*sniff* Oh my this is just so amazing, So sad and you had me in tears.
I could see it all so clearly because of the fantastic way that you wrote everything, all of their emotions, the relationship they had with each other. How everyone pulled together and rallied round, you got the feeling of family across so brilliantly.
This was just such a stunning one shot, I enjoyed reading this so much, and I know I'm going to be thinking of it all day. I loved this.Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read and review! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Wow. This was just heart wrenching and so incredibly well-written. The way you build up the whole story was just so intense and kept me waiting in anticipation.
First off, I feel like you wrote the Weasley family and also Harry and Hermione so well!
It was so sad reading what the family went through during the process of finding out what was wrong with Arthur. Pulled on my heart strings a bit since my own family went through a similar experience. I think you wrote out their emotions just find and I loved how the family all came together.
I loved Percy's character in this and normally I don't really care for him too much. I found his character a little intimidating (but in a good way!) which made it really refreshing to read.
The ending was PERFECT. I loved how Ron didn't resort to using magic on him and how he made Doyle aware of the fact that Hermione worked in the Magical Law Enforcement and how she love her maternity leave early just to prosecute him. That was PRICELESS. :)
I loved that Molly held it together when Hugo was born. :') Glad that there was a bit of a happy ending in this even though the story was still what I would call a tear jerker. This was well done!
Great job :) Report Review
Oh my freaking goodness. This is devine, the sultan himself would bow down before this. omg. How have I never known this existed? LIke. Omg. words. all the words. I can't even speak tangible thoughts right now. speak thoughts. lord. See what you've done to me? This was gorgeous, my dea. Absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen a better conglomeration of the extended weasley family before, ever. I loved how you worked each of them in (even the spouses) as casually mentioned the oodles of grandchildren. The genre of this piece is like mind melting... dramatic, sad, a little bit action and adventurey omg. omg. omg. I can't believe it. Like, if I were ron when doyle was found... let's just say it's a good think I'm not Ron. The ending of this was so sweet. Baby Hugo. He really is my favorite next gen baby.
Mary. This review is utter nonsense compared to the beautiful articulate things I'd like to say about this. Just know that this is one of my favorite things I've ever read on the forums.
Melissa Report Review
That was so beautiful. When it was learned that Mr. Weasley was poisoned, I had the naive hope of a bookworm that they would find the cure and it would end just as happily as when Nagini went at him. Alas, it was not so. The grief of the family, how you should each of them in turn as they struggled with this, was so wonderful. You wrote it brilliantly. Hugo's birth was really the most incredible way to end it, to turn it all around.
Bravo to you. God, it was breathtaking.Author's Response: What inspired me to write this was actually my reaction to that chapter in OotP where Mr Weasley is attacked by the snake. I remember reading it for the first time and thinking that was the death JKR had told us to expect ... and I was just gutted until I read on and found out he would be fine. I was actually more upset for that half chapter thinking he was going to die than when Sirius really did die. But, I think Arthur's already beating death once is what allows you (and the Weasley family themselves) to hope that it will happen again, and feel like the rug is pulled out from under you when that turns out not to be the case.
Ending with Hugo's birth was a burst of inspiration that I got half way through writing, and I knew it would be the perfect way to end things. A reminder that life will go on, and a bit of light for the Weasleys to hold onto.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. I really appreciate you taking the time, and am so glad you enjoyed this so much! Report Review
Bloody brilliant. Besides from the great plot, and the heart warming dialogue, your writing style very much reminded me of Rowling herself. Excellent! I'm going to read more of your work. Thanks for sharing your imagination.Author's Response: Um, wow. Well, that's pretty much the biggest compliment ever, so thank you so much for that!! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, thanks so much for taking the time to review!! Report Review
Ok, got that out of the way. This was so absolutely heart breaking! (yes I do know I said that last time too...) I was so sure Arthur was going to pull through, just like Bill was. The Weasley are pretty invinceable (besides Arthur and Fred -sob-). This was a really long one shot, but I loved it and really hope you continue it! The ending with Hugo was a good end and this could definetly work as a complete full stop but I'm curious about Doyle. Why was he so upset? What was his plan? Did he want to die or something? I'm just a curious perons. :p
But again your writing is maginificent! I'm jealous you are beyond amazing! 11/10 for almost making me cry this time. (:Author's Response: I guess this makes us even for you making me cry, huh? This took me a really long time to write, and it was only partially because of the ridiculous length of the thing. It was really hard for me to kill Arthur off, so I wanted to make sure I had everything just right. And 11/10 tells me I mostly hit the mark (and that you are absolutely silly).
