Reading Reviews for Tracker
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by loz Midnight

19th September 2010:
awesome...this is a really interesting and good.
i dont want ron to stay souless but draco and hermione...aww they are just perfect..
post more asap

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words. :)
I'll try to post more as soon as I can.
Cheers-- and thanks--

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Review #2, by alanapotter Midnight

30th July 2010:
I'm curious, why didn't you have Hermione dry her hair with her wand? I know she conveniently forgets that she's a witch sometimes, but even if you wanted to make a point this could still occur. Just something I thought of :)

“Gamp’s Fundamental Law of Transfiguration?” Draco interrupted slyly, a satisfied smile curving the corners of his mouth. “It’s magic.” -- Love!

I seriously love the dialogue - the build up and how they slowly let go of their need to be at each other's throats. It's intriguing to read - to see what they'll do next, who will back down first, how they react to each other.

I'm also very intrigued at how you'll incorporate Harry and his relationship with Ginny into this as well. This was far too short of a snippet to satiate that bit of my curiosity :)

This chapter is much improved from the last - it effectively evokes the emotions and actions of the characters in an elegantly written way. The prose is delightful to read and the interactions fresh and written in a way that easily captivates the reader. Great work :)

I can't wait for the next one! :D

Author's Response: Another review! Is it Christmas? *checks calender* Apparently not, but it feels like it! :)

The reason dear Hermione doesn't dry her hair with her wand is because she doesn't have it. Draco does, although I do agree that Hermione does forget her abilities sometimes (although it's rare). I obviously need to make that more clear-- sorry about that!

Thanks! :) Glad you liked that bit & the dialogue in general. It's very tricky to write-- probably the hardest thing-- so thanks so much! I definitely have room for improvement though.

I will make sure to have more Harry and Ginny incorporation. :) Noted!

I liked this chapter more than the last chapter too-- thanks for being so honest! It's really lovely to have such a great reader, beta, and friend like you!

Cheers-- thanks again!

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Review #3, by alanapotter Principles

30th July 2010:
I feel like the beginning of this is much less effective than the previous chapter; there's a bit too much questioning and stating the obvious going on. "What had he meant?" "He had her wand. There was no denying it." Why would there be? You clearly stated that in the last chapter. Draco also goes on to explain the emotion that Hermione's actions display, something the action itself should be doing.

This - "After a few seconds of sifting she extracted a torn piece of - something—was it parchment?—from its depths." - however, is where you've used this questioning technique to your benefit. The audience already knows the answer, so making the character question is much less... shall we say, repetitive.

And I love the way you describe setting. Detail is not lacking and the visual that pops into my head is quite complete - absolutely fantastic! :)

I adore the dialogue in this chapter - it elevates our knowledge of their relationship and really creates the tension, fear, and mistrust of the two in a wonderfully worded way. I particularly love the section where Lucius witnesses the events on the grounds - it's another example of where your description and dialogue (interior at this point) are specific and create this sharp image in my mind. It's also so poignant in revealing his character as you wish us to see him, particularly this sentence: "The two people that he loved were in the castle fighting for their lives, but amidst the tree roots there was a small passageway."

I have to wonder - where is Narcissa? Draco is home, declares that his father is not, but says nothing of his mother.

Overall I think you have a brilliant chapter here, but it could also use a little revision. I think I kind of failed on my betaing here... I found some grammar errors! :P Ah well, we're all human :)

Next chappie! :D

Author's Response: Jill! *hug tackles!* You're back!

So I completely agree with you about the ridiculous volume of authorial voice... it's completely icky and detracts from the writing. The questioning-- egads!-- I completely agree. COMPLETELY. Thanks for pointing it out to me-- funny how I never see these things while writing, only afterward. :) I agree though! *dies*

& thanks for the honesty! *gives a bucket of cookies*

I'm glad you miss Narcissa. ^_^ You shall be finding out where she is very shortly, you observant reader you! *pinches cheek, chuckles ruefully*

Grammar errors? What? *looks around* Me? No way! I write real good, you no! ;) Teehee- yeah, I do have a few in this chapter that make me cringe, and one of these days I will correct it and send it back through the queue.

