Reading Reviews for A Perfect Mess
  
53 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mizzxpearl An Apology, a Fight, and a Few Scared Children

17th June 2010:
Hey! This is mizzxpearl with your requested review! Okay, so you requested a review like what...a year ago? Two years ago? *Smiles sheepishly* Sorry about the long wait!

Well I'll be writing this review as I read through the chapter, but so far it seems good. The one typo I noticed what in I think the fourth line down, Rose thinks what does BE want, instead of what does HE want.

In Scorpius' POV, I only noticed a few things. One, you write "Five more minutes please!?" You can't ever have two punctuations right after one another like that. I understand you did it to add to effect and I'm guilty of the same thing, too! But if you add "...minutes please?" Ryan grumbles, or something along those lines, then the audience realises what you're trying to say!

The other thing I notice is that I believe you have Tony punch Scorpius' arm at one point? I don't think that he ever got out of bed though, so you have to be careful of that!

You have fragments in this chapter, too, but I noticed they're much less than before! Just read and reread your chapters to find out. If you're confused about something, you can always shoot me a PM on the forums! Anyway, I'll just point out one, so you have an idea of how to fix them:

You wrote:
"Could you get Rose for me? I need to speak with her." I smile, hopefully Potter hasn't turned every Gryffindor against me.

That's a fragment. Try writing "Could you get Rose for me? I need to speak with her," I explain. Hopefully, Potter hasn't turned every Gryffindor against me.

I really loved the humor you added when they were in the dormitory! It was hilarious! :D

Back to Rose's point of view! You wrote: He felt guilty? Didn't want me to choose? Missed me? He liked talking to me?

Another thing that stuck out to me what when you wrote:

I wait, and after a good five minutes he finally speaks.

Five minutes! That's a bit too awkward. Imagine talking to someone, and having your converstaional partner staying silent for five minutes before talking. :P

Remember, this is in present tense! Change all of that from the past. You have other glitches like that in there too. Since I'm writing one of my stories in present tense, something I do is after I finish a chapter, I search for words like 'said, asked, inquired, etc.' because those are the words that I slip up on the most. And once I find them, I change them! :)

Besides for those, I would say just watch out for commas. All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter! Your grammer and syntax are getting so much better! Andd, I really love Scorpius and James! Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it took me forever to respond to this! I didnt' see it until now, hahah. I've kind of been neglecting this story, my muse for it is hiding! Hopefully I'll be able to come back to it soon though.

thanks so much for all your helpful tips and corrections. I'm horrible with tense! Haha I always forget to keep it all one tense.

Oh my, I hope that I just had a typo for the five minutes thing because that really is awkward!

Thanks again, your reviews are always super helpful :D


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Review #2, by horcrux An Apology, a Fight, and a Few Scared Children

30th April 2010:
Hello Prongs. Nice to see you again. Great chapter as usual spent hanging on the edge of my seat! (see the sarcasm here? I've already read it!(lshmwiern)) I love love love the James/Erin because personally speaking as an indifferent third party with absolutly no interest in the matter, I think they will be adorable together. Oh and yes dear, you should break up Mitch and Rose. I just can't see them working out... Anyways you'll be proud of me because... well I'll let you find out when you visit my Authors page in four days. And I may or may not have thanked you in my A/N... Ok sorry for taking up your time reading this when I could have told you after third period. Oh well, life's more interesting this way, yes?

Til next time ol' chap,
Horcrux.

Author's Response: hello Padfoot. That you kindly for this wonderful review. I'm glad you liked it, I think you rock more than I do though. Lshmwiern, I totally think you a 3rd party lady, and it has nothing to do with you... And I am proud of you! I'll try to get that banner hooked up for ya. And yes, much more interesting. Love you man.

