Wow. That was really good! I thought it was real!!
Damnit haha :P
You hav now inspired me to write a ScoRo fic too! haha that was awesome =)
Poor Rose :( Guess you can't get everything in life:(Author's Response: hey thanks for reading and reviewing! haha i know right xD
I'm not good at leaving the really long constructive reviews so I'll keep this short. I really enjoyed reading this. I thought it was well written and conveyed the emotion of the characters to a "T" and although I would have enjoyed a happy ending, I thought the plot twist at the end fit the story and made the piece believable, it would have been too cliche without it.
That is all
MCGAuthor's Response: hey thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you enjoyed this and found the piece believable with the plot twist at the end. thanks again! Report Review
Hey, here from review tag!
This story is quite an interesting take on a plot I've seen often - I don't mean it's cliche at all, because you've avoided cliche simply in your choice of characters. Quite often, I think, people would make Rose the bride, and then another one of the Weasley girls (or boys!) the jealous one at the wedding. So it's interesting to see a switch in characters and have Lily marrying Scorpius instead.
One comment I'd make is that Rose's narration seems a little melodramatic at times. I feel like you've written her as someone who's quite pragmatic and logical, and although she is in a desperate situation in this story, her sudden thought of 'I should just end it all' seems quite jarring in the middle.
I was also going to comment about how uncharacteristic Scorpius' decision to abandon Lily was, but, I see what you did there :P
I have to confess that I didn't like Scorpius or Rose much in this story at all. Scorpius seems like a bit of a prat, if I'm honest, and I just sort of wanted to tell Rose to pull herself together...if anything, I felt for Lily the most. She seemed to have done nothing wrong to get all that ill will from Rose! I know the middle section wasn't 'real', but I think you made a very important point there about Lily taking after Harry in her selflessness. While you took your time with Rose, it would have been interesting to see more depth to Scorpius and perhaps more of Lily in this fic.
Aside from that, your writing is pretty good in this. Your grammar is near perfect (unusual in fanfiction!) and I like how you use short sentences at the start of Rose's narration to show how broken her mental state was.
And one final thing that made me laugh: when Rose imagined that Scorpius was kissing her, I noticed that you hadn't written Albus as leaving the room so I was just like 'Albus is okay with watching this...?'
Good job! ♥Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I am a little surprised that you chose this story to review as most people skip over this one, but I am glad anyway :)
I tried to avoid the cliche, hence the character-switch :) Its good to know it interested you!
I was attempting to write mere streams of thought-processes and thus it sounded a little abrupt I guess. I'll see what I can do about it though if I edit this.
Haha it was definitely very unrealistic and uncharacteristic, which is why it was a dream xP
Hmm this was all from Rose's POV so I tried to portray things as to how SHE would see them, and to her Scorp was definitely being a prat (for marrying Lily, if nothing) and her main attention was on Scorpius, thus little attention on Lily (which is sad, I know).
I am glad you liked my writing. And grammar is near perfect really? I do try my best, but I am not sure I am near perfect xP
Haha I didn't quite think about Al being in the room too! But well it gave some comic relief and it was a dream after all, lol.
Thanks! Report Review
Hey this is your review from the review tag in the forum :D
I really enjoyed this fan fiction as I often find when reading Rose/Scorpius flicks that they often fall into stereotypes so it can turn into a rather boring read but, luckily yours didn't!
I really enjoyed the fact that Rose didn't get her man and putting it into dream perspective. It was so realistic that I thought Rose was actually going to marry Scorpius instead if Lily!
I liked how you did the flashbacks and I thought they worked effectively as well as sometimes they can often be irrelavent to the story but, I found they all worked well. I especially liked the one of them being sorted I thought it was really sweet how Rose was like Hermione in not giving into former prejudices and willing to reach out to the outsiders.
I also thought it flowed well and didn't lead to confusion which was really good and overall it was a really enjoyable read :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
This is one of those stories that people tend to not be attracted to in general, but I am glad you chose it. Sometimes, I think it is horrible writing, but sometimes I can't help but love it myself xP
I am glad you enjoyed this, and you didn't think it was stereotypical.
You are quite the sadist to be happy that Rose didn't get her man xP haha just kidding. It wouldn't have been realistic at all if she got Scorp. Thus the dream perspective xD
I am always concerned about my flashbacks tying with the story, so I am happy to know that you think they worked well.
Thanks for reading & reviewing!