Thanks for the R&R! Much love--

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Review #4, by alanapotter Journey to Malfoy Manor

30th July 2010:
Okay, so firstly I feel like total and utter poo for not having reviewed this. I was doing some stalking since you're across the pond and not here to discuss your stories with me and realised that I have not left you a single review. A heinous crime, in my opinion.

Anyways. I love this as an opening chapter. There are so many questions, so many ways that the story can expand and a scene that is wonderfully set up for the audience to get a nice clear picture of what's going on - what you want us to know from the get-go.

I also love your word choice. It's spectacularly varied; you even have enough different words so that every time she's running it feels like something completely new and different, which is exquisite. At the same time this also portrays the actions of your characters really well; the small movements that show exactly how they feel and, in a way, express something that dialogue never could.

Aaaand, I'm totally and utterly in shock that you dedicated this to me. Seriously, it's very lovely of you and I am totally undeserving. I never left a review for this, nevermind for The Keeper, which will get some love after I finish this one :)

Onward bound! :D

Author's Response: Pfft- how many drafts have I made you read? How many pesky questions have I asked you? How many hours have you invested in my writing? Bizillons! I'm honored you're R&R-ing, and you totally deserve the dedication. No worries. :) Thanks for being totally awesome.

Thanks! :) I am floored by your wonderfully kind critiques-- it's humbling, truly! Methinks you are being far too nice! *hug tackles* I'm very glad that you found it interesting, though: this is good news *nods*.

I always feel that I'm dancing on the border between detail-rich and annoyingly nit-picky. :) I'm happy that the description pleases you thus far: please keep an eye on it for me and let me know if/when it becomes too much!

& the little details are always the most difficult to remember to write, so the notion that you would comment on them is also very incredible to me. :) Thanks a million!

Much love, Jill! & I definitely need to commence reviewing the world of GAL, so don't feel guilty in the slightest. I will begin that process soon, so be on the lookout for my awesome ninja review skills in action *dramatic music*.


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Review #5, by nana_banana_xx3 Midnight

18th July 2010:
This story is really excellent so far. :) I just all around like your characterization, and I'm very interested to see where you take this!

Author's Response: Very, very much appreciated. ^_^ I hope I keep writing to your liking! Cheers-

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Review #6, by Danceinggirl109 Midnight

3rd July 2010:
Wow. That's all I can say. This story is amazing! I love it. Keep on writing :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your kind & encouraging words! ^_^
I appreciate the review and am thrilled you are enjoying the story.


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Review #7, by chasingautumn Midnight

2nd July 2010:
I absolutely love this! It's movng at a great pace, and I think the plot is brilliant. Your stlye is captivating and your character portral is spot on. (I adore your Draco)

I WILL keep reading, so update soon!

Author's Response: ^_^ Thank you so, so much for your lovely review! You're so kind! *hands karma cookie*

I hope my future writing will meet your expectations; I'm working on the Chapter Four draft as we speak (or, rather, as I type! ^_^).

I'm so happy you enjoy reading Draco, and thanks for sticking with this novella (which, after all, is still in its early chapters!).

THANK YOU! :) *smiles* Cheers!

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Review #8, by cazvalleygirl Midnight

2nd July 2010:
Hello *waves*

I was so happy to see you had posted chapter three!

This story is going to go far I can feel it in my bones lol, and with the help of HogwartsGirl618 how could you possibly fail? :D

Anyway I loved it. Every chapter you post leaves me intrigued and wanting more. You write beautifully, and you bring the characters to life. Me jealous? YES!

Please keep posting, I for one am always going to read, take care, 10/10 Charly :D x

P.S Do karma cookies have many calories? Who cares bring em on ;D x

Author's Response: Caz! *glomps with hugs* Thank you so much for your review! It brightens my day.

