Reading Reviews for For Keeps
95 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lookatthatfanfiction Fear is a Four Letter Word

23rd February 2014:
I've been looking for a story like this for a long time and its such a shame you haven't updated for so long! :( you're an incredibly talented writer and the story idea is amazing please carry on I'd love to read the end!!!

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Review #2, by teamstarkid97 Fear is a Four Letter Word

23rd August 2013:
PLEASE, PLEASE continue this story! It is definitely my favorite and is the reason I really got into HPFF, and that was over a year and a half ago!! I love it so much and I really hope that you have not given up on this story, because I have to know what happens (even though I have already guessed something)! It really means a lot to me!! I check this story every time I come on here on the off chance that you have updated!! Just wanted to let you know that someone really cares about this story and really wants you to finish it:)

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Review #3, by patroni Fear is a Four Letter Word

19th September 2012:
Wow. Okay.

Way back in the beginning, after one of the earlier chapters, I started a planning a review, filing away things I would say about the story. With the last few chapters, that plan is now in tatters. I had in no way anticipated the direction that this story would take- from a complex character piece to a part-fantasy, part-adventure, part-mystery tale about different myths and different worlds; your excellent writing has, of course, carried me with it. I can only imagine the effort you must have taken to imagine, and write, it.

I love your Victoire. She's so believable and relatable, and the absolutely stunning detail you inserted about her always leaving a window open in case Gidget ever does come back-is an indelible image. Whenever I think of her, I'll of that and everything that says about her. Lovely thought; lovely character. And this eye for minute detail is what I appreciate most about your writing. I wanted to burst out in song every time I saw the word 'rug' in the text! You took a small line from Fleur and fleshed that out into a series of moments, into a thing- and it was great. Scorpius as the first year who summoned Victoire in the forest, Albus' (whose portrayal I absolutely love) history with Teddy: all small points, but beautifully done.

You've accommodated a large cast of characters while giving each a distinct role and voice. Bill, Andromeda, Albus, Phineas, Owen- am I allowed to have so many favourites(Victoire, of course, towers above them all)? Bill especially- I can see him and he's just the kind of man, and father, that I expected him to be. And Teddy! Again, I can see him so clearly, both Teddy-of-the-light-eyes and Teddy-of-the-dark and you've worked hard enough with his characterisation that it isn't easy to dislike him, despite his actions. The scene where Victoire walks in on him and, er, Ick (I can't get that name out of my head now) is powerful and chilling. And there's more: you've written Ollivander! With a heart! And the basic conceit of Victoire as an Adrenalin Animagus is wonderful. With such an intricate story, there's much to praise.

But- and this is the only constructive feedback I have to offer- this great strength could also be a hindrance at times. Owen's geneaology, Victoire's condition, her dynamic with Teddy, BIMAS, the fairies, Micah: although these various threads seem to intertwine more and more as the story goes on, I sometimes find it difficult to keep up. I feel that the chapter with the boat incident divides the story into two sections, each with a very distinct tone and scale: the first is more character-driven and allows us to 'locate' Victoire properly while the second introduces the larger fairies/wandlore plot. To be fair, you wove a lot of the elements of the latter into the former, but I still felt unprepared for the shift when it happened. After settling in with the world of BIMAS, meeting superb characters like the Pauls and getting behind Owen's search, I was suddenly somewhere else and it was too new somehow. Consequently the boat chapter, the fiendfyre, the meeting with the fairies, the new information about Teddy's wand, had/have me a bit overwhelmed. I'd suggest that either the transition between the two halves (although the 'halves' are in my head) be made a bit smoother with a clear privileging of one story thread over others and/or more anticipation. Or that the break is even more clearly defined, with chapter 19 (or 20) beginning a new part or section. Does that make sense?

But I don't want to sound like I'm not enjoying the story because I really am. I'll re-read it once more to understand the later chapters better and it speaks volumes that I'll do this gladly. Your style, your ideas but most of all your wonderful, sympathetic characters make for rewarding reading, so thank you- and I look forward to the rest of it! And sorry for the obscenely long review!