Til never old chump'
Ubergooon. (the other one :D)


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Review #3, by crazy_isthenew_normal An Apology, a Fight, and a Few Scared Children

17th April 2010:
FINALLY I managed to read it xD I'm sorry for the wait - three sleepoves in a row :L

Anyway - loved this chapter! It was brilliant (: I love how Rose scared children xD I found it funny. I'm also glad that Scorp isn't mad at her, and I'm happy that there was a bit of Erin/James in there (: I can't wait for them both to get together xD

Please update soon (: I honestly love this story :D

P.S. I'm not waiting for Mitch and Rose to break up. I do want to see a bit of the Mitch/Rose/Scorp Love Triangle though - would be interesting (:

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! It took me forever to write, but I was trying to get it perfect. And three sleepovers in a row? that's brutal! I've done that before, its exhausting!

haha the scaring children part was my favorite. And I'm planning some really cute Erin/James for next chapter!

Hopefully I can get a chunk of ch.8 written this weekend!

And there definatly will be some love triangle stuff coming up! ;)


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Review #4, by Marshmallowclouds An Apology, a Fight, and a Few Scared Children

14th April 2010:
(its i~heart~youu btw)

finally you came back! i've been waiting in agony for weeks.. but you made up for it with a good chapter =]

still love love love this story! update soon!

Author's Response: Hey, I see you got an account :D I Like the name!

I know, I'm bad, I havent' updated in foreverr. Life got super busy, but I'm glad you think I made up for it! Thanks a million for sticking with me! Your comments always make my day :D


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Review #5, by rita An Apology, a Fight, and a Few Scared Children

14th April 2010:
i like your story. its fun and sweet. you write very well

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it :D

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Review #6, by inthedeadofday A Run in With The Devil

14th April 2010:
I like it. i really do.
But I am going to critique you on one thing:
Scorpius'POV. I like Rose's, she's interesting. has more than just one thing going on in her head.
But Scorpius's seems like all he thinks about is Rose. Not to mention, it takes some of the mysteriousness and all out of his character. If you just stuck with Rose, he could explain all of his reasons for doing things and such later, and we'd be left wondering what the heck is going on, and therefore reading more.
But that's just my opinion.
I still like the story.
Just think about what I said.
Much love!
P.s. update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks for comment! I totally see where you're coming from. Because Rose is the main character, I tried to give her more depth than Scorpius, I only really write from his pov when he's thinking about Rose. But I understand why it seems like that's all he ever thinks about! (because those are his only parts I write) I'll try to work on that, and I'll try to add a little mystery too! :D

Thanks again!
-Ronsgirl29


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Review #7, by News. A Run in With The Devil

2nd April 2010:
Great chapter, can't wait to see what you come up with next! (:
I loved the birtday message from Ron! Great detail.
I also love that Scorpius friends are so kind to Rose, like, they actually like her! (: So, who has the better friends, Rose og Scorpius? (;
However! Why is Scorpius so disgustingly nice? I know he likes the girl and all, but, he must have the malfoy gene hidden somewhere. In my head he's alot more sarcastic, wicked and evil-minded. I allmost likes his friends better than him, and that, we can not have! (:
But again! Great chapter, can't wait to see what you come up with next!

Author's Response: Haha thank you! I'm glad you like it :D I'm not sure who has better friends, both groups are fun to write!

Hmm, you make a good point! I have some parts planned for later in the story were he is pretty nasty, but i'll try to throw in some of that Malfoy evilness for ya (: I was trying to make him nice to show he was different than the rest of his family, but I wasn't trying to make him disqustingly nice, I'll work on that!

Thanks so much for the review :D


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Review #8, by Laugharama_llama A beginning;

24th March 2010:
Hello! I'm here with your review from the forums! I apologize for taking so long to get back to you!

This is a personal thing but I feel like it's a huge part of developing the story. I don't enjoy when author's start the story with character list, because it really takes away from character development. All of the information you included in this chapter could have been weaved into the story and helped develop your story so much more. Also, the first chapter is essential in capturing the reader's attention. I feel like a character list doesn't provide for any intrigue or really introduce any sort of plot.

In your request, you also asked if it was cliche - I'm sorry, but it does seem a little bit, because of your characterizations. For example, making Rose perfect girl who has everything but "something" goes wrong - it reminds of me of many other stories. I think one of the things about cliches is that they're really hard to avoid and are found in most stories, even in good ones. But the thing is the way you USE the cliches and develop the story. I wasn't able to get much of a feel for any of that because of the character list. =

Critiques aside, I did get the impression that you've thought this story out very thoroughly. Just the sheer amount of detail and information that you've put into this chapter, shows how thought out this is. I'd just suggest a reformat or something along those lines!