Teehee- I was glad to see Chapter Three was finally validated too, to be honest! ^_^ I kept it in editing for way too long, and despite everything mistakes still managed to find ways into the writing.

I wish I could feel it in my bones! :) lol. Thanks!

You are COMPLETELY right *nods*-- I'm extraordinarily lucky to be able to go pester Sarah whenever I'm facing writing difficulties. She completely decimates draft after draft until it's in much better condition. ^_^ Lots of commas and cliches have met their doom by her keyboard.

*blushes* Thanks so, so much for your compliments! ^_^ I'll try to write more as soon as I possibly can.

*pushes plate of chocolate chip karma cookies towards you* They actually *don't* have calories but I completely agree with you! Life is too short to count yummy cookie calories. :)

Cheers! Thanks again, you rock my socks!

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Review #9, by LittleMissRachel Midnight

1st July 2010:
You updated! :D I was so excited when I saw this on the top of my favorites list, because it truly is one of my favorites. The idea is so original, and your style of writing is absolutely beautiful. I can feel the emotions the characters feel and it's so refreshing to have an author who "shows" and not "tells" the reader what is happening.

I especially loved the interaction between Hermione and Draco during this chapter. They obviously have their issues, but it's nice to see them come to a compromise. I absolutely adore the way you write Draco.

I am anxiously awaiting your next update. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely, encouraging words! *blushes* ^_^ Trying to "show" and not "tell" is one of the hardest things to accomplish as a writer, so your opinion is so inspiring to me! *beams*

I love your way with words- "They obviously have their issues"- I could not have put it better myself! ^_^ Sometimes the waters of dialogue are very difficult for me to navigate, so thanks for persevering.

And naturally I'm thrilled that you enjoy reading Draco-- he is quite an intriguing character to write.

Cheers! Thanks again for another lovely review! *gives a bucket full of hot, steaming karma cookies*


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Review #10, by HogwartsGirl618 Principles

14th June 2010:
By reading this review, you are hereby agreeing to the following terms:

Sarah is the best sister in the whole world.

I will bake Sarah a dozen cookies within an hour of reading this review.

I will think of ways to please Sarah.

I will demonstrate my love for Sarah by acting upon the ideas above.

I will bring Sarah ice cold Diet Dr. Peppers hourly.

I will not be offended by any mocking in this review. Sisters mock one another, and any mocking contained herein is intended to playfully instruct, not diminish my morale.

If you do not stop reading here, I will take your gaze as consent.

Wonderful! I'm glad we have cleared up those formalities! Shall we chat about your chapter now? I'm game if you are.

I'm going to start off by channeling a bit of Justin. Why are you not-so-subtly posing questions to the reader via record of Hermione's masterfully organized thoughts? If your reader is actively reading, then they are already asking themselves these questions. If they are skimming, they don't really care, and you should not worry yourself about their lack of understanding. If their lack of understanding truly troubles them, they will actually read your chapter, thereby placing them within the first category.

What had he meant by it?

And what of his father? Did Draco honestly not know Lucius' whereabouts? If not, then Lucius was most definitely not inside, which meant that her next aim should be to escape as soon as possible.

The last one is my favorite because you also walk us through the consequences. ^_^

You have enough on your plate with the job of a writer. Don't try and be a reader, too. Use questions such as these in a flow chart, in a free write, or in an intense in-your-own-head debate session. Don't put all of them in your chapter. It disrupts your characterization because no one thinks like this. No one has perfectly organized, articulate thoughts.

A good exercise for working on this is to write a bit in first person. Not necessarily writing Tracker-related-scenes in first person (though that's always good if you can't work out exactly what a character is feeling), but writing something where you cannot use your character's thoughts as a retreat, or as a mechanism to further your plot. If you do, your writing sounding ridiculous ^_^.

