First of all, I'd just like to say that this. Is. Gorgeous. It's all I've read of yours, but I'm an enormous fan.
I love the atmosphere at Grimmauld Place, the tenseness. Your portrayal of Orion Black matched perfectly; you got the disregarding coldness across well. Randomly, I also really liked that Kreacher was in this. Most people have trouble writing house-elves and their weird speech impairment (lol) but you succeeded, so congrats on that.
I also liked James' jealousy and his anger. Even though I've never imagined a fight between them before, this made perfect sense.
One criticism I have is on the fact that the girl's name was never mentioned, and that she was never described at all. There was a definite hook at the end because of the element of mystery, but the story could have used some more description overall.
Thanks so much for contributing, this was a really beautiful piece!
-AngeAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review,
This was written very quickly, and in a way I'm glad about that. I never really thought much about the 'girl', writing it she never seemed to be very important except she perhaps was the reason for Sirius' anger and James' unknowing jealousy.
If I had given her a name, or gave her any description I think it would have detracted the reasoning for Sirius' anger too much. My wish was for the reader to not pick up much more than James would. This was also my reasoning for not heavily describing the argument, in that state, from James' point of view, very little of the setting would be picked up, he would be heavily concentrated on Sirius.
Thanks so much for the review, I take criticism as much as praise, so I'm glad you brought it up. Glad you liked it. Report Review
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