Reading Reviews for Keeping You Out Of Trouble
  
115 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Unwelcome

15th September 2011:
Hey, this is SamMalfoy93 with the VERY long awaited review request. Seriously, if i could be found, i'd be arrested for it. *Hides from Aurors* :P

Anyway, wow. A very interesting start. Yes, I've started from the very beginning. I've never read this before. I will be reading more, requested or otherwise, and it will be favorited. :)

So, it's interesting reading a story with Lucius' older sister's family (I assume that it's Lucius. LOL).

There's not much CC I can give. I really do love this story.

10/10!

Sam. :)

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Review #2, by Deltaris Dancing with the Devil, part II

14th July 2011:
This was a very intriguing chapter. I was right about Rabastan, I knew he was using her for something! It appears that it could be beneficial for everyone involved, though, so that's good.

Good on Addie for stepping up and helping Lily clean and take care of the drunkards! You've developed her character neatly, and we can see how much she's grown since the beginning of the story.

You've done a good job with this so far. I'll admit, I was a little weary in the beginning, but everything has pulled itself together and you've got a good plot line here. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Great! I've been in a rut with this story for a while, it's nice to hear that it's moving in a good direction. Thanks for your helpful hints and suggestions--I hope you don't mind if I rerequest when I update!

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #3, by Deltaris Dancing with the Devil, part I

14th July 2011:
Aww, poor Cissy. I really enjoyed this chapter. The flow was perfect, and you wrote the scenes nicely. Everything tied together, and gave Addie something to think about in the end.

I wish to correct my mistake; Rabastan Lestrange. Not Black, I was thinking of Reg for a moment xD

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Review #4, by Deltaris Even the Paintings!

14th July 2011:
I feel like you've really gotten a handle on where you're taking this story. Between my last review and this one, there were only a few grammar/spelling mistakes and the flow has definitely picked up and smoothed out. Addie's character has stayed true to her and has grown throughout the year nicely. You've also grown as a writer; it's pretty clear from the beginning to here.

Rabastan seemed really awkward here. He shouldn't be so; he's a Black, a pureblood, pompous, arrogant and good looking. I can't tell if he's sincere in his courting of Addie, or if he has an ulterior motive in his pretty little head. Right now, it seems more like the latter. You've gotten Addie's confusion about Rabastan pretty clear though. It (I'm assuming, yeah?) is one of her first times being in a situation like this, so it's natural that she would be.

I'm impressed with how this story has developed so far. Sorry I haven't reviewed the previous chapters; I'm a little short on time today, so I'll just be putting in a word when I feel it's needed. Hope you don't mind (:

Author's Response: Haha, happy to hear I've grown in writing (if not in height...sadly : o). This was my very first fic ever, so I guess it's not so surprising that the beginning sucks a little.

Hmm. I see what you mean about Rabastan...though I don't necessarily think he was being awkward. Awkwardness takes two to create, and in this case it's all Addie's fault. But I'll take a look at the scene again, see if I can make him a little more, erm, suave. As for ulterior motives, yes indeed! Well, I see you've already read that part, but nice picking up on it this early.

Don't worry about reviewing every chapter! You've already done more than I expected.

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #5, by Deltaris A Lucky Guess?

14th July 2011:
I love the mention of Dorcas Meadowes! I'm working with her in one of my first stories; as Remus's love very complicated love interest.

I loved seeing a classroom setting. It really opens up the opportunity to show a character's weaknesses and strengths, and you used it wonderfully so. Sev's character was well written here, and I enjoyed reading him. While he seemed to honestly want Lily back - as a friend, even if he couldn't get what he really wants - but then just can't let go of the prejudices that have been hammered into him in the face of the boy who's taken the only girl he's loved away. You handled the situation nicely.

'Hairy Hearted in the Highlands.' Sev, yeah? I like tying that back in, it creates more of the connectedness between chapters that I've been talking about.

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Review #6, by Deltaris The Other Clarke

14th July 2011:
A few minor things to point out before I get started. You switch the spelling of Kim's on/off boyfriend between 'Eric' and 'Erik.' Nothing a thorough proofing can't fix :) Also, Marcus Flint is a Hogwarts Era character. It's just odd and throws off the readers to mix the eras up like that.

This chapter is much better flow and characterization wise. It fits with the last one, unlike the ones before hand. I like the connection between reintroducing Kim and mentioning the meeting in the Alley again, it was a nice touch and makes the connection between the chapters stronger.