My other tidbit of advice for writing in general is to try to make your characters as human as possible. Excerpts like "Even in keeping pace with Draco she felt immensely vulnerable," are a bit dehumanizing because we learn to think of Hermione as a robot feeling human feelings. What do you do when you feel vulnerable? Maybe pull your coat closer to your body? Maybe walk with slightly poorer posture? Maybe glance around more than you usually would? Writing about subtle body signs leaves the reader to interpret, gives you the ego boost of showing and not telling, and makes Hermione a much more relatable character.

Let's talk about what is strikingly amazing about your chapter. Your word choice is exceptionally varied. I have difficulty writing characters who do not whisper, murmur, hiss, reply, and growl. And I have a lot of adverbs to prove it ^_^. Your characters inquire, exhale, continue, suppress, and to top it off, their voices quiver. It makes for a wonderful read.

Hermione's dialogue was exceptionally realistic during her feud with Draco. Which means that you know that characters don't think in perfectly structured ways, and can write them as people with feelings ^_^. What I mean is this: don't ever get discouraged. A lot of authors struggle with dialogue being forced or wooden. That doesn't seem to be a problem for you.

Example: "No, you don't! You haven't the faintest idea what horrors we faced in the past year! You, sitting in Hogwarts, you were safe. You weren't in Godric's Hollow! Damn it, you weren't in Gringotts! You weren't!"

It was easy to feel Hermione's fury during that scene because of her dialogue.

The interaction between Draco and Hermione is very balanced in this chapter. The discussions are intense, but not in a "nudge-nudge look at the tension" way. Draco not rising to the bait quoted above gave him a wonderful edge; it means that he has gained quite a bit of sophistication since Book 7, and this makes him much less predictable. Less predictability is good because you have made that a character trait, which works to your advantage. A lot of authors try to "surprise" the reader by having their predictable characters go out of character. This is supposed to give them another "dimension". This, to me at least, is irritating and makes them appear to have multiple personality disorder. And that's not what you have done, so congratulations. My sanity can remain intact. ^_^

You make a point of how much Draco loves his parents in this chapter. I cannot wait to see how you accomplish this. Having Draco hate his parents, and his parents' way of life, has become something of a trademark in Dramione. I think that this lack of abhorrence will challenge you as a writer, in a positive way. It will also distinguish your story from the rest of the Dramiones (not that your writing doesn't do that already).

The way you ended the chapter with Hermione's thoughts was very ingenious. I liked that you put them in italics, and not just because as a writer, that's something I favor. The thoughts came through as very direct and very unadulterated. If you write all of the thoughts in italics initially, even if you don't leave them that way, you might be able to recognize how much thought recording you have. Which would help you filter out the tedious questions above, and make more of an impact upon the reader. It really was a fantastic way to end a chapter.

You really do have a wonderful start and I cannot wait to read what you write next. xoxo

Author's Response: What a brilliant opener to a review! :) Unfortunately I sort of have an obligation to answer all my reviews, so I think that I can fairly say I do not have to accept preconditions. :D

*cringes* I think you are right about the questions. It is rather amateur, I agree, and in future you will not be seeing any similar rubbish. I'm glad you have a favorite idiotic line though: that makes my life.

Again, apologies for the author voice; I agree completely. ^_^ You are giving me much to think about. I love the way you phrased it... Planting little secrets within the writing for the reader to interpret gives you ego-boosts, does it? ;)

Thanks for complementing the word choice! I find a particularly varied W.C an extremely difficult thing to achieve, so I am flattered that you think mine is! It's something that definitely is not present in the earlier drafts of a chapter. That I feel confident in telling you in my amateur-writer-status. :)

*wipes brow* I find dialogue difficult to write, so I am happy that it comes off effortless to you. :) That definitely makes the struggle worth it. It's not half the struggle that *not* writing in author voice is, but I still find it challenging. So thanks for the compliment!

