honesty, llb, I'll rework this once again. Revisions are never done.
Hey there! It's propertyoftheHBP here from the forums with your review.
So far, your plot has me intrigued, your first chapter was definitely a grabbing hook.
Lily and Remus seem to be characterized perfectly so far, so you're good there. Remus is really well written, he's so cute, and I just wanna hug him sometimes. :)
I was confused by one part, though. From "Oh, I don't know," he said in a sarcastic tone. "I'm a werewolf?" on to Remus' train of thought and Lily's reply, did she already know that he was a werewolf? Or had he just confessed to her? It confused me a bit.
There are also certain parts where it seems like you're missing a word here and there, and some sentences are fragments. It just seems like the flow is a tad off at times. It isn't too distracting from the story, but I did notice it.
You've got a good start, though! I enjoyed it, and feel free to rerequest once you've got another chapter up.Author's Response: propertyof HBP.
This is a one-shot. I can't push it further. '
I'm glad that you like Remus. Yeah, he's a bit different. You think his personality is cute? Thanks. I wanted to bridge between who I can 'reasonable Remus' and 'emo Remus'. Uh, by the way, 'emo Remus' is in Books 6 & 7. He fell off the bandagon there... Oh, damn, I didn't put up the revision? In the revision, he tells her the night before at the rehearsal dinner. I need to fix that.
Thanks for the review.
sleeping paige Report Review
Ahh, this was a tough one for me to read. I'm pretty sure you know why. Lily with anyone besides James makes me cringe. :P
Besides that personal factor, the story was well writtin. Whereas I don't think Remus would ever have harboured feelings for another Maruader's girl in cannon, I think Lily's reaction to Remus was spot on. She reacted exactly how I would have expected her too.
Once again, your small details here and there are what makes the piece soo well written. You have a very...I don't know the word...subdued type of writing style that works really really well for the pieced that you choose to write.
I like the fact that you said Remus wasn't in love with her, but rather wanted her companionship. Your writing in this piece wasn't confusing, but for some reason, I had to read a couple sentences over again to get the feel of it.
Hmmm. It's interesting that the first time Lily says Moony, it's on her wedding day. Is that of any significance?
I'm glad you mentioned Petunia in here. It gave the story a sence of familiarity, you know what I mean?
Once again, you left the story at a spot leaving the reader wondering what's going to heppn next. You're very good with those kinds of endings, although I think if this was a one-shot, it would have also been complete. That's a compliment, by the way!
Update soon! :DAuthor's Response: mizzxpearl,
Wow, okay, this is what I was afraid of. In no way did I mean that Remus and Lily were romantically in love. Yeah, you have love for your 'significant other' or whatever, but I also think that you can have another type of love for close friends, especially those who are near to your heart for years. Those who change your lives. That's what I meant. I do not believe in the romantic love complex. That's why I wrote this. All love must be based on companionship. Even if you're opposites, you enjoy something about that companionship.
I'm glad you like my writing style. Thank you for the read. Subdued? Hmmm. Yeah, I don't know about the 'Moony' thing. You tell me. I cannot believe I didn't put in my revisions.
Thanks for the review,
sleeping paige Report Review
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