Oh, I love stories about the Three Brothers. And this was just great so far. What I love the most was how you personified Death--creepy blighter he was. Cadmus's death was sad, Godric was well played, and Ignotus is starting to remind me of Harry.
Cursing the Hallows like that was a smart idea. Maybe Death can torment him with nightmares about his brothers' deaths?
I wish that there would be more stories about them, because its truly something to read about.Author's Response: Ooh, thank you!! Yeah, I don't know why more people write about the Brothers, I find them so intriguing!!! And to be honest, not many people read and review then either, so Im thankful for this - though I do write for myself above other things :)
Anyways, Death has a lot of plans up his sleeve, they'll all be revealed soon!! Thanks for leaving a review! Report Review
Sorry, I don't often review the second chapter util the reviwees say something. It's something I've learned over the past weeks, you know? One liners tend to irk me. I like to know people actually read the things, for they do take a while to write. Anyway, you did, so that means you get another review. Oh, yes, I believe that you have been the second person to be added to my favourites for this fic. Let's get started.
This one is shorter, yes, but it's still good. Your canon to the Beedle stories are simply remarkable. Did I mention the 'walking for Death' thing comes from Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale in CT? Well, the Bard's (who is, incidentally, Shakespeare) tales come from Grimm. Sorry, I'm going on literary analysis again, but I like to have discussion.
Personally. I have the most sympathy for Caedmus, but there you are. Going suicidal over a deceased love (while literally) gives such an image to us. I think it makes soo much sense. Here, you give her a name, ehich futthers that connection a bit. Sorry, I won't discuss the Bard's tale in full, for we already know it, but it's interesting how you make a similar connection with Rossa. She's not dead, no, but she is tied to the deal in a way. Anyone who comes in contact on a closely peronal level makes thatt choice. Do you see what I'm saying here? I hope that makes sense.
Ignotus's vernalibility indeed! That is completely
psychological. He can never leave that Cloak if he wants to cheat Death. On some level, you think that he's a coward, really, but that makes so much sense. We all fear death on some level and the dependency is there. And the thing's on the wall? I keep on forgetting that it turns invisible when the wearer puts it on. It would be a shame if nobody could ever find it, eh? I loose things all the time on the fly and that is my reaction time and time again. Where is it? Right under my nose!
Well done. Well done Chelsea. Update soon.
Respond to the review and return the favour (we all like reviews...) Re-request again if you want, if I haven't boored you,
Sleeping PaigeAuthor's Response: Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I used to have a review thread, and Id leave this novel and get a 'thanks' My face would be like o_O
Oooh yes, Rossa is exactly that. She is important in the future!!!
Yes, I definately think that Ignotus is a coward, but like you said, I think ANYONE would be a coward after going through what he went through.
I am very glad that you like what I have done so far! Your reviews could never bore me hun!
I will surely request again when I have another update!
Thanks again (for being so wonderful!)
~~Chelsea Report Review
Thank you for writing such a good piece. Yes, as you see, I do like Founder fiction. It's new and I do love different. This is, without a doubt, one of the best pieces that I have read on this forum. You'll see that I don't come by that easily. I'm very hard to please. I see that you have a skill here and that you do honour the fiction as JKR set it. I tend to like those pieces that are different, and strangely, not many people review them. That is where you find the uniqueness here. It's rare, but it's there.
Forgive me if not all of this makes sense. I'm staying at uni over break, and I'm sick, and I'm staving off soup and hot tea. I hope this makes sense. Let's take this apart, shall we?
First off let me just say that tying the Three Brothers in with the founders is simply genius. If you didn't know, she got that Three Brothers tale from Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale in CT. I was going to jump on voice because writers forget (or completely ignore) that this started a thousand years ago. No, I don't ecxpect you to write in Middle English but there are conventions. You have not forgotten that. The voices and additudes are giving a nod to the times. You did not forget that Ignotus's wife would have been completely submissive and that the times are simple. Thank you. I forgot that, of course, Ignotus is related to Godric. That's your connection. I never made that until now. Good job.
The ages? Good girl, you remembered the lifespan at this time. It makes all the sense in the worlld that Rowena is twenty years old and teaching. It is clear that both Rossa and Ignotus are young. That surprised me. You understand the conventions. You put a lot of thought into this. The colloquailism of the groundskeeper? Spot on.
Incidentally, I want to point something out to you. Sorry, I study literatures and language, so these dicussions tend to go into analysis. For thise who claimed that JKR was going againist religion, they obviously had no argument. Look at this: Ignotus, Antitoch (who were both saints) and Caedmus (a literary resource of Chaucer). I'm very, very agnostic myself, so I don't folow religion, but I study it. I'm currently on a high Catholism fix. Sorry if this bored you, but that just shows how clever she was with literatures.
Okay, back to you. I love the idea of the handmade rocking chair and that Ignotus feels that regret of being the last Peverell standing. (I still don't get why Gaunt had that damnn ring if it was the mark closely related to Gryfindor. Whatever. Jo?) I like that he respects his wife, but the simplicity and voice here just leaks from the page.
And the forst enterance into Hogwarts? Amazing. You have the simple ideas here, and you are also setting the ideas in stone that are carried on in that tradition. Lady, the idea that they split the classes never occured to me! Genius. You are fillling in holes left and right.
However, I do have two things that I think I need to point out. I doubt that the Three Broomsticks existed this far back. You say Ignotus packed his things in a suitcase. A suitcase? Dear, there was no such thing.
How many people do you imagine attended Hogwarts in that first year? Not many. I like that you have that impression here. Of course, there were only four teachers who managed everything. I love (love) yout Godric. His personality just leaks off the page. He's so open, but he keeps that professor profile. And the way you joked about education at the Opening feast? Wow ... did I mention that you explained conventions? And the way he is with that little girl? He loves the kids. And then he snaps back with Ignotus? Yes!
All right, that's a novel. I hope I kept you interested. It's so well done.
Please respond to the review and return the favour ... (We all like reviews.) I hope that you enjoyed this.
Right, I'm making more tea and turning the page,
9/10Author's Response: First of all, I just have to say HOLY COW LOOK AT THIS REVIEW! xD I couldnt even comprehend the words for a few minutes because I was so astounded with its thoroughness :]
Anyways, now on to the review of YOUR review :)
First of all, Im really glad you like Founder's pieces. I have no idea why most people seem to avoid them, perhaps because the attempted recollection of a strong past is a foreboding prospect? I hope I did it justice though :) Like you said, I dont understand why people dont review the different pieces. How many different ways can one Dramione writer hear "OMG UPD8 PLZ I LUV UR STORIEZ!" (not trying to diss on Dramione's btw)
Yes, I tried to heed the times, so Im really glad you mentioned that! Albus may have been however many hundreds of years old when Harry was at Hogwarts, but he was also a 20th century being. I thought that having a sixty year old Godric would be a bit inappropriate here :)
I love it when people recognize things like that about JKR's writing. In fact, I was going to infuse some religious ideals of the time into the part where Godric's father is expressing his thoughts about Cadmus' 'act', but that would have been pushing the boundaries of the ToS a bit too far, Im afraid.
Ah! Yes, I figured that those traditions must have started somewhere, why not with the geniuses who invented the place? Later, there's going to be more background about the various amazing things we know and love about the castle ;)
Honestly, I doubt that the Three Broomsticks would have originated when Hogwarts did as well. It was something I put in at the last minute, because I thought it was a fun little idea that could be an entertaining detail.
Oh dear, was there no such thing? *dies* I must fix that then. Historical accuracy is always something that has to be right, I believe. And now that I know that's there, it'll bug me until its fixed :D So thank you!
Yes, I figured that since it's the school's opening, Hogwarts is still pretty much unknown, even if the Founders ARE known. So not many people would have attended. And besides, how many children can four professors, a groundskeeper (and Ignotus) keep an eye on? Im glad you liked that part.
I am SO SO SO glad that you liked how I write Godric! He was such fun to write, because I can imagine him perfectly in my head. Of course, to be so talented and prestigious and to be the 'leader' of the Founders (like I tried to paint him), he must have that serious side. But at the same time, he is only a young man himself, and I can see him having such a personable and fun-loving nature, especially the nuturing one that comes out when he speaks with the kids.
Godric will be VERY important as this story progresses, particularly in the very last chapter, but I cant give anything away so I will just zip my lips, tell you how appriciative I am of this review (in case you couldnt already tell from the novel I typed in return to your novel), and click submit ;)
Thanks again, and I hope that the next chapter didnt let you down!
PS. I do hope you get over your sickness :) Being ill is the worst Report Review
Oh my... It's interesting to see how attached he is to that cloak when he knows its something untrustworthy. Very interesting how you wrote that. I love how your getting everything out there and dropping several hints along the way. Really keep up this amazing work! :DAuthor's Response: Yes! I am glad you recognize the irony of it! Hmm, an eye for foreshadowing ;) Good on you, mate xD
Thanks for reviewing again! They were lovely!
~~Chelsea Report Review
First founders era story and I love it already! You just have everything so crazy detailed! Its so pretty the way you write! I love it andI've always wondered about the brothers story. I can't wait to see what your going to do, and good luck in all your challenges. :)Author's Response: Oh wow thanks! I am so glad that I've set off a good foot for Founder's stories, I think they are very underappriciated.
I am so happy you like my writing style, thanks for the good wishes and thanks for the review!