I would recommend having this beta read, and possibly doing some revision to make the flow better. A beta can also help you catch things like Erik's name, grammar and such. It's not necessary, as the story is quite nice, but I think it would help a little bit.

Author's Response: Gah, thanks for catching the Eric/Erik thing. That happens with Zuleika a couple times too, you can tell I changed their names partway through writing. As for Flint...my thinking was that Flint from Hogwarts era was named for his father, but I'm going to change it because it's confusing.

I'm glad the flow is better, though I do think the confusion in the previous chapters may have been because chapters 2 and 3 got switched. I'll definite look into getting a beta, though with 13 chapters already validated, that would be a lot of work for him/her!

Thanks again for your dedicated reviewing.

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #7, by Deltaris She's A Malfoy If I Say She Is

14th July 2011:
There are a few things about this chapter that just don't sit right with the previous two. One, Addie had lived at the Manor before - where was she now? Two, Pinny had been there when she was a little girl, and yet Addie seemed to have reacted like she had never seen the little elf before. Three, Addie's reaction to one of the girl's last chapter talking about Andromeda being in a house other than Slytherin was quite apparent, it should only make sense that she would've remembered when Druella and the others talked of her.

On another note, I'm not really sure of the timeline here. Six years later, that would make her 15/16ish, so entering her sixth year. She met Lily in the Alley getting her first wand the same day, so the Marauders et al should be in the same year, no? And Cissy, Lucius, Bella and the Lestranges are all a good few years older than the Marauders, so it doesn't make sense to have Cissy starting this year. Unless you have some grand scheme that requires the ages to be switched a little?

I also don't feel like you've given Addie the time to mature. The last time we saw her she was eleven, and now she feels to be around the same age, even though she's not. The others around her age are written more maturely, however.

I'm just a little confused right now, and I hope the following chapters help smooth things out a bit. It's not a big concern, as the chapters do connect, they just don't flow as smoothly as they should. I am interested to see where this is going, however.

Author's Response: Deltaris! Thanks for reviewing so quickly. I was very confused by your last two reviews...especially why they were out of order! Then I checked my "manage stories" section, and I realized that chapter 2 and 3 had somehow gotten switched. I HAVE NO IDEA how that happened...but "Pretty Acquaintances" should be chapter 3, and "She's A Malfoy If I Say She Is" should be chapter 2. So sorry for the confusion, but I'm glad you caught it! Hopefully the timeline makes a little more sense like that...

Looking forward to more of your reviews!
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #8, by Deltaris Pretty Acquaintances

14th July 2011:
This moved really fast. I did enjoy how you tied in Lily and who I'm assuming is James right off the bat. It gives us a better sense of time and Grandma Malfoy a chance to voice her opinions about muggles.

I like the three little girls, they have such a mischievous but innocent air about them. You've done well in characterizing them, from just the few moments they were talking I could pick out the differences and similarities between them.

I do feel that having such a time difference between the last chapter and this one disrupted the flow a little bit. We know nothing of what happened in those years, and Addie seems to be the same as she was when she was eight. I'm nervous about the next chapter, as it's much more time that has passed.

Author's Response: Wow, I refreshed the page thinking there'd be nothing, and then pop! A new review! Thanks for working so fast.

I'm sorry this seems to have moved too fast...the first three chapters are sort of an intro to the main story, which begins in Addie's sixth year, so there are a lot of time skips. If you have any suggestions for time skips, I'd love to hear your opinion.

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #9, by Deltaris Unwelcome

14th July 2011:
Well, I'm honestly not sure what I think about this. It's well written, only a few grammatical errors, and flows pretty smoothly. My confusion comes from the Malfoy family - when is this? Besides the story information, there's no way to tell that this is placed in the Marauders Era from the start.

Addie is characterized very well. I got a feel from her right from the start. I've never read something that's focused on a girl so young. You did well in capturing the innocence in a young girl, but gave her a maturity that spoke of her having been through things a little girl probably shouldn't've.

Author's Response: Deltaris,

Good point about the Marauders...I'm thinking of just putting "Marauder Era" in the story summary, to alert readers ahead of time. Glad you like the characterization of Addie, this was my very first fanfic (actually, my very first story of any kind ever!), and personally I think there are a number of problems with it...so it's great to get constructive feedback.

Looking forward to your next reviews!
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #10, by LilyGreenEyes Dancing with the Devil, part II

4th July 2011:
A fantastic chapter here! So much happening and going on!

Great tension throughout the chapter, and if I were to write all my favourite bits in this little box I would bore you as I would copy the whole story!

Rabastan's revelation is really sound reasoning, and if I'm honest, totally understandable. It reminds me of marriages between high class families in the 1900s. The concept of an engagement for business purposes is a great twist, and they will both benefit from it

The links to Voldemort are also great as they indicate the story is getting darker. This was great when their marks burned, a great touch to end with some mystery!

And finally the note! I have no idea who it is but I am definitely looking forward to finding out! Please come and rerequest once you have some more chapters up! Dying to read some more of this story, you've truly hooked me in!

Author's Response: Wow, I'm poleaxed. You liked the story that much! Thank you.^_^

It's nice to hear that the drama and intrigue wasn't too over-the-top. I was a little worried after posting this that people would find the drama in this chapter fake...yes, I must admit that a lot of the marriage deal and social-climbing scheme was inspired by writers like Edith Warton and the experiences of my grandmother (who had an arranged marriage!). I figured that pureblood society might be a bit backwards in their treatment of their offspring...not exactly an original idea, but one that I like.

Yes, I'm glad that you picked up on the dark mark stuff! I wanted to make it obvious without saying "dark mark" right out loud. The story is definitely getting darker for poor Addie, but I am trying to keep up a lighter subplot (that would be the Kimmie inspired hunt for Hairy Hearted) so hopefully it won't become unbearable. I'll definitely rerequest when chapter 14 goes up, sorry it isn't ready yet...the plot fairy has not visited in a month or so. : (

And again (how many times can I repeat this and still convince you that I mean it every time? I really, really do!!), thanks for all your reviews! I loved reading them.
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #11, by LilyGreenEyes Dancing with the Devil, part I

4th July 2011:
This chapter started so lovely and happy, but then that nasty Alecto spoiled it again!

It was great to see the 'girl time' they all had at the start of the chapter and I had a really clear mental image of what Addie looked like :)

And the lovely awkwardness of a new couple was written brilliantly! It's hard to get this right but I think you did it splendidly. But uh-oh! Nasty old Abraxas was where the night started going downhill, and I so wish it hadn't, I really wanted to see some romance between Rabastan and Addie!

The drama at the end of the chapter was great as well! Really well thought out and written, with her reflections and Lily's inclusion, it was just lovely to see how well you made them all work together :)

Reaaly looking forward to reading more, it's just all so believable that I'm finding myself more and more caught up in the story!

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Review #12, by LilyGreenEyes Don't You Worry

4th July 2011:
That painting did make me laugh! I love it when authors use the paintings to make a point, I do it all the time in my writing, it really made me smile here :)

Addie had such a close escape from those two playing dress up! I really felt for her when they were trying to cajole her into it all, and then to be harrassed by Kim for details and new robes, all in the life of a girl with little romantic history I guess!

I was quite sad to see Zuz get sensitive and upset, but I'm intrigued where you'll take it. The scenes in Hogwarts with Kim trying to follow them were quite comical in parts but I could imagine Zuz's reaction if she had caught them!

But I really did feel for poor Otto being dragged into their plan! Bless him trying to stick up for Sev yet help the girls, he seems like a lovely character and I really hope we see more of him!

Author's Response: YESSS! Believe it or not, the scene with the painting was the first thing I wrote...the whole scene was basically based around that one line. Yay for talking inanimate objects!

I'm actually very dissatisfied at the moment with the Hogsmeade scene...though I'm glad you were intrigued by it. I'm planning on rewriting it, but it may have to wait until I'm sure where I want to take Zuz and Cary's relationship. I haven't totally worked that bit out yet (lazy author syndrome).

Otto is awesome! Everyone seems to be rooting for him already, which make me super happy. He's just a bundle of cuteness...you won't have to wait too much longer for more!

Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews!
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #13, by LilyGreenEyes Even the Paintings!

4th July 2011:
This was another great chapter, it was so believable, all the events, all the bits like working in the library etc :)

Rabastan is quick, he'll have totally understood that glance and I can't wait to see if Addie tells him or not, that'll make a great chapter :) You really write the romantic vibes that are just rolling off him really well, and it was lovely to finally get a bit of romance for Addie, it's no less than she deserves!

