That was beautiful 10/10 : )Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D Report Review
Lovely! I love it, love it, love it.Author's Response: Thank you! It's wonderful to hear that you loved it so much - it was great to write a romantic story for once. ^_^ Report Review
lovely one shot, I like the idea of a Teddy/Rose pairing :)
xAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! It's an interesting pairing to explore, and I'm glad that you like it! :) Report Review
Susan, am not going to squee about this forever, as am going to attempt to copy this for the Style Exchange Challenge, and am now officially terrified. Seriously, you're just brilliant, and that's all I really have to say on the matter.
-Goes and hides in a corner- :PAuthor's Response: Poor Jack! This may be one of the hardest ones to mimic as it's pretty strange in style, not to mention complex with all those layered images, but I wish you luck! It'll be great to see what you come up with for it. It is one of my favourite stories (that I've written), and hearing that you like it means a lot. ^_^
Thank you for the compliment - I send it right back at you. ;) Report Review
Oh my, this so beautiful. I loved the Teddy/Rose you put together, with the whole raining atmosphere and everything. It was perfect for my 'sad romance' mood, complete with the actual weather outside and the chocolates I was nibbling on. Seriously, I had to come back and review days after reading it. I was happy and content with my position (curled up on the sofa) reading your One-Shot that I was too lazy to go on the laptop and sign in. Lovely writing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you the Violet, the one from TDA? If you are, could you help me out, please? I live in the Middle East and for some strange reason, TDA is blocked. So I'm forced to ask artists through reviews or the forums but I haven't made one yet. Well, what do you say?
And if you're not her then kindly ignore it.
JazAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :) It's great to hear about how you read this story - I do wonder how people read fanfiction. Somehow, it's perfect that it was raining while you read this, as it probably made the sound of the rain stand out more and (I hope) made it easier to get into the story. The chocolates are, of course, an added bonus.
I am that Violet, but I don't know how to help you with that other than to suggest that you try other graphics websites or find someone who can go and request at TDA for you. :/ I'm sorry not to be of more help, as that's an annoying situation to be in.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Very beautiful, so I don't have much to say. What critique is there to offer something so wonderfully written. I know its prose, but it almost reads as poetry, or like an old oil painting. Weird, but, hey, it was great!
--FannyPriceAuthor's Response: *stares*
What do I say to this? Wow! This is astounding and brilliant and... I should stop before I squee myself to bits. Thank you so much for this review - it means a lot to hear these compliments from you! ^_^
An oil painting, now that is a fascinating way of describing the story - it fits with the setting, which could be a scene from a painting, especially with the roses, the thick fog, and all that rain. Imagine the blues and greys with the sudden shock of red. Report Review
Gosh.. I really liked your descriptions! Whoa. Amazing descriptions, really. And the emotion in this is brilliant as well. Grrreat job!Author's Response: Thank you! :D The emotion and the descriptions were the two things I wanted to highlight most in this story, so it's wonderful to hear that it worked. It's fantastic that you enjoyed the story! Report Review
Wow, that was really good! I really liked how you used rain throughout the entire one-shot. I could practically feel it falling down on me. I also really liked the way you associated thorns with Rose when she was angry. I love your version of Teddy. :D I could go on and on, but let's just say that you're an amazing writer :)
10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's fantastic that you enjoyed the story and that the rain felt so real (exactly what I was hoping for!). Using the thorns in relation to Rose was interesting because she's so often associated with the flower, but why not what comes with the flower too? ;)
Anyway, thank you again for taking the time to read and review - I really appreciate it! ^_^ Report Review
It was a beautiful story.
I always like rose and teddy fics rather than teddy and victorie fics
simi potterAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :D I've never actually read a Teddy/Victoire, strange as it is to admit. :P Report Review
Without knowing the full story, without knowing the characters as you have them in your story, I am drawn to them.
Your descriptions are wonderfully put. I am allowed to be sucked into the portal you have created, and watch these characters go through their moment, as if you have put them to screen for me.
You have captured so much feeling, in so few words (the actual dialogue), and I am reminded of why I loved reading as a teen. It is an argument I make time and time again, in recent times. That you do not need a 20,000 word back story to understand characters and how they are placed in a situation. You have given me enough to understand them and what they are going through in very few words, which is much harder to accomplish.