Oh, I never read something touching like this! =[ I especially loved the way you described the whole thing; it seemed so real... And the ending was heart breaking, seriously.
So I must say you have a very original and intriguing plot. I never read anything like this before, so the summary almost dragged me in. Rose, is one of my favorite next-gen characters by JKR and I've read lots of fics about her, but no one usually writes her losing Scorpius, so you're different. =] Oh and I NEVER imagined Kristen Stuart as Rose! That's quite a nice idea... :D
AshwiniAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing! I am glad you found it touching and liked my description, and ending, and plot.
Thanks for your review :) Report Review
Wow. You really had me going for a second. At first, when I believed Rose and Scorpius were going to be married and everyone was okay with it, I was like "Whhaat? That would never happen like that in real life." But then I was like, "Well, don't discourage them." And THEN I discover it was all a dream and Rose doesn't get a happy ending, and it made me sad.
This was a very well written piece though and I did enjoy it, believability (I don't think that's actually a word, but oh well) or not. The most unbelievable thing really was Harry and Ron's cool reactions (that would seriously never happen). You did a great job with this!
~green with envy 2012~Author's Response: Haha that's true, that's why it turned out to be a dream because something like that is never possible in real life :D Aww, well the purpose was to make the readers sad, so good to know I achieved that lol.
I am happy you found it nicely written, and it all being a dream I don't care much about the believability ether. Thanks :) Report Review
Hi there, VioletBlade here with the other review you requested! :)
So... this was a bit unexpected, though it did have Rose/Scorpius in it, so I'm happy :) I was definitely seeing this ending a completely different way! (Where Rose was the good-best-friend and let the love of her life walk away) But anyway, onto the in-depth review!
Language: I will admit, it did seem to me that this was a bit rushed, even though it was 5,000 words long! I just think that it might have been better as a two-shot, because it was a lot of plot/twists that were a bit hard to wrap my head around!
Characterization: Though I am glad that they got together, I'll be honest: The way Rose let her best friend get hurt just so she could have Scorpius kind of got to me a bit. I don't think I could have done it to any of my friends, to be honest. I would have to have a long in-depth conversation with them, and, only after time, could I actually go through with it. I just find it hard to believe that their friendship could have withstood that. As for Scorpius, again, although I was rooting for him, there were parts that got to me a little. The Big One was that he did something like that to Lily. That, to me, shows real cowardice. Again, I'm not saying I'm not happy he and Rose got together, because I am!
Grammar: Not too much here!
Plot: Like I mentioned above, I think this could have been a much more successful two-shot, just because there was so much information in it. It probably could have even stretched as a short story, if I'm being honest! But it was a good story, and definitely took me by surprise at the end, but it made me happy! It was a nice little read though that brightened my spirits so thank you for requesting from me!
~VioletBladeAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know it was unexpected and kind of crazy, but I have edited the story now and changed the ending (which is still crazy but better) inspired by many reviews :)
Thanks a lot for all your comments!
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Okay...so this is actually DarkRose from the forums...and you're getting this review MONTHS late for your win in the One-Shot, Title, Ship, Rating Challenge. I can't believe that I forgot, but I'm going to make it up to you by doing it now! :] So, off we go!
Well, overall, I think this was a very sweet story. Believability? Very low, haha, but it wasn't a bad thing. So...your plot just doesn't particularly work out wonderfully in the real world. I feel that Lily would've been FAR more heartbroken and probably wouldn't have stayed for the wedding. And Rose and Scorpius haven't even dated! They've kissed like...three times, EVER. I can't believe they would actually just jump into marriage, but I guess when you know, you know.
I think the characters were all beautifully written. I especially liked Albus, Ron, and Harry. I feel like Harry would've been more upset on his daughter's behalf though. Rose was pretty good. I definitely felt her emotions while she was getting ready to watch the man she loved marry someone else. And Scorpius was pretty good too. I think his characterization made a lot of sense with the story.
I feel like there could have been more descriptions throughout the story of physical things though (characters, settings, etc.). The emotions were pretty good, but we didn't get much insight into how anything looked.
I actually expected this to be a dream at the end. Like...Rose wakes up in the attic and Lily and Scorpius are already married and she's crushed, y'know? But I was pleasantly surprised, though confused in way. It's just not particularly plausible, but that's all right.
Again, overall, I think this is a very sweet story. Great job! (And again, I'm sorry it took so long for you to get this review...)
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey, don't worry about the delay, I understand how life gets in the way (that rhymed lol), but thank you for taking the time to read and review!