Author's Response: Patroni! Wow. This is one of the most amazing reviews I've ever gotten. I'm not even sure how to respond. Thanks for the time and for the lovely comments. I'm just still staring.

I'm unbelievably happy you mentioned the details that you did. They were all very deliberate and to have someone pick them up and make note - that's truly satisfying.

Bill is love. He and Fleur were extremely fun to write as parents. Teddy's characterization was absolutely the most difficult I've ever tackled because he is so not himself for so much of the story, and yet, he needs to be enough that readers don't despise him and other characters don't pick up on the change enough to challenge it immediately.

Teddy-of-the-light-eyes and Teddy-of-the-dark! That is probably how I'm going to think of him now :)

The best part of this review (beyond the lovely comments that have me dancing) is that I really do get what you're saying about the flow and the transition. There ARE many moving parts and I want to get them right, so hearing where things don't flow in a reader's experience is vital. This comment is perfect in that respect.

Thanks again!

Take care,

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Review #4, by patroni The Fine Art of Reciprocity is Dead

19th September 2012:
I really like this story so far and am looking forward to the rest of it. Your style is great and you've made me really invested in Victoire. I'm also a sucker for anything remotely connected to Wandlore! But I'll leave a longer, fuller review later on. For now, I just wanted to point out a few (very) minor spelling errors in this chapter that you may want to take a look at:

'Didn't [lose] it... [lose] would've been leaving it with the hag from the apothecary.'

I can help you look into the names. We can ask Professor [McGonagall].

He rallied the family around the project, which become sort of a mecca for [Weasley's] in need of a cause.

Rest assured; these didn't detract from a very enjoyable chapter. I just spotted them and thought to let you know!

Author's Response: Eeeep!!

Thanks for the catches. I'll fix those right up.

~ a very grateful Ty

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Review #5, by padmoonyfoot7 Fear is a Four Letter Word

1st August 2012:
Wow, an amazing chapter! I couldn't wait for you to update and was beginning to think you weren't.
This chapter is really sad, for Victoire. I was a bit confused in some parts, but I just needed to catch up.
I love Owen and the fact that Ron saved her (don't know why). I can understand why Phineas is annoyed, but he should really cut Micah some slack.
Really great chapter!
Keep up the good work!!

padmoonyfoot7: over and out!!

Author's Response: Hi padmoneyfoot!

Thank you for the amazing comments. I'm sorry for the wait, but so happy you enjoyed it and caught up. This IS a tough part for Victoire. I like that Ron saved her too, but sadly the real threat had been in the house all the time. More on that later...

Yeah, Phineas was blindsided, an entirely new experience for him. He's taking it a bit personal.

Take care!

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Review #6, by Sam Familiarity Breeds Attempt

23rd July 2012:
Hey! I haven't seen an update in a while! I hope you're still writing! This is a great story! :) I'll keep checking :)

Author's Response: Hi Sam!

I'm slow, but I'm certainly still writing. This story is on the home stretch.

Thanks for reviewing! It's great incentive to know someone's checking on the story.

Take care!

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Review #7, by Sara Familiarity Breeds Attempt

18th April 2012:
Please keep this up. it is great

Author's Response: Thanks! I wil :)

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Review #8, by ruby_slippers Familiarity Breeds Attempt

17th April 2012:
Intrigue! I hope everything turns out ok with Micah!!

Author's Response: Yes, Micah's got some things to work out :)

Thanks for the comment!

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Review #9, by Toujours Padfoot Seven is So Not My Lucky Number

3rd April 2012:
She'd smell like catnip and wand wax. Children would dare each other to come near her.
- loool, this cracked me up.

This group didn't have much experience wasting time on the B-List.
- It would really suck to be the odd one out in a situation like this. I hadn't given it much thought before, but yeah, Victoire is surrounded by go-getters who come, see, and conquer. Not seeing their goals realized is sort of a foreign concept. If Victoire doesn't pretend that her current predicament was fully intended, and exactly where she wants to be in life, people are going to look at her and wonder what she's actively doing wrong. Poor Victoire. But working in a wand shop does sound like fun! To me, at least. I'm a bit nerdy like that.