Also, I'm just one person with one opinion, and I haven't read any of your other stories or even any other chapters of this story. :) Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I'm really torn about this chapter because of the whole description list thing. I realize that it can bother people, which is the last thing I wanted to do, but I just have had zero inspiration on how to rewrite/reformat it, or if I even want to. Arg! If you can't already tell, first chapters aren't my strong point haha, I just don't know what to do!

Thanks again for your review, I'll take all you said into consideration :D


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Review #9, by Alopex A beginning;

15th March 2010:
Well, I see you are aware that you're using non-canon Next-Gen characters, so I won't harp on that, other than to say that I find Next-Gen confusing enough as it is, so you really threw me for a loop there for a minute when I started seeing all those names I didn't recognize. o_O One thing you might want to change, though, is that you misspell Victoire as Victorie.

I know in your request you said you were most concerned about chapters 4 and 6, but right now I'm only reviewing one chapter so I can get to as many people as possible--and I hate leaping into a story somewhere in the middle, you know?

So anyway. I can't really comment on plot yet, since even in a chaptered story that has more action in the first chapter, it's difficult to form a real impression after one chapter. I do think it would have been nice to include something happening in this chapter other than Rose introducing her family, though.

With Next-Gen characters especially, you do have to set time aside to introduce them all (and I need that, because as I said, they confuse me a bit no matter what). However, this chapter was so heavy on character introduction that it was really difficult for me to follow. I don't know about other people, but personally, I have a lousy memory for this kind of stuff. You have to sneak it on me more gradually, like a parent hiding vegetables, otherwise I forget straightaway. You're lucky if I manage to remember the characters' names, much less who their parents are and what they look like.

What I'm trying to say is that I think this chapter would be easier for readers like me to understand and remember if the information was broken up more. Maybe in the future, try experimenting with introducing characters as they come up in the story, rather than doing it all in one fell swoop?

The flow I found to be fine, though, primarily because it sounded like Rose's thoughts or something she might be saying. Conversation tends to be somewhat more fluid than big blocks of description. At least, it seems easier to me to make it sound fluid.

Rose is coming across as the sort of girl who would probably annoy the heck out of me if I knew her in real life, but she's got a really strong voice in this story. The story is bursting with her personality, so if this is going to be a character-centric fic, you're building a strong foundation here.

Author's Response: Alright! Thank you very much. I've never done a next gen fic so I made beginners mistake of putting all the description of characters into one big clump.

I've been planning on trying to go back and make it work better, but I haven't had any inspiration on how to rewrite it. I'll be sure to not make that mistake again though.

This is a character-centric fic, so I'm glad her personality is coming through! (even if she is a bit annoy aha)

Thanks for the review, it was very helpful and I'll be sure to use all your suggestions (:


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Review #10, by Meagainstyou A Run in With The Devil

12th March 2010:
what a cute chapeter, scorpius *shakes head* humm por boy don't know what to do... oh and rosie serrious stop thinking about cheting against your Boyfriend and just break up with him alredy XP great chapeter hun :)

Author's Response: both rose and scorp need to get their acts together don't ya think? aha but it takes time my friend, and they both are delusional and don't think the other likes them. Its a messy situtation! ahha

Thanks a million for the reviews :D


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Review #11, by Meagainstyou Three's a Crowd

12th March 2010:
I've gotto say this is oneof the best chap so far, though scorpius poor boy yu don't have to lie to get a little 'date' with rose do you, I mean comon man up, you are a Slyterin after all! And btw I'm waiting for figths really, and I really wnat to know what James and her boyfriend has done againt him, ohh the drama :) still amazing

Author's Response: I know I know, silly scorpius should just be a man! But he's afraid of rejection; aren't we all? And who doesn't love drama! haha

Thanks agian for all your great views, they've made my day!


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Review #12, by Meagainstyou Friends?

