Reading Reviews for Rivals
  
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by quirkycharm Resolutions and Repercussions

31st July 2012:
i really love this story. i do hope you'll finish. i really want to know what happens next!

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Review #2, by cheshirecat23 Resolutions and Repercussions

22nd November 2011:
I really like what you've written so far. Hope you find time to update. Would be a shame if you abandoned a great story like this one.

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Review #3, by Bella Resolutions and Repercussions

4th July 2011:
Awesome, started to read this story yesterday, and I LOVED IT! please update soon!

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Review #4, by SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot Some Things Never Change ...

29th September 2010:
Hello, darling. :) I'm back to review this lovely chapter for you!

First off, before I get started with the actual reviewing, I just wanted to inquire as to why there are '@'s between every paragraph break? It wasn't like this in the first chapter, so I'm thinking maybe the format got messed up for this chapter? Honestly, the constant @s are a bit distracting, so if this was indeed intentional, I highly suggest you only use them during entire scene breaks, and not during mere paragraph breaks.

Okay, so, this chapter was great. I loved how it started out with Cormac. Again, your talent for subtle humor really shines through. You characterized Cormac very well, straying from making him just a two-dimensional character. His conflict with obeying his parents' wishes and his confusion in doing so makes it believable that he would be frustrated enough to turn to girls for support. Because although Cormac may think he just likes the ladies because he's a frisky little player, methinks he's constantly trying to pick up girls because he wants them to give him the sort of doting affection and approval he feels his parents don't give him.

I did find an error here: "...exactly 1 month ago..." The number 1 should be spelled out as 'one.' You only use the numerical version of a number if it is passed 10, and even then I think you should always spell out the number, because it looks more professional and less 'chat speak' that way.

I'm interested in finding out the revenge scheme Cormac has planned for Oliver. *runs to Ollie and quickly gives him a bag filled with the supplies and weapons he'll need to fend off Cormac's advances* Go team Ollie! *waves a flag with Oliver racing around on a broomstick animated on it; thrusts #1 orange foam finger around in the air* ^_^ hahaha, well, I guess I COULD give Cormac a chance...but I just love Ollie so much...arrcckk, now yeh've got me conflicted!

I love how everyone reacted to Oliver's news on his job interview. It was totally Weasley of them (oh yeah, I did just use 'Weasley' as an adjective, what now??). :D I've always loved the support, loyalty, and love that radiates from that family.

"Ginny and Hermione also shouted in delight, Hermione throwing in a one-armed hug."

^ That, methinks, was brilliant. And let me tell you why: you have been subtly weaving in bits of Hermione making physical contact with Oliver. In the previous chapter, she hugged him even though she doesn't know him very well. In this chapter, she not only squeals with delight at him possibly teaching at her school, but she also gives him another hug.

To me, it's showing that, even if she hasn't acknowledged this fact to herself yet, Hermione is drawn to touch Oliver. She's already feeling a connection with him, already wanting to get closer to him, both literally (with a hug) and emotionally (with the private conversation of Fred's death they have).

You make a point to tell the reader that BOTH Ginny and Hermione 'shouted in delight,' but only Hermione threw 'in a one-armed hug.' That points out that Hermione is drawing closer to Oliver than the normal reaction, as she already sees him as something special. Well done! ^_^

I really liked the private conversation Oliver and Hermione had. Especially how Hermione fights back tears, and Oliver compares this to how he stopped himself from indulging in crying the night before. It's showing how they are both strong and setting a common ground for them.

"Oliver trudged along the muddy grounds of Hogsmeade, at half past 2 the next again morning."

^ Here, you can use 2 in its numerical fashion because you are talking about the time. But still, I do think spelling out 'two' would look better. :)

"It was a surprisingly cold day for August, but otherwise, he was just taking in the wonderful sights that he had missed since his departure from Hogwarts, all those years ago."

^ I liked how you told us what the weather was like, but I think you could've expounded upon this with more description. You mention the 'wonderful sights the he had missed,' and yet you never actually tell us WHAT these sights are. Is it so cold that it's snowing? Describe how the little shops of Hogsmeade are frosted with fresh, white powder. Maybe it's not cold enough to elicit snow, but perhaps the frigid temperature is browning and drying the grass - describe how Oliver's shoes crunched against the frosted grass, the fresh scent of autumn, the grayness of the sky above, and compare this to how Hogsmeade usually is: perhaps it usually has emerald-green, vibrant grass; the smell of the shops; the sky a clear blue.

Do you see what I mean? Olfactory, auditory, sight, tactile imagery - we need all of it, us readers. How does the place smell, what are the sounds like, how does it look, what is he physically feeling. And, of course, his emotions. You don't need to bombard the reader with detail-overload, but at least SOME description would be nice. :) It can really spruce up the setting.

The Cormac-Oliver confrontation was classic!!

"Bloody hell...is that cologne called 'Stink'?" (or however the quote went)

^ hahahahah XD

And I loved how Cormac blushed after this. It shows that, despite Cormac's protests that he doesn't care with Oliver thinks, he actually does. Enough so that this insult made him embarrassed. You're showing Cormac as human, not just some character made for the sole purpose of being Ollie's rival.

