I was no expecting that ending at all.
I really liked the descriptions you used for this and how it was so light and happiness and then the darkness slowly ebbed in with the form of that man.
I wonder why made you write this? and how you came up with the idea? was it all off of the banner?
It was a really good and riveting read.
alicia and anne
slytherinAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. This was so long ago that I can't remember the original reasoning, though it was definitely the first time I visited the UFG section and it did start with the banner. I fell in love with it immediately, I know, because it was both dark and light: light in the flowers, dark in the girl's face. The two together, though simple, got me thinking. Glad you enjoyed! Report Review
REVIEW CHALLENGE #8.
Upon just reading the authors note, this fic seems really interesting, there seems to be so much all within so few words. -reads fic-
And wow. That first "chapter" was beautiful, and I definitely think the title Serenity fits ^.^ I was in a trance by the end of it. The second chapter was strangley emotional for something so small. I was tearing up by the end of the 3rd from last chapter.
This is so much story in so few words, and one of the best "Every Word Counts" challenge fics I've read. There's not really much I can say except how shocked I am you didn't enthusiastically self promote this on my blog the FIRST time I asked haha :D It certainly is pretty perfect.
10/10 fo' sho'.Author's Response: I'm a big fan of combining challenges, because it makes it more challenging and limits how much writing you need to cram in if you're running into a deadline. :D
I tried hard to practice some of my mediocre/adequate description here, and let it do the speaking. I got the idea of chapters from RominaStephanie, I believe, who used them in a one shot beautifully. I'm not sure how much I've learned from the Every Word Counts Challenge, but I do know I'm going to continue learning from it. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked the story. And self-promotion is hard to do graciously, so I often try not to at all. :) Report Review
This challenge produced some really lovely works, this is definitely one of them! It starts off achingly beautiful and then BAM. It is really extraordinarily powerful for such a short piece and I loved the ambiguity of the ending, especially considering the era! Brava!Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review; I like "achingly beautiful". :D Report Review
Hi, it's me again. I just want to say that I'm so very sorry about my review below... my computer did this weird thing where it transplanted my review for the story "Once, We Were Kings" onto this page as a review for your story "Serenity." I'm sure you read my review below and thought, "Gosh, my story isn't about Lorcan and Lysander. Frickin' crazy reader." Again, I apologize profusely, because it means that I didn't get leave the review I wanted to for this story. Anyway, let's try this again:
Wow. This story has so many beautiful images. I really like that we don't quite know who the girl is, and yet by virtue of reading about her secret place I feel like I know her very well. And the fact that she stops her scream. So good.
So there you go. Once again, I'm so very sorry for the mix up. Please don't hate me, I love your writing!Author's Response: Haha, I actually might not have noticed right away, as I have an old Lorcan and Lysander story. Anyway, thanks for coming back and reviewing this again. I'm glad you liked the hidden identity; I wanted to make the story more about dangers of the past coming back to haunt someone who thought she was safe, and less about the actual girl. There are several girls who fit her character, anyway, so you can just use your imagination. Thanks! Report Review
Oh my goodness hun, this was amazing! You said you really liked it and I can see why. This is glorious.
For only 500 words, your description is fantastic. Its the middle of January, and I just want to go out into the woods near my house and sink down into the trees and see if I can feel this way too. Even with all the snow. Hehe. Seriously, your description is inspiring.
I also loved the fact that we don't know who the girl is. I think I pictured her as Rose - probably because I just write her character so much - but regardless, having everyone anonymous in this just added to how beautiful it was.
And, as an English nerd, I have to say that your syntax was great. Your sentence structure varied and carried such a natural cadence, it was wonderful.
I don't even know what else to say. This is magnificent. You should be very proud of this. :)
10/10Author's Response: Thank you thank you! I am rather proud of this. The story itself started out as just me challenging myself to actually describe something instead of relying on dialogue, and I do like the way it turned out, though it took a lot of effort.
I picture the girl as Lily II, or possibly Victoire, but as I think I told you once, it's no big thing. Just one more way for the reader to enjoy him/herself, one more element of mystery, one more way to use the imagination. :) Report Review
Hey, Tink from the forums with your review.
In the beginning I was wondering who you were talking about in this short story, but when you said Mudblood, I immediately thought of Draco saying that to Hermione, but I quickly looked back and saw that this was Next Generation. You have got me still curious and you've done a great job.
You descriptions are very well done and you seem to get have the pace and flow of this wonderfully, even though it is limited to five hundred words.
xxAuthor's Response: Thanks! I meant for the character to be a curiosity, although I did consider putting Scorpius down for the killer, so you're not too far off. Report Review
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