Thank you for sharing this, thank you for allowing me to read fan fiction again, and remind me why I will always love coming back here. You have a gift, and I admire it.Author's Response: This is story is only slightly related to my other one, so it it is a separate entity - especially since the characters changed themselves while I was writing, becoming something "uncanon" to the "original". At the same time, I did hint toward a deeper history for both characters - not only to help develop their characters further, but also to add mystery (it's not necessary to know the "truth" behind Rose's flight or Teddy's cowardliness, either, like you said). It made for an interesting dynamic within the story, at the very least.
Thank you so much for this review, Elena! It means a lot to hear from you and I can't thank you enough for that. *hugs* And do keep coming back - fanfiction is full of surprises! :D Report Review
Hi Susan, you still write very beautifully! I see that you still play with sentence and word flow, although you used a lot of repetitive structures, or maybe just one -- 'sth, away' or 'sth, distant' and such. But it's not something that's bad for the flow, just noticed.
There's one thing however that I wish was slightly different. See, the whole one-shot is very intense, very charged by emotion, which is good, I am all for emotion. But the internal monologue is so overwhelmingly more than the dialogue and since it comes between the dialogue in large chunks, it gets distracting to follow what they actually say. And the other thing is... I can't even explain it well, but you know how the reader gets excited when he or she reads an action sequence or a dialogue sequence and they wonder what is going on in the character's mind? Well, since it's all said in there - what she and he think, what happened, what they feared and hoped, there is not much space for interpretation and I miss that.
However, your writing seems to be evolving every time I read it, it's like a flower blossoming, even though I might sound cheesy right now. If I have to put a label on it, it would be 'poetic' because this whole one shot looks like a very long poem to me. Very symbolic, and again, very intense, very revealing, and very monologue-based, which is usually the case in poetry.
So, yeah, I love the couple and their conflicts and their chemistry. I'm looking forward to reading more of your flowy and pretty stories. Oh, and btw, the thing I liked more about the story - the banner, I must say it's one of your best and I have seen most of them. :)Author's Response: Hey Lyn! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :D
The repetition is something I've gotten into the habit of doing. I don't know whether it's the books I read (of late, mostly Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, and Marcel Proust, all of whom have a lot of repetition in their narratives), so that sort of thing tends to influence me a lot. It's interesting which words got repeated, though, as I wasn't aware of the away and distant repetition. When thinking about the distance between the two characters and how they have to overcome that, it might make more sense.
Now, the rest of your review was a little harder to understand, but I think it all boils down to a matter of taste. The internal monologue is something I love writing and have done so for a while, not quite as strongly as in the last few stories (some of the other one-shots are worse, I'll tell you :P), but it's always been how my brain works, perhaps because that's where my words are - in my head - and so the stories write themselves like a dream. I actually like the confusion you're having between what's internal and what's external because that's the point, in a way. Without that internal monologue, the story would be what? Very little external dialogue, a lot of exposition and backstory, and some description of the setting - there would be no life, no emotion at all. The characters create the setting, the mood, the story itself, and I can only write about it by becoming them. But I do understand that there might be less room for the reader's imagination of what they might be thinking here - I hadn't planned for mystery in this story, only romance and the creation of a romantic feeling. Report Review
Susan, Susan, Susan. What am I going to do with you and your wonderful talent? Honestly, you're just... amazing. Your prose were just... mesmerizing. I couldn't stop reading until the very end, because it was so poetic and beautiful. Beautiful, Susan! Gah. GAH. I loved Rose and the flower roses, both mentioned a lot together in the story. That made it a bit more real for me, I think. GAH. Beautiful. I loved it.
- RinAuthor's Response: Oh dear, what will you do, seeing that there is very little talent going on here - just a whole lot of luck. :P
Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing this! :D It's thanks to your challenge that this story turned out as it did - I had most of the pieces, but the "kiss in the rain" idea topped it off perfectly and really gave purpose to the story. ^_^ So the imagery and such is all thanks to your challenge. *huggles*
I'm so pleased that you loved this story and the prose and all the roses (which I was worried about, as it's probably a cliche by now, associating Rose with roses). Thank you! :D Report Review
This was amazing. The detail was perfect. Like I could see it in my head. Thumbs up!Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's wonderful that the details made it so vivid for you - that's exactly what I was going for. ^_^ Report Review
Susan, this has probably been said a million times, but I have absolutely fallen in love with this story. I haven't had a huge amount of reviewing time of late, but ever since I heard tell of this on your author page I've been stalking around for its arrival, and it went far beyond any expectations I had for it.
