Overall, well written. However, I believe that Hermione would never use a curse so violent and potentially fatal as Sectumsempra, even if it was directed at evil Rita Skeeter. It's too much out of character for her. Also it is a dark curse of Snape's invention that Harry discovered in Snape's old Potions book, and although he might have mentioned it to Hermione and Ron, it is pretty much a secret spell; using it would warrant far too many questions from the other Gryffindors that would be very difficult to answer without in someway implying dark magic being used/known.
But like I said, it was overall very well written and I look forward to reading the rest :)Author's Response: I think you have an excellent point. I may consider taking it out. But thank you very much for enjoying it! Report Review
I liked how you wrote Dumbledore's Army and the scene with Draco Malfoy. Please write more thanks as I am enjoying the story. Thanks for updating.Author's Response: Thanks for another positive review! Glad you enjoyed Dumbledore's Army, as it may come into play later on! As for Draco, I felt slightly uncomfortable writing about him, so I'm glad someone enjoyed it. Thanks for sticking with my fic! Report Review
Totally agree with another reviewer - your characterization is just perfect, everyone is so like how they are in the books. Great chapter again, can't wait for the next one! :) xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you. I try my hardest to be close to the books, with the exception of Bellatrix not dying. Actually I find it difficult to not write characters IC! Please check for more chapters in the near future! Report Review
This chapter was so sad! And also very good :) I did actually cry during the ceremony, I really liked the way you did it as well :) Great job! xxxAuthor's Response: Aww, you're actually not the first person to do that. Others have told me so as well - you're not alone! So glad you're enjoying this. Look for more chapter soon! Report Review
You got Bellatrix spot on! You really stuck to the books, I like it, it makes it seem more realistic, and Bellatrix's characterisation is done very well :) Well done, good job so far! Looking forward to reading the next chapters :) xxxAuthor's Response: Why thank you so much! I feel very confident writing about Bella, if I do say so myself. She is such a great character. Thanks to JKR! Glad you enjoy it. Report Review
Another amazing chapter! (: I've got to hand it to you- you're doing an amazing job with characterization. Ernie's little section seemed to come straight from the book...and so did some of Luna's behavior. It was excellent.
I also really loved the touch you added with the portraits, I've never seen anyone do that before and it seemed to be that it would have definitely happened. My only CC is that everyone seems to be rebounding a little /too/ quickly, but then again, I don't know what you'll be adding next chapter! 10/10! ~spangles
P.S You accidentally posted the same text twice in this chapter. If you read the whole thing you'll find the chapter was posted twice. Hope you can get that fixed. (:Author's Response: I know, I was logging on to fix that! My mistake...
Other than that, glad to hear you liked it. It just seemed necessary to add the portraits of Fred and Colin, as they were the members of D.A. who gave the most they could to defeat evil. As for Ernie and Luna, I felt that this would feel more like the real books with those snippets of dialogue they had.
Thank you so much for your review, now I'm off to fix my mistake! Report Review
Well written, this promises to be an exciting story. I'll continue reading. I think you've done well so far, Bella is such an interesting character. This is because of you review to my story, which I thank you for. LunaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it. Bellatrix is a very interesting character in my opinion as well, which is one reason I wrote this fic! Report Review
Ah, all the piece are fitting together. You're balancing this fic very nicely, I could never do more than two POV's in the same fic, I haven't even attempted to go over one yet. ;) Obviously, you have some real talent and I love this story, I usually don't find post war stories with the trio I actually like, but this one just seems so unique, probably because it's slightly AU. But still, I really do love this and I've added it to my favoirtes, I'm so glad you commented on my essay or I might have never found this! Greaet job and keep updating! 10/10Author's Response: Your essay was excellent, I thought. Three point of views has been somewhat tricky, but I'm managing fairly well. Sorry to hear you haven't read any stories about the trio you don't like, but glad to hear you enjoy this one! Thank you so much for your reviews, when I logged on expecting to see 7 reviews but saw 11, I almost squealed with delight, if my sister hasn't been in the room. Check for the next chapter soon; it's a WIP. Report Review
That was so incredibly sad. When you started talking about the harmony I literally got the shivers. This chapter is completly beautiful, especially Percy's speech, I absolutely adored it. Great job again, and perfect chapter, 11/10 (:Author's Response: Shivers? Wow, it's great to hear how much you're getting into the story! I enjoyed creating Percy's speech as well, although I wish I hadn't made it so much about himself. And 11/10! Wow, thank you so much! Report Review
Oh Hermione! I loved her little pent up anger sesion, I was honestly laughing. I don't know if you intended for us to get a chuckle out of that or not but you most certainly did! Having Jonathon as an anamagi was a great idea, and rather original, I never though about the fact that her camera man would probably need to be an animal too!
I would have laughed if he was an elephant though..*giggle* 10/10!Author's Response: No, I did not intend to give readers a chuckle, but if it makes you happy, I'm pleased! As for Jonathon, I thought it would be interesting to have him be an animagi as well. It didn't seem to make sense in GOF, when he was with Rita inside the castle. It would seem that he would need to be an Animagi as well. Another reviewer misread and though he was a moose instead of a mouse, and was somewhat confused. Report Review
Spangles here! And I just wanted to say WOW what a way to start a fic! Haha, but seriously I love your writing style, and I think you have Bella's characterization down to the pin point, I've read a LOT of stories about her but it's hard to find one that just so good! So congrats on that, and another congrats on Narcissa. Actually, your characterization of everyone seemed spot on, might as well be an exact continuation from the book!! :D I've always wondered what they did with Voldemort's body and you seem to provide the answer, it's creepy to think of him in the Forbidden Forest all the time...well not anymore now that Bella has dug him up. I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thank you! Glad to know you enjoyed it so much. I find Bellatrix a very intriguing character, so I felt I could do a reasonable job writing about her. Report Review
Excellent chapters and I liked how you wrote Harry and Professor McGonagall dealing with Rita Skeeter as she is seriously annoying. I am glad that Narcissa doesn't want to be part of her sister's insane plot to bring back Voldemort. Please update soon thanks.Author's Response: It seems that you think I am a very convincing author! Your second review really made my day. When I know someone actually appreciates my work, it feels great. If you think I'm writing Skeeter to be annoying, I know I'm doing something right. Keep an eye out for the next chapter! Report Review
Once again great job but it was a little short for my tastesAuthor's Response: Thanks for your iput, sorry if it was too short. Be prepared for longer chapters soon, however! Report Review
I thought it was very good! You had such a different way to honor the recently deseased than any other that I have read! I loved the way that you used the fireworks. I don't know why, but I also really LOVED your characterization of Hermione. She is just philisophical and smart as the Hermione in the books. Great job.Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I felt much more comfortable writing about Bellatrix and Skeeter, so I'm glad you enjoyed my characterization of Hermione. Thanks for your review! Be looking for the next chapter very soon... Report Review
Interesting chapter on the return of Rita Skeeter, i don't understand though why no one noticed a white moose walking into the castle. Other than that i thought it was very good :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for your review. Did you mean moose, or was that a typo? Jonathon's animagi is a mouse. Anyway, glad you enjoyed it, FunnyFace! Report Review
Well written and intreging, accurate to the books but still different enough to keep u reading :) The only disagreement i can see is that i do not think they would bury Voldemort, but simply burn him. But it's really a point of view. Very good!Author's Response: I did consider burning him, but it is necessary to bury him because of what will happen later in the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it, look for updates! Report Review
Excellent beginning and please update soon thanks. I liked how you wrote Bellatrix's insanity.Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it! Bellatrix always was the character whose personality intrigued me the most, so I feel very comfortable writing about her. You'll be seeing more of her... Report Review
I enjoyed the story, and liked the idea of an alternate universe one-shot immediately after Voldemort's death. Your story kept me interested, but I believe that it needs refined to make it slightly more believable to the reader. Try to imagine the feelings you would experience if your role model/ friend's-circle-leader suddenly died. Such feelings could be mind numbing shock and range to uncontrollable rage. Putting yourself in your characters' positions, or drawing upon your own experiences will increase your story's believability and add to its depth.
*Loved the last two sentences. Perfect use of fragment.Author's Response: Thank you for the advice, I'll definately put that into consideration. Later in the story, Bellatrix will do some much more outrageous actions, I promise. Thanks for reading it, I'm already done with Chapter 2, and it's awaiting validation! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection