my first story i read about victoire and teddy. i really liked it. makes me want to read a little more of that pairing.
storys a little weird, but still great :) your imagination is awesomeAuthor's Response: Thank you very much!!! Thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
aww! creepy, a bit, and a bit reminiscent of Twilight, but otherwise very sweet at the end.Author's Response: Thanks I tried to make it unTwilight so that's a bit upsetting haha. Thanks for reviewing!!! Report Review
great story, i really enjoyed it and i hope you make a sequel!
James2009Author's Response: Thanks for reading!! Report Review
Hi, Evanlyn! How are you? You must forgive me if my review is not as long as you expected, I'm on my Itouch (my dad is hogging the desktop once more) and I'm not yet used to the keyboard on this small screen.
I'll be perfectly honest - I thought this was an adorable story =D. It's not very often where you can find a HPFF fanfiction that captures JK Rowling's version of life in the wizarding world, channels the feelings we had when we all read the books. I think you did that nicely ^_^
Unfortunately, you had a few canonical errors that caused bumps in the reading (for me, at least.) Like, Teddy passing Dumbledore's tomb. Now I really could be mistaken, but I thought his grave was buried in the lake...either way it was secluded. I understand if it was to show respect to the greatness of Dumbledore, but it just seems like a desecration...I don't know if Dumbledore wouldn't mind having his tomb on display. That's just me though :). Also, I think in an interview with JKR, she said that Lupin didn't have to worry for his son as he didn't get harmed by his wolfiness. But since Teddy having werewolf-like characteristics is the whole essence of your story, I think you did THIS very realistically. I like how he can smell blood :P
Your dialogue is also great! I found it very easy on the ears, and it all seemed like what people would say in actuality. I also thought it was very creative of you to incorporate Blood Lilies and Fleshbanes - they seem like Harry Potter creatures! But I do have to say that in the first chapter when Teddy calls Susan Bones 'Suzy' to be a little off. Does he know her on a close basis? It just seems a little unprofessional...I know if I called my Literary Club adviser 'Jill' instead of Miss Morgan, I'd be so embarrassed!
While your descriptions were nice, I don't think it would hurt to flesh them out - to help show and not tell in parts. Draw us in to how things look, feel, sound, touch. What did the Memorial Stone look like? How do your characters say things? Things like that :) but good job with the descriptions anyways. I loved the line where you talked about how he hated how his heroic parents were reduced to etchings on a wall.
In my review thread you asked if it has potential and if its going anywhere? Definitely, yes. Keep on going!
KristenAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing!! I thought Dumbledore's tomb was there, maybe not out on display but you could go and see it at least because in Deathly Hallows Voldemorts opens it. Ans my reason for Teddy calling her Suzie was to try and show that he has been to the hospital wing loads of times. I really appreciate you bringing them to my attention though I'll see what I can do.
Thanks, I am going to add more chapters but it's definetly going to be a short easy read nothing epic lol.
Evanlyn Report Review
Hey! This is mizzxpearl with your review. :)
Okay, this was a very cute read. :D You should be happy to know that in the short time I have been taking requests, your story is the only request so far that I have gone more than the two chapters I read, and actully read another!
That being said, I want to suggest making your chapters longer!! Not too long, but you should definitly add more despcription in your chapter! The story seems a little rushed at times. Teddy and Victorie already seem to be going out, but maybe that's the effect you were going for?
Other than that, like I said before, this story is cute. :) I like how he gets angry during the month. I haven't read many Teddy stories, because I just started liking Next Gen, but this is the first story I have read in which Teddy gets moody during the full moon, so to me, that seems like an orignial idea of yours!
I'm curious to know why he's getting more and more angrier! Also, I'm curious to know if he's going to go to Victorie's party - I hope he does!
Anyway, keep writing! If you just add more detail, this story will get REALLY good. You have a lot of potential! :D Also (shhh, because I don't say this to many people) feel free to rerequest when you update! :DAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks so much!! I hav had quite a few reviews saying I have a bad habit of rushing through things. I guess I'm always impatient for the next bit of the story. But I will take your advice and add more detail, including the dynamics of Victoire and Teddy's friendship. Why does Teddy keep getting angrier? Well, that's the mystery, really. Basically, Teddy is going to come to the conclusion that he is turning into a full werewolf, but it's far more complex then that. Anyways I think slowly falling for Victoire may help him settle. The story I've written is pretty action-packed so I'm anxious to get it all published but I'll try hard not too rush through the details!!! Report Review
Whoa! Oh man, that gave me the creeps and it was so lucky Teddy saw Eves!... I shudder to think the other option! I hope the girl's Okay. Thanks so much for updating and keep up the good work!
-cozAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!!! Thank you for reviewing I really, really appreciate every review I get! Keep reading, the updates will keep coming!
xx Evanlyn Report Review
Poor Teddy! Great job portraying his emotions.Author's Response: Thank you very much! A review wooh! Never seem to get them anymore :) Report Review
I'm really enjoying this story so far. I love your characterizations of Teddy and Victoire and I can't wait to find out what's happening to Teddy. Please add more soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm submitting the next chapter right now, it developes Teddy's character and explains his special powers more. Report Review
Nice story keep up the good workAuthor's Response: Thanks :)
I really appreciate the review Report Review
Wow! That was just SO cute... and so SAD... at the same time... :)/:'(. Your portrayal of both Victoire and Teddy both is very impressive... Please update soon! :)
CozAuthor's Response: Wow thank you so much!! Chapter three submitted :) Report Review
I love Teddy and you're making me love him even more! And you just had to mention Remus; he's my favorite but still, adding in Victoire made me feel better :D
Even Hedwig's name was on the stone, you are so cute xD Or, Harry is? Either way, that was nice (: Teddy and Victoire are definitely in my favorite couples list and I too look forward to them seeing more of each other!
10/10, love. Keep the updates comin'!Author's Response: Thank you so much!! Chapter three is in for validation. Although Victoire doesn't appear in it, there are some very interesting magical creatures :)
There will be plenty of Teddy/Victoire romantic scenes, please keep reading!!
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Teddy is my top favorite next-gen character. You are a fantastic writer; I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. I love that Teddy has developed lycan symptoms, even though he's not a werewolf. I always pictured something like that happening. Loved this first chapter; I hope you update as soon as you can! ;D 10/10 (Adds to Favourites)Author's Response: Wooh! Thank you so much!! I've becme obsessed with this story, half of it is already written so it should be updated fairly regularly. I work like nine hours a day and during my breaks I just sit at a table and write furiously!! I guess I just loved the idea that no one really knows what happens to a "lycanson" and I could just roll with it. :D Thanks for the review! Report Review
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