I like the details you included about how Teddy adopted the traits of those around him, and manipulated his face to fit whatever the situation called for. Since he's wearing a sophisticated costume of sorts, I'm wondering what angle he's working. It's a bit sad that he feels it necessary to change his appearance so much, and makes him seem not very genuine. But this sort of consciousness about his appearance really reminds me of Remus and how Remus was always painfully aware of what he looked like. Is Teddy trying to look too old for Victoire? Is he trying to impress her? Or is he simply different than he was?

I also love the characterizations you've given the other next-gen kids, particularly James. He seems a bit mischievous, and even though he's trying to work his way under Victoire's skin, seeing just how much he can get away with, it's impossible not to like him. He's a hoot. :D

There are a few typos here and there, but they should be an easy fix if you reread it with fresh eyes. And oh my goodness, a quill that matches the color of her eyes! I kept rooting for Teddy to kiss her and then I remembered that he has a girlfriend. DARN IT. Well, he needs to dump Iska or whatever her name is so that he can be with Victoire, because even though he didn't show up at graduation I still like him. He has a maturity about him that I like, and overall he just really reminds me of his father. Careful, quiet, measured, but definitely still capable of making mistakes.

This really is a fantastic story. I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

Author's Response: Yes, poor Victoire. She IS wondering what she actively did wrong :D

Teddy returned different and the reason for that will be clear as the story unfolds, so I can't give too much up. I think the morphing is very natural for him, almost an extension of his overall attention to detail. He'd rather blend than stand out, and he can wear the right features like other people can wear the right clothes for an occasion. Who wouldn't have had fun with that in Hogwarts.

Haha, I've had so much fun with James and Al they are both in my next story :) I love next-gen kids and I'm thrilled their characterizations are coming off well. Also glad you still like Teddy because he's in for a bumpy ride and needs all the support he can get.

Thanks again for the awesome comments!

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Review #10, by Toujours Padfoot It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Summoned

28th March 2012:
:O Teddy! That traitor! Who in their right mind would choose someone named Iska over Victoire?

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the beginning: I liked the atmosphere of leaving Hogwarts. Your descriptions were really spot-on and it reminded me of graduating from high school, that feeling of leaving the familiar and entering the unknown. There was a lot of vulnerability because Victoire isn't sure whether or not she's going to Bimas yet, and the ONE thing she planned on went all wrong and I'm just so sad for her. But she's tough, it seems, so I know she'll recover from it. I'm just glad that she went ahead with the dive in the lake because it shows that even though she didn't count on doing the dive alone, she was independent enough to give herself that last gift before she lost her chance to do so.

I liked how you said that the school was insistent she cram all of her Head duties into the last day of being there, more than she'd had to do all year, because it's such a realistic detail. I had friends who were in student council and all that and they were so busy during the last week of school doing all kinds of stuff, whereas during the rest of the year they didn't really have to do much of anything.

The map Teddy and Victoire made gave me a real sense of tradition and camaraderie between the two, so it was especially poignant that he didn't show up. Like, he took something serious and sacred and just ignored it, so right off the bat you know he's got to have a pretty big reason to do so.

I also appreciated the small detail about how Victoire and Sara had a compartment party on the train to celebrate their last time on the Hogwarts Express, and that stepping foot on that train again would be like cheating since they'd already bid their goodbyes to it. It brings back that whole feeling of closing one chapter, and all of the traditions of being that age and saying goodbye to so many years of being shoved into classrooms with the same people. Really, really well-written.

The underwater scene was intense! Your descriptions of the canyon and the chute and the snails was vivid. Rotten luck about the hippocampus, but watching her transform into a snidget was very interesting. I like reading about perils and adventures in stories, so this chapter was like a feast for the eyes.

I'm really enjoying this story!


Author's Response: Who indeed?!

I actually re-wrote where the graduation scene was set from the original draft. I did it to align more to a Hogwarts expected graduation, but I realized when I did how much I'd learned since first publishing the chapter. I'm so excited to hear it works for you!

Vic is tough (and will need to be coming up) even though she may not always be convinced of that fact. The reason Teddy didn't show is big, and I'm hoping readers stick with me to get it.

I can't thank you enough for the awesome comments! I'm so glad we were paired for the exchange, not just because I like hearing what strikes you when you read this, but also because Run has been such a great read.

Take care!

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Review #11, by Toujours Padfoot Nothing Good Ever Came From a Long Eared Owl

28th March 2012:
I like Victoire! Usually when I see her, she's an ice queen, so it's lovely to see someone so flawed and down-to-earth. She's got a humorous voice; I love her internal banter and enjoyed listening to her feel sorry for herself. She sort of wars between not wanting to be given handouts because of her last name and wondering why things aren't exactly going her way because of her last name. Or so it seems - I can't tell because this is just the first chapter. But so far, she's hilarious and a bit pathetic in that I-have-absolutely-no-idea-what-I'm-going-to-do kind of way. I can definitely relate. Here is Sara, her future all laid out for her, and Victoire hasn't got a clue what she's going to do after Hogwarts.

Speaking of that, I love that the world does not worship her just because she's related to famous people. It makes her so much more real and multidimensional. I like that BIMAS is being iffy and they're waiting to see if their first picks will go with them before giving Victoire a concrete 'yes' or 'no'. Now that I'm so curious about what's going to happen to her, I've got to read on! Excellent first chapter, I enjoyed it very much.

Chapter Two ahoy! ~

Author's Response: Hi there!

You are so right about Victoire - she does war with herself. She's aware enough to know she gets some things because of her looks/family connection, but also aware that she has earned and worked for things just like everybody else. She's ticked when she doesn't get full credit, but she has this little inner voice whispering that what she actually does to earn those things doesn't matter as much as what people perceive. She's basically a big bundle of bravado and insecurities.

She's awfully fun to write. :)

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Review #12, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Summoned

4th March 2012:
Clusters of students dotted the olive-green earth, enjoying the release that came with the lull of finishing something and knowing you weren't expected to start anything else just yet.

I am actually yearning to feel that again. 3 and a half months and I hope I shall be doing that very same thing ♥

I am, however, going to have to pull you up on some of the Americanisms. Quad, for instance - courtyard would probably work better. I've never heard something called that before in the UK. Similarly, the issue of graduation. I know it's awkward for you to change it but it really does knock the story completely off balance for me. I would go through and edit them out to 'leaving' - definitely no 'happy graduation' or similar sentiment. We're not that bothered about leaving school :P

There are tonnes of positives though: the insight into Victoire's condition (perhaps could have been a little clearer as I had to read it twice to get my head around it), her characterisation and that of everyone else, the mark that activates the circle of people was really interesting and unique etc. Her relationship with Teddy comes across really well too and I repeat: everyone feels so human.

This chapter felt a little choppier than the last and I think you could maybe improve the flow a bit. The part with the revelation of who Iska is was a bit odd: it would perhaps be better to intersperse Victoire's feelings with the dialogue because at the minute, it feels like two separate blocks.

These are all little niggles, really. There are absolutely no major issues in the story whatsoever. This was quite a long chapter and there was a lot to take in so I think once you've sorted out the issue of the flow, it'll be absolutely fine.

Please feel free to rerequest! I'd love to read more but definitely need requested reviews as an excuse not to do work :P


Author's Response: YES! I love the lulls, it was actually quite nice to channel that feeling again while writing this (I've experienced far fewer of those moments since joining the workforce) :P

I wish you a very fulfilling lull in 3 and a half months ♥

Urgh, even when I TRY my American shows! I got Quad from HP Wiki when I re-wrote the whole scene around the seventh years leaving on the boats to be more authentic. Yep, I definitely should have axed that last line -and Grant's comment- in the edit for sure.

I'll catch those when I tweak the flow. I can't tell you how helpful it is to get specifics on where things get bumpy. :)

Thank you so much for the awesome review, the helpful comments, and the encouragement! I'll give you a little break from me, but will certainly be back in your thread again.

♥ Ty

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Review #13, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Nothing Good Ever Came From a Long Eared Owl

4th March 2012:
Eep. Ty, I'm so sorry that this has taken me so many months to get to. Everything's been completely mental lately.

Now, for some reason, I thought I'd already read the first few chapters of this but it appears that I was mistaken :P Never mind. I shall just sit here and kick myself for not getting to it quicker!

So this chapter is a wonderful opening, I thought, and I really have very little to say on it. I think the dialogue especially is brilliant and it sounds very natural and normal which is something I've never said before. Usually dialogue - even the very best - reads a little strangely in my head but it just worked really well here.

For the most part, the description is absolutely fine. The third person works well and it made me feel closer to Victoire (who is a wonderful character, whilst I'm on the subject). The only part I got a bit confused over was at the beginning, with the long-eared owls from Brazil bit. It made it sound like Sara was still in Brazil so maybe you could clear that up a bit.

I just love how real this feels. I know that Victoire's condition will come into play at some point in the future and potentially disrupt that normality but for the moment, it just feels like an 18-year-old who has no idea what life is going to throw at her and who feels left behind and lost and a bit of a failure. I think everyone can relate to that.

In contrast to almost every other reviewer, I think, I wasn't actually anticipating her not getting in to BIMAS. I picked up on the negativity, of course, but I was really hoping this might open with a turning point. It certainly didn't "ruin" anything by you showing her dislike of the owls. In fact, I thought it really helped character development.

Also, I don't see anything wrong with BIMAS as an institution and I always thought it a little strange that everyone leaves Hogwarts and gets a job and everything is great and happy. I think it's actually a really good idea, not cliché in the slightest and you wrote it convincingly. I think perhaps the fact that it's balanced with Sara's job and other people's success really makes it feel realistic.

I think this is an absolutely brilliant start to what I'm sure will be a very original story. You've definitely covered a lot of things about the characters in this chapter and I can't really think of anything major that needs to be worked upon.

Onwards I go!


P.S. I think it should be 'prospective' candidates, not perspective, in the letter from BIMAS?


Author's Response: Rachel!

No worries about a wait, your comments are well worth it. I'm grinning huge over normal dialogue. :) For as much as I talk in RL, getting it down on paper has involved a bit of a learning curve for me.

I'll look at fixing that Brazilian owl right up. I always appreciate knowing where things get lost in translation from my head. I'm very excited Victoire and her situation came across well. You totally got exactly where she is in life right now and that makes me exceedingly happy.

Haha, Bimas, yes, some people need that little extra.

Take care!

P.S. I believe you're right :)

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Review #14, by Michelle Reindeer Games

7th February 2012:
A great chapter to a great story. Keep the updates coming

Author's Response: Thanks Michelle!

I am putting in the next chapter today after a quick read through so it shouldn't be too much longer.

Thanks for leaving a review!

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Review #15, by I AM HEDWIG!! Home Is Where The Floo Is

25th January 2012:
Moving chapter between Victoire and Fleur.
Boo Teddy

Author's Response: I really worked on the mother/daughter dynamic so I'm truly pleased that you like the way it played out.

Yes, Teddy's not looking very good right now, poor boy.

Thanks for the comments!

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Review #16, by coolsilver Reindeer Games

25th January 2012:
Please update soon! I love the new development between Victoire and Grant.

Author's Response: I'm working on it. Glad you like Grant/Vic :).

Thanks for the review!

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Review #17, by padmoonyfoot7 It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Summoned

22nd January 2012:
what exactly is Victoire's condition?

Author's Response: An emotional response or perceived threat will trigger a shift in her. It's like the Animagus change, but it's not something that can be compelled to change back. It's also not the scary harpy-bird her Vela ancestors would have transformed into which makes the defense mechanism a little less potent -more flight than fight- which means she has been vulnerable, in different ways, when transformed so she fears the change and the lack of control it embodies.

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Review #18, by forsakenphoenix Nothing Good Ever Came From a Long Eared Owl

21st December 2011:
Hello Ty! I'm here for the review exchange. :)

First off, I must admit this is my first Victoire story! I think the best part about Next Gen fics is the freedom you have with their characterizations. You can get away with practically anything and no one can say you're out-of-character because no one knows much about these Next Gen kids.

It seems quite unfortunate that all of the bad news Victoire receives comes from Long Eared Owls. It makes it rather predictable then that she didn't get accepted to BIMAS. But I suppose that was intentional, otherwise, why else would you focus on it? Speaking of BIMAS, I really like the graphic. It gave it a bit more of an official feel to it. I did notice that you were missing a word in the first sentence, though. "We appreciate your interest the British Institute of Magical Arts and Studies." You should have the word 'in' between interest and the.

I know in canon, there is no evidence of any continued education so it's certainly interesting to see the presence of BIMAS. I suppose a lot has probably changed since the Trio was at Hogwarts and anything is possible.

I really feel for Victoire in this chapter. Teddy left to pursue his travels - and he got accepted to BIMAS straight away - and Sara is leaving her for a job in Brazil. Victoire must feel like such a failure, she has no definite plans for her future, except perhaps to live in her parents basement until she's 30. It made me sad when she said that people thought she only got the Head Girl title because of her last name. Being Head Girl should never be about popularity and if that's the case, whoever is in charge has no consideration about what's best for the school. Maybe that's just me being hopeful that Victoire was chosen because she was the most ideal candidate and I would hope she didn't get anywhere just because of her last name. I feel like, to me, that would add to my disappointment in myself if I was Victoire that I am not actually capable of being Head Girl.

I really like Sara in this chapter though. She's definitely very level-headed and seems to balance Victoire out. I hope we get to hear more from her despite her relocation to Brazil!

I don't know why, but when you were describing the scene where Sara and Victoire are packing up their belongings, this line really stood out to me: "items whose original ownership had long since been forgotten." It's something very similar, but to me, it holds a lot of weight. It's kind of a reminder of the past seven years and the friendship that those two have created. I think it says a lot about them.

I'm very curious about Victoire's condition, though I get sort of a slight understanding by McGonagall's description of 'hysterics.' I feel by not really describing it, you make your readers curious enough to want to continue reading it, which is a good thing!

I am also very pleased at how well-written your story is. It's very frustrating to come across stories that have claimed to be edited and I find so many mistakes that it seems impossible that someone with a basic understanding of grammar and mechanics could have possibly looked at the story. Well-written fics make me happy!

I'm not sure if I'll get to another chapter today, but expect a few more reviews from me before the end of the year! I'm definitely interested enough to continue and see how our poor Victoire fares next with graduation and Sara's departure. Nicely done! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Yeah, Next Gen is great that way. I love the relative freedom it gives for the story and characters. I do push the boundaries a little with the new institution, but I figure there was a great deal about the wizarding world that did not directly pertain to Harry's experience so why not. I'm glad you like the graphic. I had to give up the chapter image for it because you're only allowed one pic per chapter, but I liked the feel of the formal letter confirming what you knew was coming. And thanks for the catch on the typo, I'll add that to my list of edits.

The administration did have good reason for making Vic Head Girl, but because she has the name, there are people more than willing to credit it rather than her and she notices.

That line was actually very deliberate so I'm super excited you mentioned it! Life is changing for them both. That solidness and balance will not be such a constant anymore.

Thank you so much for the awesome comments! I'm actually in awe of the length of your review. I think I'm going to have to step up my game on your remaining chapters :)

Take care!

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Review #19, by Jaded94 Reindeer Games

27th November 2011:
I have just read all 22 chapters, added this story to my favorites and am eagerly awaiting a new chapter!
I really like the characters portrayal in this story because they act realistically. I especially like Owen and despite Teddy being in the picture I am kind of hoping for Owen and Victoire to have a thing :)

Author's Response: Hi Jaded! Thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm ecstatic that you are liking the story and the characters. Owen is a love, but I can't say what lies in store for them.

Life has swallowed me whole lately, but I'm going to post the next chapter as soon as I find time to revise a little.