12th March 2010:
awhh the swetness that is scorpius, humm just feel in love with this tony person ^^ soo cute I have to day, and quit the charmer isn't he :P

Author's Response: I think your the first person to mention Tony! I really love him, he's one of my favorite characters i've created aha. Thanks so much! :D

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Review #13, by Meagainstyou An Interesting Day

12th March 2010:
humm I'm not really seeing Scorpius as a Slyterin he is more of an Ravenclaw but still :) lovly chap here :) canśt wait for more :))

Author's Response: Thanks so much for all the reviews! they made me smile. Yeah he is a bit ravenclawishhh, I never really saw that till now but I get what you mean ahha (:

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Review #14, by Meagainstyou A Late Night

12th March 2010:
awwhh this has to be the story with the most cutest moments between Scorpius and Rose ever, soo cute when you make more I got to red it :) beautiful and cute story :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! (: Cute moments are my favorites! I'm glad you like them!

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Review #15, by mizzxpearl A Run in With The Devil

9th March 2010:
Hey there! I'm back for more. :D

Well, I read half of the last chapter last time because of the cliffhanger you left it off at. ;) So now I'm starting with the other half of chapter five and this chapter. Here I go!

Chapter five:

You have But I just pretended not to noticed their attempts

noticed should be notice. I'm sure that one was just a typo!

I really liked this sentence:

Maybe Scorpius will wake up and wonder why he ever talked to a Weasley, then promptly go back to ignoring my existence.

Just a suggestion though, since you already mentioned Weasley, maybe you could say...to a Weasley, then promptly go back to being a Malfoy and ignoring my existence.

but my friends thought it would be a better use of my time to go outside, it was a lovely day and all.

Maybe you could instead try : but my friends thought it would be a better use of my time to go outside and bathe in the sparkiling, warm sun.

"Always the charmer Justin." She laughing, her eyes sparkling.

Instead try: "Always the charmer Justin," she says laughing, a sparkle in her eye.

We all give him skeptical glares, he sure is laying it on thick.

He gives us all a genuine smile, I swear this boy must take a charming potion every morning.

Those are fragments! You can put in ; instead of the comma, or put in a period and have the second part be a sentence. You have a lot of trouble with fragments; if you're in doubt, I'd suggest for you to just go on the safe side and use a period. Or you chould shoot me a pm if you want!

Hehe, can't wait to see what happens in detention with James and Scorpius. Back to reading!

Slytherin slim

I think you meant slime!

Back to reading, this is getting interesting. :P

Scorpius shout's angrily

Oh noo apostrophie there! it should not be shout.

"With pleasure." James says in a sadistic manner, and he gets ready to cast a spell on Scorpius.

He raises is wand in the air, but right before he can utter a curse, the door opens.

Instead try: "With pleasure," James says sadistically, raising his wand to cast a spell on Scorpius. Just as the curse was about to leave his lips, the door opens.

Hahahha, I love the description of the awful thing Peeves did!

James is such a cutie! :P

He then proceeds to ruffle my hair and flounce out of the trophy room. I hate my hair being ruffled and hate the word "cuz." Of course, heís fully aware of this, he just chooses to do so anyway. Gotta love family right?

^^ Haha, I loved that line!

must clean up said water.

I think you're using the word "said" too much. Every now and then it's okay, but don't overdo it!

Awh, I feel bad for Scorpius. :(

Okay, this sentence is not right.

A long period of time passes before Scorpius finally speaks.

"Goodnight Rosie, Iím sorry I let you down."

If I had been there I would have asked him why he though he let me down. But I never heard him say those words, I was already gone.

She's not there. There's no way she would know. If you want to keep it, I would suggest switichign to Scorpius's view and saying it. However, if you don't want to do that, I think you should get rid of it. Still though, I think it's a really powerfull sentence, and you should keep it in by making it Scorpius' POV!

WTW ahhahahahahha!

Ummm, Chalie says that she scared him last night? Wasn't the Scoprius incident two nights ago and detention last night?

Okay onto this chapter!!

No, we're too manly. Heís my best friend, so he knows that there's more to it. But he doesn't press the issue because he also doesnít enjoy discussing feelings unless is absolutely necessary.

^^ Haha, manly mans! I loved that part!! It's such a guy thing haha.

"Git."
"Girl."