~~Chelsea Report Review
"The cloak was like a drug he could not live without." Fantastic way to phrase it. That succinctly sums up the feeling you started out the first chapter with. By the way, you had my heart racing, too, when Ignotus thought his cloak had been stolen. What perfect timing, putting that scene right after Ignotus sharing how worried he was that Death would be coming after him.
The scene at the end, after Godric has left, is the best part of the chapter, in my opinion. I feel like you're really getting into Ignotus's mind there. I can feel him as a character, not just conceive of him. This section has the emotion I felt was lacking near the top of the first chapter. (When I say emotion, I don't necessarily mean how the character(s) feel, just to clear up potential confusion.)
I was not quite as impressed with Ignotus and Godric's conversation, but that's only because the last section was so strong. I thought you reminded the reader of the Peverell brothers' story in a smooth, logical fasion, and you effectively filled in information missing from the tale.
By the way, you do have a couple of minor little errors in both chapters . . . commas mostly, and only a couple of times. (I didn't note down where . . . sorry :-)
I have never read a story about Ignotus Peverell before, and I must say, I'm finding this one fascinating so far. I'd love to have you re-request when you have more chapters posted.Author's Response: haha thank you! It got the response I intended then! ;) Poor Ignotus is very confused about Death's gift :( He doesnt trust it, and yet he doesnt trust not being with it either.
Ah drat those commas :) I'll go back and hunt them down ASAP
Im glad you like it so far! I must admit, I was hesitant about whether people would like something that was so different, but I am very glad you like it!! I will certainly rerequest when I update more! Thanks so much for the amazing reviews hun!
~~Chelsea Report Review
Are you the same writer who asked me to review a story that had an 11-year-old American girl going shopping with her mother and friend in the first chapter? I'm pretty sure I recognize your penname, but the style of this story is so completely different, I'm not certain. If I'm mistaken, never mind. If you are the same person, then I prefer this story.
I'll let you in on a little secret. When I first began reading HP fanfiction, I would only read Founders stories, but now I rarely read them or am asked to read them. I am very impressed so far. You asked about the language being appropriate for the time period. While I can't exactly claim much knowledge of the language or customs, generally, of the Founders Era, the language does seem appropriate. You've made it feel old-fashioned without making it inaccessible to the average reader. Thumbs up in that area.
My main criticism about this chapter has to do with Cadmus's death. You wrote it such that the reader understands Ignotus is supposed to be feeling a lot of grief, but that grief seems more like a theory than something I feel myself, if that makes sense. It's not emotionally gripping. It's difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes a piece of writing emotionally gripping, so unfortunately I can't offer any advice for changing it. I did find that to be my least favorite part of the chapter, though.
My favorite part was actually the very first paragraph, in which you reveal that Ignotus never lets the cloak out of his sight, and in which he admits it has cost him a lot. That really set the mood for the rest of the chapter--the rest of the story, even. Cheating Death comes only at a great cost, yet to give in isn't an attractive option either for someong who's put so much effort into remaining alive. Very fascinating.
I loved your description of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade! It was so much like modern times, which might seem odd, but I like the idea of traditions being set so long ago. It was very cool and entertaining to read about the invention of butterbeer, the swining staircases, and Godric's first-night-of-school speech. It made me feel a bit nostalgic for the books.
You're off to a fantastic start, in my opinion.Author's Response: Yeah that's me ^^ And i have to agree with you with vehemance, this one is like a million times better in my opinion.
Thanks for the comments about the language. At times I think it's too robotic, but then I think about how they probably wouldnt have been to emotional back then with their language, and then I get into a vicious cycle of indecisiveness ^^
I totally understand what you mean about the death. Ive been trying to think up ways to make it more personally touching without stepping over the ToS boundries considering suicide. I will definately keep working on it though.
Writing about Hogsmeade and Hogwarts was really fun for me. I was just picturing how someone would feel and act if nothing like that has ever been created or seen before, so Im glad you liked it!
Thanks for the wonderful and helpful review loff!
~~Chelsea Report Review
Whew! For a minute their I felt Ignotus' anxiety.Another excellent chapter I must say. I love the character of Vladimir as well although I don't know why :)
I feel so sorry for poor Godric though as it's like he's been lied to his whole life.
I thought you re-told the story of the three brothers really well. I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the good work :)
KeroAuthor's Response: Yay! I am glad you like it (again!) Oooh, there is more of Vlad to come!!! Thanks again!
~~Chelsea Report Review
I really like this as it's really different to things that I have read about the Founders before :) I think you got the archaic type language spot on as it didnt sound modern at all so well done there! In fact, there is little that I can find to fault this :)
Excellent job and I can't wait to read more
KeroAuthor's Response: Thank God! Language was what I was really worried about, so Im really glad that you think it suits that time! This was literally the funnest challenge Ive been in (dont tell!) so thank you for making it!!!
~~Chelsea Report Review
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