Reading Reviews for Serenity
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dojh167 Silence

20th June 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

I really like that you broke this up into smaller "chapters." People tend to feel really restricted by such a small word limit, but I love that you fully embraced it.

I find it very interesting that you start both chapters in a very frenzied way, with words like flings, scrambles, and runs. At first I had the very strong feeling that she was being chased by something physical, which creates a kind of alienation when we find that she is happy in this place. I think that this really works to tie the ending in.

The ending was very upsetting, but still very believable. I like that you specifically mentioned that the word mudblood hadn't been used in years. It helped paint an image of the social landscape, and yet it was still believable that there was lingering hatred that motivated this attack.

The imagery was beautiful in all the ways. I can't even.


Author's Response: I definitely embraced the Every Word Counts challenge :). I probably wrote four or five entries total. It's nice to hear that you think this worked. And you caught what I specifically remember trying to do-- I wanted to evoke this sense that this was long after the war, but that that didn't mean that prejudice was over forever. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11 Silence

20th June 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the House Cup 2015! So, let's go over things:

Plot: ...Oh. Well, what exactly did I just read? You know those moments where you need time to take in a story? That's what I'm feeling. This was really interesting! I didn't get until the very end that Hermione was the "she" in the story, and then when she died (?), it was so sudden that I had to reread it multiple times! I love the idea of a secret, quiet, nature-place that reminds you of childhood. I had a few of those growing up. The second part of the story jarred me, but the first made up for that discomfort. Overall, good job!

Emotions: I think you captured the peace and silence of the meadow really nicely. It was such a quiet, lovely place, and I felt like I was there. As for the ending, I didn't feel the urgency or fear I expected, but that might have been just a result of the word limit.

Descriptions/Style: I wish you'd had more words to work with to give all the details of how things looked, sounded, smelt, etc., but what you had here was really nice! I could really see the meadow. Well done!

Overall, this was neat! It was a little bit different than a lot of what I've read lately, so that was cool. Well done!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for yet another review! I'm glad you liked the story, I remember really enjoying writing it, even though I think I wrote it awhile ago. I think my original intention was for the main character to be a Next Gen kid– maybe Rose, perhaps? But who it is doesn't really matter (that's why there's no name there anyway); I think I did want the reader to keep an open mind in terms of who it could be. Sort of that this sort of thing could happen anywhere, at any time, you know? At any given moment there's a lot of injustice occurring throughout the world. Anyway, I'm going to stop before I start getting in way over my head with this response. Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it!

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Review #3, by alicia and anne Silence

14th August 2011:
I was no expecting that ending at all.
I really liked the descriptions you used for this and how it was so light and happiness and then the darkness slowly ebbed in with the form of that man.
I wonder why made you write this? and how you came up with the idea? was it all off of the banner?
It was a really good and riveting read.

alicia and anne

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This was so long ago that I can't remember the original reasoning, though it was definitely the first time I visited the UFG section and it did start with the banner. I fell in love with it immediately, I know, because it was both dark and light: light in the flowers, dark in the girl's face. The two together, though simple, got me thinking. Glad you enjoyed!

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Review #4, by Jazzeh Turnip Silence

19th June 2010:

Upon just reading the authors note, this fic seems really interesting, there seems to be so much all within so few words. -reads fic-

And wow. That first "chapter" was beautiful, and I definitely think the title Serenity fits ^.^ I was in a trance by the end of it. The second chapter was strangley emotional for something so small. I was tearing up by the end of the 3rd from last chapter.

This is so much story in so few words, and one of the best "Every Word Counts" challenge fics I've read. There's not really much I can say except how shocked I am you didn't enthusiastically self promote this on my blog the FIRST time I asked haha :D It certainly is pretty perfect.

10/10 fo' sho'.

Author's Response: I'm a big fan of combining challenges, because it makes it more challenging and limits how much writing you need to cram in if you're running into a deadline. :D

I tried hard to practice some of my mediocre/adequate description here, and let it do the speaking. I got the idea of chapters from RominaStephanie, I believe, who used them in a one shot beautifully. I'm not sure how much I've learned from the Every Word Counts Challenge, but I do know I'm going to continue learning from it. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked the story. And self-promotion is hard to do graciously, so I often try not to at all. :)

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Review #5, by Margravine Silence

16th March 2010:
This challenge produced some really lovely works, this is definitely one of them! It starts off achingly beautiful and then BAM. It is really extraordinarily powerful for such a short piece and I loved the ambiguity of the ending, especially considering the era! Brava!

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review; I like "achingly beautiful". :D

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Review #6, by Verity the Clerk Silence

4th March 2010:
Hi, it's me again. I just want to say that I'm so very sorry about my review below... my computer did this weird thing where it transplanted my review for the story "Once, We Were Kings" onto this page as a review for your story "Serenity." I'm sure you read my review below and thought, "Gosh, my story isn't about Lorcan and Lysander. Frickin' crazy reader." Again, I apologize profusely, because it means that I didn't get leave the review I wanted to for this story. Anyway, let's try this again:

Wow. This story has so many beautiful images. I really like that we don't quite know who the girl is, and yet by virtue of reading about her secret place I feel like I know her very well. And the fact that she stops her scream. So good.

So there you go. Once again, I'm so very sorry for the mix up. Please don't hate me, I love your writing!

Author's Response: Haha, I actually might not have noticed right away, as I have an old Lorcan and Lysander story. Anyway, thanks for coming back and reviewing this again. I'm glad you liked the hidden identity; I wanted to make the story more about dangers of the past coming back to haunt someone who thought she was safe, and less about the actual girl. There are several girls who fit her character, anyway, so you can just use your imagination. Thanks!

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Review #7, by doratonks14 Silence

13th January 2010:

Oh my goodness hun, this was amazing! You said you really liked it and I can see why. This is glorious.

For only 500 words, your description is fantastic. Its the middle of January, and I just want to go out into the woods near my house and sink down into the trees and see if I can feel this way too. Even with all the snow. Hehe. Seriously, your description is inspiring.

I also loved the fact that we don't know who the girl is. I think I pictured her as Rose - probably because I just write her character so much - but regardless, having everyone anonymous in this just added to how beautiful it was.

And, as an English nerd, I have to say that your syntax was great. Your sentence structure varied and carried such a natural cadence, it was wonderful.

I don't even know what else to say. This is magnificent. You should be very proud of this. :)


Author's Response: Thank you thank you! I am rather proud of this. The story itself started out as just me challenging myself to actually describe something instead of relying on dialogue, and I do like the way it turned out, though it took a lot of effort.

I picture the girl as Lily II, or possibly Victoire, but as I think I told you once, it's no big thing. Just one more way for the reader to enjoy him/herself, one more element of mystery, one more way to use the imagination. :)

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Review #8, by Tinkerbell01 Silence

8th January 2010:
Hey, Tink from the forums with your review.

In the beginning I was wondering who you were talking about in this short story, but when you said Mudblood, I immediately thought of Draco saying that to Hermione, but I quickly looked back and saw that this was Next Generation. You have got me still curious and you've done a great job.

You descriptions are very well done and you seem to get have the pace and flow of this wonderfully, even though it is limited to five hundred words.


Author's Response: Thanks! I meant for the character to be a curiosity, although I did consider putting Scorpius down for the killer, so you're not too far off.

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