This was one of the most beautifully descibed, imagery rich pieces I've ever read, possibly the best - and I don't just mean in fan fiction. The idea of the rose was absolutely beautiful, and you wove it in throughout the story splendidly. It was never too much and neither did it feel overdone or forced. It was the most natural description in the world and you managed to get so much out of it. What I mean by that is that you were never repetitive with it in a way that was not meant to be intentional, you always seemed to find new ways to describe things and it was an absolute pleasure to read. I can't even begin to tell you all my favourite lines or describe how gorgeous this was. The prose was also spectacular and I just became completely wrapped up in it. The 3000 words just seemed to fly by.
As you know, I'm quite a bit of a Teddrose fan and it actually makes me squee to see the amazing interpretations of the ship going around, especially since it doesn't feel like one that's going to be particularly overdone. At least, I hope it's not :P. What I really want to say is that your characterisation of both Teddy and Rose was so real, so flawed and absolutely astounding.
Rose was very herself, but I saw a great deal of Hermione in her. I absolutely adore when you can really see where next gen characters relate to their parents and in what respect, as it seems to lend them that extra little boost of credibility. Obviously Rose has the capability of falling in love, but she's got a strong head and sense of logic on her shoulders that means she makes it hard for herself. Her laughter at Teddy is quite chilling, but I can picture it so well. It's like she wants to do the sensible thing, but she really has that loving nature inside her, covered up by this much more harsh, protective shell.
Teddy was an absolute darling. We saw him through Rose's eyes and I liked how she picked up on his faults, or what she perceived to be his faults. He appears to be very 'knight in shining armour' and a nod to gentlemen in days gone by which, of course, only made me love him all the more. He's also hesitant and boyish alongside that, and his timid side is rather evident. He's just one big character full of loveliness, but Merlin I am SO biased when it comes to him. I'm thinking about seeking professional help XD. I can't even articulate properly what he was like in this story, but you did such justice to his character and he's one of the most realistic Teddys I've ever read.
The romance aspect of it was also gorgeous and it made my heart MELT. Every second of it was captivating and I love how they finally found each other after all these years. Teddy as the pursuer from afar is an interesting take on it, and it worked like a dream for this.
And it's very late, so it's only now that I realise how much I have gone off on tangents and how horribly incoherent I am (I shall probably notice far more in the morning). Suffice to say, I loved this to pieces and it's going straight into my favourites.
Jane xxAuthor's Response: Wow, Jane! O_O This is insane, but I'll try to respond to it as well as I can - hopefully I can get to everything before the character count cuts me off. :P First of all, thank you very much for this review - it's terrifically detailed and that's always hugely helpful. ^_^
And now on with the response: it's a great relief that the prose and imagery were not overdone, especially the imagery, as I was more repetitious than usual in this story, and was afraid that it was getting in the way of flow and narration. Yet at the same time, I wanted the imagery to produce a vivid image of the scene, so that readers wouldn't only see the story, but would feel like they were there, feeling with all their senses the things that Rose and Teddy experience. But to hear that all these things worked is fantastic. :D
It seems to be a great thing about the ship so far, that no one has done the same thing twice. There aren't cliches associated with this ship yet, and I hope it continues that way (especially as long as only a select group of people write it). I'm glad that their characterizations were sound as it's something I'm always anxious about and because I didn't think too much about their personalities - I was focused that much on their surroundings. Maybe writing them without thinking helped. XD Those things tend to happen to me.
Haha, I think I'm the same way with Teddy. He can never be the villain to me - he's doomed to being insanely romanticized. :P But I do try to make him realistic so he doesn't always ride in like the knight in shining armor. I think it's that I try to make him like Remus - very flawed, but still sympathetic.
Yay! The romantic bits worked! It took a lot of period romance movies to get me into the right mood, which is rather sad, but hey, if it worked, it worked. ;)
Thank you again for the review, Jane! It wasn't incoherent at all - you analysed the characters and the story amazingly, and it's made me look at the story with more adoring eyes. :D Report Review
Susan, i am nearly in tears.
This was the best one shot you've written yet. I am speechless. I don't know what to say. It was gorgeous, flawless and so beautiful my mind cannot find the right words to say how much I loved it.
I love your writing and your style. you have a very unique voice and I love your descriptions. They just flow off the page (or screen in this case). I'm still speechless, sitting in my house and in complete awe, my jaw dropped, my eyes widened from how amazing it was to read this.
