Reading Reviews for The Timeturner Effect
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Leigh Kelley Prologue

11th January 2010:
Hi there.

You wondered if this has potential, and I certainly think so. Judging from your summary anyway, because the prologue so far only shows us an introduction to Rose, her sorting, and a little scene with Scorp. I honestly can't judge the potential on the prologue alone, since it hasn't delved into your plot yet. At least, I don't think it has.

It's good that you showed us how Rose was feeling leading up to the ceremony. The epilogue only gave us little glimpses, so it's nice to see authors cover it. Now, I also like that you even thought to include to Sorting Hat's song. It's a difficult thing, writing something unique, and I think you did a good job at it. It definitely flowed, made sense, and covered the things that the hat should. So good job on that.

You know, I like the thought of Albus in Ravenclaw. I always figured that he would be either a Gryffie like his parents, or in Slytherin considering what he talked with his Dad about in the epilogue. So what you did was definitely different, and I can see him as a 'claw. As for Rosie, well. I've only come across one story that has her as a Slytherin. It's yet again different, and I am curious as to your reasoning behind it, and can't wait to see how you let it all play out.

Sometimes, it did seem like you were writing in a listing fashion. What made it seem this way is your usage of sentences that begin in the same manner. For example, the paragraph where she was placing the bandage on Scorp's finger. All of those sentences began with 'she', and it would be best if you mixed it up a little. Just a suggestion, and really my only critique.

I like the scene with Rose and Scorp. She has a strong personality, and I like that she stood up for her father. It seems that she has strong family values, and that's always good to see. It also seems like she has the ability to forgive and forget, considering that she was quick to help him when he got the paper cut, and she apologised to him as well. It shows a great deal about her personality. She is quite the likable character.

Flow and dialogue was good, so I have nothing to pick at there. Sometimes you switched tenses, mostly earlier on in the story (from where Fred was introduced). I'd suggest a quick read-through just to correct those. Other than that, I liked this, and can't wait to see how your summary plays into it all.

Keep it up!

~Leigh

Author's Response: Leigh thank you so much for the wonderful detailed review! It makes me want to write more and more! Thank you for your kind words on the Sorting Hat song, I was a tad worried about it. And I'm ecstatic that you like that Albus is in Ravenclaw, I've always thought he would be. You'll see his character a bit more in the coming chapter. (: Rose is completely a Slytherin, and you know I've never seen her as anything else. She's ambitious and she'll get what she wants, but she does have a kind heart, and I was trying to show that in her scene with Scorpius. Thanks for the critique on my sentence structure, I do tend to use 'She' a lot. I'll keep that in mind the next time I write! Rose and Scorpius' first scene really represents a lot to me and to Rose, it is the start of their relationship, be it good or bad, but that first spark is what lights the fire of this entire story. Rose has a crazy personality, but I think that scene really sums up who she is, whether or not we see a lot of it all the time is another story though. And I'm SO upset that I missed some of the tense irregularities, I realized halfway through that I messed up and reread it three times. Oh well, guess you can't catch them all the time. Thanks for your nice words! I'll take them to heart!
-FlyingFree


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Review #2, by Alassie Prologue

10th January 2010:
Well, no one can tell you that this isn't original. Not only did you put Albus somewhere besides Gryffindor or Slytherin, you also deemed it fit to put Rose in Slytherin. Wow. Different it may be, but I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. I actually really enjoyed this. I am glad that Rose and Scorpius started off snapping right back and forth at each other. It was fitting. Their fathers hated each other, and children tend to carry on prejudice. Malfoy seems like he should, it was a little arrogant of him to think that he could say what he pleased about Ron, but Rose couldn't say what she thought about Draco. Glad she put him right in his place.
Good work!!!
Alassie

Author's Response: Thank you so much Alassie! (: I'm really glad you enjoyed this. Your words mean so much, and I'll take them to heart as I'm writing the next chapter (right now!). Rose is going to toughen up like she should, and a little more will be revealed about Malfoys personality! =D Thanks again!
-FlyingFree


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