But I think you need to change your note at the bottom, you aren't terrible with romantic scenes at all, you are actually rather good at them ;)

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Review #14, by LilyGreenEyes Putting Things in Perspective

4th July 2011:
Hey! Back to finish off where I left off the other day, and boy have I been looking forward to reading more :)

Alecto is such a nasty piece of work! She really has gotten everywhere and covered every base. I feel so sorry for Addie, she's really trapped in a corner but I think you wrote this brilliantly and I'm looking for ward to Addie getting some sort of revenge on Alecto!

I think it was a great touch how you covered all the aspects of Alecto making it as hard as possible for Addie, ie she won't know until Saturday, there's no books, it's a very hard topic etc, you wrote this well and developed it over the chapter.

I loved seeing Remus in the library, it's really intrigued me where this may go next ;) Another great chapter!

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Review #15, by honoraryweasley Unwelcome

2nd July 2011:
Honoraryweasleyy from the forums here, hi! I feel like I should warn you that it's past midnight where I am, so please forgive any spelling or grammar errors - I hope you'll get the point of this, at least :)

That was really brilliant. The strengths of this chapter are most definitely the character descriptions - for example, from the way Ariadne's grandmother speaks, I've already got her personality down pat - and the little details, such as the wizarding slang (like "'Claw"). I like the name Ariadne, too, and it's very Malfoy.

Ariadne's feelings were extraordinarily clear in this chapter. You didn't have to say 'She felt...' but it was obvious, I think, which is great. You can tell that she feels a bit taken aback by the sudden appearance of this grandmother, and she wants to be helpful and stay out of the way, but at the same time she doesn't want to leave, or change her clothes.

Now to get down to the nitty gritty grammar issues. There was absolutely nothing that interrupted the flow of the story, but there were a few things that I did pick up that you might want to consider changing for good measure!

I would change '"Put the wand down child before you injure yourself." She sniffed' to '"Put the wand down, child, before you...'"

'She means Mum a voice prompted Addie' should become 'She means Mum, a voice prompted Addie'.

In 'They were muggles though, and lived several hours away in Leeds', Muggles needs a capital letter.

In 'and she was still wearing her nightdress despite the fact that noon was long gone', 'long gone' doesn't sound quite right. I might rephrase it as 'noon had long past'. This really isn't an important issue at all though, so your choice.

The sentence 'Your mum I mean' should be 'Your mum, I mean'.

'Is this just some chore for her?Wondered Addie. Isn't she sad that we're leaving?' needs a space and no capital in 'wondered' - so: 'Is this just some chore for her? wondered Addie. Isn't she sad that we're leaving?'

'Addie examined the family-my family she corrected herself-more closely' could be something like 'Addie examined the family - my family, she amended - more closely'. But if you want to stick with 'corrected herself', there should be a comma after 'my family'.

So, you can see- just tiny tiny alterations that need to be made! This was really fantastic; thank you for reviewing (and psst, feel free to rerequest - I think I might come back and continue whether or not you do).

-J

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your compliments! It's great to hear that the description works in this chapter--I didn't want to state too much about the characters' personalities directly, just mention those things Addie (as an 8 year old) would have noticed.

And thanks for your feedback on grammar--I'll look into fixing that as soon as the queue is up and running again. You wouldn't be up for betaing would you? There's a lot of stuff already validated, but I never had anyone beta it, and I get the feeling it would be useful. If you are, PM me!

I'll rerequest, but by all means read on anyway! I'm so flattered that you like my story that much.*blush* o'_'o

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #16, by psychee Dancing with the Devil, part II

2nd July 2011:
Hello there! :)

This is psychee from the forums leaving you the review you have requested! I'm so incredibly sorry for being so late but I've had such a busy schedule this past week, I had exams and lots to learn, so I had zero time to read your story and leave a well-deserved review. I really really don't like rushing into stories, so I read all thirteen chapters carefully and analized each aspect of your story.

As a Slytherin myself, I adore the house and love reading about the 'underdogs' of Slytherin house. There are so many characters that are worth exploring, far more complex than many of the characters from Gryffindor house. I also like the fact that you decided to pair your OC with another OC, instead of another original character. I really really like Rabastan's character, I'm planning on writing a Slytherin-centered story myself and plan on exploring Rabastan's character a lot more, since we know so much about his brother and so little about him. I find him fearfully fascinating. (can you feel the love?)