I went into this fic a little skeptical. I don't particularly like Teddy/Rose fics but I thought I'd give yours a chance and I'm extremely glad I did. You really tore at my heart strings with these lines:
"When they leave at last, it is together, not running, and not disturbing the scene as they pass. No splattering drops attempt to break from gravity. No roses shuddering against their thorns, indignant at the constant wet. No shattered hearts making their escape, running, running, flying from the memories that haunt and the touch that lingers.
There is a new touch now, a new memory made. It does not fall like the rain. It is lasting, enduring.
It is forever."
the end was perfectly done. I'm trying desperately to find a way to tell you how much I love this fic! You inspire me so much! :)Author's Response: o_O Wow, really?! I didn't know it would be a sad story - it's supposed to be a happy story! Unless it's so happy that it made you cry? :P
Anyhow, thank you very much! I'm blown away by your response to this story. Even though I knew that the story had a lot of poetic qualities and was romantic, it's amazing that it turned out so well, especially to the extent of being beautiful. It's something I didn't expect to hear, but I love it! :D I wanted the story to really have flow to it - the rain imagery certainly helped there - but I was worried that there was too much going on with the flowers and the rain imagery conflicting. So at least the story didn't turn out to be an utter mess. XD
Come to think of it, I don't know why exactly I like Teddy/Rose as a ship. Perhaps because it's anything other than Scorose, which seems to have been done in every way imaginable. Teddy/Rose can have an interesting dynamic to it, one that I enjoy exploring. It's fantastic that you were able to get into their characters here, though in all reality, it doesn't matter who they are in the confines of this story - they really could be anyone.
So the ending wasn't too mushy? That "it is forever" line even made me wince, but it is suitably romantic. :P But with everything up to that line, I'm very pleased that it was a moving passage - I loved the idea of bringing everything back to the beginning, in a cycle of sorts.
Thank you again for the review, Sarah! I look forward to what you have to say in each review. ^_^ Report Review
I really liked this. I think it was beautifully executed and it was a lovely tale. I liked the emotion and depth of the characters.
The last couple sentences were a nice touch, as well.Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's fantastic to hear that the emotion wasn't overdone or too cold, as that was one of my worries while writing. Also that the characters were deep, as that's something that's more difficult to do in a one-shot, when you don't get the chance to develop them as you would in a longer story.
Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to read and review. I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
I'm also entering this contest, but you put me to shame. Very badly. If this doesn't win, I'll be amazed.
Best of luck =)
xEAuthor's Response: *blushes* Thank you very much! I'm sorry to have put you to shame and I definitely didn't enter the challenge to win, just for the inspiration. It's wonderful, though, that you enjoyed this story! ^_^ Report Review
Susan. Are you trying to kill us? My head is spinning!
This is quite possibly the best thing you've published so far. It is STUNNING. Even if it was not Teddrose, it would still have brought me nearly to tears. Lovely banner also!
Beautifully written as always - there are too many achingly perfect lines in there to list! But you build up such a delicate meshwork of description that is such a pleasure to sink into it. Your words wash over your readers almost hypnotically (something you're not telling us?? hmm?) and it is impossible not to feel as they do. I particularly liked the rose/thorn imagery, and the ending.
Characterisation was lovely: defined, but also open enough that we can fill in and step into their shoes.
I am off to curl up in foetal position now, but if you don't win this challenge, I will eat the Sorting Hat!
Take care now, and keep up the uncomparable work!Author's Response: Aww, I don't mean to kill anyone. I didn't even kill myself with this story, which used to be the case with one-shots. But I can see what you mean, as it's easy to drown in this story because of all that imagery. ;)
I don't know what to say to your review. You've put in so many compliments, that I don't know where to turn. Perhaps this story did hypnotise you - all that repetition and rain must have done it. :P
It's great that the rose-thorn imagery worked because all I could think of while writing this was "oh no! not rose-Rose imagery again!" as it has to be overdone by now. But it was too perfect to resist in some cases. :D
Thank you for this review, Jo! It means a lot to hear from you on my work! ^_^ Report Review
I know there are symbolism and metaphors here, but I'm too tired to tease out the connections right now, unless it spontaneously comes to me as I ramble.