HAHAHAHAHHA!. :D

Scorpius is just soo smooth. :P

full of food and/or drink

Since he's talking, you don't need the /. I actually suggest not having the / at all, since this is a novel type story.

James shamelessly flirted with Erin and Arianna and Jeff are going through a phase were they snog more than talk.

Okay, the first time I read that sentence, it scared me. I though James was flirting with his cousin! Try rewriting it like this : James flirted shamelessly with Erin, while Arianna and Jeff continued with their ongoing phase of snogging more than talking.

I just donít want her to be put in a position where she has to choose between her family or me.

^^ Awwwh, Malfoys such a caring young man! :P

Haha, James' ego is up the roof. But that's what I love about him! :D

"CONFRINGO!" Yellís Hugeo

Nooo! NO apostraphie in yells!

hit's

NOOO!

When Rose tries to get Hugeo and Al to work it out, I suggest writing that scene out! Give more detail! I'm sure it would have been funny too!

Awwh, I like Ryan, he seems funny. :P

Alright mam, if you insist.

Mam should be spelled ma'am!

Hhahaha suck our your soul! You have some really great lines in here!!

upset/mad.

^ Hmm. Yeah, don't use / these anymore. Just write hurt and angry.

I loved the parents letter! Ron and Hermione are a familar ground for the readers. :D

When you help destroy the evilest wizard of all time, people tend to listen to you more.

^^ Hehe, I would hope soo!!

I suggest giving your minor characters more depth. There are just so many! Since you didn't use the regular names for next gen, it's hard to even keep track of the cousins.

I loved Rons birthday message, and how Hermiones still going strong on SPEW. :P

Argh, I want to know why he visited! Pleaseee update soon and rerequest! Take extra caution of those fragments And hope this review helped you. I spend a lot of time on it; I think it's my longest review left. This is what I do when I should be doing math homework :P

Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: Wow thank you! That was a super long review :D thank you! Gah I'm so sorry about all the typos. I'm trying my best to edit myself, but it's rather difficult and I still don't have a beta :(

Thanks, I'll be sure to go back and fix all the mistakes! Oh, and the charlie thing? I didn't even realize that =O! I'll have to go back and fix it. You're review really was super helpful! I'll be aware of fragments and apostrophy issues. I'm glad your enjoying the story even if it is filled with tons of error!

Haha you liked alot of my favorite parts, so I'm glad about that! I'll try to update soon, real life is getting in the way alot lately! I'll re-request when its up :D (ps. sorry I kept you from your math hw! haha)


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Review #16, by mizzxpearl Three's a Crowd

1st March 2010:
Woah. I TOTALLY messed up last night when I left you your review. It was late, and I don't know what I was thinking. :( When I came to check if you left a response or not today and reread my review, it made me hang my head in shame. :(

I said that you should write :

"Sorry, I had a really late night," I say laughing, adding a wink at the end, which earned us both a dirty look from Mitch

That's so wrong. I switched from present tense to past! I would have reviewed that chapter again, but I didn't want it to be considered spamming, so I just did this one. :/ Anyway, it SHOULD be

"Sorry, I had a really late night," I say laughing and winking, earning us a dirty look from Mitch.

You don't have to have 'both' either, since you already have 'us' and it makes it repititive, and the sentence is already wordy as it is.

Sorry about that!! I always have trouble writing something in present tense, it just always sounds a little off to me. :/ Anyway, rerequest and I'll read this chapter and the next one! :D

Author's Response: That's fine! We all make mistakes. haha I thought it sounded a little off, but I'm not good with grammar so I wasn't gonna doubt you! Thanks very much for clearing that up for me, I'll be sure to rerequest (:

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Review #17, by mizzxpearl Friends?

28th February 2010:
Hey! I'm back! :D

Like I said before, I really do like your story, so I'm going to be a little nitpicky in this review. Trust me, it's only because I want your story be perfect! Unfortunatly, I read this last night, and I'm reviewing now, but I'm going to try and remember everything!

Let me start from last chapter:

I laugh and say "Sorry, I had a really late night." winking right back, earning both of us a dirty look from Mitch.

Instead write,
"Sorry, I had a really late night," I say laughing, adding a wink at the end, which earned us both a dirty look from Mitch.

This line was really funny:

James hates when I take us his stuff, and he doesnít really approve of school work either.

Still, instead, you could have written:

James hates when I take his stuff, and he doesn't really approve so school work either. So of course, the two put together don't really make a good combination.

"OIY WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

OIY should be spelled OYE :P

"Oh calm down, I stopped yelling at him didn't I?

Add a comma after him.

Hm. Is it just me, or does Erin like James? ;)

"Hey Scorpius," I say with a laugh, he looks ridiculous.

instead of a comma, use a semicolin! So it should be I say with a laugh; he looks ridiculous. It's because "Hey Scorpius," I say with a laugh, and He looks ridiculous, can both stand on their own. A comma isn't strong enough to connect both of those thoughts.

I think it was soo cute how Scorpius ran up to her before and after class! Also, I loved how he asked her out, hehe, that silly blob of cuteness. :P

This chapter:

I absoutely love James. I don't know, both James the first, and this James just always end up being my favourite character. Hehe, he's so tactless, but so cute. :P It was really cute how Scorpius came out to look for her!! I 'awwed' outloud. :P This chapters grammer was an improvement from the last. The things I listed in before are really your main weaknesses, and I tried to list an example of each type. Mostly, the commas are the ones that keep reapearing! It's okay, I have trouble with them too! Just remember, watch out for those fragment sentences! Of course, there are those things that is pretty much impossible for the writer to catch. How's the beta search coming?

Please rerequest for the next 2 chapters! I honestly really like your story! Hence why I took so much time with this review. I haven't done that before with any review, so consider yourself lucky. ;) Hehe, just kidding!

Keep at it!! :D

Author's Response: Thank you SO much. I will definatly go back and fix all those errors. Grammar is definatly not my strong point. I put up a request for a beta last week but so far no takers. Alot of beta request don't seemed to be getting filled.. :/ So not much luck thus far!

I'm glad you like James, I love writing him. I agree that I usually end up loving both JamesI and JamesII in stories, they are just such great characters!

I'll be sure to request my next chapters! I really appreciate your reviews. And I do consider myself lucky! (: Thanks a million for your helpfullness.

-Ronsgirl29


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Review #18, by inky A Run in With The Devil

28th February 2010:
PLEASE FINISH THIS QUICKLY! I wanna knwo what happens! it's gr8... i like that Scorpius shows his emotions... it makes him a more likable charater so we approve of his relationship with Rose.. it also helps show us that he's very different from his father... don't change it!!
x

Author's Response: Aw thank you so much! I'll try to get the next chapter up as soo as possible! but I have soccer tryouts all next week so it may be two weeks untill I can get another up. I'll do my best though, I promise!

And yay! That's what I was going for, showing that Scorp was different than his father. (:

This review made me smile, thank you so much!


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Review #19, by spam_up_sam A Run in With The Devil

28th February 2010:
Looking forward to seeing what Scorpius is going to say to her.
I don't think the relationships going to quickly. I mean yeah, they like it each other but they haven't openly admitted it nor have they kissed so there's some nice tension between them right now.
Lovely chapter, hope you update soon =]
spam_up_sam

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review (:

Yay, I'm glad to hear that! I worry alot about the development of their relationship because I'm trying my best to make it seem realistic.

I'm working on the next chapter, but I'm having a bit of writers block :/

thanks again!
-Ronsgirl29


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Review #20, by ariellem An Interesting Day

27th February 2010:
Well if the actor/ actress would be anna popplewell and the actor that plays george in the movie and maybe an outdoor backround would be nice. I do have a email but do I give it to u through the reviews or do I send it to u privatly? Thank you so much.

Author's Response: Alright, and do you have an account on the hpff forums? cuz you could contact me through that, I'm Ronsgirl29 there also and you could PM me.

Ps; you might want to mention something about the chapter when leaving reviews, aha i'm not fishing for compliments, it just could be considered spamming when you leave conversation type reviews that don't involve the story. I don't want you to get in trouble for breaking tos rules! (:

ronsgirl29


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Review #21, by i~heart~youu A Run in With The Devil

27th February 2010:
yayy! scorpius is there XD what for? ohhh is it because she asked ryan about him!? (that was his name right!? im bad with names =) i think their relationship speed is good...but i dont think you should make it any faster...it may be a bit too unrealistic

=0 yay i got a shout out =D

oh and im getting a real account soon so i might be under a different name if i cant get this one...just to let you know ^^

Author's Response: You'll have to see, muahaha! and his name is ryan aha. I'm glad you feel its a good speed, dont worry it won't be going faster anytime soon aha.

yes, i thought you deserved a shoutout for reviewing all my chapters! and alright (:

thanks again for the review (:


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Review #22, by Kirsty Weasley A Run in With The Devil

27th February 2010:
Ooh! I love the cliffy, old Scorp-o is waiting outside for her! I also love Ron's birthday message, hillarious, Happy Birthday dont have any fun. So Ron. Also as well as your chapter being amazing thank you for the Banner for my new story. It was a really cool surprise :D Also if you need a temprary beta or that i'm more than happy to help out :D -Kirsty xxx

Author's Response: thank you! I'm glad you liked it! haha oh ron, I just love writing stuff from him. He's probably my favorite character (well one of them, because I love basically all the characters) No problem for the banner!

And thanks you for offering to be a beta! I put a request on the forums but alot of the beta requests don't seem to be filled so I doubt mine will be filled anytime soon. So i would be super greatful if you could look over my next chapters for grammar and what not. I would be very greatful!

-Ronsgirl29


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Review #23, by crazy_isthenew_normal A Run in With The Devil

27th February 2010:
O: Oh no! Not a cliffhanger! >.< Update soon! I want to know what he's doing there >.> Gahh...I hate suspense xD

I loved this chapter though! I think it was brilliant, even if it was unbeta'd (: I don't know if Scorpius feelings are growing too fast or not. You see, it depends on the story line. I mean , in my story, they have to fall for each other pretty quickly, I guess, because of the way that everything happens. But since it isn't even the end of October yet, I don't think they should properly date...not for the next few chapters, atleast. But you don't have to listen to me - only my thoughts (:

Awwh! I got a shout-out! ^.^ Thankyouu (:

11/10, as always (:

Author's Response: Yes the dreaded cliffhanger! Sorry about that one (: Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it!

Yeah, they aren't going to properly date anytime soon, she's still dating mitch afterall! It will take awhile before that can happen.

And yes, I thought it was only fair! you do review every chapter afterall :D

Thanks again!


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Review #24, by ariellem A beginning;

26th February 2010:
I like this story so far it's really good!! Also do you do banners because I'm in a need of one.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

And yes I can make you a banner (:

What kind do you want your banner to look like? ( like what actresses/actors would you prefer to have on it?) And do you have an email I can reach you at?


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Review #25, by spangles A Late Night

25th February 2010:
Spangles again!! (:

So again, First Person= love. You do a really good job with it and I feel like we get such a good insight from it. I was very suprised the Scorpious got a little moment in here too, but you pulled his POV off just as well. Major kudos for you then. (:

Now in this chapter, we have our dialouge. (: As I hoped, it's really good and pretty convincing. Some of the flow isn't quite as perfect as it was last chapter, but last chapter was really good. I just sort of feel like something Rose/Scorpious moves onto a new subject while thinking a little to fast, and it seems a bit blunt. I know it's hard to keep this from happening, because I do it all the time. Just re-read the chapter aloud sometime and any section that may not flow well will just jump out at you!


I love the plot still, and I like their little conversation in the library. It wasn't over done and it was sweet and cute. (: They didn't talk all the much, but that sounds like how it would probably be for someone's first 'real' convesation. I like how they're both secretly crushing on each other as well, and knowing that, readers are going to get a lot more curious. How long will it take Rose nad her boyfriend to break up? To get together with Scorpios? It really makes the readers think.

So, great job again, and keep up the good work! 9/10 ~spangles

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, I have a problem with quickly jumping from one thing to the next, hopefully I'll be getting a beta soon to help me with flow. I will definatly be going back to this chapter and edititing it!

Yes we have dialouge in this chapter! and it's great to hear you like my plot. I'll be sure to follow your advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts, it helps alot!


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