Reading Reviews for The Plan
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ms V P.S I'm Pregnant

23rd June 2011:
I like this story a lot and can't wait for the next chapter!

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Review #2, by ewhs_09 P.S I'm Pregnant

17th July 2010:
i love this. so funny. keep writing!

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Review #3, by Cherry Bear P.S I'm Pregnant

9th May 2010:
Whoo, here I am again. Firstly, I'm glad that you included dialogue and plotty things in this chapter; it turns out my worry in my last review was all for nothing, huh? And, once again, you do have quite a talent with opening chapters in an interesting way and holding the reader's interest till the end of the chapter. I like that you do go into unnecessary overly-detailed descriptions or anything like that.

I liked Lily a lot better in this chapter than the last one. I think you're doing a really good job of keeping her realistic. It's understandable that she would go into denial and then panic over the possibility of being pregnant, and I think it shows a lot about her character. I thought it was a nice contrast that you put Rose in this chapter, because it really shows how irresponsible, immature, and unprepared Lily is. I also liked how you showed how unknowledgeable Lily was about pregnancy (fifteen months? REALLY?!), but I did think it was slightly unrealistic that Rose - who's supposed to be the smart one - would be so stupid as to believe the breathing thing and to also give the receptionist Lily's real name.

The humor in this chapter was just as good as the last one. I'm sort of envious of your abilities actually; I like to think I'm fairly funny in real life, but I'm pretty much incapable of writing a humorous story. Go figure. Anyone, I think the funniest part of this was the end, when Rose and Lily got into an argument and completely embarrassed Scorpius. Although I have no idea why any sane wizard who gets embarrassed so easily would ever get a job in the Maternity Ward (and I'm not entirely sure they have one at St. Mungo's anyway, but don't quote me on that).

I did think it was sort of inconsistent with Lily's denial to suddenly recommend to Rose that she get a bigger fireplace. One moment she's completely eliminating the possibility that she might be preggers, and the next she's saying that a pregnant woman would never be able to fit in Rose's fireplace. It just seems like that if she were in denial, she'd want to avoid the subject of pregnant people at all. Perhaps it'd be more believable if she thought that the fireplace would be too small for a pregnant girl and then pushed that thought away? Just a suggestion.

I'm not sure that this is as long as my last one, but I can't really think of much else to say about this chapter. Plot wise, I thought it was a good start to what promises to be an interesting story. Looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Cherry Bear

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Review #4, by Cherry Bear Prologue: Lily in Real Life

9th May 2010:
Here I am with your reviews! This is quite different from what you wrote for my challenge, but it's still good. There are a lot of stories for Next-Gen, mostly because there's so much you can play around with and so many undeveloped characters, but most of them focus on Rose (if anyone) getting pregnant, so I'm interested in seeing how this turns out.

I'll get the nitpicking stuff out of the way first. There were a few typos that I noticed in this chapter. I'm not sure if you have a beta, but if you can get one, they're very good in picking out the small things that are so easy to overlook. If not, and if you don't want one, that's fine, because most of your mistakes are tiny ones that could be picked up with a quick read-through. For example, in the beginning of this chapter, the sentences: "I seem to missing the stuff. I also seem to missing a job," should be "I seem to be missing the stuff. I also seem to be missing a job". Additionally, in sentences like this: "Step one of The Plan: Open a clothing boutique", I think (and I'm not entirely sure about this) that the words following the colon don't have to be capitalized. It's not really that big of a deal, but I just thought I'd point it out to you.

So far what I've seen of Lily's characterization in this seems good. I really enjoy Next-Gens that portray the characters as less-than-perfect, and you've given Lily a pretty obnoxious personality here (whether intentional or not, I'm not sure). To me, she seems spoiled, materialistic, and essentially exactly what type of person I imagine a life of wealth, luxury, and fame would create. However, even though she's got these unlovable qualities, you also manage to make her sort of lovable at the same time. Her voice and humor clearly shines through in this chapter in the way she addresses her goals, her parents, and other subjects, so a job well done on that. Hopefully her pregnancy will provide some character development for her in this story.

The humor in this is definitely my favorite part of this, mostly because the things that Lily says that are humorous obviously aren't intended to be. I like how you've given her personality and quirkiness through her writing; even though nothing has actually happened yet, you can still sort of tell what kind of person she is. My favorite lines in this chapter - the ones that I really think show who your Lily is particularly well - are, "So if I don't get decent camera time - if I'm not captain of the Holyhead Harpies - then I'll be forced to go to the extremes. Meaning that I'll have to hunt down Witches' editor's address and send him bribe money so he'll put me on the list" and "Whenever I tell Connor about this part of The Plan, he says: 'Lily, I love you dearly, but I honestly don't think that the Wizarding Book of World Records counts that as an accomplishment.'" They both made me smile (:

I'm a huge fan of hooking readers into stories and having a strong beginning, and I think that this first chapter really holds the reader's interest and draws them straight into the story. It made me want to read more, especially how the whole chapter was slowly building up to that revelation at the end. And even though I was expecting it - even though, hey, I read the summary, which outright says it - that last line still kind of intrigued me and made me excited to find out what happens next.

The only real critique I have for you (aside from the nitpicking stuff I mentioned earlier) is that this chapter lacks substance. I'm hoping that the reason it doesn't actually show any real scene in Lily's life is because it's the prologue and you're just introducing the plot and main character here. So it's really not fair for me to judge you for writing this chapter like this, as it is the first chapter, but as I haven't read the next one yet I'm just mentioning my hopes that it has a little more content.

That's pretty much all I can say about this chapter. Off to read the next one, then.

Cherry Bear

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Review #5, by ginny_malfoy22 P.S I'm Pregnant

10th April 2010:
This was absolutely hilarious :) Please continue this story, it's brilliant.

10/10

~ginny_malfoy22

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Review #6, by whacked P.S I'm Pregnant

9th April 2010:
I really like the characters in this so far. They're very endearing, especially Lily. She reminds me a bit of the character Becky Bloomwood from Confessions of a Shopaholic. Very charming girl.

I feel sorry for Lily - preggers at 18 isn't exactly everyone's dream.

I like where this is going, and I hope to read heaps more soon!

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Review #7, by evrlastingbeauti P.S I'm Pregnant

3rd April 2010:
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! So good!!! If this was published in a store I would buy the book, truly! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

xojojo

P.S. I read the prologue about 2 months ago and only just got to reviewing it. That's why the reviews are back to back.

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Review #8, by evrlastingbeauti Prologue: Lily in Real Life

3rd April 2010:
Love love love! All of my fav books and stories involve women dealing with pregnancy so I'll def be keeping an eye on this one :)

xojojo

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Review #9, by hpfan45 P.S I'm Pregnant

15th March 2010:
I can totally see Rose and Lily freaking out and breathing in the ward while pregnant women look at them like they're crazy. la it.

Your writing is funny :) update soon!

becca xx

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Review #10, by hpfan45 Prologue: Lily in Real Life

15th March 2010:
ahaah I love Lily!
She wants so many things in life (like me) but spends more time thinking about it then doing it. I also like the casual Dad you throw in there. It doesn't make me think 'oh hey this is harry potter's daughter' but Lily is a totally new character that doesn't succumb to the Potter last name. I also like the fact that she feels the pressure being the youngest, after Al and James, who ended up not so successful ahha

chapter chapter!

becca xx

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Review #11, by flying_rabbit P.S I'm Pregnant

23rd February 2010:
Hm, is there something in the Wood-gene that causes every child born with that last name to become a Quidditch maniac? :P I hope not, for Lily's sake ;) Although, maybe Harry could draw some comfort out of it, then, if Lily's child would someday become a professional Quidditch player. Then at least one of Harry's grandchildren has some sort of a good career, if none of his own kids do :P Anyway.
Scorpius Malfoy, Healer on the maternity ward? Hm, hadn't heard that one before. So it's quite original, not to mention practical, and possibly even awkward on family meetings and such.
Lily really is looking forward to having a baby, isn't she? ;) And wasn't Victoire a little happy the year before, perhaps? Even if Lily didn't see the baby as something very positive?
Ouch. I'm sure Harry and Ginny will just love to read the paper and magazines when they're going on about Lily's pregnancy. Now she really has to tell everyone very quickly, I reckon... I hope, for Lily's sake, that Connor's not going to be completely freaked out, whether from the pregnancy itself or from the fact that Harry might have another reason, now, to kill him. He might even turn into Ron again. Speaking of Ron, how does he feel about Rose's... involvement with Scorpius Malfoy? Or isn't that very important for the story?
That nurse was very annoying, yes. Especially after she told Lily she was pregnant. But Rose telling Lily how to breathe was hilarious. She must be as nervous about this as Lily herself! Especially the line where Lily is wondering whether or not she'll be able to sleep was great :D Fifteen months (well, in her imagination) of being sleep deprived? o.O But I can imagine Scorpius becoming a little (or a lot) uncomfortable there, at the end :D Poor him. I think.
Hopefully you'll be able to update soon!

Author's Response: Sorry, again, that it took me so long to respond!

haha, yea, being Quidditch obsessed is definitely a Wood gene. ;)

I definitely had fun thinking up Scorpius' career the same way I had fun picking out Albus' and James'! I wanted to come up with a totally different career for Scor than most people would expect, so I'm glad you think it's original!

Yes, Victoire loves her baby! Lily's still a bit immature, but her character will develop throughout the story as she learns to accept her pregnancy and becomes a responsible person.

Ron's feelings on Rose's involvement with Scorpius are not the most pleasant feelings, lol. There's a bit of friction between Ron and Rose (and Ron and Scorpius), as we'll see in later chapters, but I think Ron's coming to terms with the whole daughter-dating-a-Malfoy thing.

Thanks again for reviewing! I'm so glad you liked it!

~ Emma


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Review #12, by flying_rabbit Prologue: Lily in Real Life

23rd February 2010:
Lily sounds very ambitious :D And no, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to move out. Oh well, at least if she's pregnant she has a (kind of) valid reason to move in with her boyfriend. If Harry doesn't kill him first, of course.
I like the steps in Lily's plan, although perhaps, she's getting the order a little mixed up :) But that just makes her funnier :D But wow, Harry seriously is very protective! Well, he sounds that way, at least.
Oh, and James and Albus have quite the careers themselves, by the way :D I can see how that must be slightly disappointing for Harry, as the head Auror or something ;)

Author's Response: Sorry it took me so long to respond to this!

Yea, Lily tends not to have all of her priorities straight all the time ... XD

lol, yea, Harry is very protective! I always imagined that he would be that way, that he'd want to be a good father, after his childhood with the Dursleys. And as for James and Albus, well, I had fun picking out the silliest careers for them! Albus, especially, I'm trying to make different than he is in other nextgen stories.

Thanks for the review! :D

~ Emma



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Review #13, by Erinn1197 P.S I'm Pregnant

22nd February 2010:
So Good :D Can't wait 4 chappie #3 :D
20/10 :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much! =D I'll start writing chapter 3 ASAP!

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Review #14, by miss_aurora P.S I'm Pregnant

22nd February 2010:
I didn't really expect that Lily would fall deep in denial like that, yet she did, and it was definitely funny. Oh Rose is like the combination of Hermione and Ron (well, she's their daughter), her mother's brain and her father's, hmm, clumsiness? That's not quite the right word, but whatever. Now that Lily finally accepts the pregnancy, I guess it has to be revealed to the boyfriend and the family, and well, I can't wait for that.

Thanks for the update! :)

Author's Response: Ahaha, thanks! Yea, I suppose Rose is a combination of the two. She's book smart but not so much street smart, I suppose you could say. Thanks again for reviewing. =)

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Review #15, by awesome247 P.S I'm Pregnant

22nd February 2010:
Hilarious! You better update fast because I HAVE to know what's next! Keep up the fantastic work!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! =D

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Review #16, by phoenixy_friend P.S I'm Pregnant

22nd February 2010:
Too bad. I suppose it's her own fault though, isn't it?

Author's Response: Yea, I guess it sort of is. Thanks for reviewing! =)

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Review #17, by marciabarcia P.S I'm Pregnant

22nd February 2010:
Ahahah! I love Rose...

xoxo
~Marcia

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! lol, I love Rose too!

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Review #18, by marciabarcia Prologue: Lily in Real Life

22nd February 2010:
Great Job!
xoxo
~Marcia

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #19, by tinytonks11 Prologue: Lily in Real Life

20th February 2010:
Its sounds great so far! Do you plan on updating soon? Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The next chapter is waiting to be validated. :)



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Review #20, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Prologue: Lily in Real Life

14th January 2010:
Hi dear *waves*. I really like your story =]] It made me roll around laughing and, since it takes a lot to make me laugh, good job! I really love your use of absolutely everything in here...I don't know where to start!

First off, you didn't have a problem creating the scene. I've never read anything of yours before, so at first, I wasn't sure whether it would be the usual grammar-infested mope. It totally wasn't. A lot of writers (on here) set up their scene from the time a person wakes up to when they go to bed. Of course, one shouldn't do that (it's just boring), so I'm glad you placed us right in the action, although nothing too action-y went on.

This is only the first chapter; it is good that you are building Lily's character...getting us inside her head so that we can understand her better. Especially in comedy, it is important, so kudos.

Speaking of Lily's character...is it just me, or does she remind me of that girl off of Confessions of a Shopaholic (the book was something like that, wasn't it?). She might have been on your banner and this is why I'm saying this. Dunno. Anyways, I look forward to seeing a point in the story when Lily realises that material goods aren't everything, if you have one that is. I can imagine Lily like this as well- let's face it, her father is famous and rolling around in money- it's not the first time we've seen something like this.

Harry! Oh my god, I think I broke a rib laughing at him freak out over Lily wanting to move in with Conner. He's only a dad, but his whole "Do you know what people do when they live together?" thing reminded me of how immature he and Ron were back in the books. Ah memories...

I'm not too sure about Conner. He seems more abusive than romantic. I'm not sure if this was intentional, as the hint wasn't verbally expressed, but his constant letting Lily down was starting to peeve me off. Unless there is miraculous change in the future, I hope she ditches him for another guy.

This story sort of reminded me of Delicate, but then again, everything with a sharp-witted teenager who is pregnant is. I'll stick around and see. So far, I notice major differences. Good job on the summary by the way- it really draws a reader in =]

Sincerely,

Constants

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for taking time out of your day to write such a nice, long review! (: These are such nice compliments!

The first chapter was sort of a prologue to introduce Lily's character. I wasn't sure how it would go over because I haven't really written a first chapter like that before, but I'm glad you thought it was good.

Haha, yea, the girl on the banner is Isla Fisher from Confessions of a Shopaholic. I'll admit it, she is sort of like that girl, but I always sort of pictured Lily like that, though I dunno why. And I am actually planning, like you mentioned, on having a point where she starts realizing that material goods aren't everything.

I wasn't sure about the Harry scene, to be completely honest. I could picture Ron freaking out like that, but I wasn't sure about Harry. Still, I wrote it because the idea just sort of popped into my head and it was too funny for me not to write it! xD

Honestly, I'm not really sure where I'm going with Connor. I didn't intentionally write him as being mean, but looking back at the prologue, I can see that he does sort of give off that impression. I haven't really delved into his character that much yet but, as of now, the plan is to have him stick around. Still, I don't really have a set-in-stone plan for this story, so, I don't know ... you gave me a sort of idea. We'll see what happens. ;)

Thanks for your nice review,
Emma


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Review #21, by Catriona7 Prologue: Lily in Real Life

10th January 2010:
Lol! Great start to the story! Can't Wait to read more!!

I was just wondering if she is pregnant. Wouldn't it be advised that she shouldn't play quidditch? Or has she just not thought about it properly yet? X

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! (:

Yea, she is pregnant, and don't worry, she won't be playing any quidditch while pregnant - she just hasn't really thought out anything properly yet; she's still coming to terms with the fact that she is actually pregnant. It's like she had this plan - to play quidditch and everything - but now her plan is falling apart. You'll see in the next chapter xD


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Review #22, by Not Signed In Prologue: Lily in Real Life

10th January 2010:
I loved it. I love Lily, and her insane dreams. You must update real soon. Its really charming, as fell as funny.

Ginny_Molly_Potter

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you loved it and thought it was funny! (:

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Review #23, by redherring Prologue: Lily in Real Life

10th January 2010:
Okay, I'm hooked.

Your Lily - best I've read, no doubt about it. Seriously. She's hilarious and likeable and makes an absolutely brilliant read. The whole thing about The Plan was adorable, bless her. I really loved the description of her brothers as well - Al working for the misuse of muggle artifacts department is GENIUS. I love it :D

The ending was fantastic, as well. I can so see Harry saying things like that, and being all naive and old-fashioned when it comes to his children, especially Lily. I can't wait to see how he reacts when he finds out she's pregnant, though somehow I can't see him being too pleased... xP And I wonder what Connor will say, too - but the baby is his, right?? I rather hope so, as he seems pretty sweet already, his lack of appreciation for fashion aside, of course xD

Anyway, I'm genuinely loving it! Best Lily ever, maybe even best first chapter I've read! Yeah, I'm a little bit impressed :D

Author's Response: Wow!! Thanks so much, that's got to be the nicest review I've ever read - you just made my day! xD

Yea, the baby is Connor's, and we'll be seeing a lot more of him in future chapters! :)


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Review #24, by cristina Prologue: Lily in Real Life

10th January 2010:
OMG so funny
i luv the idea
there arent enough stories about lily
plz update soon

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you thought it was funny. I know, there aren't enough stories about Lily so I decided to write this one. (:

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Review #25, by FluffyBunny Prologue: Lily in Real Life

10th January 2010:
You've got me hooked..:D I hope you continue soon!
Lara

Author's Response: Yay, thanks for reviewing! Glad you liked it (:

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