Reading Reviews for Champagne & Surveillance
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Champagne & Surveillance

7th July 2014:
Hello there!

I'm writing this for the House Cup 2014 Review.

I stumbled across your story, and saw on the challenge thread that this was your first ever attempt at fanfiction. And I just have to say, if this is any indication of your talent, you are an amazing writer! Seriously.

With that being said, it could use a little bit of cleaning up regarding word choice and stuff by a good beta, but wow. I'm still amazed at the quality, so much better than my first.

I really like how you managed to show Pansy's jealousy, it's basically how I see her in my head. At first I thought Hermione was the other girl, but now I'm thinking maybe it's Astoria. My heart breaks a little bit for poor Pansy.

The pacing and plot are spot on, as is your characterization. I don't remember noticing any grammar or spelling errors, so good job there as well. Keep writing!!

Pretense Of Perfection, Gryffindor

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Review #2, by alicia and anne Champagne & Surveillance

14th August 2011:
Oh a jealous Pansy, I feel sorry for her having to watch them. But they seem quite sweet together, I like how he's blushing and how they have their cute smiles together.
Pansy is being a bit dramatic but I don't think that Draco is even going to notice that she's there.
And I loved your last line, so fitting.
You wrote this so well and you wrote Pansy fantastically, I really enjoyed this,

alicia and anne
slytherin

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Review #3, by Jessica Malfoy Champagne & Surveillance

11th May 2010:
short n sweet: i wish it were longer! *pouts* please please please do a sequel!! i like pansy =D i always felt kinda bad for her after the epilouge... :(

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Review #4, by Jessie C. Champagne & Surveillance

16th January 2010:
omygosh!! you should totally do a squel!! great story line! i felt so bad for pansy!

Author's Response: Yeah, maybe! I do love this ship! Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by meg Champagne & Surveillance

13th January 2010:
I love this, a wonderful first fan fic. Like to see more of you in the future.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #6, by evil evie Champagne & Surveillance

13th January 2010:
This is really lovely! The prose is so simple yet it leaves such a profound impact. I think that the premise of the story is very realistic. It's interesting and original that you have Asteria as a half-blood, most everyone writers her as from a pure-blood family.

Even if you hadn't include the ship(s) in the summary, I think readers would have been able to tell who the characters were, or at least have an idea. Pansy is brilliantly characterised, and even though we don't really learn too much about Asteria's character, seeing her though Pansy's eyes is great. Her feelings and reactions are very realistic; it's interesting to see how such a pugnacious (yay Pansy-pug-face puns!) character can be made so vulnerable by a life-changing situation.

I really like how you make a mockery out of sentimental romance, e.g. - "I spied his hand, caressing hers with a tenderness that...disgusted me."

The last line is GOLDEN. How witty!

--evie

Author's Response: Wow! What a review! I feel all special! Thank you! I looked up Astoria up HP Wiki, and she was listed as a pureblood, but I swear I heard J.K saying she was a halfblood. I try and make everything I write canon, though. I'm not a fan of fanon because I can't write and I am jealous of everyone who can. ;)

Pansy is a bit of a bitch. She has been brought up with all these apparent social graces - typical pureblood upbringing (in my mind it sort of reminds me of the children of the Upper East Side in Gossip Girl - like cotillions and stuff :)). But inside she is still a pretty hormonal girl, and she is ignorant and prejudiced. I kinda wanted Astoria to come out as the good girl - I thought that Pansy wouldn't make Draco happy, and it's not canon to have them together. She is just jealous and that is why she is taking the mick with Dr/A's romance.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #7, by HarrietHopkirk Champagne & Surveillance

13th January 2010:
Aah! Gwen! It is so awesome, it's such a good first fan fiction! I'm absolutely horrible at writing one-shots, but this is incredible. I love how you have portrayed Pansy, she's jealous and ignorant and still prejudiced. I think that really works with her, and through your use of language. Well done again, Gwenny, it's awesome. Write more, yeah?! I'm excited for your TedVic.

Hattie x

Author's Response: Aah! Hattie! Thank you so much! I have been waiting for ages to finally publish my own fanfic and here it is! All 500 words! Yeah, Pansy a bit of a bitch sometimes - I always picture Astoria as this amazingly beautiful woman who stole my Slytherin Prince's heart. Damn her. :)

Thank you so much for all your support during this - I couldn't have done it without. I'm thinking collaboration - maybe we will finally write that Christmas one!


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Review #8, by redherring Champagne & Surveillance

13th January 2010:
I loved that last line! It was a lovely little pun and it finished the whole thing off very nicely. Plus, it made me grin :D

I liked how you wrote Pansy here - she still wants Draco, even though he left her for someone else, and she hates Astoria more than she does him even though he's the one who hurt her. Definitely how I see Pansy reacting to something like this.

The only thing I really have to say is that there are a couple of words that don't seem to fit in with the serious tone of the piece and the rather elegant, sophisticated style it's written in. 'Ergh', for example, feels out of place and just jars a little. (I know that changing that would mess up the number of words and everything, but I just thought I'd say anyway :D) On that note, well done for getting something like this into 500 words, as well :D I've been meaning to write something for that challenge for ages but can't get out anything decent... [/ramble]

Anyway, for your first story I was very, VERY impressed. Genuinely. I wish my first had been anywhere near this good. Seriously, great stuff :)

Author's Response: AAH MY FIRST REVIEW EVER. Thank you! This is awesome! Aah it's so nice :). I know, that line was basically where I got the inspiration for the whole story (if you can call it that). Greengrass, the grass is greener - I'm clever ;). I love it, I was so proud of myself!

I've always wanted to write a Slytherin - we never really get to see that much emotional side to them, especially Pansy. And I'm a fan of love triangles so I'd thought I give it ago. And here I am.

I wasn't a fan of the 'ergh' either - but when re-reading it, I thought it fitted. I wanted to portray Pansy as a girl who thinks that she has all the social graces of pureblood aristocracy, but really she is just a normal, unhappy young women. This is why I used all the colloquial language in the story (e.g screw her).

I was so happy with myself when I fitted it into 500 words. It was a really interesting challenge, and usually I find myself writing pages and pages of endless nonsense which no-one really cares about.

Thank you so much for this review. It's the best first review ever!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm going to go off and write now. Thanks again.

And thank you.

Thanks.

OK I've got to stop now.


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