i don't usually read Albus/OC stories but i've really gotten into this story and i like the twist you've added to it :)
update soon :)
[=Miss Ginny Potter=]Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
Best chapter yet, I love all the posabilitys you opened up with this chapter. Very glad you brough the aspect of harry's relationship into it. I like that fact that Al picked up on the unlikelynes of falling in love at such a young age
The end to the chapter was perfect, Its great the he relasied he was in love and it dosnt have to mean forever
10/10Author's Response: This chapter, like a lot of the others, was planned one way and turned out completely different. I was planning on Scorpius' crush being a bigger deal and presenting a conflict for Al and Sharon's relationship, but then I was hit with the idea of Scorpius' offhand comment opening up a world of possibilities, and was also a way for me to comment on love in general. I'm really glad you liked it. Report Review
You've really done a great job writeing their relationship, It so natural one of the best written relationships I've read.
The have chemistry but its not overdramatic or over written there just real people in a relationship, nice one :)
I would like to hear just a little more about Sharon and her relationship with her own friends the focus has mainly been on Al and his friends, I get the impression the Al is a lot closer to his friends that she is the hers and I like that but it would still be nice to just get to know her on her own a little better.Author's Response: Thanks! Al and Sharon's relationship comes very naturally to me, and I'm definitely not an expert on dating or anything in that area. I've heard from other people that I should add more to Sharon, and I completely agree. You're right that Al's a lot closer to his friends than her, but that's not much of an excuse. Thanks. :) Report Review
The way you have inturpreted Al is great I like that he's got some of harrys loyalty to his friends but its still belivable that he is a slytherin.
also I really like how his past view of Sharon is diffrent to her view of him, she says they have a history yet he couldn't remember her name.
So adorable how he just fell for her when he saw her and ovbiously still adores her.
I'm looking forward to find out more about Sharon as a person outside their relationship. Great chapter :)Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I didn't even remember that Sharon thought they had a history! Haha, that just shows my lack of planning, although it does end up working out quite nicely with the two characters' personalities. Good eye, there. Thanks. Report Review
Nice start :)
Sounds like it could be an intresting read although there were a few american terms which people at hogwarts wouldn't use like, graduating class and jocks, but apart from that it was great :)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm American so I'm not surprised there are some American terms in there. I'm glad you pointed them out, as sometimes people just criticize things without any examples. I'll definitely replace them. L) Report Review
Aaw! I love this story! It's so cute :)
Update soon, please!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm working on it. :) Report Review
This is such a great story so far and I love the pairing of Albus and Sharon. I'm curious to know if Scorpius telling Albus he had a crush on Sharon was just a ploy to get Albus to open up on how he felt about Sharon or is Scorpius genuinely interested in Sharon? I hope it's the former because I don't want anything to mess up Albus and Sharon's relationship because this story just won't be the same without the two of them together. Anyways, keep up the good work and update as soon as you can.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! No, Scorpius isn't that sneaky, I think you gave him too much credit. Besides, there needs to be some strain on the relationship, right? Report Review
aww, these two are totally adorable. i love the albus and sharon together--it's just a really sweet couple. your writing is really impressive, and i just can't get enough of those two! can't wait for the next chapter! (:Author's Response: Thanks. This isn't supposed to be a big, meaningful story; "adorable" is definitely what I'm aiming for. :) Report Review
This story keeps getting better!
I love how you showed Sharon's personality through Al's daydream. That was really clever. All the other characters are really good too; they're all real and likable. And the contrast between Al's quidditch obsession and his Sharon daydreams was really nice :)Author's Response: I feel like this whole story is likable, if it doesn't sound too bold. I'm happy when I write it, I enjoy all the characters, and it's no big stretch on the emotions. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Report Review
Aaw! That's cute. I love Albus and Sharon.
-HHAuthor's Response: Thanks. I'm going to update as soon as I get some things up that have approaching deadlines; challenges and things on hold at TDA, etc. Report Review
i am enjoying your story so far i do like albus scorpios and lily storys i do hope you will continue with oneAuthor's Response: Well, I have four and a half more chapters written for this one, so you can count on many more updates in the future. :) Report Review
This is cute. It really is. And it has me interested. No matter how many Next-Gen-Canon-Character/OC stories I read, I can never get enough of them. Never. And the really cool thing is that we know little snippets about all the canon characters but, for all intents and purposes, they are OC characters. And that's an awesome playground for writers.
This was just fun to read. You mentioned that you were scared that people were not going to enjoy it. And you said that people would not get overly emotional over it. I agree with the latter, but disagree with the first. Yes, this is light-hearted. It doesn't warrant tears from your readers. But that's a good thing. It's just something fun to read and smile while doing so. And it is enjoyable. No matter what you think, it definitely is enjoyable.
You also mentoined that the boys might be too stereotypical. I don't think they are. You might want to downplay a smidgen on some of the 'blokey' things they do, but, for the most part, you seem to have them down pat. Don't worry too much about the boys, though. You'll find that once you start writing more chapters, you'll start to develop the boys further and you'll get to know the way they talk and behave. It's early days! Just make sure you have a good idea of each of the characters and you'll be fine. :]
Sharon is a really likeable character, but perhaps my only criticism would be to show us more of who she really is. So far, we have only really seen her interactions with the boys and with Albus and I know that it has only been one chapter, but I'm still not too sure about the type of person she is. And I want to find out.
I love the idea of this. It's rate that you have a pairing already established at the start of the story and then you see it develop. Most romance stories are about establishing the pairing itself. And this is different. I like it.
That last sentence almost seems like a warning. I hope that Albus doesn't end up choosing World Cup tickets over Sharon... poor thing, if that does happen! It should really be interesting to see what happens in the future of this story. You seem to be hinting from the summary that there comes a point when Albus does choose something more important over her and it all sounds really exciting.
For a first chapter, well done.
Ju :]Author's Response: Sorry I haven't responded to this in a timely manner! It's really helped me with the story, anyway. Your suggestion to get to know Sharon better was a great one, and without trying to your review reminded me of a few other things I need to fix up. For instance, I realized after reading this that need to make Al's friends more Slytherin-like. So anyway, I really appreciate the review, it was really helpful and encouraging. The story definitely light-hearted, and I plan to keep it that way. I think everyone needs a light story to read every now and then, so long as it has an actual plot. Thanks a bunch!!! Report Review
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