Reading Reviews for Cloudy
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by heyITSme Chapter I: Dreams

4th January 2010:
this story is really good so far. i'm really excited for an update cus i want to know how lily's time as a slytherin goes. i think her's and scorpius's relationship in the prolouge is really interesting, and i'm excited for this story to progress. please update soon :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I have started the next chapter, but it is far from finished. I'm glad you're interested, and thanks for the review!

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Review #2, by WitnesstoitAll Chapter I: Dreams

2nd January 2010:
this was another interesting chapter. I think that telling the story leading up to the prologue. Having Lily in Slytherin should be interesting as well. I feel like the framework of this story is farely solid. My only criticism is again that the dialogue was a little formal and stark. Perhaps try mixing a bit of discription in throughout the dialogue some.

Keep up the good work!
Melissa

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Dialogue seems to give me trouble...I'll try to watch it. Thanks for the review!

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Review #3, by WitnesstoitAll Prologue: The Present Situation

2nd January 2010:
Hello, Hello!

I like the concept of this story. Lily and Scorpius as the forbidden lovers. It's a fresh change from the Scorpius/Rose pairing. This prologue is a lovely intro for what I'm sure will be an intriguing tale.

I like the voice of this story and hope that it is used throughout the story. The dialogue was a bit stiff. I'm anxious to get to know these characters.

melissa

Author's Response: Hm...I wasn't going for 'forbidden' so much, but I suppose it fits and I can see how you'd see that. I'm glad you like those aspects, and I will work on dialogue. Thanks for the review!

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Review #4, by Ash Chapter I: Dreams

31st December 2009:
Love it!! What a great concept to place Lily in Slytherin. Also, I really like how you brought up Harry as Lily's dad who doesn't like travelling by anything but broomstick. It would be easy to forget that Lily is Harry's daughter and he is just 'dad' to her. You addressed that perfectly :)

Cant wait to read the next chapter! Write faster!!!

Author's Response: Lol, thank you so much, Ash! I'm glad you like that part (and the story as a whole).

Lol, I shall try!


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Review #5, by watchtherainfall Chapter I: Dreams

30th December 2009:
I like the plot of this chapter, a little bit of an introduction to the whole Scorpius/Lily relationship. The characterization of Narcissa Malfoy is wonderful. She does not see the need to worship the ground that Lily walks on for being a Potter, which is defiantly not something that Narcissa would do, but does not disregard her either, still feeling slightly like she owes Harry Potter something.

I felt so bad for poor Lily in this chapter. Being in Slytherin is not all that big of a deal but Scorpius making her life hell is not all that nice of him. Then again he is a Slytherin. Haha. The dormitory scene was quite the opposite of Harry's, if I remember rightly which is nice. It gets boring to read about the whole dormitory getting together, eating chocolates and gossiping just because they are in the same house and year. . There were a few grammar mistakes in this but nothing major that interrupted the flow.

Thank you for requesting a review. I really hate when good stories go without reviews. This story is wonderful so far and feel free to re-request whenever you want (if there is an opening of course ;)).

Author's Response: I am so relieved to read that about Narcissa. Her characterization was something that concerned me, but your interpretation is exactly what I was going for.

To Lily, it is a big deal, much as it was for Albus but minus the reassurance from Harry. However, her treatment there is the main point. For some reason, I have this vision of most of the purebloods in Slytherin knowing who each other is, and I figured they'd all be fine with postponing intros. After all, they realize they will be spending most of the year together.

I'm glad you think this is good, and I will take you up on that!


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Review #6, by watchtherainfall Prologue: The Present Situation

30th December 2009:
You would think that a Lily/Scorpius would be common by now, but alas it is still quite the rarity and a fun thing to read so thank you for requesting a review! Firstly, I would like to say that writing in first person is incredibly difficult sometimes and I love to read it and see how other people write it. You have written in first person incredibly well.

The characters are intriguing, leaving questions about them which is pushing me to read more. I especially love your characterization of Lily. She is pushing herself to go see Scorpius but is always questioning why, something which I could see her doing. I seriously hope that Scorpius is not using Lily for something. Being used is not all that fun.

There were a couple spelling and a grammar mistake in the chapter like I respond coldly is in present tense where it should be I responded coldly. Little thing like that do not really jump out unless you are looking for them though.

This story, so far, is good! I will review your next chapter soon!

Author's Response: It surprises me that the ship hasn't really taken off yet. In a way it's kind of disappointing, but at the same time I think it makes me feel more comfortable writing it, if that makes sense. I'm glad you think I handled first person well! I'm so glad I finally found a story I can write in it!

I'm glad you like my characterization, particularly of Lily. I was a bit nervous about that.

As for the respond/responded thing, this particular chapter was supposed to be written in present tense, so I'd be more concerned about the opposite. I will read over it to check for grammar things, though.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #7, by Kirsty Weasley Chapter I: Dreams

30th December 2009:
Hmm, she had been so sure too! :( Poor Lily, good story though :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #8, by Ash Prologue: The Present Situation

29th December 2009:
Perfect :) I love it! I can't wait to read the next parts!!

Also, I love Acantha ;)

Author's Response: Wow I'm so glad you liked it, it means a lot!

You should. Thank you so much for suggesting it, and for the review!


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Review #9, by Nuala Prologue: The Present Situation

28th December 2009:
Im glad you decided to write a lily/scorp story there arnt enougth of them
keep writing - up date soon
:-)

Author's Response: It's really not as common as you'd think, is it? Thanks for the review!

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Review #10, by jb Prologue: The Present Situation

28th December 2009:
looking forward to your next chapter i am intriged to know what happens next great story so far hope you will continue it

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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