Your main plot is interesting - the half-blood in the Malfoy family. I'm surprised the Malfoy's accepted her into their family and I would have wanted to read more about them as a family. Maybe we'll have the chance to explore more of that in the future chapters?

I also like the main character's name - so pretty. My only complaint is - Adriane doesn't seem very.. Slytherin-y. She seems a little misplaced in the house and I would like to see a more Slytherin behavior from her. I'm also curious to see what you'll do with the romance of the story. :)

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this and would love to read more. This story holds quite a lot of promise. I didn't notice any grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes, so that's good. :)

Good luck with your future chapters!

-psychee

Author's Response: No worries! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.

I love writing about Slytherin characters too (though I must admit, a large part of that is creating names...Slytherins just get the best names. *sigh*). I'm a little confused about your OC thing (OC = original character? or other canon?), but I'm a bit of an OC/Rabastan shipper as well. I'm not sure exactly how the relationship will develop at this point...will true feelings grow out of the sordid "deal" between them, or will the relationship fall apart? Just have to keep writing (and reading!) I suppose!

About the Malfoy family...yes! Actually, Addie's family situation is the main mystery behind the plot. Thus, I cannot reveal much here, but let's just say we will be seeing more (lots and lots more) of Addie's family.

As for Addie's place in Slytherin...hmm, I can see your point.My thinking was that she fits into Slytherin in that she's very calculating and concerned with self-preservation. True, you don't see to much of the power-hungriness or ambition that Slytherin is known for, and she's quite loyal to her friends...but in my opinion, you don't have to fulfill every characteristic of a house to be sorted there. The blood purity issue will become more of a problem, and I tried to bring it out a little with the Zuz/Caradoc thing, but I kind of failed...I'm planning on reworking that chapter later.

Anyway, thanks again for your detailed review, it was a joy to hear from someone who read the story so carefully!

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #17, by LilyGreenEyes Flirtation and Foul Play

1st July 2011:
Again, so many little hints and bits in this chapter, it was thoroughly enjoyable :)

At first I was wondering if Addie liked Sev, and then I'm wondering if something is going on with Rabastan, it's all so interesting!

It was great to see some evidence of the war starting outside of Hogwarts, the story is really starting to pick up pace and steamroll ahead now and that's great :)

As always you have great links to canon and they are so subtly weaved in :) If only one thing to change, in the UK it's always 'terms' rather than 'semesters'. It's me being incredibly nit picky but it would fit much better with the canon of Hogwarts being somewhere in the UK :)

But one last thing, Alecto is a nasty piece of work!! Can't wait to see what else she comes up with ;)

Author's Response: Ah! Thanks for the tip with "terms." I've been trying to keep up with the Britishisms, but it's tougher than I thought. Why are there so many random changes, like "lift" for elevator, "term" for semester, and "taps" for faucets? *sigh*

I'm glad you mentioned Sev--I've been trying to work out a good way to work him and his awesome legilimency skills back into the story, and you reminded me why. ^_^ As for Rabastan, I don't like him much...but he sure is sexy. o'.'o

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #18, by LilyGreenEyes A Series of Unfortunate Events, part II

1st July 2011:
I loved the angst in this chapter, I feel like the story has just taken a huge leap forward but it is so much better for it! It just fits so well thought :)

I thought the run in with Potter and Black was great, and the intriguing comments from Sirius have really got me thinking now!

But then you add in the encounter with Alecto too! How on Earth has her secret got out! I'm so intrigued by these little mysteries, I really hope you explain them ;)

The scene with Snape was very well written also. I know how hard he is to write and I think you did bbrilliantly :)

All these mysteries to end a chapter on! I'm so intrigued and very much looking forward to moving on to read more!

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Review #19, by LilyGreenEyes A Series of Unfortunate Events, part I

1st July 2011:
Another strong chapter :) I won't repeat myself over and over again so here's a short and sweet review ;)

Addie is a great character and the more I read of her she reminds me of a Slytherin version of Hermione. I don't know if this was intentional but it worls really well :)

Alos, I really enjoyed the intrigue surrounding Flint and the contact at the Ministry. My mind is doing overtime trying to figure this one out and I would love for a clue! You write it really well and you can really pick up on the secretive atmosphere :)

And the encounter in the dungeons! Great bit of tension there, and they were so quick for an excuse ;) Sure they'll get found out, will have to see though!

Oh and a great end to the chapter, inner turmoil and wondering about whether to share is a great little tension mini cliffhanger to finish on :)

Author's Response: Hullo again! Just wanted to say quickly that your reviews always make me smile. ^_^ Thanks so much!

On the Flint thing...truthfully, it doesn't become a major plot point, I used it mainly to show how the growing influence of Voldemort is beginning to affect life at Hogwarts...so Flint leaves Hogwarts to work for V-dubs. Sorry if that's a let down! But there is much, much more mystery on the way, mainly surrounding Addie, her family, and more...

xoxo wenderbender


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Review #20, by LilyGreenEyes A Lucky Guess?

1st July 2011:
I really enjoyed this chapter :) You've nailed so many different aspects and it was a delight to read!

Your dialogue and interaction was brilliant between all characters theoughout the chapter, this can be pretty hard to do but you pulled it off really well :) It was all believable which is great too!

Your breakfast scene was incredibly like canon, it was spot on for me, you had everything, the food, the post, the timetables, just spot on, not another word to say :)

And then the potions lesson, another great little scene, incredibly plausible and so in line with canon. It was great the way you captured the tension and relationship between Lily and Snape as well, it was subtle yet obvious enough, if that makes any sense to you ;)

Finally, the confrontation and revelation at the end of the chapter. Great touch there, very well written and I honestly can't say any more on it without waffling! I'm off to read another chapter!

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Review #21, by LilyGreenEyes The Other Clarke

1st July 2011:
Another fine chapter, it has a little action and fits in great with all your others :)

I must say, I love Kim, I think she's such a funny character! She's just so fun loving, bubbly, and 'in your face' for want of a better phrase ;) She's just fab, really brightens up the chapter and adds some humour :)

I must say, although Lily attacking James fits well in your context, I honestly don't thing she would have attacked him in canon, but that's just me, you can probably guess I'm a bit of a Lily lover ;)

I loved the Quidditch talk as well, again it is the canon subtly weaved in but one little niggle, I got slightly confused by Marcus Flint, he appears in Harry's time at Hogwarts and I had to really think hard to figure out that we were in marauders era, not Harry time. Perhaps something to say they were named for their father or an A/N to clarify might help, it just interrupted flow slightly for me :/

Overall though it was a brilliant chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Good point about Marcus. I'll add a A/N to clear that up. It just seemed like such a Slytherin thing, to have Marcus Flint II or something. I see your point about Lily as well, but...I dunno, I always picture Lily as a bit short-tempered and feisty--smart and responsible, but not really a Hermione-type, 100% by the rules girl. In my mind, she wouldn't be above giving James a good jinxing, or pulling prank or two. But of course, that sort of thing is completely a matter of personal opinion. ^_^

Glad Kim is going over well. Addie really needs someone light-hearted to balance out her pessimism and general grumpiness. ^_^

Thanks for the review!
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #22, by LilyGreenEyes Pretty Acquaintances

1st July 2011:
Another great chapter! I'll keep my reviews short because I hate repeating myself and I really want to get on to the next chapter!

You captured her excitement so well, it was lovely to read, it's how I felt when I got my letter to my secondary school and you really nailed it :) I did feel for her though when her mother couldn't go the Diagon Alley with her, but you wrote that well too :)

It was lovely the way you weaved the Evans' into the story, another subtle link to canon ;) You do that really well by the way :)

And so off to read some more! Another strong chapter :)

Author's Response: I am really relieved to hear that you thought the Diagon Alley (and the Malfoy Manor/ball scenes from last chapter) seemed canon. I love mixing canon details into my stories, and I obsessively troll the Harry Potter wiki to pick out new factoids to sprinkle in (disturbed yet? A bit, right?). I've heard from a few reviewers so far that this chapter feels too similar to canon in terms of the letter and the wand choosing scenes, so it was nice to hear some positive feedback about it. I'm thinking of going back to edit out some of the letter (at least the book list), but I'm not too sure how I'd change the wand shop scene. We'll see.