I thought I was done reading for the night, but I popped over to the recently added page--something I don't do that often anymore--and saw this as the second entry. And how tempting: no reviews (though upon refreshing, I see someone snuck in while I was reading this).
As I began reading, I was at first reminded of the "Widening Gyre" story (I can't remember it's exact title), because as Rose was running through the street here, running from memories and thoughts, so too was Minerva. I think this running is very interesting to explore. Certainly we humans run from things that make us uncomfortable or that trouble us--in other words, we deny them or avoid them, usually, though sometimes actual flight does take place. But for all the times we mentally run away, how often does one actually run? I do find it interesting to take that running away aspect and apply it literally.
I'll admit I was slightly confused as to what Rose was running away from. Something disappointing with love, I think I gathered, but the details were rather sketchy. I suppose that was on purpose. It seemed this thing with Teddy was new . . . not the thoughts, perhaps, but actually acting on them. Therefore I am a bit puzzled about the conditions surrounding Rose's flight.
I loved the reversal of roles: In the beginning, Teddy pursuing Rose, protected from the weather. In the end, Rose pursuing Teddy, after he has given up his protection. It is as if by acting on his feelings for her, he has made himself vulnerable and armed her with new knowledge. But it's something she chooses to share, and that lends them both a new strength.
I'll only touch briefly on Rose running to the cemetary, but it seems to me the most obvious interpretation is the ending of something (a relationship, presumably, or a phase in one's life) and the beginning of something new. I also find it extremely fascinating that Rose discovers that there's more to the cemetary than a lack of life, that it's a repository of memories, so to speak. The very things she was seeking to escape, ironically.Author's Response: It's funny because I was going to request you to review this, but now you've done it already, which is in itself a great compliment. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review this - I always appreciate hearing your opinion. :)
That connection between the "Gyre" story (you did get the title correct) is one that I noticed while writing as well, and I don't know why I keep repeating that image of the running person, always from memories or something otherwise painful. Like you said, it makes sense to see it as a psychological state - being able to physically run from pain would bring relief, but in both stories, they cannot escape from the pain; it always follows behind. It makes me wonder that, if Rose and Minerva actually tried to work out their problems face-to-face, they would experience less pain; the running seems to make things worse, making the suffering last longer. Relief does come, but only with intervention.
I'll stop before I run on forever on that. It's something I really want to think about further because it is a curious similarity.
That vagueness was bothersome even while writing. I have a strong idea for what she is running from, but explaining it would take up too much time/words and disrupt the flow. A better excuse is that the story isn't about what Rose is running from, but rather what she ends up running to. But it is a weakness of the story, and I'm trying to think of a way to make it less vague without falling into unnecessary exposition.
The story coming full circle happened accidentally, but I do love the idea of it and how it ties into the nature imagery of the rain and flowers. It also allows Rose to demonstrate strength, not making her weepy throughout the whole - she makes her choice at the end and it brings about the "happy ending".
Haha, thank you for explaining the cemetery setting, as I was worried that it was proving that I could never write a story without including some form of death imagery. But there is that "rebirth" idea that comes back into things (connecting with the cycles of nature and the Teddy-Rose role reversal) and makes it far less morbid.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story. You've made me think about many aspects of this story and my own brain, for which I'm very grateful. Report Review
Your writing is so amazingly gorgeous, Susan! I love how you can bring visual images to life like this. And you wove the rain right into the story, so that it blends in with the rest of the narrative, rather than being something random that interrupts the flow.
These lines were two of my favorites:
That is what she wants him to see: disapproval at such a topic as love. It is a topic for poets and romantics, not for those who are real.
Where the bodies of the dead have passed through, two lives are brimming, flooding, blooming.
And this also reminds me that I must go catch up on Winner Takes All soon. ^_^
MelanieAuthor's Response: Thank you, Melanie! ^_^ It's great to hear from you!
I'm glad that you liked how this story turned out, all that imagery seemed to be getting too overdone, but removing it would have left very little of the story itself. The imagery became the backbone of this story, which is new for me, and I'm insanely pleased that it wasn't a failure. :D
I'm reading those lines over now, seeing them separate from the rest, and trying to figure out where they came from. The last one is supposed to be all fluffy romantic, but the first one is much more bitter (am I secretly complaining about studying the Romantic poets this year? :P). It's strange to try and remember what one was thinking while writing some of these things. But it's great that you liked those lines, or that they stood out to you like this.
*huggles* Thanks again for the wonderful review! Report Review
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