Such a cute story! I loved everyone's reactions, especially Molly. She doesn't see that her son is missing a toe and when she does, she asks if he had checked the bathroom like anyone could just leave their toe there. I guess that's what happens when you have that many kids and magic. My reaction would have been much more like Percy's, though.
Now I just wonder, what in the world did Fred and George want with Ron's toe?
Great job, I absolutely loved it!
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! ^_^
Baha, I think Molly is just so used to her children having crazy things happen to them that she's found the best way to deal with them is calmly. That and she WAS pretty engrossed in her pastry making ;D
And I like to think Fred and George would've seen it as some weird kind of trophy; some little thing they can always snicker at behind their brothers back without him knowing.
Thanks again for the review :)
Lorren. Report Review
This was very enjoyable to read. Such a lovely fluffy piece for Easter. :)
I love your characterisation of all the Weasleys. From Molly's lack of surprise when Ron shows her his missing toe down to Ginny's whining, typical of a small child. You've brought a real sense of family to this story where everyone is willing to help each other out.
I particularly liked where Ron is devastatingly upset about having lost his toe. It reminds me of a child who has lost their favourite toy and even the prospect of getting a new one isn't enough to cheer them up. Cleverly written, Lorren. :) You've written the behaviour of all the children realistically and brought them to life.
I have to mention Fred and George, of course. I knew they must have had something to do with this, but it still made me laugh. :P
I found a tiny typo that you'll probably want to correct: '"Tell you what," said Arthur as he grabbed his son['s] shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.'
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: SOPHIA!!! Sorry about the late response!
I really enjoyed writing the Weasleys, so I'm glad you enjoyed reading my interpretation of them :D And of COURSE I'd write children well. I'm just a big one at heart ^_^
Thank you for pointing out that typo! I'll go check it out, thank ye very much :)
Lorren. Report Review
Rons toe went missing? Or should I say it was stolen? That cracked me up so much!!! OMG it was so good! I loved how at the start you made it Molly’s perspective and gave mention to how annoying your children could be sometimes. It really represented a family to me, one with faults yet, still together and happy. It was amazing.
And getting everyone to look for his toe, so good. I also didn’t know you could get toes from St. Mungo’s if you lost yours, but I loved that you could. It was even though it was very face paced and quick I was able to keep up with it without getting confused.
I will admit I had a feeling Fred and George had stolen it, it is just something they would do. But not giving it back? How mean.
I really did love it, it was so amusing and I got a good laugh out of it, so thank you. And I hope you post more stories soon. :)
~ StEpHM, Ravenclaw ~Author's Response: I think a lot of the Harry Potter focuses on family and it's affects, so I'm really pleased that I managed to put in a good message about family in this :)
And of COURSE you can get extra body parts from St. Mungo's if need be! There are a lot of magical mishaps that result in extra body parts being formed, and most of the time people just head to St. Mungo's to get them removed and the lovely staff there keep them on ice for the next person who needs them :D
I don't think anyone other than Fred and George could have taken it, pahaha. No, they don't give it back in this story, but who knows! they might have given it back later on. ^_^
Thank you for the lovely review, and sorry for the late reply! I really am grateful for the time you spent reading and reviewing my little oneshot! :)
Lorren Report Review
Like LilyFire, I was like how would St.Mungo's go about replacing toes? Would it be like SkeleGrow but more advanced? Lol. Poor Molly, couldn't bake her pie. This whole piece was pretty fluffy and entertaining :) I definitely felt like Percy though when he said he wouldn't touch the toe...and Ginny's bratty antics were almost cute. How did you make the brat cute you might wonder...I honestly don't know, but you did :P
You should write more, Lo, harness your inner funny and unleash it on all of HPFF!
