I am going to do a horrible thing now. Please forgive me. I wouldn't, but I'm a grumpy-guts so i don't forgive anyone.
Update! Please! There. Now i've done it, and i can get on with the proper review.
I love this story. Truth be told, I've been reading it for ages. I think it is very original and realistic. There. That was a short review. I apologise sincerly.
Charlie
X-etty XX

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once again verry good chapter! i really do LOVE this story(: so about how far along is kayla now? i hope we'll see a baby pretty soon(: update son!(:

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Hello,

Well, overall i rather like your story. I find it entertaining with a good mixture of humour and seriousness. I like the idea and i think you have done very well with it and overall with your characters and the plot was fairly good.

I like your main character, i felt that she was well developed with her connections towards the other characters and she had believability and depth. The only thing i think with her is you could focus and get a bit deeper into her emotions, i feel that you've only really just skimmed on her feelings and i feel there is so much more you could develop.

I like your portrayal of James, he is the arrogant Potter, taking after his name-sake so to speak. But then he can be sweet and lovely and down right mean which is good, he has depth. Again i felt you could've done more with his feelings especially when she told him she was pregnant i felt he could've had a bigger reaction to it.

I love how you've done Albus, i don't think i have any criticism there at all :)

I feel that either you have too many minor characters or you need to go into more detail about who they were because i kept forgetting who was who, so just a point there. I'm not saying don't have lots of characters just try to make sure that if they aren't that important they don't keep popping up or you remind the reader who they are :)

I don't think you have any major issues with grammar though there was the odd spelling but nothing too serious.

Plot - It has some really good moments its moving at a steady pace which is good, I think soon though you need to speed it up and have something happen. Although obviously soon there will be the party and i am expecting great things from that, there are so many ways you could go from the party and obviously soon she will have the baby which i am also expecting great things from. :)

So overall i love your story, i like your style of writing just remember to go into emotions in a bit more detail, you've got them there you just need to expand on them.

Hope i gave you some good tips and a bit of faith in your writing through all that :) Can't wait for the next chapter.

TheProphecy x

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Love your story!!! I can't wait to find out who is at the door!!! :)
P.S. I love that Albus is back! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I know, right? Albus is the best, sometimes ;)
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Please continue I love this story. !! :)

Author's Response: Thank you Penny, I will update as soon as the queue is open!

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Well I really like it alot!! And Ian seems like a really intresting character!
Keep updating! =D

Author's Response: Thanks Emmy! I'm glad you think so. thanks for reading and reviewing, and I will!
Sweet D

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I love this story!!! I'm very interested to learn more about Ian! Can't wait to read what happens next. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! the next chapter is in the queue and I hope you like it!
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Hello! This is narcissablackmalfoy from the forums!

I am PLENTY busy this week, so you may get five reviews today, one tomorrow.

I apologize in advance!

This is a great start to your story! I think you may need some help with narration, because I had a hard time following where she was, her sister, etc. I hope your writing gradually progresses as time goes on!

Nothing left to say for this...

7/10, all in all!

Author's Response: Hi, that's okay. Thank you, I'll check that out. I hope so too. Thanks!
Sweet D

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i love love love your story!!! cant wait to read what happens next!!:)

Author's Response: Thank you Mileyo123
I am glad you like it! the next chapter is already in the queue so it will be up soon.
Love Sweet D

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She better be getting it on with Teddy! I'm all for her and Teddy to hook up!! It's there I know it! haha it was anotehr great chapter I cannot wait for next chapter!

10/10
LOVED IT! xD
Natalie

Author's Response: Thanks Natalie! it means a lot! You will find out soon, I promise. the next chapter is already in the queue! Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Love Sweet D

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victoire not victorie.

Author's Response: Oh shoot, I'll correct it straight away! Thank you very much.

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:( I'm sad that Teddy and Victoire have broken up. And I hope there won't be anything between Teddy and Makayla. :((

Author's Response: Yes, it's very sad. I am glad you told me your opinion! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

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I would read your new story but I'm a lily scorpious fan not rose scorpious

Author's Response: Thanks you anyways. I am glad you read this one.

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JUST HAVE KAYLA FRICKIN DATE JONATHAN FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONES FRICKIN LIVES

Author's Response: hahah, maybe for the sake of your life? keep reading and you'll find out what happens. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

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Still rlly confuzzling i picture Ollie as a 6yr old kid

Author's Response: yes that's probably because it's from Makaylas point of view, she sees him as a little kid because he is her little brother. Sooner or later she will wake up and realize that he is not a little kid anymore.
Thank you for reading.

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this chapter is very confuzzling (confused&puzzled mixed together)

Author's Response: Okay, thank you for reading and reviewing.

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intersting i love the ending of this chapter

Author's Response: Okay, well I'm glad. Thank you.

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NICE USE OF LANGUAGE THERE

Author's Response: You should consider to read the warnings before you read a story, because my story is rated as strong language. But thank you for reading.


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Better than the other 1s good job

Author's Response: Thank you, what did you think was bad with the other ones?
I'm glad you keep reading and giving my story a chance.

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didnt like it srry im such a critic

Author's Response: If you told me what you didn't like I could give you a proper answer but you aren't giving much to work with so. Thank you for reading.

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i didnt like this chapter srry.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading, everyone can't like everything so that's understandable.

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Well, I have to say first off I loved these first 14 chapters. I really like where you took the story and I'm hoping now that Makayla hooks up with Teddy now instead of Al or James. I think that would be a nice little twist.

However, I don't want to sound like I'm, nagging you or anything, but I'd just double check your writting. I have the same problem if you were to read my things. I hate editing so I don't do it as often as I should, haha. But I've gotten better. That's the only thing really.

The story line is wonderful so far, and I really enjoy your writing. It's fun to read and I can't wait for the next few chapters to see where you take this. Great, work, honestly.

10/10
Great job, it's wonderful.
Natalie

Author's Response: Wow, This review has just made my day. Thank you so much! That would be a intriguing twist.
I know about my grammar and spelling so on, thank you. I have a beta but things are going slowly between us.
I am so glad that you told me this because I've seriously thought about stop writing on this because I know know if it is good or bad. since I barley get any reviews lately.

Thank you, thank you so much Natalie!
- Sweet D

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Hi sis!
oliver is quite the little prick don't you think?
and god she has many siblings :)
like this chapter since my favorite boy numero dos is in it - jonathan :)
well i promise you that next review till be awesome

Author's Response: yes, you probably know the feeling of having many siblings? Oh, you are on Jonathan's side? haha, thank you so much!

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kay and laura friends? no way!
I have decided not to like laura something seems weird about her.
Well she had a BABYSHOWER!!!
yay!!
CUTE !
Next chapter i promise i will make more cohevice sentences

Author's Response: Yes Laura is weird, but who isn't?
Thank you very much!

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hi sis!
yay!!
happy ending for the first time or what?
kidding.
I like this chapter even if albus is featured and i'm a strictly jamesfan and have been for the last minute or so.
Hopefully the next chapter will be awesome as well and Albus free :)

Author's Response: yes, I'm glad you like it. I thought you were on Albus team? hahha

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