As for Lily and James...I must admit, I'm a bit of a James/Lily shipper, so they'll have several gratuitous appearances in the story even though they're not really super important characters...sorry, I really just can't help myself. However, I made a point of putting my OC in Slytherin and giving her her own posse of pals--so she WON'T become the long-lost fifth member of the Marauders. I may love the cliches, but I put my foot down there. Grrr.

Okay, moving right along...thanks a million yet again!
xoxo wenderbender


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Review #23, by LilyGreenEyes She's A Malfoy If I Say She Is

1st July 2011:
This is another really well written and lovely chapter :) It followed on lovely and sets up the next chapter well, congrats on that!

Although we know very little about the Malfoys I really do find that this is believable and I really do think it could be found in canon if JKR decided to enlighten us :)

I love the way you feed details slowly into the story, you never really give the reader a full picture, you develop it over time, which is hard to pull off well but I love the way you do it :) Also, the way you are slowly introducing the characters to us is great, it helps the reader learn at a pace that suits them, and despite using slow a lot, I don't think it's a slow starter at all ;)

The pure blood ball at the Malfoy's is a great inclusion and helps introduce bits of canon subtly, and you weave it beautifully into your story!

Nothing to fault, and I don't say that very often! Great story, I'm off to read some more :)

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Review #24, by LilyGreenEyes Unwelcome

1st July 2011:
Hey there! Here to review as requested!

Firstly can I compliment you on what I find is a very natural and very soothing writing style. You seem to have an innate flow and movement in this chapter and it works so well.

I like the intrigue that abounds here in this chapter, the lack of clarity on who her father was, how they're related to the Malfoy's, and the suddeness of the move to Malfoy Manor. Normally I would moan about this but in all honesty, I think it works superbly well in this story so far!

I love your characterisation of 'Nanny Malfoy' as I'm going to call her ;) You've captured the proud, snobbish attitude of the pure blood society without making it too unbearable to read, you have a great balance here :)

This is a very intriguing start to the story and I am very interested to see where it is going to go :) Well done on a great opening chapter to what I think is going to be a brilliant story

Author's Response: LilyGreenEyes!

Thanks so much for leaving such wonderful, detailed reviews. I'm really really so incredibly sorry that's it's taken me until now to respond. I did read every one of them, but for some reason every time I posted a response, it wouldn't show up! Turns out I had some keyboard issues, which are now all patched up. Phew.

Anyway. Thanks for your compliment about my writing style--I've never been called "soothing" before, but I really like it! Not to mention "innate flow"...goodness, you sure know how to make an author's day. Gran Malfoy (why didn't I think of Nanny?!) is one of my all-time fav characters to write as well...as you see in chapter 2. She'll reappear again later in the story as well (either in ch. 14 or ch. 15, both hopefully coming soon) just because I like her that much ^_^.

Thanks again for your review!
xoxo wenderbender

P.S. I'm not going to respond to every review, just cuz I think things would start getting repetitive...I hope you don't mind! It doesn't mean I don't appreciate how dedicated you've been. ^_^


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Review #25, by Blue Flame Unwelcome

30th June 2011:
Lovely way to start things off!

I'm going to start off with something to fix -- perhaps put the memory that came with the blue shirt, of her mom and dad, in italics to better separate it from the rest? I think that might work better, and keep anyone from being at all confused by it. ^^

All in all, I really enjoyed this. Her grandmother certainly had that Malfoy characteristic to her, and you did a lovely job of giving us idea of what she was like simply through the clothes she was wearing. And of course those traits are confirmed as she speaks and acts.

The little OC you have is adorable, and I love how you started off with her looking through pictures and wondering about Hogwarts. She seems absolutely adorable, and I can't help but feel bad as she is so suddenly told to pack up and leave her home behind. Poor gal!

All in all, a great start! I'll be reading on and reviewing the next chapter soon! =D

-Caiti

Author's Response: Caiti,

Thanks for the italics suggestion! I didn't even notice it wasn't in italics (it is in my word doc...guess the formatting got erased when I copied it onto HPFF?).

Thanks for the compliments about Addie and Gran Malfoy too. Gran is easily the most fun character to write in this story (she's just so...imperious...love it), she especially shines in chapter 2. Addie is rather pathetic in this chapter, but I can't blame her really. She perks up a bit later, but really she's pretty pessimistic in general...that's just her character. Odd really, because I'm not like that at all, but most of my OCs turn out that way. Inexplicable.

Looking forward to your next review!
xoxo wenderbender


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