--EllieAuthor's Response: If only I could write more! I'm just... a lazy writer. It took me unbelievably long to get this finished and posted, bahaha. I think I'm more of a talker than a writer :D
I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. The St. Mungo's thing? Well... It's magic, they can do anything! ^_^ Thank you for the lovely review, Ellie :)
Lorren. Report Review
I was sitting here thinking...how do you loose a toe? Wouldn't that be like..impossible? I laughed too when you said they could just go to St. Mungos and get a new one, like people lost toes all the time and needed to find them :) I liked it, it was really cute!
~LilyAuthor's Response: Hahaha! Thank you so much for reviewing this Lily ^_^ This is the prefect response to my little fic, too. It's just meant to be a silly little oneshot so I'm glad you enjoyed it for what it is :)
Lorren. Report Review
That was adorable! I've always found it really hard to write about younger kids, because I always make them sound too mature, but I think you did it perfectly. You captured Ron's despair really well, and I think you did a great job overall with the characters. I'm partial to Fred and George, but I haven't seen a lot of stories like this, so brownie points for originality too. The only thing I have to say was that I predicted the end. Fred and George always have something to do with it, but that's just making them stay in character, so that's another good thing. Just a really cute one-shot! Great job!Author's Response: Haha yeah, the end was kind of predictable. I tried to think of another way to do it, and have it be someone or something else but... Fred and George were just too perfect. I had the whole toe idea before F&G came into it ^.^
I'm glad you like it, and that you thought I wrote the kids well. I always feel wary writing younger characters too, because it's so EASY to make them too young or too old. I think part of the trick is not specifying their ages ;)
Thaaank you for the review :D Report Review
Good job on WTEB ;)
Well, my first impression is - Why do you only have one fic up!? You should write more! This was a great one shot, and I would love to read more from you! :P
Haha I loved the whole idea of this - it was an enjoyable read and I think you are quite a good writer! I loved that you were able to catch the main characterisation of all the Weasleys so well!
The whole plot was rather wacky, original and unique - never read a story about a missing toe yet! A lovely enjoyable one shot! :)Author's Response: I have tried, believe me! I WANT to write more, I just don't have the time for it. And it's really difficult for me to get into doing it, because I just feel so guilty about writing when I have a load of other stuff to be doing. :( Sucks, eh? Hopefully over summer, or next year when I have fewer classes, I'll get to do more. I have a plot idea I'm obsessed with and love but I just can't do anything about it at the moment.
I'm glad you liked my little baby one shot :) -snuggles- I love the Weasley's! I get kind of excited when people say I did them (or most of them ^.^) justice.
Haha "unique" ^.^ That sounds awesome. Thanl you for such a lovely review :) Report Review
To be honest when I started reading this I wasn't really sure what to expect but as I reached the end I found I really enjoyed it! Sure a toe is a pretty... unusual thing to lose but as soon as I reahed the end all the unusualness cleared up.
And now, because I am totally awsome (lol) I am going to tell you my favourite lines!
His toe wasn’t that bad. Sure, it may’ve had some fungus growing on it and it had been a while since he’d bothered to bite off his toenails, but it didn’t have anything contagious.
I really laughed at that part, my cat glared at me because he was trying to sleep!
This was really great considering its the first thing you have posted in a year, certainly better than anything I have wrote :)
xxAuthor's Response: Haha, I can see why you'd be usure of it. The title is a bit misleading too but... I like it ^.^
Of COURSE the toe thing is unusual. They're magic! And Fred and George are involved so it's bound to be a bit odd :D
I'm glad you liked it, and found it funny. I'm quite proud of it, even if I did write it a year ago. I'm sure you can write much better than this. I'll go check out yourstuff this weekend if I have time :)
Thank you so much for the review! I feel a bit greedy now ^.^
Hello :) I twitter stalked you :P
Well, all stalking aside, I'm really glad I followed you. Or you followed me. Forgotten which order it was in, but anyway, I'm glad that we now follow each other, 'cause then I wouldn't have stalked you, and then I'd have probably never read this :)
So, first off, I love your characters, the twins, Molly, Ginny and Percy especially- Molly had a really motherness to her, and the in the small part Percy was mentioned his personality came across really well. Ginny reminds me of my secound youngest neice, the way she treats her siblings, and is so disgusted by her brother touching her chair- that made me lol, such great characterisation right there ;)
And the twins? Oh, they were great, so fun and evil (in a light hearted manner, of course ;)) The way they needed a new cauldren was wrote in so subtly, but just adds to what they later become; a pair of buisness men creating sweets and the like with potions.