Haha I know the believability was low, but it was just an erratic plot, what could I do? :P
Still, I am glad you found the story sweet, though I know that it definitely won't work like that in the real world.
Thank you, I like it when someone tells me I wrote the characters nicely, especially the minor ones (Albus, Ron, Harry). I also liked that you could feel Rose and Scorpius.
I will see how I can improve the fic and what I can do while I edit, I appreciate your comments :)
Thanks again for the sweet & honest review, and no worries about the delay!
P.S. You know what? Your review gave me an idea! I am gonna change the ending! I'll make it a dream! Thank you so much!!! (I'll make sure to credit you)! Report Review
ITS CUTE LOVELY STORY.
even though it is predictable that what is going to happen in the end , i never felt bored.
the best line was " though i still can't understand how malfoy's kid is so much in demand". ^_^
poor lilly, don't be sad i m here to marry u.(LOL)
thanks for sharing this story with us
i will be back agn with another review . i m going to read ur maraduer era story next
10/10Author's Response: Aww thank you for ur sweet review. I am glad you liked it. :-) Report Review
Hello, and I really like this! You have all the emotion, detail and language! I love the idea behind it and everything, its awesome! This is awesome! I like how you described the characters! Lily is great too, its awesome!Author's Response: Haha thank you so much for your awesome review!! Glad you liked it xD Report Review
Aw, I liked this, too! I felt like your depiction of Rose here was very realistic and believable - I don't know how likely it is that everyone would have banded together and told Scorpius to marry her, but honestly, I don't really care. This was sweet, and it was heartfelt, and the way Rose reacted to everything made so much sense. The ups, the downs, the sudden about face... yeah. I don't have much to say other than that I really, really liked it... but I really, really liked it.Author's Response: Aw your review made me smile. I am glad you really liked it even if it was slightly unrealistic :) Glad to know that the emotions came off well as well. Thank you for your kind words, I'm feeling flattered that you connected so well with the story :)
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Heey! Here for review tag!
I thought this was a lovely oneshot. It's something that a lot of people can relate to, and the whole twist of Scorpius really loving her and them getting married is a fantasy that I think a lot of people in Rose's situation would desire.
I think your writing was kind of better in the beginning, when she was sad about the wedding- I think when the twist happened the flow sort of speeded up a little; and it's kind of hard to believe that Rose would not only steal Lily's fiance, but her whole wedding. It seems more realistic to me that they would wait a little while and arrange their own wedding.
But other than that, your prose is really poetic and beautiful and I really enjoyed it :) Great job!Author's Response: Hi there!!
Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing :) I love review tag xD
I am glad you liked it overall, though I know that it was kind of speedy and weird towards the later part of the story. However, that's just the way it went & I liked it even if it was sort of unrealistic so I'll let it be :)
Thanks a lot once again & I'm flattered to know you found it poetic & beautiful!
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This is beautiful! I wish I had someone like scorpious :)Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you found it nice. And aw, don't we all wish that? xD Report Review
Just started reading after getting a buzz from"Unanswered Prayers. You have a fan for life! I'm definitely adding you to my list of favourite [U.K. spelling.] authors. I'll be busy catching up with more of your stuff later.Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Fav author? Yay :D Report Review
That was different for sure. But not bad different at all. It was capable of making you go through so many emotions all at once, which is a pretty nifty thing. I'd say you've got a darn good one-shot here. Kudos :)
BrithewriterAuthor's Response: hi!! thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I know it was different, I always come up with strange stuff =P ...I am glad you found it a good one-shot though! thanks! Report Review
This was a wonderful read. I LOVED IT.
Poor Lily! I must say that I really loved that you would make the connection of the sacrifice of her father to giving him up.
I loved the awkwardness after what happened (the kiss), because really, not speaking to each other is exactly what would happen.
I really thought it interesting that the reason he was with Lily was so that he could be near Rose. I thought that was a brilliant plot line... the reason. There is just something about it that I love... the depth of it.
Me being a hopeless Dramione fan, I LOVED, LOVED Draco in this! And I must say, the best part of that paragraph was when he said, "whom he hasn't forgotten, not even now."
I'm in awe of that line. Such Tragedy! And now he will have to share grandchildren with his true love, which will bind them together for life, just not how he really wanted.
I also loved the humor with Harry questioning why Draco's kid would be in such demand. LOL!
You did an excellent job. I truly loved it.
10/10 for romance and for sticking that wonderful, tiny bit of Dramione in there that I so love! *winks*
Thank you for sharing this story!
