Bold and italicized I feel so loved! But really I love being your beta! Sure I may not be the best at grammar, but I’m glad I’ve helped you expand in your writing, with adding more detail and your slowly learning the paragraph rule! *Wipes away a tear* I’m so proud!

I know you’re only on chapter two, but you’ve really come a far way! Your first draft of chapter was what 500 words? Now here you are with chapters that are nearly at 2,000 words! You’ve come a really far way. This chapter had detail (even though you should add more)!

My favorite line in the story: “Cast.” Why must teachers always think they are so clever?- This was great. I would have written a long paragraph and you summed it up in one sentence. It was clever (unlike those teachers ;)) and very well written!

You’re really doing a great job and this story has great potential!

I can’t wait to read and beta chapter three, so you better get writing it! ;)

Keep up the good work!
~
RonNiffler

Author's Response: Thanks and you came up with the cast part. You really like it? *Tear, Sob*

Thanks for all the help!!!

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My favorite line: There was pity in his eyes and I hated it. It's simple but it carries a strong message, one that anyone can relate to.

I think at one point in this story it was starting to scream cliche Slytherin but then it switched. The idea that Roxanne is a dark person who wants to kill all of wizarding kind is a very, very unique idea.

I'd love to see why Roxanne is this one, like what in her history made her this way. People are not born inherentely evil, they are created as such.

=)

I'd love to see how this progresses.

P.S. For your first story many people fall into cliches (head boy and head girl falling in love, Albus becomes a Slytherin, Rose and Scorpius go from hating each other to loving each other, ect). And I'm no excepetion, I went along the Sirius cliches but for your first story, I'm very impressed by your creativity.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading my story and leaving the helpful hints.

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I feel as though I should say I hate it then say I love, since that's always what you do. But I'm nice so I just got to say I love it! It's got great potential! Can't wait to read (and beta ;)) your next chapter. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading my very first story

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