Wow, such a different take on Petunia and Lily, her views in her sister certainly are interesting! What I find interesting is the way she ponders what life is like for the average people, the type she describes herself to be. It's interesting that she sees her sister as someone who draws people in with her good looks only to destroy them when we know this is not entirely the case. I also like how you've brought Snape into all of this. It provides a rather unique perspective. One I enjoyed reading immensely!
Keep up the brilliant work! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I don't know what possessed me to write this story, but the idea came to me and it wouldn't go away, and I figured it would be an interesting perspective on the typical pretty girls. Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it and I appreciate your review! Report Review
Breathtakingly good ^-^Author's Response: Thank you! ^-^ Report Review
You definitely picked up on how in the HP books, eyes seemed to differentiate people. Of course, this is only because that is how it is in real life as well!
It's so interesting that you can just whip out this little ditty that is so short yet it has a feeling of such completeness about it. This has really good structure and should be looked up to as a good model for a one shot :) It was a good length, because much longer and this thing could have gotten repetitive.
I like stories in the viewpoint of Petunia, because she probably has such an interesting untold story! This is a really good interpretation of how she must have felt toward Lily, but then it was exacerbated by the fact that she loved Snape, and he loved Lily so much, but Lily didn't even love him back! How tragic! Actually, personally I've kinda been in this situation before, so I could really relate to this stuff! About three quarters of the way through I suddenly got very sad and felt a rush of pity for Petunia. Because in canon we're supposed to feel such pity for Snape -- but it's an interesting twist I must say :)
So overall good job! I'm glad you asked me to read this! Keep up the good work :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the story. I tried to make it as realistic as possible, but I also wanted to use this story to point out that not all odd things are good things. One-shots are my strong suit, I'd say =P Thank you very much! It's an honor =)
Thank you so much for your great review. I really appreciate your input ^_^ Report Review
This is awesome, and I have brown eyes, so I know what you mean.
The ending is magnificent.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you can relate. =) Report Review
I love it. Petunia's feeling are very clear. They seem to radiate from my computer. This must have been written by JK because the first line about Lily's "weird colored eyes" is just like her. She thinks anything different is weird or bad even if it's better than what she's got.Author's Response: Thank you! Your review means a lot to me - your kind words really make me happy ^_^ Thank you so much! ♥ Report Review
Hello Ilia! I'm here to review! I'm so sorry about the delay - being a college student interfers with reviewing, you know.
In all seriousness, you never cease to amaze me. I often wonder where these little one-shots come from. Do these ideas just pop out of your head like every fifteen minutes? Seriously, with a couple of keystrokes later, you've got a delightful story on your hands. I love the thought within this piece. In fanfiction, you rarely get a character that has brown eyes, unless they are a canon character. Even so, the brown has to be a rich chocolate or a soft, velvet or something completely gag-worthy. Plain, it happens, ya know? - And this simplicity is what I adore from you. Certain pieces that come from you, such as this one, exemplify the simplicity in life and that is so true. The real world is made up of ordinary, simple people and yet, we forget that in our writing.
I have to be completely honest on one aspect of this piece. This is not your fault and you can do nothing for it, but I must say something nonetheless. I do wish there were some rather...non-cliche synonyms for eyes. The beginning of this one-shot was so powerful and raw, I wish that eyes didn't have to be repeated so much. But, of course, you couldn't say "orbs" - goodness, no! Really, though, that's just me being a nitpicky nutcase, don't mind me.
In all, you have no idea how much I enjoyed this. I have blue eyes, and I must say that it was refreshing to change the pace and see things from the other side of the tracks. I do not know how it feels to how brown eyes and because this embodies that emotional state, you did a spectacular job. Gosh, another masterpiece, Ilia, another masterpiece.
Love, love. 10/10 Shelby :]]]Author's Response: Hi, Shelbs ^-^
Aw, thank you! You're so sweet. This one started as a personal rant, actually. =P I later realized that it would be great told from someone who is overshadowed in the series, and immediately Petunia came to mind. To be honest, Lily never impressed me as much as she was meant to, and I wanted to write a fic illuminating that because I was sure that there are others out there who agree with me.
Right? There is nothing new to say about eyes. And even if I tried to think of something new, it sounded too far-fetched to even be considered for eyes. It's awful.
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you so much for your review ^-^ Report Review
MIDS! It's great to hear from you again! I've been so busy with school and everything (good busy, not bad busy - yes, I am a Ravenclaw for a reason xD) How are you?
This was interesting. You were right, I did like it. Alot.
Petunia and Severus...very unusual I must say, but then, I love unusual. What made you choose this pairing? I would like to point out though that in "Order of the Phoenix" I believe, Petunia remembers the Dementors because she heard Severus tell Lily...and if I remember, she was rather abhorred by his memory (and when she first meets him at the playground she freaked out). It's not a criticism or anything, since I'd take it as maybe Petunia was disgusted or embarrassed that she ever desired someone such as Severus. I just thought I'd point those things out. The way you set up her relationship to him was very realistic and relatable. I have my own flaws, like having cerebral palsy (on top of having brown eyes :P) so it was very easy to step into Petunia's shoes.
Speaking of Petunia, I think her voice is very strong in this piece, which is reinforced by the short sentences going into the long ones. But I don't think Petunia would be the sort to call Severus by a nickname like 'Sev'. Any nickname, really. She seems too formal and uptight; I would be shocked if she ever called Vernon "Vern."
The way you describe things are great. and the thing that tops this off is that, the way you describe things seem uniquely different than most writers here at HPFF. It's simple and clear but really deep. Your final line was beautiful, stark and symbolic. It perfectly showed the essence of Snape and Lily's relationship.
And praise you for your characterization of Lily! Hallelujah! Okay, I probably shouldn't be half so excited but I'm so pleased you took Lily and basically ripped out her innards for what they really are. I'm one of those readers who don't like Lily much at all xD I don't think she was a TRULY good soul as everyone raved about after her death. I just love the part where Petunia describes her as a black widow. How she is more like a Venus Flytrap than a Lily. It's a beautiful contrast between the green beauty and black terror. What do you think about Lily? Do you think Severus was not smart to love her?
I'm sure you got this alot in your other reviews, but I really liked how you twisted the whole "different is great!" notion and showed that being one of the many can be good possibly. How being different maybe weird or strange like the eyes of animals staring at you at night as you drive down empty farm roads. "But it’s another thing to look at someone average – really look at them – and see something even more special." It's so true! Looks fade with time and age, but what is on the inside, at its very core, never really change. I think the inside matters more than what is on the outside.
Very good piece. You should have more stream of conscious sessions :)
KristenAuthor's Response: There is no excuse for the lateness of this response, but I really do appreciate your review ^-^
I have always sort of thought that Petunia and Severus would be good together. I always pictured their relationship like this - Petunia pining over him but he is too busy focusing on Lily.
That's a good point. She probably wouldn't call him Sev. I'll keep that in mind for the future. Thanks =)
Thank you =) I've been working on saying exactly what I mean in the simplest way possible, and this story is a result of that experimentation. I'm glad to see it's working!
Haha, I'm glad I'm not alone! I didn't see her as a goddess of any kind in the series. I wasn't totally taken with her, you know? I wanted to explore some of her darker sides too, and I figured Petunia would be the perfect medium.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review ^-^ Report Review
This was such a good story! I could really feel Petunia's emotions. How she felt for Sev, how she thought of Lily etc. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ^_^ Report Review
The wording on it is amazing xAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Wow. That was great! I mean, I've never heard of a Petunia/Severus shipping! Wow. But this is amazing, I should start thinking about what would happen if Sev/Tuney did happen.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it and I'm glad it got you thinking ^_^ Report Review
Wow...that was really good! I loved how you focused on the one thing (her eyes) for the whole story and spun around that a wonderful story!
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate your review ^_^ Report Review
Hello, Ilia! I spotted this in the New Story Thread and was seriously intrigued. Only you could make Petunia/Severus seem remotely plausible!
I love how you focused on eyes throughout this entire piece. It's like eye colors are a stand-in for Petunia's larger issue, which is overall beauty. Lily is more beautiful than Petunia - but Petunia takes out her spite on Lily's eye color. It's very fitting, considering how big a deal Lily's eyes are throughout the series.
I started to wonder whether you wrote this intending it to be slightly ironic, or tongue-in-cheek, because it's such a contrast to the whole HP series, where the green eyes are just SO lovely and SO captivating...and here, you're like, yeah, green eyes aren't really that great when you think about it. Regardless, that's the effect it held for me as a reader, and it was pretty fantastic.
I also wanted to say I loved how you worded the first line. Petunia doesn't start out by saying that anybody can be extraordinary with beautiful eyes - she specifically says weird-colored eyes. To Petunia, anything that is different from her (or possibly better than her!) is "weird." It was a touch of detail that put her IC immediately.
Another favorite line was this one:
Our features are brown like dirt. Mud. The stuff the light-eyed people walk on. We are the path for them. Without us, the light-eyed people wouldn't be different.
I like that line because it makes brown-eyed people necessary, in a way. Without the brown, there would be nothing against which green is comparatively better. And that's why brown-eyed people are the "path" - their baseness is what catapults the others to greatness. Wonderful!
I will stop rambling. This was a really great exploration of Petunia's envy and bitterness, using one particular feature that had come to be so symbolic of Lily Potter and her goddess-like status.
MelanieAuthor's Response: Sorry for taking forever to get to this review. I took an unannounced hiatus for a while.
Thank you! It's such a high compliment coming from you. ^_^ Yes! You understood my point. In one of my English classes, we talked about microcosms and it really got me thinking about how to take that idea into a new realm. =)
I hadn't given much thought to the HP series as much as to my own life, to be honest. But I suppose it could read sort of like a dig at the series XD Thank you.
I'm so glad you thought Petunia was in character! That was definitely a worry for me.
Necessary. Yes, that's the word for us. XD I suppose this piece sort of resulted from my own personal issues but it translated well into fanfiction, I guess, Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate what you have to say.
=) Report Review
that was really interesting. i looovveeedd how it was more of an explanation/diary sort of thing and not a developing plot. i really liked hearing Petunia's sweet, broken, vulnerable side. it gave a brand new image. yay.
LMSAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the different take I went with this. ♥ Report Review
I was so excited when you had posted in my thread and requested a review. It has been way to long since I've read your work and I miss it!
I love how you portray Petunia. You don't find many stories about her and her having feelings for Severus, that's quite interesting.
Your descriptions are still done beautifully. I envy you for it. I'm sorry my review is so short, but that's only because your stories haven't changed one bit. Not at all.
Please, please. Don't hesitate to request from me again, love!
♥Author's Response: Thank you! Aw! You miss my work? That's so nice of you. Thanks ♥
I have never read any Petunia/Severus stories, but I actually wish there were more. I think that would make an interesting plot.
Thank you! Don't envy me, please. Descriptions have given me a hard time since day one. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your review ^_^ Report Review
I like this. I'm always fascinated by Petunia stories, I feel there's so much more to her then the stuff we know, and you've captured that. I like the hints of her wanting Severus (okay, more then hints, but whatever). Your description is awesome. It really fit the rest of the story, and it was amazing. (: The entire story was. I like the way she thinks, it makes sense, and it seems canon, even if it isn't necessarily.
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you! Yes, I think there is a lot to Petunia that no one really recognizes. This story is my homage to her. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review Report Review
Pretty good, I like the way you descripe things and it sounds just like Petuina. However, I want to know how Snape and her know each other.. that would be interesting.
Anyways, good story and keep it up.. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this story, but I appreciate that you used your imagination. =) Thanks Report Review
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