Dark WhisperAuthor's Response: Hi DarkWhisper!!
Yay!! Thank you for this awesome review!! I am so glad that you liked this!!
I know, poor Lily, but at least one of them either Rose or Lily had to suffer... *sigh*
I am surprised that you found the 'reason' so interesting when I just didn't put much thought into it =P but i guess readers look into things sometimes that even the author doesnt!! =D
Haha, I couldn't resist adding a tiny bit of DraMione in there and I am glad you picked up on it! yay!!
I know poor Draco.. you know i am considering writing a sort of sequel one shot to this with a little backstory on draco/hermione. it would be fun i guess!
Yep I decided some humor was needed in this mostly angsty fic.
thank you soo much once again for reading and leaving such an awesome review!!
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I am insulted!! :p How dare you leave a review in my thread accusing me of bashing your story, how rude *inserts rejected ness here* I have never bashed your story. Not physically !! >.<
Love you Ad!! but I don't like the fact that Photobucket seems to be rejecting you saying your not very popular, don't worry ^.^ Your popular too me :D Best take a look at your banner ^.^ it says your unpopular, how rude!!!
Anyway... On with the lovely-ness of why I am here.
I do enjoy your first line in the Falshback and how you added an OC ;) Charming new development Luna has there ^.^
-"Now, tell me why you're up here crying in a dingy old attic on such a glorious day?"
Leave it too Albus to make the awkward, crying, sad situsation humourous and funny. Awesome job Albie :)
-"But you avoided me." Touché.
God this made me laugh, Silly Rose and her silly thought pattern when Poor ol'e Scorpius is trying to behave himself and get his feelings out there in the open, God she makes me giggle ^.^ x
So once again, yu amaze me!!! ^.^ I'm not the biggest fan of Scorose, but i'll read it if i've read the majority of the Dramiones out there, but I also fear I don't like Scorose much because I was too hooked into Dramione. ..Anyway, you've done it again ^.^ Made me like something I used to hate ...
How do you do it? Convert people to the dark side? Is it a talent? :O
I like the twist you had in it with Ronnikins and our little Idiotict pale headed git, I thought that was really good. It defined the Plot line alot and threw in a few tiwsts and turns where it was needed.
Taking me too my happy place? Don't want to know thanks very much !! ^.^ No, but really Aditi, you should write a full one on these guys when your Finished with Opposites attract, I think you will do that quite well, if you can constrauct a well written piece of material on Scorpius and Rose and turn it into a novel i'll love you forever ;) - Not in that way for people who read this and think we have gone completely balmy - x
Oh, did I mention, I really like the flow you had in this, going back in flashbacks and then coming back to the present, the only thing I would suggest is taking out this bit, A brief memory flashes through my mind.
I don't think it's nessacary ^.^ xx
Love, your online Crazy Buddy, Karni. x
Forum Name: MyMyMiss
House: Slytherin.Author's Response: Haha sorry *cowers from MMM's wrath* I was just flouncing about asking for reviews for this fic and copy/pasting the same form :D
Thank you sooo much for your sweet review. It made me chuckle out loud and have an ear-to-ear smile.
I converted you? Really! Yay!! I think the Dark Lord will be happy to know this and can hopefully take me in now seeing that I can convert people to the dark side, mwahahaha!!
lol sorry coming back, thanks a lot. i am glad you liked it all!
Well if it were upto you, you would make me write novels out of all my one-shots :P Not that I mind, just I feel I don't always have the time and patience and muse to write chaptered fics!! haha but i'll give it a thought for sure!! kudos!
thanks once again!! I love you!!! you're awesome!!
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Hey! I don't believe in bashing, no worries :)
I loved the way you portrayed Scorpius in the initial sorting scene. In so many next-gen fics, Scorpius is just one of the guys, another golden boy just like Albus and James. But I imagine he would definitely be ostracized for his father's misdeeds, and he would probably feel very, very lonely. So I congratulate you on doing that well. I also loved how spunky Rose was.
Now -- I hate to say it, but I think this was a bit overdramatic. I can sort of understand Rose wanting to kill herself, and Scorpius's reasons for proposing to Lily made sense, but to have everyone, including the jilted bride, totally approve of their nuptials and want them to get married right then was a little much for me. It made it seem like the entire conflict here was self-imposed, just Rose being the only one left out of the big joke, so to speak. I realize that you wrote some personal feelings into this, and so a slightly exaggerated outcome was possible, but in the future I would maybe consider re-writing it into a chaptered fic and taking things a little slower.