I liked how the end was of Oliver vowing to himself that Cormac would not get the job. It was a nice way to tie it up, because the end of the first section (Cormac's POV) was of Cormac saying he was going to get Oliver. So now the rivalry is set.

Keep up the superb work! I'll definitely continue reading and reviewing.

P.S. Hahaha I wish I could've seen that XD Wouldn't a Weasley party be the funnest thing in the world??

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you very much for another long review, they are so much more interesting to read and help me loads!! Yes, I realised about the '@'s between paragraphs. To be honest with you, I have no idea how they got there, but they wouldn't budge, therefore I had to leave them. I may have to think about changing that, so thanks for bringing it to my attention again! Also, I did realise a few months ago that using '2' instead of 'two' is terribly bad grammar :S That shall be fixed. Thanks for all the compliments on the characters, and I'm glad you find it funny - it's incredibly humbling to hear someone say things like that :)

PS - I know, but I bet even JK Rowling would have a hard time writing that XD


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Review #5, by SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot New Beginnings, Old Arguments

25th September 2010:
Wow, this story is awesome so far! It's unlike anything I've read on this site. Though my favorite couple will always be Ron/Hermione, I do enjoy Oliver/Hermione. :) I think the Cormac/Hermione twist will definitely give this story some extra flavor.

I like your humor; it's subtle and is basically playing off of character traits than situations, which I think you've handled well. The Burrow scene was great; you really got down the different characterizations, some in just a sentence or two.

I liked how you aren't just glossing over the events of the War but are mentioning how tragic events such as Fred's death ( :'( ) are shaping everyone's lives, some more discreetly than others, but all are still affected.

The line about death destroying not just the life it takes but the life of those left around the person was very powerful. I've noticed you like to bang out some great one-liners between paragraphs that wrap up a basic-but-substantial theme and help transition into a new line of thought.

I also liked how Oliver said that Harry certainly deserved to be happy; the cheerful atmosphere was fun. :) I do agree with Oliver, though, that perhaps the Weasleys - especially Mrs. Weasley, considering we know her greatest fear was/is any of her loved ones dieing - should've been grieving Fred's life more. But I bet they already cried enough over those past weeks to last a lifetime of tears, and it's still probably a shock to them, AND there were so many others who died in the War that they know they've just gotten get on with live and life it to the fullest, like those who died would want them to do.

Hahah, perhaps I'm getting to philosophical with this. Perhaps you just wanted them to be cheery because reading about a bunch of miserable people isn't very enjoyable for your audience. :P

The Hermione/Ron fight was good and believable, but I do think you characterized Ron as a bit too controlling. When he said, "You know how I feel about you talking to other guys!" was really the only part of the conversation that didn't bode well with me. It made Ron look slightly abusive, dictating who Hermione can and cannot talk to.

That's just a general pet peeve of mine - when Ron is characterized as being controlling, overly jealous, or - worst of all - when he cheats on her. What the heck?? ... lol, sorry, I'll get back on topic with YOUR review. :)

But the rest of the conversation got back into character with Ron being so clueless as to not know Hermione had only used Cormac to make Ron jealous. Haha ^_^ And Mrs. Weasley having to drag her children away from the dramatic scene? Classic.

I liked the ending, because it's as if Oliver's feelings toward one scene is unwittingly foreshadowing how his own life will be unfolding. I am very excited to continue reading this!! :D

Love,
Sarah

Author's Response: Wow. Best review I've ever had! Thanks so much, and I'm taking all your points into consideration when I put up the next chapter, which will hopefully be soon! Thanks so much, I really appreciate your comments :D

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Review #6, by acbittersweet A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

5th September 2010:
NO! D: I don't like cliffhangers. I am REALLY hoping for Oliver here :) Even though I'm a huge Dramione shipper, I'm also a Oliver/Hermione shipper and I really want it to happen here :) I can't wait till the next chapter xD

Author's Response: Haha, excellent! Thanks for the review! :D

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Review #7, by herMionELODY Friendly Faces and Awkward Spaces

26th July 2010:
Draco Malfoy is f-ing hot as hell! So glad you put him in here, i was shocked when i read that part in Hogsmead, but I throughly loved it:D

Author's Response: Hahaha, that comment made me lol!! Yeah, I thought it was necessary, just to make it a bit more complicated :D THANK YOU!!

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Review #8, by Whisperer A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

16th June 2010:
oh wow! i really like this story. for starters, i think i am for oliver/hermione. but then draco's acting all sincere and stuff. and deep down i know she won't end up with either one, because she will end up with ron, because it is "right" or "correct" by society's standards.

something that i really liked is oliver's characterization in the beginning of this chapter. hermione (in her mind) wants to "wipe that stupid grin off of his ugly face". As we all know, Oliver is gorgeous, right. But saying that makes hermione's anger more believable, and even Oliver's character more believable. Because he isn't a saint, he is after all still a somewhat immature young adult (is he 23?...). So yes, overall, the beginning chapters were very realistically portrayed, but then this chapter got somewhat cliched with the constant bump-ins to Oliver, Draco, and McLaggen...