And thanks for showing me what dialogue you find valuable. ^_^

I personally *love* "nudge-nudge look at the tension!" dialogues. ;) Teehee- I know exactly what you mean, and I am very glad that mine is more balanced than that in your opinion. Chapter Three almost commenced with a ditched scene I now affectionately call "the Fuzzy Slippers Confrontation" but, never fear, that has already been decisively nixed. :D It was way too melodramatic; I do like keeping your sanity intact.

I'm glad you like Draco's "sophistication" (what a humbling, wonderful word for you to use!), too. I had to think long and hard about what Draco would do given Book Seven and where I thought his character would have developed since that time. The state of Draco's internal being has changed as much in the last fortnight as Hermione's, so I am glad that came though. Although I do love multiple personality fan-fics. They're basically my *fave*. ;)

Ironically, Draco's love for his parents is something that I envisioned before the first sentences of the novella were ever written. I too have read many Dramiones in which Draco hates everything about his parents, but to be perfectly honest I have always felt that this 'reformed' Draco (rarely does this Draco transformation take place within the actual novella, I've noticed) is fundamentally missing something. The way that Draco's parents were described in Book Seven--and especially the way Narcissa's concern for Draco was described in Book Six--to me always meant there was something to their relationship, even though it was based on believing the same prejudices in Draco's early years. Now, I humbly suggest there is more to the picture.

This isn't to say that Tracker's Draco is like his father, not at all. It's a fine line that Draco walks, and writing that relationship between Draco and his parents is one of the things I look forward to writing most in Tracker. ^_^ I hope it does make the story unique, and thank you for your support! It means the world *draws world, points to it* to me.

Thank you so much for your italics comments! ^_^ That's an absolutely fantastic idea- I'll do that exercise before posting Chapter Three. I was slightly worried about the potential gag-factor of the last line, but I eventually convinced myself that the reader would not take Hermione's words as a longing for romantic Chapter Two, no less... not that I don't love those stories where Draco and Hermione board the Hogwarts Express in Chapter One, are toying with the idea of dating by Chapter Two... :)

Thanks for your review! Your enthusiasm makes me even more eager to wrap up Chapter Three! ^_^ I'm off to write more then, and thanks for everything!


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Review #11, by HogwartsGirl618 Journey to Malfoy Manor

14th June 2010:
Hey Laura-
Apologies for taking so dreadfully long to review this. I will try to treat this as any other critical review (and you should, too ^_^). In other words, I may criticize or praise, but ultimately, it is your story. You have to decide what is best. So, get excited! It is review time! ^_^

You open the story really, really well. It is not one of those Hermione-Teeth-Brushing or Draco-Staring-Moodily-At-A-Wall affairs; you have action as soon as the reader starts reading. The plot is original, and you have kept Hermione's characterization ambitiously close to the books. Your description is very vivid, and your use of adjectives is colorful. For instance, "swirling in currents on the pavement and creeping into the crevices of the alleyways, moving specter-like under the doors of the hovels that lined the street" is a fierce bit of description ^_^. Wonderful job.

Couple of things that you need to watch out for. Your syntax could be more varied: you have a lot of variation in the way you write longer sentences, but it adds a bit to the story to have some shorter phrases as well. It is difficult to pick up on what exactly you are emphasizing when your sentences are several lines long. Summarizing is also an area that you lean towards, which I completely understand. You are in an empty house for a bit of the chapter, which is not the most suspenseful or entertaining of places. Going through each action may be beating a dead horse, but it is difficult for me to 'find' Hermione's character at points. Summarizing what happens, and then her conclusions, leaves very little for the reader to decipher.

Example: Peering inside and seeing nothing, her fingers wrapped around the door frame, Hermione pulled herself across the threshold before quickly closing the door and bolting it shut. Whoever unlocked the door was gone.

*hopes that makes sense* What I guess I mean is that, in trying to make the chapter move along faster and make it less boring, you make it more boring and diminish the characterization. And once you get into the habit of doing that, it is very difficult to move beyond it.