Other than that, it was great. Rose's feelings seemed very real and she was unfailingly humorous. I also love the characterization of Albus as the loving big brother type -- very true to how I'd imagine him to be, considering his namesakes. I also didn't spot any big technical errors, so that's a plus. Good job with this one! :)
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: Hey there!
Thank you so much for your read and review! It means a lot to me! :)
And I am glad you found Scorp and Rose in the sorting scene and such =)
Haha, I have heard that a lot, this being overly-dramatic, but I don't know I just love the way it is and I wrote it for my own fun (and comfort =P) and I really wouldn't want to change it. After all, sometimes far-fetched overlydramatic crazy fics do make you laugh stupidly, dont they? But, thank you for your valuable input!
I am relieved that you found Rose's feelings real and even humorous, I was afraid I didn't get it quite right like I wanted it to. Also for the humor credit goes to my beta too =) Also, I am glad you liked Albus' characterization, it is how I imagine him to be too!!
Thank you so much once again to take the time and effort to read and review my slightly eccentric fic!!
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Wow. Even though I'm more of a James Potter (II) fan, I do love Rose and Scorpius. They're Draco and Hermione in Next-Gen form.
Lily was so amazing to be able to let go of Scorpius and watch as they got married. Very Gryffindor!
Harry and Ron were so supportive. As was Draco! Speaking of Draco, who was the girl who didn't take a chance with? I wonder...
Was an awesome one-shot!
Sam.Author's Response: Hey Sam!
Thank you for your awesome review =) And also thanks for taking the time to read my little piece. Haha, well the girl was Hermione. I thought everyone would guess it :P .and not to mention you have given me an amazing idea (or not so amazing) for a sequel or something (which includes Draco/Hermione). Though I don't know if I'll carry on with it! thanks once again!
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Um, just read the first few paragraphs and have a question. How is Scorpius her 'brother-in-law to be.'? Lily isn't her sister but her cousin, making Scorpius her 'cousin-in-law to be' (which no one uses that term). I'll have to read more but that was confusing.Author's Response: well yeah. Lily is her cousin SISTER. and since no one says "cousin-brother-in-law-to-be" i just said bro-in-law. and well lily is also like a sister to her. like if i have a best friend and she will get married, her husband will be like my bro-in-law :) Report Review
DemetersChild here from the forums! So sorry it's taken me forever to get you your reviews!
Eccentric is definitely the right word for this story.
I loved the beginning. It jumps right into the story and immediately make me want to keep reading, so that's always nice. I could really feel Rose's emotions and how torn she was feeling through it all.
I wish though that there had been a moment before she ran away that she saw Lily and Scorpius together, or even Scorpius standing by himself looking so happy. Seeing something like that would have pushed her to run away.
After Scorpius shows up in the attic it starts to get a little strange. I would have liked to see more between Rose and Lily. And it just seemed so odd that they would get married that same day, with Lily there watching the man who just left her with her best friend and cousin.
It just seemed a little rushed that they would get married not an hour after revealing their feelings for each other. You did a pretty good job of explaining it off, but it still felt a little weird.
I did really enjoy it. There was so much emotion and so much going on that I would have had to try to be bored while reading this. Truly lovely. :)
DemAuthor's Response: hey Dem! Thanks for your magical review xD
I am glad you found the emotions and all appropriate! I know it was a bit rushed, but it was a spur-on-the-moment one-shot and well, that was all i could do!
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scorose is my ultimate favorite 'ship!
keep it up!!Author's Response: really? thanks a ton! it is my fav too! Report Review
Hello! Finally here with your other requested review :)
'...and I aint sure till when can I keep the fake smile...' - I have to say I do not like the use of the word aint here. Your writing seems so formal and mature, and that just seems to dumb it down a little!
'I, Rose Serena Weasley is in love...' - 'am in love'.
'give him place' - 'give him a place'.
'his innocent round face...' - 'innocent, round face'. This one is more of a general note to watch out for commas here and there. They're often so tricky to place! :)
'“Don’t Mention…”' - "Don't Mention it..." ?
Did you purposely change all the names? Particularly the spelling of Scorp's name... I'm a little confused on that front.
I find it EXTREMELY bizarre that they introduced themselves with their middle names here, '“So, I am Rose Serena Weasley…you can call me Rose.”