Take care!

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Review #20, by Jenny Reindeer Games

20th October 2011:
I like your story!. But you should really update soon pleaseee :) ! Hah

Author's Response: Hi Jenny!

I'm so glad you like the story! I am dreadfully slow with this next update, but that is purely due to outside interference and is in no way due to lack of wanting to get on with it. I will be back with more as soon as I can possibly manage it :)

Thanks for the review!

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Review #21, by Darlene Not Your Standard Muggle Event

29th September 2011:
Once again, an amazing chapter. I loved the last line especially. It's difficult to explain how one person (and what they say) can make a difference to how you feel, but you did an excellent job.

I'm amazed by how accurate of an insight you give to Victoire's situation. Well done!

Author's Response: Hi Darlene!

I can't thank you enough for the lovely review, and the fact that you thought that line in particular worked is beyond gratifying.

Insight? Wow, just wow. Thanks!

~ Ty, with a great big smile :)

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Review #22, by ruby_slippers Reindeer Games

17th August 2011:
Grant hey?? he certainly seems promising though doomed at the same time ... poor chap!
Love Phineas! such a dear!

Author's Response: Hi! Yes, Grant. Haha, he did sort of step in where Owen knew better than to go. We'll see how that works out for him ;-)

I love Phineas too. I'm always glad when he gets to make an appearance in a scene.

Take care and thanks so much for the review!

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Review #23, by Arithmancy_Wiz Where Do You Sweep Things If You Haven't Got a Rug?

4th August 2011:
Hello again, tydemans. Long time no review. I've read the next two chapters and am posting all my comments away we go :)

I think the start of chapter four is the best writing of the story thus far. Ollivander was exceptionally well written and some of the more formal tone of Victoire's speech patterns seem to have worked themselves out. She's so quick witted without being so smart-mouthed as to be annoying. And I really enjoyed the magical elements you've added and explored. Maybe I'm just a sucker for canon but I miss when stories seem to leave out magic entirely. The French versus British wand lore is really interesting and I'm excited to see where Owen's wand quest leads.

Honestly though, I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of content in this chapter. There are a lot of subplots going on (which is great), but I'm having a hard time seeing how things fit together or where we are headed next, particularly with Victoire. I don't know what her journey is yet. Owen has a goal, clearly, but what is Victoire's? She seems to be floating around a bit, which in turns leaves us as the reader floating around too. I think back on the HP books for example. Each one has lots of sub-scenes (Halloween feasts, quidditch matches, exams), but each chapter moves us toward a goal (end of term/confrontation with bad guy). What are we heading towards here? What connects the dots? Even something small could be used as a thread - like the boat. Maybe the evolution of the story would correspond with her completing repairs on the boat. That's just an example, obviously. I'm just trying to think of ways that makes the chapters seem more purposely divided.

Moving on the chapter five...Again, I really like the way you started off this chapter. The letters made for a nice change, a good switch-up in pacing. My only "complaint" would be that Victoire lost a little bit of her maturity in the correspondence. It was a little jarring that she suddenly sounded a bit like a muggle teenager after all her well-worded wit of previous chapters. Still, I liked the idea and the re-inclusion of Sara into the story. Micah is also proving to be a great character add. She has a strong personality but in more of an outspoken, take-charge kind of way. She plays well off of V and I can see her really helping to thicken the action and antics of the story.

As to critique, I'll honestly be disappointed if Victoire gives up her room. First, you took the time to describe it and the burden of moving into it. I feel almost a bit cheated that you may take it away from us so soon. Second, I think it's a great setting. It's small and intimate and full of big windows. It seems a bit quirky, like V, and a place where I can see her retreating to as she faces the challenges of the story yet to come.

Overall, through the first five chapters, I see a lot of great things. You have a great knack for characters. Victoire is wonderfully crafted and each additional character stands well on their own. You also work well within the Potter universe. While your narrative style is very different, you incorporate the magic and the muggle very well. If I had to make one overall suggestion it would be to be more picky in your scene selection. Why is each and every scene important to detail? Why do I need to show V moving in as opposed to simply saying that the event has happened? Keep the story tight and your readers interested by continually pushing them forward.

