Reading Reviews for Ask Lily
87 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jamesandlily_forever Stuck With Each Other

24th February 2013:
is Mystrium101 James?

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Review #2, by TigerLilian Stuck With Each Other

29th December 2011:
Simply loving this! I love your humor, I'm laughing my head off here when I'm reading this story! I think this is sooo brilliant! Especially I love the Marauders in here. I like that both Remus and Peter are actually Maraudery and not just like usual overly sensitive and overly nervous guys. x) Loving too Sirius and Marlene -situation. xD

So, I think that Mysterium101 could be either James or Dumbledore. I mean Dumbledore IS going on with the love-thing all the time, so he's my main guess here. xD Also the fact that the nick has "101" in it, making it suggest that there's a lesson to learn there, right? Does that make any sence or am I just making things weirdly up? xD

Anyway, great story, love it and hope you get next chapter up soon. x)

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Review #3, by girly1393 Stuck With Each Other

14th August 2011:
Lily's melodrama usually makes me cringe and stop reading. I really don't think she was an over-the-top person, and when we saw her through Snape's Worst Memory, we really saw an instance when she was out of control, not a typical response. However, in this case, totally perfect. She's a bit of the prima dona goin' on with her column and, while siriusly annoying, also a nice touch. I really can't wait to see what James does to knock it out of her.

I am really enjoying this story, and I do hope you update soon. It's hilariously phenomenal.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy you gave the story a chance :)

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Review #4, by girly1393 Love Game

14th August 2011:
Sirius and Marlene are hysterical. God, please don't let them fall in love with each other, because I think it would actually detract from the story. I mean, the incessant hatred and shouting matches could be toned down to a mutual agreement of dislike and snippy remarks, but the two of them together would be disappointing, I think.

Lily running around in her pajamas? Haha, totally brilliant. A worst nightmare of everyone's come true.

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Review #5, by girly1393 About A Girl

14th August 2011:
Again, the chemistry between the two of them is totally wonderful! I love the way they regard each other, almost as though waiting for something bad to happen yet at the same time totally joking.

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Review #6, by girly1393 Independent Woman

14th August 2011:
I really enjoy the dynamic between the two of them. Lily being the writer of a column is a nice spin as well; it makes me wonder how long it'll take James to write to her for advice and then be blown off course when he uses her advice on her.

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Review #7, by DracoMuggleLuver_01 Independent Woman

27th January 2011:
ah, I did read this chapter. I wonder why I did not review it then.

OK, so I'll do it now. I love it! It's very well written and I'm looking forward to seeing how the plot carried out. Great job

(I promise my reviews are usually better than this)

Author's Response: Thanks ^_^ I'm happy you liked it!
Thanks for the review!

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Review #8, by tripping over isolines Stuck With Each Other

20th January 2011:
please continue! this is such a great idea, and i love lily's answers :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy you liked it :)

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Review #9, by laughing leapfrogs Stuck With Each Other

27th November 2010:
i think mysterium101 is the marauders. please, please, please update soon! i love this story. ha ha :D. sorry, i had to do that. so, uh.update, and i'll, um, review then. that got akward. and now im ranting and wasting your time. but pathetic jokes can make things akward when your the only one laughing. so.Bye!

Author's Response: haha, i like your ideas xD thanks for the review!

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Review #10, by writeyourheartout Love Game

21st October 2010:
Hello again, elisalinguine! I'm really glad that I chose to review 3 chapters of each story because this is the chapter really won me over! Of course there were a couple inconsistencies, but as a whole I think this was by far your greatest installment!

One concern I had, though, was this first letter: I'm wondering why this weeks letter is not anonymous? The guy writing in uses his name in the signature and uses his girlfriends name all over the page so that it's very obvious to anyone who picks up the newspaper this week (including his sister, who's feelings he doesn't want to hurt with this) exactly who it is that wrote this. Just be careful with that because the point of these columns is to get anonymous advice.

I think the 'pug' joke dragged on a bit in this chapter, but in a different way than the peanut joke from chapter 2. See this joke didn't go on for 8 paragraphs, but it did say the word 'pug' about 5 times in just two short paragraphs so that there was just too much repetition of the same word. So simply make sure that if you're talking about a specific thing for a while that you find different words/expressions to get through it or else it will not read smoothly.

"Yes, James is quite annoying but I have to say that this year he really has matured this year and..." and "I walked up and said hi, presenting myself as Petunia's younger sister. My dear sister..." are two other examples where you sort of repeat the same phrase/word right after each other and it disrupts the flow, so watch out for those when proof-reading!

"Leave me alone Lily, I'm trying to drown in my own self pity ok?" - Haha this made me laugh! I have to say that the girl banter was really great this chapter - they're starting to flow more like a natural group of friends would - playing off each other to create a believable group feel. Well done! I'm starting to understand each of the girls a little better, where as before I wasn't really sure about them as individuals or as a group.

"If she persists then you will have to tell her again(,) but this time, (no comma) you have to be more severe." - I've actually noticed this problem occur a few times in your writing where instead of putting the comma before the word 'but' you stick it in the middle of the next sentence where it doesn't make sense to go. Something to be mindful of, is all.

Oh Merlin, the peanut joke, back again... haha You already know what I'll say about dragging jokes out, but this time I also want to ask what exactly is the insult being implied by calling someone a peanut head? Is Sirius saying her head is shaped like a small peanut? Or maybe her brain is the size of a little peanut? Or is it simply because peanuts were thrown at heads last chapter? It seems a little vague - I'm not sure what the insult is, is all.

I love the pantless Lily bit! And it was Really well done. I'm finally starting to feel some nice J/L tension without it being too abrasive or cliche. My only question is how did James get himself up the girls stairs in the middle of the day with the common room full of people? I mean he couldn't have transformed and he didn't use the invisibilty cloak. Just something to think about.

"If they don't like it they shouldn't have signed up as Prefects, should they?" - I'm pretty certain Prefects are assigned without any sort of signing up for the spot.

I like the ending a lot. I think the 'What is love?' challenge between Lily and James is going to give this story it's drive in a really great way - it's the exact kind of hook a story needs to keep readers coming back. I have to tell you that I think if people get to this chapter then they will stick around, because it was a major improvement in almost every way. It's the first chapter that made me wonder what would happen next in a genuinely excited way. So I'm going to say this - I would really go back and find a way to make chapters 1 and 2 just as impressionable as this chapter, just as hooking for your readers, because I really believe that when readers get to chapter 3 they will definitely want to come back. My worry is that chapters 1 and 2 aren't powerful enough to keep a lot of more picky people reading. If you can find a way to turn 1 and 2 into as captivating a chapter as this was then I really think your fan base will increase by a ton and by readers who are more difficult to please!

So yes, I'm really proud of you for this chapter - it was really well-done and I hope the story continues to play out in a similar distinction, because this is what people want to read about. And I actually am becomming attached to your James in this story - it took me a while to really enjoy any of your characters, but this chapter saved it for me. Really well-done!

The only thing I'm going to quickly suggest for you is a beta reader because there's actually a lot of really small mistakes (missing words, missing letters, a few grammar slips) and a beta could clean those up for you real easy and make these finished products really shine!

Keep up the good work! I like where this is going and I hope I've been helpful! This is my third review now, but please feel free to re-request in my thread if I've benefitted you at all! Thank you for writing! Keep it up!


Author's Response: Hi again Tanya!

Thank you again for such a lengthy and helpful review! I'll work on everything you said and hopefully I can improve with the next chapters. I really do appreciate the time you've taken to write these reviews and they are really helping me a lot so thank you! I know what I need to do to make this story better and I'm happy that you pointed them out to me. I have to work on the humor, make sure not to drag the joke too much and put more J/L chemistry. I'll see if I can edit the first two chapters to make them as good as this one.

I really can't thank you enough!
- Elisa

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Review #11, by writeyourheartout About A Girl

17th October 2010:
Hello again, elisalinguine! I'm so glad I could help with my last review and I hope this one helps just as much!

So I actually meant to say this last time, but simply forgot to add it in, but you're opening to this chapter reminded me of it! I just wanted to say that I think you've done a great job with Lily's written advice! She's giving out intelligent, articulate, logical and supportive advice wrapped up in a few short, relatable paragraphs. I think her advice is very canon of your Lily on many levels, so really well done! It was a great way to open this chapter up as well - it grabbed my interest quicker than your first one. Improvement right from the top! Great job!

So I'm going to repeat a few details of my last comment real quick: Again I find that present tense isn't doing this story justice and I can't even put my finger directly on why it's not working for me, because most of the time I truly love a present tense story, but it's not a deal breaker, just a slight hindrance. Also I still feel that some of the humor is forced - although I will say that it feels more relaxed than chapter one - but the one moment that really didn't do it for me was the peanut bit. I thought it was funny and cute when you first brought it into the picture, but you sort of beat it to pulp with repetition, absolutely draining the humor out of the moment by trying to squeeze every last drop out of the joke that it made me stop laughing and think 'is this joke ever going to end?' You did a similar thing with the Poochy cat bit. I hope that makes sense... I think just a bit of simplicity would do your jokes/bits - which are actually quite original and cute - some major good. Make your joke, don't drag it out.

I really like that Lily does yoga - I can totally see that befitting her character! Very good choice - again your original ideas are really benefiting your writing! But just on a side note, when a person's been doing yoga for long enough they don't need to concentrate on balance anymore - it becomes second nature to them. The beauty of yoga is that you concentrate on your breathing and nothing else. Inhale, exhale, slowly and deeply and it just refreshes the brain and does the body good. That's generally why people do yoga because concentrating on simply balancing probably wouldn't end up being too relaxing or having the effects that yoga is meant to have. Does that make sense?

I have to say, though, that as a whole I enjoyed this chapter more than chapter one. While Lily's inner monologue still isn't doing anything for me because she still gives me that impression of being a bit to vapid, her ability to speak eloquently about her column to the boys is really spot on. Again she seems like a great columnist because she's intelligent and straight-forward without being harsh or unclear.

I have to say that I find myself really wanting Marlene and Sirius together because you've built their tension really nicely. Their bickering (although a bit over-dramatic for my particular taste) was full of the exact low blows that later make me want them to just tackle each other in an alcove, haha. On the other hand, though, I once again can't say that I truly feel any yearning at all for Lily and James to get together. They are still coming off rather bland for me - like something isn't clicking to give them that layer of tension. It just seems like neither of them feels strong enough about the other in this fic - Lily doesn't hate him enough, or James doesn't love her enough, or they aren't simply frustrated enough with each other after 6 year, or there's not enough of a change in James yet... I have no idea what it is exactly, but there's an ingredient missing and it's making me feel like I couldn't care less about the two ever being together, and that's definitely not what you want for a J/L fic. I wish I could help more with specifics, but maybe just the suggestion alone will help?

Alright, well as a whole I really think this chapter was a nice improvement from the last one! I enjoyed reading it and laughed a few times. I think that sometimes your trying to get a laugh is maybe what takes away from the actual emotions of the story, and maybe that is why I feel nothing between Lily and James - because Lily's inner monologue is constantly trying to be witty and never allows me to take her seriously. I think it may be a balance thing. But again I liked this chapter, I really did! So keep up the good work and maybe the L/J tension will build in later chapters? I honestly think calming down Lily's constant need to be witty will help with that. It's all about balance!

I hope I've helped some with this second review! Keep writing and I'll see you in chapter 3!


Author's Response: Hi again Tanya!

This review was just as helpful as the last one so really thank you, thank you, thank you! I do need to work on the humor and now that you've pointed it out I can try and make it better for the next chapters. I do tend to carry out the jokes a bit too much xD Hopefully it will get better in the next chapters.

With Lily and James I wanted to show how they both matured since their previous years partly because of their new role as Head Girl & Boy. This is why Lily might not seem to hate him as much and why James isn't showing that he loves her as much as he might have done in the previous years. I think that I might have made a little less interesting by doing that and i'll make sure to work on it so that their relationship really blossoms :)

Thank you again for the helpful review!
Elisa x

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Review #12, by writeyourheartout Independent Woman

16th October 2010:
Hello elisalinguine! I'm here from the forums with your long-awaited review! My biggest apologies for having taken Forever to get to it, but I hope this lengthy response makes up for it somewhat!

So, right away I noticed the use of present tense! I usually love present tense fics because they add that newness and different layer that excites me, but for some reason I just don't feel like it was the best choice for this particular fic. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I want to say that it's because you write with a lot of detail/description when present tense seems to work better on simpler pieces, fics that strip back absolutely every sentence. I'm thinking past tense may work better, but it's not honestly a big deal either way - it was still an enjoyable read!

I really love how you've physically chosen to make Lily. It's different than the average 'Lily is the prettiest, smartest, most bestest girl at Hogwarts and everyone just Loves her!' persona that most throw onto her. I like that she is not resting on her 'perfection' in this story! Good choice, definitely!

With that said, however, some of her inner monologue makes me question her authenticity simply because for me she's coming off a little vapid - a little too average complaining, whiny teenage girl when I've always felt she was more sophisticated than that. Don't get me wrong, even the most mature teenager would still have moments of angst like this of course, but it seemed to be a constant trait throughout the story and I just feel that Lily is usually above that. I think you may be trying just a little bit too hard to get laughs by writing her that way when it's coming off more as not entirely accurate of the Lily we're described by JKR.

I think the beginning of the story got just a little too explainy for my taste. You used a method a lot of FF writers use, which is to start a story where one thought connects to the next which connects to the next and ends up just explaining all of these details at once in a series of paragraphs rather than letting a new experience lead to that description. I.e.: Open the story with the newspaper details, then don't bring Mary and Marlene into the picture until that first letter gets read and she thinks to herself 'what if it was one of my best friends who felt this way?' and then describe them there, and don't bring James into the picture until he's all of a sudden the only person around to help with her jumper. This will break up the explanation list at the beginning and ultimately help your story remain exciting! I hope that makes sense!

I would have liked to see where the newspaper idea began simply because it's obviously not around in the present day Hogwarts and it would have been nice to hear a justified reason for why one got started up - who's idea was it? ect. Simply because I've never really seen Hogwarts as a newspaper type school, but I think it's very original of you, so I'm glad you chose to do it, but I just would want to see a little history on it, I guess.

I think the jumper idea was really cute and fun to read about and you described it so that I could easily picture it in my head as it was happening! With that said, however, I would have liked a little more out of the James/Lily first interaction - some dialogue to have really stood out - some clever banter or the first sign of a changed James (now that he's Head Boy and finally getting his act together) - just something a bit more memorable, but that's just me. The jumper bit was still cute, regardless, but I felt like James could have been replaced by any other person at the school and it wouldn't have made much of a difference. They needed a bigger spark of some sort, is all! And I think James usually calls Lily 'Evans' so I would have liked to have a justified reason behind his calling her 'Lily-kins' instead.

As a whole I think it is an enjoyable read, and you seem to have a large following, so that's great! I'm just being nit-picky because it was a requested review! I would say that my biggest concern is that you are trying just a bit too hard to write a comedy and get laughs so it seems forced and ends up negating the parts that actually could have been laugh out loud funny. Does that make sense? You've obviously got a great sense of humor, but try to see if you can't get it to be a little more natural and a little less forced and I truly believe that this story will shine! You've got the originality, you've got the writing skills, and you've got the plot that could go many directions, leaving us readers unable to predict what will happen next and ultimately keeping us intrigued! Just relax and let the humor come on it's own and in a way that relates a little more easily to our canon Lily.

It's a great foundation you've got here with a lot of possibilities for future chapters so keep up the good work! Thanks for writing and I hope this review has been helpful!


Author's Response: Hi Tanya!

Wow, I have to say, this is one of the longest reviews I've ever seen in my life xD I'm really thankful you spent your time to write it because it really does help me so much! Call me odd but I prefer reviews that criticize rather than just tell me how good/bad the story is because that way I can improve! I need to work with the humor because at the moment I know that I'm trying to hard xD Somehow I find it hard to write humor fics and I really wanted to challenge myself with this one. Hopefully the future chapters seem more relaxed. I'll go over the first one and see where I can tweak it here and there. I get what you mean about James and Lily needing a bit more.. oomph... if that makes sense, haha? Again, i'll see if I can edit it and add a bit here and there. With the description I do tend to describe everything at the beginning to just get it over and done with and I understand that I should have broken it up a little here and there. I'll see what I can do there.

Again, thank you so much for the review!
It really did help me a lot and I really appreciate the time taken to write this!

- Elisa

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Review #13, by RJ Stuck With Each Other

10th October 2010:
Ah.. I am really enjoying this. Its funny without being stupid, and the way you write the Marauders is just the way I love them. Particularly Remus, 'Never trust a Marauder' Lupin. Most people write him as being an overly sensitive/moody/chocoholic bookworm, but I've always thought he has a bit of spunk. He is a Marauder, after all. Anyway lovely, please keep up the good work, Ill be watching for updates! And even though I get slack I will do my best to review - promise.
And I think Mysterium could be either James or Lupin. But wouldn't it be fabulous if the whole Sirius and Marlene banter was a massive charade and they have actually teamed up together without anyones knowledge to make Lily realise that her and James belong together?
Ah, I do love a mystery.
Happy writing.
RJ x

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I'm really happy you're enjoying the story! I love your idea about Sirius and Marlene, I hadn't thought about it that way xD it's not a bad idea at all.. very interesting actually.. :P Haha, I'm happy you like Lupin! I always wanted to make him more 'marauder' and less 'bookworm'!
Thanks for the lovely review!

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Review #14, by Hayleekins Independent Woman

5th October 2010:
I like this! It sounds like its going to be a REALLY good story, and I like the whole "Ask Lily..." column :) AND her reply was of pure brilliance :) Parts I liked:
"I resist the urge to go ninja on his ass."- I have a strong belief that I am from Ninja descendants, so this part really humors me :D
"Or it could be because a dragon lives in the middle of this school and the hot air comes from the fire in its mouth. " - I'm always making up elaborate sinarios, and USUALLY they involve dragons... Plus this made me laugh!
The whole Jumper getting stuck over her head, becuase I have that problem A LOT, and whenever you see someone struggling in their sweater, it's always histarical! Espicially when they run smack-dab into a locker... oh wait, that was me...
"Dear G.C.,
I wouldn't listen to her, she's a lying cow!
Keep a good distance between her and your boyfriend!
You can't trust anyone!" aka Lily's second false reply :)- I can get a BIT sarcastic and snarky sometimes... yes snarky, its a word, look it up! And when it's late, I usually become paranoid... It just reminds me SLIGHTLY of myself P:

WEEELL, I'm off to chapter two! There is chapter two right? Lemme seee... YEP! Well, see yah in the next review!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the lovely review! I'm really happy you liked it and that it made you laugh. I really try and make it as funny as i can which is surprisingly really hard >.< haha!
Thanks again!

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Review #15, by broken_rainbow Stuck With Each Other

19th September 2010:
Hey, I'm totally in love with your story, and think you write really well. Although the ELOID did drag on a little bit. :) Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy you like it :)
Thanks for the review!

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Review #16, by liza_potter Love Game

14th September 2010:
Another funny chapter! ^_^

This line caught my eye:

I look a(t) Marlene with a funny look.
- I'm pretty sure you meant to write at, yes? If not, feel free to ignore me but it reads quite strangely otherwise.

The plot really progresses in this chapter. There's mention of Mysterium101. Dun dun dunn... And what a letter, too!

Apart from the error I mentioned above, there are no mistakes. It's still very funny and believable. An enjoyable read.



Author's Response: Oh, yep that is meant to be at! xD Whoops, I must have missed it out haha :) I'm happy you liked it, I'm trying to keep it as humorous as possible :)
Thanks for the review!

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Review #17, by liza_potter About A Girl

14th September 2010:
Hey there! I'm back with another review. :)

I didn't catch any grammer mistakes here. I'm sure your beta took care of that. But moving on.

I liked this chapter. It seems Lily could do with a bit more yoga, though, considering how many times she used caps. :P I see a little of Ron/Hermione in Marlene and Sirius... Especially with the pet thing. ;)

Lily's narration was very nice, funny and realistic. I enjoyed the banter between her and the Marauders as well as her friends. A nicely done chapter!


Author's Response: Yep, she did :) haha yeah Lily needs to do more yoga xD I never thought as Marlene and Sirius as Ron and Hermione.. but I definitely can now haha :)
Thanks for the review!

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Review #18, by liza_potter Independent Woman

11th September 2010:
Hey! This is lizzacc from the forums with your requested review. :)

So, let's tackle grammer first, shall we? I only spotted this:

You best friend is simply infatuated.
-Your instead of you. Just add a 'r'.

That's it so good job!

Moving along to characterization. Lily seems to be a normal teenage girl. Funny and sarcastic. She's knows she's smart, but it's not this big issue. I like how she sees her flaws. Honestly, what teenge girl actually thinks she's beautiful without any flaw? It's good that she thinks her eyes are too big or her hair is crazy. She also seems to truly dislike James. Also good.

Now the plot. It's a creative idea, to have a Hogwarts newspaper with an Agony Aunt column. I can't wait to see how the plot progresses.

Overall, a nicely done first chapter!


Author's Response: Argh! Grammar is out to get me :P I'll edit immediately and correct that, thank you for pointing it out :) I'm really happy you like Lily, I just wanted her to be a normal teenage girl because she isn't in so many other fics xD
Thank you for the review!

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Review #19, by katebabelovesharrypotter Stuck With Each Other

9th September 2010:
This story is too awesome for words! I'm always amazed when people come up with an original concept and you hit the nail on the head, darlin'! Great job! :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! Your review really made me smile :)
Thanks again!

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Review #20, by benpowerman Love Game

6th September 2010:
i love you story some parts was hard for me 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm happy you liked it :]

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Review #21, by katti4493 Stuck With Each Other

6th September 2010:
I think that Mysterium could be Snape. I just don't think its one of the Marauder's, and maybe Snape is trying to reconnect with Lily.

Author's Response: You're the first that said it wasn't a Marauder xD Thanks for the review!

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Review #22, by quibblerfan135 Stuck With Each Other

5th September 2010:
'So now hes a grinning Potter Platypus' - love that line! :))

Author's Response: Haha thanks! xD

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Review #23, by Dracolovergirl5000 Independent Woman

4th September 2010:
Intersting Plotline. I like it.
Characterization: lilliy seems in Charactar as does james.
Grammar- Nada!
Please note though that her colunm title "ask Lily" Reminds me of Charmed. It seems riped off of Pheobe's column "ask Pheobe" Although i know most people may not know what that show is... I do and it bugged me. So I suggest either changing the name or acknowledging the classicism of Column names...

I understand that this is a very classic column title and that you didn't mean to rip something off so i just wanted to let you know...

Other than that i loved it.

Author's Response: I did choose it because it is a very popular column title, I've never actually seen Charmed xD so I wouldn't know about Phoebe's column.. I definitely didn't mean to copy it. But thanks for telling me, I'll ask one of the staff and see if I have to credit it or not :) I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks for the review!

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Review #24, by Sara C. Stuck With Each Other

2nd September 2010:
I think Mysterium101 might be James. He wanted her to have a letter that would be difficult to answer. Love this story. Please update soon.

Author's Response: A lot of people think it's James xD
Thanks for the review!

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Review #25, by SeverusLove Stuck With Each Other

2nd September 2010:
Dear Elisa,

This. is. HILARIOUS.!

I totally love it. It's very light and amusing. But I spotted a typo here:

Consider your apologize accepted. ---maybe you could change apologize to apology?


(sighs dreamily)

I sooo LOVE the Marauders. Especially Sirius and Remus! I love your portrayal of them. I've always pictured Sirius to be the naughty, playboy best bud of James and Remus to be the silent, smart, bookworm. I'm guessing Mysterium101 to be James or a Marauder because...well, it's damn well obvious. But that's a good thing. I don't know what it would be like if Mysterium101 is NOT a Marauder because well...that would be like, against Mother Nature.

I do hope you update more often though. Some stories just lose their touch if they're left alone for a certain amount of time. Because when someone is hanging off their seat, itching to know what happens next for weeks then they pretty much get used to it and probably won't feel the suspense

Keep It Up!

P.S. Is Severus even included in this story? ...probably not.

Author's Response: Dear SeverusLove,

Thank you for the lovely comment :] ah, typos, I thought i'd corrected them but I completely forgot that one. thank you for pointing it out i'll correct it immediately.

I'm really happy you like the characters, I'm trying to make them quite individual and different from other fics. Mysterium101 is.. well, to be completely honest I'm deciding between two characters but I still don't know myself haha xD I'm pretty close to deciding just need to plan out which character would be best for the job.

I'll try and update asap!
Thanks for the review!

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