But, please keep on writing! :) And thanks you :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the long review, I've never had one better!! Thanks for all the comments and pointing out the cliches ... they were intentional, I assure you! Review more please, I enjoy people being honest with me. :D x

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Review #9, by yesac A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

1st June 2010:
Oliver/Hermione definetly.

Author's Response: Glad to hear an opinion, thank you!

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Review #10, by Sabrina A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

30th May 2010:
Draco. Most definitely, most centered, Draco. Hands down.

Author's Response: Haha! Glad to know your opinion! Don't really know who I'll pick yet, but we'll see!

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Review #11, by iscreamdraco A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

27th May 2010:
damn, waited too long for this..lol. keep going, its turning out great! love the race..lol. i say either wood or draco..usually im with draco, but this time its really close..i cant choose! lol.
love this line- stuttering words that no one could decipher. (;

Author's Response: Thanks! Wow, someone quoted my lines! This is the best review day ever!! Thank you!!

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Review #12, by twilight_banned A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

20th May 2010:
I'm at a toss up between Draco and Oliver...but to be quite honest I'm more of an Oliver fan...although I think he should have a lot of making up to do after he tried to humiliate Hermione! Great job by the way. Please update really really soon!!! :)

Author's Response: Haha! I think our Ollie's pretty safe after being humiliated in his own class by a girl who's supposed to be rubbish on a broomstick! It's all in good fun! Thanks for the review, I will update ASAP! :D

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Review #13, by ilharrypotter A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

18th May 2010:
I'm most definitely for Oliver :) Who doesn't love the cocky Quidditch player?

Author's Response: Haha! Very true! Thanks, I'm glad you reviewed! :D

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Review #14, by lilly1995 A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

17th May 2010:
lovingn' it keep up the good work

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

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Review #15, by missmasquerade New Beginnings, Old Arguments

17th May 2010:
This was pretty good! It definately kept me interested, and I can't wait to read more! I've always had a bit of a thing for Oliver Wood, so I'm really excited to see the rest of this. Great job! (:

Author's Response: I'm glad to hear you liked it, thanks a lot!

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Review #16, by ericajen A Well Deserved Victory and An Unexpected Surprise

17th May 2010:
Honestly, I'd be happy no matter who she ended up with. I'm Team Oliver/Cormac/Draco. I wish I could choose just one but I happen to adore all three characters. It's been awhile since you updated but I'm so glad you did, hopefully another update will be soon?

Author's Response: Yeah, definitely, I'm starting to get out of my writer's block now, so all is well! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #17, by hprbdfan Pain and Humiliation

29th March 2010:
awe.. cliffhanger. good job!! please keep going ;)
-iliana

Author's Response: Thanks a lot!!

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Review #18, by Marcus Flint Is MINE Pain and Humiliation

14th March 2010:
yay! oh my gosh i love it, completeley. i cant wait for the next chap! such a cliffhanger, what gonna happen?! why u gotta leave me hanging?!

Author's Response: I'll write the next chapter soon, I promise!

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Review #19, by iscreamdraco Bets and Realisations

13th March 2010:
soo i love with oliver now (:

Author's Response: Excellent, what I was hoping for!

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Review #20, by iscreamdraco Pain and Humiliation

13th March 2010:
OMG, great chapter!! loving it so far! but wheres mcclagen? mystery girl is quite the odd ball in this story but, (rose) cant wait to read more! doing fantastic! please update soon!
xoxo
iscreamdraco

Author's Response: Sure will! Thanks for review!

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Review #21, by ericajen Pain and Humiliation

13th March 2010:
I love Oliver Wood. Also, quite excited to see what Hermione has to do. More Oliver soon, please! (:

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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Review #22, by courtneejane Pain and Humiliation

13th March 2010:
AHH ! :'D
I'm so excited for the next chapter.
Also, loved this chapter.
Keep up the good work. xo.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You lot so make it worth writing! BTW please read my songfic!

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Review #23, by dp2012 Bets and Realisations

6th March 2010:
it's strange but I think I like Draco better.
That's not bad though I guess.
Maybe it'll get there.

Anyway hope you update soon.

Author's Response: Yeah, Draco is better anyway! I just wanted a new angle!

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Review #24, by ericajen Bets and Realisations

5th March 2010:
Finally got around to checking this story again. I'm really liking it right now! I thought it was going to be hilarious having Oliver and Cormac fighting over Hermione, but Draco, too? It's priceless. I love it. Personally rooting for Oliver at the moment(: He's always been one of my favorite characters, even if he wasn't central.

Update soon!

Author's Response: Excellent review, thanks so much! Oliver is one of my favourites as well!

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Review #25, by hprbdfan Bets and Realisations

27th February 2010:
Oh my god!! Poor Oliver, he's so sad. It's so cute ;) No problem, you deserve a review very good chapter. Oliver in top of Hermione!! Interesting. LOVE IT, good job, and keep going!
-Iliana

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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