Loved it, very nice way to end the day :)Author's Response: Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner, haha! I didn't realise you'd reviewed it, and I don't often check for them considering I don't have any new updates or anything. But thank you :)
I'm glad you liked the twins. They were SUCH fun to write, and I couldn't think of any other people who would do something as crazy as steal their brothers toe.
I'm glad you liked Ginny too. It's possible I modelled her off of a younger me, but I don't think people should know that I was that bratty -whistles innocently-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :) I'm about to head off for college, so it's good to start the day off with something nice ^.^
Lorren. Report Review
Wow! That was just wonderful! It had me laughing at several places! I loved it how in one way it was so ordinary, with the whole family looking for something someone had lost, some of them less concerned and some more. But then it was so clearly magical, as the lost thing was a toe and that of course was a big part of the brilliance of it. Everyone was so unconcerned about it, except Ron of course. Even Molly and Arthur didn't worry more than if he had lost a favourite toy instead of a part of himself. The place that really got me laughing out loud for some reason was:
Charlie shrugged with indifference and walked from the room, Ginny in tow.
“C’mon, Gin,” he called back, “Let’s find this mouldy toe, eh?”
Somehow that just showed so much how not a big deal the missing toe was. So yes I really loved this! And now I started to laugh at it again...Author's Response: Yay! I'm so happy you liked it. I really like stories in which something ordinary is turned into something magical, so I thought I'd give my own a go. It looks like I was successful, eh?
Thank you for reviewing :) This made me jump up and down with happiness. Yay! -hugs-
Lorren Report Review
I'm running out of time for my own deadline for the review fest, and I wanted to make absolutely sure that I stopped by and reviewed something of yours--not only are you a superhero for taking on the double points day for us, you're also clawsome for offering up all those review incentives for people. And you deserve some reviewing in return!
There were some absolutely hilarious moments in this. The line I laughed the most at was, "His toe wasn't that bad. Sure, it may've had some fungus growing on it and it had been a while since he'd bothered to bite off his toenails, but it didn't have anything contagious." That is such a you thing to write. :P And there was something hilariously tragic about Ron saying, "Without his toe he'd never feel the same again."
Fred and George were hilarious in this, too. They're the consummate businessmen, what with their demands for looking for the toe. And also the consummate disaster creators, what with their "little accident" with their cauldron. In the last scene, their dialogue was hilarious, and really perfectly authentic to how they talk in the books.
I'm so glad I got a chance to come over and read this. :) Great work, and thank you again for helping the 'Claws out so much!Author's Response: -blushes- Thank you! -irons superhere cape- I try.
I can't believe you would even think of that being a me thing to write!... But it really is, isn't it? Haha ^.^ I think this whole oneshot is so typically me. I'm just glad people find my obscure, and slightly sick, sense of humour as funny as I do :) Hah.
Yay! You like Fred and George. They were my favourite to write, by far, and I'm so happy you think I wrote them authentically.
I'm glad you came over here to read this too :D And you've hlped out the 'Claws way more than me cap'n :)
Lorren Report Review
LOVE the story. ;D
Missing toe? How'd you come up with THAT? XD
Really cute, & funny. ˆˆAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it :D
I came up with it because I kinda accidentially snipped off a bit of my toe one day, and I found it hilarious... Obscure way to come up with plot bunnies, I know, but it worked, haha!