Commas are the last stylistic thing I would like to point out. You have a lot of them. Each time you have a conjunction, you do not need a comma. I, the proud graduate of the dashes phase and the comma phase, know when I see a comma phase-r. You are in it ^_^. That said, no one is above it, so do not let it intimate you too much ^_^

Do not mistake me for some witless fan girl when I say this. Now, let us talk about Draco ^_^.

"Hermione could see him clearly. Half of his face was in shadow, but she could still see his harsh jaw line, his piercing grey eyes, and his loose white blonde hair."

BEST OPENING DRACO DESCRIPTION EVER. I jumped up and down and smiled ^_^.

"Like hell he is, Granger" is such an in-character bit of dialogue. I could hear his voice in my head, which is good because the sooner your reader understands your characters as people, the better.

I did expect a bit more reaction to "Draco, it's finished. It's over. Voldemort is over." If he is really just learning this, I think he would have a bit more reaction to the VOLDEMORT IS OVER bit. I know he is looking for his father, but really, that is a big bit of news to move so quickly on from.

Good Draco. Good Hermione. Check you out with your good characterizations! ^_^ The only hole I am coming across is Harry. We are told quite a bit of what Harry would do in this chapter. If that trend continues, I think it is going to be fairly difficult to write the story without having bits from Harry. Keep that in mind; if you have another character to switch to, it might relieve you from having to write "filler" chapters on Draco and Hermione later.

Let me finish off by saying this. For the first chapter of a new Dramione writer, this is really, really good. My first chapter was absolute rubbish, and I did not have anyone critiquing me. I would have felt entirely overwhelmed if I knew what I was doing from the start. I first had to take criticism of the first few chapters when I was many chapters onward, and you are taking it from me while writing chapter three. Do not expect too much from yourself as far as progress in each chapter. You might freeze up while writing, or feel way too much pressure. Try to take the things I have said and gradually apply them. Do not force yourself to try and break all your habits and mannerisms in a short time span. You will probably grow out of many of them on your own, and the others you will craft to your own unique style ^_^ You are writing for you. Do not try to paint to Mona Lisa with Chapter Three. You are painting for yourself, and eventually, you will get "there". I do not know where "there" is, but I have it on good authority that it exists. ^_^ Do not stress. As I have said, this is really, really good.

I am going to go reread & review Chapter 2 now. See you there! ^_^ xoxo

Author's Response: Hey Sarah, thanks for reviewing! I appreciate your honesty concerning Chapter One of Tracker, and I will try to keep your advice in mind. I am glad that you like it overall; if you didn't, that would be rather depressing, no? ^_^

I think that you are right in not underestimating the importance the opening to a new novella, and I am so glad that you liked my description! :D I was slightly worried while writing it, to be honest, because I still think it could be thought overly dramatic. Eventually, though, I reached a point where my confidence in the opening grew. The description was actually written word-for-word in my first ever draft, and as it survived revision after revision intact I decided it was worth keeping.

Thank you so much for your constructive criticism: I think that you are absolutely write in critiquing the longer sentences, which have been enabled using wonderful semi-colons, commas, and colons. It does give the reader more to keep in mind at any given time and it does hinder the writing. Thanks for articulating the advice! I will keep it in mind as I wrap up and revise Chapter Three. :D

Summarizing *flinches* is definitely something I should avoid more also. I understand what you mean when you say that some passages are written in Author Voice, and I hope I do kick the habit early before it fully integrates into my writing! Still, I am hopeful that, because I understand your criticism, I will be able to gradually nix it in future chapters during revision. Hopefully soon it won't even enter the writing at all! 'Twould be epic, no? ^_^

But I LOVE COMMAS! *collects all commas in a jar, sticks jar under pillow* :) No, I completely agree with you, and hopefully I will eventually "graduated" (to use your words) too.