“Cool…I am Scorpious Lavorghe Malfoy…though I would prefer to be called just Scorpious or Scorp.”' - I've never seen anyone do that, ever haha.
'avoides me in whichever way possible' - 'avoids'.
It might be nice to leave a bigger space between the flashback and what is happening now, just to ease the flow.
You've written Al really well, especially his dialogue.
While I do think the plot is a bit too sudden for my liking, I do see the appeal. Poor Lily, though haha.Author's Response: hey!
thanks a lot for your review!
Well, actually I had given the story to a beta and now it has been proof-read and edited and just waiting for validation, so whatever mistakes you pointed are already corrected =P =D
I'm glad you found Al written well..!
thanks a lot for your review!!!
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Hi! Me again from the forum :D
Let me just say how much I love Scorpius/Rose fics - they're the next generations of Dramione which is my ultimate favourite ship ever :D I'm probably goig to go and read your recently updated one soon actually.. ^_^
It's a good fiction, but I can definitely see where there's a massive difference between this fic and the one I reviewed earlier :p You've improved a LOT so that's brilliant :D
Plot-wise, it's a cute one shot. The ending made me aww and smile goofily to myself :D Good pace for the story too, considering how much you've managed to put in to a one shot, and it's interesting throughout :)
I'm not so sure on how believable it would be considered - I would love to read more of Lily's side of this story to be able to base that off of. How does she feel about the marriage? The sudden change of mind for Scorpius and having such a mild reaction from Rose's father is a little disturbing, in all honesty :p But that said, this was quite some time ago as you've mentioned, and you've improved so much since!
There are several typos throughout the fic, and the one which probably strikes me the most is 'Scorpious' as you've spelt it - which should read 'Scorpius' :D There are a few typos and grammatical errors sprinkled across the chapter such as 'Wines' instead of having the whole word in lower case. A Beta should be able to fix that all up for you though :)
Cute dialogue and interacting between everyone, although I would love a bit more description to the scene setting. What does the attic look like? What's actually there? Why the attic and not somewhere else? Try to keep the five Ws in mind (Who, What, Where, When, Why, and 'How' for an additional bonus :p)
Overall a sweet fic although there is a lot that can be edited with this one which can improve it :)
Keep it up though! Well done :DAuthor's Response: hey again!
thanks for your superb review!!
I'll keep all these in mind when I'm editing!
You totally rock!! and yay for you checking out my dramione!! Thanks a ton!!
You're so awesome!
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Hey! BrightStar here with your review!
This was SUCH a feel good story, even though I didnt think it would be at the start. I liked it even more when you said in the note at the end there was some personal experience that lead to you writing it.
In reviews, you've always given me really good CC so I hope I can do this for you too!
I spotted some grammar mistakes, though I'm sure with a read through you might be able to sort it out. Sometimes it was hard to follow as things were (very seldomly) worded strangely, like:
"... and also the day of the end of everything…my every little feeling…my every emotion…my oh-so-pathetic life…and the end of my love for my brother-in-law –to-be. "
This also struck me as being very dramatic - but then there was cause for it! The wording that seems odd to me may be on purpose however - who thinks in perfect English at times like these? On the same point - I thought there were a lot of brackets (like so), but then that could be just down to our differences as writers :)
On believablilty, I thought it was very believable at first, but the spur of the moment wedding thing threw me - to be honest, I thought that was ooc for your characters, and very much so for the parents (and presumably lily?) to go along with this. The ending was a little unrealistic (the honeymoon plans etc) BUT still made me feel really good and happy for rose!!!
The one other thing I noticed was the use of phrases like "I, Rose Serena Weasely". I didn't think proclaimations like this really fit with the mood of the story that you had so well established -it's oddly formal for someone freaking out isn't it? Also I found it strange your characters used their middle names so much, I don't actually know anyone who does that. HOWEVER, I realise that's just a personal thing.
Overall - I really enjoyed it. The problems above are nothing compared to the fact that this is a really good story, from a writer with a clearly vivid imagination (the descriptions of the surroundings! wow!). And I loved her relationship with Al!
Thanks for requesting!!!
- B :DAuthor's Response: Hey!!
Wow, you're such an amazing reviewer! =)
Thanks a lot for your comments and pointers! I am getting the story beta-read, and once it comes from my beta, I'll give it another edit myself, keeping in mind all the points you and the other reviewers have pointed out!
I will work on the improvements!
I am glad that you enjoyed the story and you found the descriptions nice.
Thanks a lot for your time and thoughts!
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