This is the most brilliant story. I always come back to it. You are a lovely writer, the way you convey Astoria is so sad and sweet. This is phenomenal you should be proud to have written something o wonderful. Report Review
Aaah that is really nice and 'cute'. Not as in bad cute but a good cute. The story is a nice idea just one typo near the start you put 'But I still I hoped.' instead of 'But I still hoped' correct me if I am wrong ;) I also like your portrayal of the characters and the way you deal with miscarriage and a desire for love. This would also be nice as a 'full-length' story but I really like it as a one-shot too! I really like this story. Well done!
scorpiusandrose :)Author's Response: I've been thinking about expanding on this one for a while, I still haven't decided though. Thanks for the encouragement. :) Report Review
I have to say I really enjoyed this little piece. It is the perfect length, just enough detail that we udnerstand, but not so much that it gives everything directly away, thereby becoming boring.
You write beautifully in first person - I could feel her longing, her disappointment, her sadness. It was so heartbreaking. And the writing itself was beautiful as well, descriptive without being tedious to read.
My suggestion, would be that I think the ending came on a little to suddenly. I understand that what she seems to have thought was all attention for the baby, was partly for her, but then all of sudden, he cares for her, and is calling her love? I feel like it has to be more gradual... Like she noticed him looking at her with concern beforehand, or that he started spending more time with her, or something to make it more... gradual, and not so out of the blue.
The first half, is wonderful, I loved it.
Lovely work - anytime you'd like a one-shot reviewed, let me know - I like your style :)
PS - i am in love with your banner&chapter image! So gorgeous!Author's Response: Thanks so much for all the CC. I've always thought that about the end. I have been thinking about doing a longer story based on this one, or redoing this one. It's stuck in my head. Thanks so much for reading. Report Review
I just adored this! I've fallen in love with Draco/Astoria and I loved the way you presented them. I think it was a perfect mix of angst, love, sadness, happy times... I could go on. I find it's hard to do that at times and I think you made this flow effortlessly. It was written quite well and I think it would generate a lot of interest. Lovely!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I only recently discovered how much I like the ship myself. :) Report Review
First of all, I have to say that this was very beautiful. It was very sweet and so far, I've found only one mistake---"But I still I hoped." which should be "But still I hoped" or "But I still hoped". The progress of the story wasn't fast and wasn't slow either. The characters were perfectly in character. And the happenings were very believable. You made things happen at the right time. And the way you told the story was unique. You actually made me interested in Draco/Astoria. If you actually continue this or write a sequel, I would very much like to read it.
This was very much worth my time and I'm glad you asked me to read it.
Keep Up the Good Work,
I'll be Awaiting Your Response,
SeverusLoveAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a quick response! It's nice to know I'm doing something write. Some people I've talked to think that it was a bit rushed. Thanks again. :) Report Review
that was adorable! i loved itAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Beautifully written story! It's such a shame that it hasn't gotten many reviews yet.
I loved the idea of this being written from Astoria's point of view, speaking toward Draco. I felt what she felt, saw what she saw. I could see how casually they put the proposal, as if it were just something they needed to get over with, an obstacle in their relationship. I saw the way Draco cared so greatly for his son - embodying the pureblood mindset of treasuring an heir to the family name. I understood how Astoria envied her son, because he had won the love of her husband so easily, whereas she still had to work at it, little by little, each day. But the end was especially nice, despite the tragedy of her miscarriage. Draco really did care for and love her, which made me smile.
The story flowed very nicely and, as I mentioned before, was beautifully written. Your description is marvelous, the characters very believable. Great job! 10/10
Nadhira (elegantphoenix)Author's Response: Thank you so much. It's nice to know what's working here. I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
i like it. will there be more? i hope there is. im sorta obsessed with astoria/draco fics xD. anyways, great job.Author's Response: This is a one-shot, but I'm working on a new one. :) I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
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