Aw- thank you! *blushes* I am very glad you find the line epic, because looking back it makes me cringe. How can Hermione see him clearly when half his face is in shadow?! *sighs* I think my choice in tone is the only thing that saves me here (sort of how I think the Amber Spyglass by Phillip Pullman is definitely the worst book in the series His Dark Materials, but because it is written with the same tone that obvious while reading it. Only in retrospect... :)

I will try to keep Draco's edge in future drafts. ^_^ Glad you like it.

*cringes* Quit being so observant! ;) Well the reason he didn't over-react (I completely agree he should have, had he not known Voldy was defeated) was because he did already know that Voldy was defeated. Still, the line Draco says proceeding this line does not make that remotely clear either. *shakes head* Worse, it reinforces the impression that he didn't know because he challenges Hermione about his father. Sorry- looking back, that particular passage is ambiguous.

Funnily enough, as I found your review I was also typing up a Harry scene in Chapter Three! ^_^ You should take up fortune telling. I already agreed with you! :) What I would like to know is whether or not you find my Harry references random tangents or more carefully placed thoughts in Hermione's head. Can you see the rhyme/reason?

Thank you for saying you liked the chapter as a whole! I think that you are right, given that I have typed about 20,000 in drafts for Chapter Three but am yet to publish, that I am perhaps trying to be too perfectionist and excepting to much of myself. You're right- I can't fix all my writing flaws in one go. For what it's worth, I thought the beginning chapters of Safe, while amateur compared to the freaking awesome chapters you are writing now that completely wow everyone, definitely held their own. ^_^

I hope a "there" exists too. :D Kudos for writing such an awesome review! I can't believe after all ^^^ you are about to go write another awesome review! I'm off to respond to it, too!


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Review #12, by cazvalleygirl Principles

2nd March 2010:
Hello :D

And well done on another puzzling yet intriguing chapter. I am so excited about this story I think it has real potential to turn into an amazing tale.

I love how you showed hints of the past, for e.g.

'He was still walking ahead of her when she recognized the door they were approaching, complete with its ornate silver handle. As they neared it, she shoved her clenched fists into the pockets of her jacket. She didn’t want him to see. it’s only a door. Only a room.'

I take it this is the room Bellatrix tortured Hermione in during the 'battle of Malfoy Manor' in book seven? These small details really made the chapter.

You have a wonderful way with words and my only advice would be when talking about the past maybe use italics or something, I was a few lines in before I realised that the scene with Draco witnessing Ron having the kiss was in the past. Just an idea.

Brilliant, cant wait to read more, 10/10 Charly :D x

Author's Response: ^_^ Thanks for the review! *hug tackles* You're so kind!

*blushes* I'm happy that you enjoyed that particular passage- I also think it's important to incorporate the small details. You're quite perceptive- yes, that is exactly the drawing room from Book Seven.

Apologies if this sounds vague, but I don't want to give anything away for you:
I would be careful about making any assumptions concerning the flashbacks. :) Very. Careful.

Thanks for the italics tip! I will definitely consider it. Thanks so much for the heads up! I would not have known otherwise, and it's one of the many reasons I need your invaluable input. :D

Thanks so much Charly! I'll try to get Chapter Three into the queue soon. Again, you brightened by day!

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Review #13, by dramionefan_Rilla Principles

28th February 2010:
WOW! I Loved it, It was so intense and puzzuling as all your chapters are, but wow this story is the only story I've read beside Lady Malfoy that leaves me wanting answers! Wow Update soon!


Author's Response: Hey Rilla! It's lovely to hear from you!

I'm thrilled that you find the story intriguing: I hope you continue reading because I greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks for reviewing. (: Chapter Three is most definitely in the works.


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Review #14, by jaceni Principles

27th February 2010:
Really loving this story. Can't wait for the next chapter. :D

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :) I'm glad you are enjoying it.

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Review #15, by LittleMissRachel Principles

27th February 2010:
Wow. Your attention to detail is absolutely amazing! This chapter did leave me with more questions, but nothing that's too confusing. But who is the person on the grounds with Hermione and Ron? There are so many possibilities. XD

Ah, Draco. Hehe. He seems concerned for her - at least a little. And yet, he acts like he doesn't care at all. Typical Malfoy. Lol.

I am anxiously waiting for the next chapter, even if this one just came out. I am really enjoying this fanfic! :D

Author's Response: ^_^ Thanks for reviewing a second time! It's really so kind of you.

As for who else was in the grounds that night, I could not possibly give it away, but I think you expected as much. There are quite a few possibilities, as you say. As you read Tracker, you won't be certain until much later, but I think you will be able to slowly eliminate 'suspects'. Keep it in mind, you perceptive reader you. :)

Draco is concerned for Hermione; you're absolutely right. Be on the look out for Chapter Three (and Four- absolutely, Four) because, if Draco does intrigue you, you will find serious... food for thought. :D

You are so wonderful! Thanks so much! I'll try to get Chapter Three in the queue soon.
Cheers once again-

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Review #16, by LittleMissRachel Journey to Malfoy Manor

27th February 2010:
This story is so intriguing! :) Your characterization of Draco is so spot-on. I love how you haven't made him soft, and completely vulnerable. It's so refreshing.

I'm not a big Ron sympathizer, but I feel horrible for what happened to him. :/ It seems as though Hermione is looking for a way to reverse the effects of the dementor's kiss? Haha. I could be completely off base, but if it is what she's searching for in Snape's house, it's definitely original!

I'm excited to read the next chapter! ^__^

Author's Response: Never! Soft and completely vulnerable? Draco? :) I could never write him that way, and I am cheered that you agree.

You are on the right track with your idea (hahahaha- pun- a lame pun but it's still a pun); it's quite a perceptive guess, I must say. I don't want to give too much away for you, but yes, you are close.

*hug tackles* Thanks for reviewing! It means so much to me.

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Review #17, by Lara87 Journey to Malfoy Manor

9th February 2010:
You really know how to use words and have excellent narrator skills. The first chapter didn't reveal much about the story yet, but if the plot is as great, as fresh and as credible as your description of events, then I would recommend you to pursue a career as a full-time author.

It was a rare pleasure to read such an elaborate and creative piece of a story.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the absolutely breathtaking review! It is so wonderful to hear encouragement like yours. I will try my best to persist in writing the story at a high caliber.

Honestly, your review meant so much to me, and I cannot tell you how much appreciate it. :) Thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts.


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Review #18, by gracea569 Journey to Malfoy Manor

6th February 2010:
This is a great chapter! I love the description and the darkness in the chapter even though the war is over. Keep it up ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind & encouraging words! I appreciate your read and review more than I can possibly tell you!
(: I'm happy that the description is to your liking. I'll try to update as soon as I can.
Thanks again!

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Review #19, by cazvalleygirl Journey to Malfoy Manor

6th February 2010:
Hello :D

And what a wonderful start to what I feel will become an excellent story. It's the best opening to a new story I've read in a long time and I cant wait to see where you take it.

I think, from what I've read so far that the war is over and Ron has been kissed by a dementor, and Lucius Malfoy may know how to reverse the effects, am I anywhere near right lol?

Well done, 10/10, an impressive start and I for one am excited about the next chapter. Charly :D x

Author's Response: Awww- thanks so much for the kind & gracious comments. I surely hope the next chapter doesn't disappoint! And you too- a thanks is due in turn for reading and reviewing a story still in its initial stages. :)

Predictions! :D Joyous. Well, you are completely correct about the former: Ron indeed has been kissed by a dementor. The latter part of your prediction, though, is a bit of a trickier question. The reason that you don't know is because Hermione honestly doesn't have any idea either. She isn't sure if the dementor's kiss is reversible or 'where' Ron's soul is now (the more important question, as I think you will agree). Right now she's desperately hunting for more information, which has led her to Malfoy Manor & Draco.

Thanks again, Charly, for being so generous and taking the time to review!

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