Thanks for the review :D Report Review
Yay Weasleys! This was really funny. Nine in the morning? Ha! Molly's lucky. It starts at 6am at my house. Ron missing his toe, that's so hilarious - I guess crazy kid problems in a magic household are very different! Kind of gross, but still funny. I'm not sure Molly would really react so calmly to the whole thing, but it was good comedic effect.Author's Response: Yay -dances- I'm so glad you liked it. You're practically the queen of writing the Weasley's, so this is like Christmas.
Yeah, the missing toe idea is a LITTLE obscure but I think it does fit in with the whole "magic" thing so it's allowed... right? Even if it's a little bit gross? Haha.
I agree about Molly. I didn't know whether to go with a slightly crazier reaction, or have her so used to all these insane things happening that as long as it's not life threatening she's still relatively calm about it. I figured people would expect the former so I went with the latter :) Yay.
This is such a long reply, sorry ^.^ But thank you for reviewing :) Go 'Claws? :D
Lorren. Report Review
I liked that story! Fred an George are so...Fred and Geroge-ish. I know, I just made up that word, but it true! Good job!Author's Response: I'm glad you like Fred and George, I'm so proud of how I managed to write those two characters, so I'm glad other people think I did a good job too.
^.^ Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm so pleased that you liked it :)
Lorren. Report Review
Aww, this was really cute! ;) All the Weasley's seemed really in character, which is really good! :) I particularaly enjoyed Molly. I thought that you captured her just right. The twins were also portrayed very nicely. Anyways, great one-shot! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you for the lovely review :)
I love the Weasleys, so I'm glad they're in character. Especially Molly. Y'gotta love Molly ^.^
Thanks again :D
Lorren. Report Review
omg, amazing story, but totally annoyed that you didn't continue it :)
would love to know what happens next..Author's Response: Nothing really happens next as far as this goes xD Ron never gets his toe back, if that's any help. I like the idea of him going to Hogwarts with only 9 toes and that being a little fact JKR didn't tell us ^.^
If it's any consolation, I do plan on writing others like this, centred around the Weasley family :) So don't be too annoyed, haha.
I'm so glad you like it, thanks for reading and reviewing :D Report Review
Oh my goodness, this was so funny! Where did you get the idea for Ron to lose a toe, of all things? And I loved how it was stated matter-of-factly, as the equivalent to a Muggle child losing a toy (or having it been stolen...). It was written very realistically for the Wizarding World.
And oh, poor Ronnie-kins. I absolutely loved these lines:
"Without his toe he'd never feel the same again and he certainly didn't want a new one."
"Sure, it may've had some fungus growing on it and it had been a while since he'd bothered to bite off his toenails, but it didn't have anything contagious."
xD As well as the dramatic scene with Molly clutching Ron to her chest.
I thought that this one-shot fit in pefectly with the characterization of JKR's Weasleys, and would feel right in place with her books. I loved it!
10/10Author's Response: -scratches head- I sort of got the idea from myself. I left some nail clippers on the floor and stood on them, clipping of a bit of my toe xD It made me laugh and seemed like a Ron kind of thing to do, so I changed it a bit and created this.
I'm so glad to hear you like it. I pretty much love you for this review xD. And I did a fist-pump at the JKR comment. That's what I was aiming for because she writes fairly simply and I have a tendancy to over complicate things. Success!
Thank you for the lovely review :D
Lorren. Report Review
This was really funny and a nice light read. You created some very realistic moments and captured some of the essence of living in a household with many children. I especially liked Ginny bashing Ron with a spoon, though I think Molly would have scolded Ginny as well as Ron. Percy was good too, very in-character.
I would have liked it to be a bit longer, maybe with some description of the chaos caused by the search.
Overall this was cute, clever and very well done.Author's Response: Thank you :D I've never written, or even thought about writing, the Weasley's before so it's good to hear I got something right! Yaaay!