Please don't let me take another year to review. Keep up the great work!

a_wiz (RC)

Author's Response: Hi A_Wiz,

I'm thrilled to have you review some more chapters. Thanks so much for taking the time for it. The Ollivander scene is one of my favorites. I find the Wandlore interesting and am thrilled when other people do too. It plays an important part in the story.

Victoire is definitely floating around, having expected to sail right into Bimas with Teddy after his return, I'm floating too in trying to balance my plotlines. I have a reason for all the moving parts, but having posted past the halfway point, I'm now thinking a pass back through the beginning to smooth things out is a good plan.

Eeek, I'll look at the letters, possibly went too girly in those :0 I'm glad Micah comes across well, she really is a catalyst for things to come. Vic will be staying in the room she has, no worries, and Merlin help Fin, so will Micah.

Coincidently, I'm reading a book on scenes now which is saying pretty much what you've said here. I think I'm going to use the exercise on what I've already written because I haven't looked at the structure on that level too closely. Your comments again have been excellent and very helpful. Thanks for the encouragement and the insight.

Take care!
~a very appreciative Ty

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Review #24, by Darlene.NYC Home Is Where The Floo Is

9th June 2011:
You really are a fantastic writer!

So, maybe I'm just burnt out from exams, but there are some parts of this story I didn't get.
1. When Teddy left to take his tour of the world, did vic and him break up? Or did they just take a break?
2. Does Teddy not like Victoire that way anymore? And what makes him like Iska so much that he would choose her over Victoire? He still seems to care about V, so why?
3. Why did Teddy stop writing to V while he was on his tour? I don't know if you did this on purpose, but will we ever find out more about what happened when he was away?
4. Also, will we ever get a full flashback of when Victoire "ran away" for those few days?
5. How evil is Iska really?

I really like this story and I look forward to reading what comes out next. I was especially touched by that bit about Victoire following Teddy to Bimas because she didn't know what else to do and because she wanted to be on the same level as him. This hits home for me because one of the main reasons I chose to go to the uni I attend is because of someone I followed here as well. I've known this person for most of my life. They're about to leave now to travel the world for a few years, which is rather Teddy-like. I love how you manage to get those emotions across! Confession: those lines made me cry.

I don't know if that makes much sense, but I'm basically saying that you're a brilliant writer and I can't wait to see what happens next. In the mean time, I will read this story several times over.


Author's Response: Hi Darly!

Thanks so much for the review. I'm sorry I've been slow in responding.

1. They were together when he left, he saw her off at the Platform and they wrote letters back and forth, at first. His last letter mentioned taking a 'break' until he was back and she had graduated. At some point that break evolved into a 'break-up'. That part's a little hazy for Vic.

2. Ah, the big question -- how DOES Teddy like Vic? It might take a novel to answer that, lucky I have one going :-) I can tell you the gillywater ain't helping.

3. A little insight on the time away - especially the catalyst for the 'take a break owl' - will be coming up. The story is starting to come together now, and I hope sufficiently enough to tie in all the missing information.

4. That's a lot of backstory to write in. I played with a flashback a little but decided it stalled the story too much. There will be reflection later on which will fill in some more.

5. Cant say :0 You'll have to decide.

I can't tell you how amazing it is to hear that you were touched by Victoire's emotions. Coming from someone with a similar real life experience, that means SO MUCH.

I'm so glad you took the time to review. You made my month! Smiling big now. Next chapter is in the queue (part of what took me so long to respond).

Take care!

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Review #25, by yazzers Home Is Where The Floo Is

11th May 2011:
So I read this chapter while listening to Only Hope by Mandy Moore and now im in tears lol. The writing was awesome as usual, but I'm a huge fan of the part where Victoire talks to Teddy. Great job, update soon!

Author's Response: Haha, that would do it. I'm so glad you liked the talk - it was something I worried about getting just right.

Thanks so much for the lovely review. You made my day!

Take care :-)

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