As for continuing, I really have no plans to do so to be honest with you. Since the story is so long to begin with I tried to tie up all the lose ends right here. That's not to say that I might not set any Next Gen stories I do in the future in this universe though - that actually might be rather interesting. For Doyle - I'd say he was upset because he knows Hermione's reputation, and he's rightly terrified of her. He knows he has absolutely no chance. His plan ... I don't really think he has any solid plan. He was motivated by revenge, and I don't think he's heard that it's a dish best served cold. He rushed into things, and he's been playing it by ear. He didn't want to die, he just wasn't particularly intelligent. Report Review
Wow, long as you warned in the authors note but good all the same! I did enjoy this read, though it was VERY sad. I hate that Arthur had to die but you did well with it all the same. You did the emotion well and I like how you broke things up into location and time. It was a nice twist.Author's Response: Scoot!! You reviewed my story! *hugs*
I'm glad you did enjoy this, despite the length and the subject matter. I absolutely agree - Arthur having to die pretty much breaks my heart but the challenge did say to kill off my favourite character. I was stumped at first over who to write about, but when I remembered how devastated I was when I thought Arthur had died in OoTP I knew it had to be him.
Breaking it up the way I did was inspired by some of the bigger action/adventure stories that are found on the archives, and I think it worked well in this condensed format.
Thanks so much for the lovely review, hun! Report Review
Hi there, I'm here with your much delayed review. However, I was actually rather eager when I checked back yesterday to realize this was a 12,000 word story. I was a little daunted, but I find people daring enough to write such a long one shot usually do it right. And that held true for you.
Regarding the length, it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story at all. It read just like a chaptered one, except there was no click that had to bring me to the next chapter. The only parts that dragged on, as you asked, were those where Harry and Ron searched for Eddie Doyle. I know, you'd think the chase for the culprit would be the most exciting part, but I felt there was nothing exceedingly original about those passages. There were a few interesting parts describing how Harry and Ron looked up the records and such that were clever, but it felt almost like an everyday chase scene. There wasn't enough suspense, I suppose is what I'm trying to explain. Perhaps making it harder to find him, having one of the Aurors injured while chasing him would've made it more enjoyable. Other than that, I liked it a lot. I loved your views of the many Weasleys.
There wasn't much OOC-ness, as you asked. It's hard to make next gen characters OOC, and you did well with the whole family and giving everyone different personalities so I could keep them all separate in my mind. I enjoyed Percy immensely, he was perfectly in character. And a well done Percy is... incredible. It's hard but you did him well, and he was hysterical. I loved this line in particular:
"Of course, Father, I understand. The Ministry doesn't just stop running for you or me! Be sure to tell Mother I'll see her at supper tomorrow evening."
A few other favorites:
"How can you sit there so calmly?" Ginny spit at her husband for the fifth time. "Anything could be happening in there!"
"I suppose," Harry agreed mildly. "But I'm inclined to think its most likely child-birth." (I believe I just caught a grammar mistake; "it's" not "its")
"Out of my way, Ginerva, dear. I have a baby to meet."
So the length did not put me off at all, and I enjoyed it a lot. You did the Weasley family well; I'm the kind of person that likes to get introduced the characters' personalities, and liked the snapshots of Weasley life. You had a good plot going, and switched POVs flawlessly. Except for the slightly-too-slow Auror chase scenes, it was very, very good.
~lllbAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a long and kind review! I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed this so much! Seeing this really made me smile!
I'm glad to hear that you found this a manageable length, despite the size. It is funny that you found the chase scenes seemed to drag. I've never written action before and found it bit difficult to get into the action bits, especially since I was focusing so much on trying to get the personalities of each character right. But those are some good suggestions to improve the scene, so I'll definitely have to come back and re-read this review when I have a chance to edit this chapter.
You're the second person to mention that I've struck a good balance with Percy's character. I know what you mean about a well-written Percy being hard to find at times, so thanks so much for the compliment!
Ahah, I like that exchange between Harry and Ginny too. And you are right, it should be "it's". Thank you again for such a wonderful review! Report Review
Hi there, Marzipan. First off, I want to apologize again for taking so long to get to this review. I've never delayed a review so long before. I will admit that the length did put me off, but there were other factors as well--school-related factors--that sapped me of my motivation to review much of anything.
However, despite the length, I was really excited by the look of this story. It seemed like something I would enjoy, and I was not disappointed. I wasn't even bothered by the length once I sat down and actually read it. It was a good length, and although you could have made each time segment / POV change a different (short) chapter, I think that would have made it seem disjointed, and . . . well, it's better as is.
Reading such a long chapter seems daunting on the computer, because I feel like there isn't room to take a break, put the bookmark in, and set the story aside. I didn't feel that way with your story, though, because there were so many breaks. That's my roundabout way of saying that I didn't feel your story dragged.
Since you asked, I will comment on Bill's section. He's a very minor character in canon, so it's difficult to say for sure what makes him in-character or out-of-character. In the HP books, I do think he comes across as an eldest child . . . a patriarch in the making, if you will. Like he knows he's the next-oldest male Weasley behind Arthur, if that makes sense.
In this story, I think he was drifting a bit more than I would typically expect from Bill. However, I can't really call that OOC, because when I take into consideration the extenuating circumstances . . . well, who wouldn't feel a little lost upon learning his father is gravely ill? And then to learn his father is dying? That would throw anyone off pace, I think. Besides, that, Bill did exhibit some take-charge (that's not really the right term) characteristics. He was the first to talk to the Healer and learn of Arthur's impending death, after all. I think that can be interpreted as the role of eldest male being handed to him. (I sort of hate the way that sounds, but there you have it.) I did, however, find the bits with Fleur to be a little awkward.
I actually found Eddie Doyle's POV to be the least interesting. All the other sections were from a Weasley's POV! And then you stuck in the criminal. I know it showed resolution, somehow, without repeating a character, but it did strike me as odd to hear from a non-Weasley.
I did notice perhaps a handful of minor errors (for instance, somewhere you added an apostrophe in sample's, I believe), but I can't remember what they are anymore.
Aside from that, I have only praise for this story. It was superb. I think you write the Weasleys very well. The story was very interesting. It was so tense, with elements of mystery, and it explored interpersonal relationships . . . very fascinating and well-written. I have read so many fabulous, strong stories that were written for or inspired by this staff challenge (in fact, of my own writing, the one I think is my best work was written for this challenge), which leads me to conclude that this challenge was an excellent one, indeed.
I giggled a little at the beginning, when Arthur was thinking of the fussy china that Percy liked. That was such a great way to give the readers a feel for Percy's personality without overdoing it, as many writers are wont to do. I also liked the resolution (and nice that you started with Arthur's POV and ended with Molly's, by the way). It was nice to see that life goes on, continues, new life comes. It brought the story full circle, I feel.
Fantastic work, Marzipan. This story is something to be proud of. :-DAuthor's Response: Alopex! Please, no need to apologize - this isa big chunk of story to get through, and if you throw in the craziness that is school, its completely understandable that it took you a while to get to this. I'm glad that you seemed to think it was worth the trouble, though! :)
In regards to length: I did considering breaking the story up into separate chapters at each POV change, but ended up rejecting that idea for the exact reasons you mentioned. I'm glad you think it is manageable despite the length and didn't drag - that was a big worry to me.
Yeah, drifting is definitely the word for Bill. I think that its understandable under the circumstances - I sort of saw him as trying to be strong for his family, but at the same time struggling to come to terms with the fact that Arthur is really dying. Bill and Fleur - yeah, thats what I was afraid of. I thought that part wasn't reading right, but I wasn't sure how to fix it at the time. I'll have to go back over it sometime and see if I can't make it work. Those are some good points about Eddie's section too. I didn't think about it when I was writing it, but if/when I go back to edit I'll be sure to look his section over too and see if I can't do anything for it.
It was definitely a really good challenge and I knew as soon as I read it that I had to write something for it. And I'm a still a bit in shock that you had so much praise for it - and so little criticism! It was a bit of a departure for me, writing something that combined so many elements - mystery, action, drama, relationships. And as for starting with Arthur and ending with Molly, it does work well but to be honest, it was a bit of a cop-out on my part XD I just didn't know how to approach the grief and pain Molly would have been feeling in the moment, so I didn't even try.
Thanks so much for the review, it was more than worth the wait! Reading this literally made my day and all the kind words mean so much; especially coming from you, arguably the most respected reviewer here on the site!
*wipes tears from my eye*
Wow this was so very very moving, I feel for Molly and all of the family, wow.
And as she said, with her family by her side, Molly will get by. *wipes more tears from my eyes*
Ava xxAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you!
Yeah, poor Molly. Obviously this is a tough time for the whole family; I practically fell to pieces back in OoTP when I though Arthur might have died. But that's why I wanted to draw little Hugo into it - to remind them (and me) that life will keep going on and that they need to look to each other to get through.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Wow! That was amazing! Your really good at giving all the charecters personalities- and ones that you'd expect them of having; such as Percys'- and the decription was amazing- seriously; best load of description I've ever read on here.Ever. You managed to create a really good picture for the reader and it was just...amazing...XD
The plot was really intresting too- it was thought out really well with everything needed to make it clean and full-proof from Hermione being pregnant to her actually having a baby and nameing it after Aurther- really well thought out!
How long did it take to plan this out?
Really enjoyed it, best description ever, loved it :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for taking the time to read and review!
I'm glad you think this was planned out well, because I did more planning for this than I have for any other story I've written. I actually sat down and planned out each section before sitting down to write - timeline, POV, characters and events. It took me just under a week to figure everything out - but it made it much easier going as I was doing the actual writing.
Best description ever?! Wow, thats a huge compliment, especially considering the amazing authors on this site. Thats the bit I like best about writing - the little bits that don't really help move the plot along, but flesh out the story and the characters themselves, like the part about Arthur's desk. Hmm, maybe thats why I find it so hard to write something longer than a oneshot?
Thanks again for your (very) kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed this! Report Review
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