I agree that Molly probably would've scolded Ginny too, but she was a little distracted and the thing in my family is that I've always been able to get away with a little bit more than my brother or my cousins, who're all boys, so I thought it would be a bit similar to that in the Weasley househole... That and I forgot to put that in, haha -bad author-.
I think if I wasn't so impatient with myself I would've put something in about the search, but I just felt like I was being repetitive, and I didn't want to be boring. As well as that, I had this in the pipeline for a good 5 months and had lost some of my ideas for it, and the ideas I could remember didn't fit in with what I wanted the new ending to be (originally, he found his toe... but then I quite liked the idea of him going to Hogwarts with only 9 toes and this being something JKR never told us xD).
Thank you so much for the review!
Lorren Report Review
Hello! I found this after clicking your name from one of the reviews you had given me on my story and decided to read one of yours!
I really like this story in all honesty. It felt like a normal day at the burrow! Though, you said "If only, just once, she could have a bit of piece and quite." Shouldn't it be peace and quiet? The piece you have written is like a piece of a puzzle. Perhaps you meant that because of the missing toe? I'm not sure on that. The quite also is not the same as quiet. Maybe while typing the T and E got mixed up? That happens to me a lot so that could be the case. For all I know, there is a hidden meaning to that and I could be completely off!
Anyways, I enjoyed this story and I think you captured the twins perfectly, and Molly as well!
Nice story.Author's Response: Nope, you're right xD I'll get onto changing that. Thank you for poiting it out for me! I can't believe I didn't notice, haha.
Thanks for the review, too :D Report Review
Let me begin with a hi, I'm The Luna of course and you asked me to review so here it is. I like how you said 'I has Gred and Forge? XD ' hehe. And a happy easter to you to. I'll begin with the summary (I only talk about the title if needs be, and it is good). I like your conclusion, it doesn't leave to much and makes you want to read on. No problems there.
I think the first few lines a re interesting, it is just right for the drama and shouting to happen in the Burrow...like in the books I feel kind of at home. Two small problems to begin with: Ron crying. I know it is sort of shouting but...well I think it should be a different word if I'm honest. I know he is a bit whiney with his family, but maybe it should be changed...maybe screamed or even what you say later shouted. You've got him correct so far though. The other minor problem is Mrs Weasley talking about wishing for peace and quiet which is right...only I think you should say at the same time she wouldn't change it for the world, we know that is the truth but it makes it that little bit warmer and Mrs Weasley-ish if you ask me.
So the next little bit of a problem is you use 'cried' again. This use works really well if you ask me but I would consider changing the first 'cried'. So far, I'm talking up until Ginny tells Molly Ron is touching her seat it is good, I think your characterisation is well...and there isn't to much speech. It is still early days but good one so far.
I'm wondering if Molly is to stern and serious? I don't mean to sound bad but how she looks at Ron stern, her words and tiredness...I'm sorry but I'm wondering if that seems a bit to severe for Molly, again it may just be that part and nothing to worry about. Your characterisation of Ginny is good so far, I'm liking what she did at Ron in victory. You mention how there is always arguments in the Weasley household, again I think this may seem a bit serious...maybe you should add it is always busy or something aswell?
I like the idea of Ron's toe missing, the way he is trying to tell her...it all made me laugh I think Molly is a bit angry, shouldn't she ask about it? Maybe she is having an off day, but that needs to be mentioned. Maybe he would try to say stuff and Molly should cut him off, angry? It would add to the humour and story. It is interesting, by now you've drawn me in completely and your writing is good, better than me haha.
I've just seen Molly look at his toe, and it does seem she is having a bad day... I think it would be a good idea to say that. Otherwise it leaves me, at least, wondering why is she moody? One thing Molly does, you haven't done but may want to is use the word 'dear', like when she is consoling Ron...it'd be a good part of characterisation. I think I like your part about the '4 pairs of feet thundering down rickety old stairs', again it just makes it seem homely. Excellent.
In the 'right children' sentences Molly uses 'Ronny-kins' I like it. I'd add more of her softness however, in fear of 'Ronny-kins sounding out of place.
I'm up to the part where Percy walks out the room, saying he will help but he won't touch it. I'm honestly wondering about what you meant by the twins saying green isn't his colour...sickness? The main reason I'm basically pausing here is that your characterisation of the Weasley children is good, I mean that. You shouldn't really worry about your characterisation.
Ron wanting his toe is funny. Fungus growing haha. Poor embarrassed Ron. I'm interested in how it's gone, I do hope it is explained.
Fred and George are perfection. I really, really like them. I personally am always in fear I wont write them right or see a good piece on them but this... the way they're talking about their cauldron and 5 sickles, finishing each others sentences...well done :) The way Molly is to the twins after she hears this is good, I like 'Shush, Ronald… Now, you two ought to tell me what you did to your cauldrons, or god help me I’ll -' that is her so much.
It is really good still. I think maybe their should be more of the search? I'm not sure on that however. Trust it to be them! Perfect scene, trust them! Love it. You really have characterised well :)
Now a quick summary:
I think you've done well overall. There isn't to much speech, sometimes pieces need a bit more speech...this is one of them. You've characterised well, I love Fred and George. There is changes I've offered.
I'm sorry if it is to critical/ long/nit-picky. Please let me know what you think. I haven't read through what I've write here, if you want to speak to me feel free. Hope I've helped. Luna
PS- I'm giving it a 9 out of 10:)Author's Response: Wow. Thanks for such a long, detailed review. I felt like I was reading it right along with you.
I always found Molly very stern as a mother... probably in comparing her to mine. So I think I may've over exaggerated her moodiness a little considering it's not something I've ever really known from my own mum. Mines nice all the time and not strict at all whereas Molly seems kind of volatile to me, with mood swings and things like that. But maybe not so rapid as I've done, haha.
I'm so glad you liked that bit with her and the twins negotiating though. That was my favourite bit to write and I loved my portrayal of the Fred and George, if you donÃ¢Â€Â™t mind me tooting my own horn xD.
I see where you're coming from with the 'cried' thing, but I think it's also down to how the reader thinks of the word cried. In the way I've used it (sans tears :P) I see it more as a kind ofÃ¢Â€Â¦ the boy who cried wolf type thing. I'll look into that first instance you were talking about and see if I can think of something else that could fit but not sound too repetitive.
My characterisation of the Weasley children is good?! YAY. I'm so pleased to hear you say that, especially because I've been wanting to write more oneshots like this exploring the Weasleys, mainly the kids though. I'm quite keen to explore Molly's relationship with Arthur too. It's clear they love each other very much in the books but there was never really that much about them.
I'm quite surprised about the speech comment. Considering it's something I always worried there was too much of and your saying there's too little of I may just leave it as it is as some kind of middle ground.
I'm sorry if this response doesn't match up to your review in length or content but I'm just a bit stunned at the moment. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. And don't worry at ALL about the criticisms. I work really well on them and now I know that my Molly Weasley isn't quite up to par and I'll make sure I make some little changes for the next one. I think if she was in a different situation she may be a little less stern, I just think that she really likes to keep a firm eye on her kids so... yeah xD. I think I did always picture her as having a bad day when this is going on because the women in my family ALWAYS make pastry when they're not having good days xD. I suppose in that respect I haven't yet got this oneshot thing down properly, but hey! Practice makes perfect :D
Thanks again for your review. It's hugely appreciated. You were detailed enough and pointed out everything. The perfect reviewer! XD
Happy Easter :D
Lorren. Report Review
LOL I love it you have captured a classic Gred and ForgeAuthor's Response: I was quite worried, considering they're the two main characters in this, but now you've put my mind to rest so THANK YOU.
xD And thanks for the review as well :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection