Reading Reviews for DIKE: Rowan Taylor
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolverine83 Dark Intentions, Kedaver and Espionage (DIKE)

13th March 2010:
Have you decided to make this a story now rather than an one-shot? I hope so because this story was so good and I definitely would want more.

Author's Response: I'm glad you think this story was good.

I'm sort of in the process of writing a sequel to it. I'll see if I can pick up a good plot bunny that would suit, seeing I already have a few scrawled down.

Thank you for your post.


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Review #2, by RocketBabyDoll9 Dark Intentions, Kedaver and Espionage (DIKE)

3rd March 2010:
Hey there, Rocket here with the review you requested at the forums.

I'll start off with some CC (constructive crit) before I get to the rest of the review.

"James took a pick at the Marauders map and it showed a one Peitho Taylor using the same route." 'Pick' should read 'peek' and you do not need the 'a' in front of 'one'.

"There was no way she is a student here, James thought." You change tenses in this sentence. It shouldn't have 'was' and then 'is', it should have 'is' and 'is' or 'was' and 'was.' It would also help if you put the thought itself in italics.

"The cut of her robes accentuate the soft curves of her figure." This is in the present tense, and the rest of the paragraph is in past. It should say 'accentuated.'

"There was something about her that made him think, here comes another Veela mixed human" You left off a period after human, and because it's a thought, it should probably be in italics.

"No offence lady". Unless you are British and you spell offense with an 's' (which I'm not sure if you do there or not) then that should say 'offense.'

"Darn why had Fred forgotten his wand in Gryffindor." There's something a bit awkward about this. Firstly, it doesn't have a question mark at the end. Secondly, there should at least be a comma after 'darn' or a change in the phrasing.

"I do believe your grandfather is happy you have put it to great use just like he did with the other three markers. I believe 'marker's should be 'makers'?

"Voldermort" I was actually not going to tell you what specific mistakes you made until I got to this one, and I just couldn't help it. I know you know how to spell it, but it's one of those typos that just makes me go 'gah!'

There are quite a few mistakes like that. They usually happen when one is typing too fast, and doesn't revise. Happens to me all the time, just give it a good once over, or request a beta.

Other than that, there weren't any real grammar mistakes. You made James' 18th birthday too big of a deal for the wizarding world, considering they become of age at 17, but it is of course your story, so you can write that however you want.

Anyway, the idea of this was pretty original, haven't really read anything like it.

Sorry if this review seemed like nothing but CC, wasn't supposed to be harsh, hope it didn't come across that way.

Feel free to re-request whenever I have a slot open.

Sara

Author's Response: Yikes! I didn't see any of those mistakes. I appreciate you pointing them out. I can't believe you saw the missing period. That was some observation.

I've set my default language to United Kingdom since it is what we are taught in school.

I got Voldemort wrong!!! (I need to be kicked, stuffed in a crate and shipped to Azkaban).

I didn't mind the CC. I needed someone to see what I had missed.

The big deal with the birthday was because it was his last in Hogwarts. I was thinking about setting it for his seventeenth but knowing James. He wouldn't have forgiven anyone. I wouldn't.

I've gone through it again and made the changes. Thank you so much, Sara.


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Review #3, by kandekisses Dark Intentions, Kedaver and Espionage (DIKE)

20th February 2010:
Lol.. I love this story!

I love one-shots that have twists in them. Thats basically how I write them too. &you did an excellent job writing this one.

Omg.. that was so funny. Poor James, he nearly had a heart attack. The way you portrayed him was really good. Gotta love that ego XD

Also I really like Rowen. She was awesome! I think her &James will get along perfectly fine. I actually can't believe its over =(

Maybe a sequel?? *Revenge* lol

Excellent job hun! I'll definitely remember this story. Thanks for the great read.

Author's Response: I'll definitely write a sequel. It's been on the top of my head for a while. Revenge just sounds like something James would be preparing to do.(But for his information there are so many people to include in his list).

I'm actually wearing a stupid grin writing this. I appreciate your review.


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Review #4, by mizzxpearl Dark Intentions, Kedaver and Espionage (DIKE)

19th February 2010:
Hey! I'm here with your review. :D

I think you might have stretched out the middle a bit TOO much. I started loosing interest a bit in the middle. It came back though, which is good, but I think if you didn't stretch it out, it would have been better. You don't want stretch things out unecessarly. I'm not saying get rid of detail, but if you think that you got your point across, you should move on.

Also, you switch points of views in a way that it gets a little confusing. Like at one point you will the audience of what James was thinking, and than out of no where you would switch to to Rowan. Be careful of that.

Now, onto the better part of the reivew! :D

Okay, the grammer has no doubt improved from your other fanfic, so keep it up! Your writing was still confusing at some parts, and I had to reread a few sentences a couple of times, but your imporving. I liked the little twist in the end; it was different and originial. I was confused the whole time too! I was like who would take HARRY POTTER'S son and accuse him of dark activites? Haha, but it was good!

This story also surprised me a bit when you portrayed James as a pretty good kid. From your other fanfic, I thought you didn't like him very much, since he's always up beating on Albus in that one. But, I'm glad you didn't characterize him like that - especially since he's one of my favorite next gen characters! He reminds me of his grandfather. :P

All in all, this was a cute piece! Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: I can't believe you categorized your first part as being the bad part. I like that you spot these little mistakes that need to be changed. I'll look into it.

I was trying a new style of writing that I came across. It is more like reading the same particular moment from different characters. I'll go back and see if I can still maintain that or scratch it out completely and redo the whole story.

I like James that why this little story of him found it's way into the archives. I was making amends.

Thanks again for your well detailed review. You amaze me.


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Review #5, by MrsKatieGrint Dark Intentions, Kedaver and Espionage (DIKE)

15th February 2010:
This was a wonderful idea. Absolutly charming. It flowed very smoothly, and your details are great. I love the way you have James characterized. He seems great. I didn't find any errors either! Great story though! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I had fun writing about James and his ego. I'm glad you think he's great.

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