Reading Reviews for The Observer
  
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Galawen The Gathering Storm

15th July 2013:
I went to read "How a Heart Behaves" as soon as I finished this and I absolutely love how you've clearly used it as inspiration but undoubtedly but your own touch and style to the tale. Your writing feels more abstract, it feels like we're floating above this story - it feels exactly like we're observers. You've managed to capture how such a large family as the extended Weasleys can have issues and problems hidden within them perfectly. Most of the time they're depicted as completely happy but no family is perfect and this is a very believable account. I'm not a huge fan of Victorire/Dom/Teddy triangles but I admire your style of writing very much and love that you chose a little-known member of the family to act as our looking-glass.
Great job :)

House Cup 2013 Hufflepuff.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! It really made my day (when I first read it, and also today). I'm glad you thought my representation of a large family was realistic. Coming from a small family, I've always found the dynamics of that hard to wrap my head around. Also, I love that people like the choice of Lucy as narrator. She is so underrated but has a lot of potential, in my eyes.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Cavell The Gathering Storm

8th February 2012:
I... just... Wow. That is all I can say. It is such a sweet and brilliant story, and I really enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!

 Report Review

Review #3, by peppersweet The Gathering Storm

24th December 2011:
Okay, so, I totally read things in the wrong order. I think it's because I saw Lucy's name when I was scrolling down your author's page, and just sort of pounced (I like reading about her in next-gen. Idk why seeing as she's basically an OC, but, well, there we go). I really liked Ashes, especially Lucy's characterisation, so I'm excited to read this.

I might just reiterate just why I love how you've written Lucy. The 'observer' is a really great device as a character, being both involved and detached simultaneously. It's like having an omniscient third person narrator without the omniscience and omnipotence and whatnot, and, well, I find that really interesting. So I really like what I'm reading so far. You probably know this all already, but...I like to ramble.

However Lucy remains the forgotten Weasley, blending into the background with the wallpaper. - and this sums it up. Oh, I feel so sorry for her, and I've read, like...well, not much. You get such a powerful grasp on her character from the outset, so well done!

Her mind, which her father tells her is brilliant, does not want to comprehend why they are doing what she knows they shouldn’t. - I think this is the stand-out line of the piece for me, for reasons about Lucy's characterisation and the understanding of the situation that I've been over umpteen times already.

I like the repetition of the openings of the last few paragraphs. ('Lucy sees...Lucy is...Lucy wonders'). While the impetus for this story (is impetus even the right word? meh. I like it. I'm going to use it) is undoubtedly the Dominique-Teddy-Victoire triangle, the story's all about Lucy. And that's, like...amazing. Most people would take the scandal of the cheating and focus upon that, but I like how you've taken the time to develop a different character who is not involved, but a witness. It's quite original and very fresh.

I really enjoyed this one-shot! Really good job. Also, I'm not going anon anymore (haha, I think you know that I'm your secret santa by now). Have a very merry christmas! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! You really are far too sweet. Lucy is one of my favourite next gen characters too, so I completely understand. I really enjoy reading all your comments about Lucy as an observer, I'm glad you see it as I hoped it would come across!

 Report Review

Review #4, by evil evie The Gathering Storm

19th January 2010:
This is so good! You are an amazing writer - the present tense and POV are incredible. Lucy is such an interesting character, I love the way you've developed her personality. The Dom/Teddy/Vic triange is interesting...does Lucy just think that Teddy is her cousin or something? That was a little confusing when she said: "She wonders why her eldest cousin places a strong, sinewy hand on Dominique’s slender arm. She cannot understand what is happening. Her mind, which her father tells her is brilliant, does not want to comprehend why her cousins are doing what she knows they shouldn’t." Just the way she referred to Teddy as her "cousin" confused me a little.

This was just really, really good - it's not a oneshot, is it? I hope not, I would love to read more! The writing is so eloquent and mature...it's very subtle yet very effective.

Amazing job!

--evie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! ^^ I really appreciate it- not many readers do it anymore (I'm awful at it ;D).

Anyway, thank you so much! I tried many POVs and tenses, and this is the one that worked the best. And thank you- this was as much an exercise in characterisation as it was in the love triangle.

Drat, I thought I got all of those- Thanks for pointing that out- I wrote this late at night, and it completely slipped my mind. -flies to edit-.

Yes, unfortunately it is a oneshot (although there is a sequel posted (which is a WIP short story) called Ashes. And thank you ^^. This review made me squee really loudly ;).

Thanks again!

Becca x


 Report Review

Review #5, by marciabarcia The Gathering Storm

18th January 2010:
Wow... That was very intense...

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! ^^ I guess it was quite intense.

 Report Review

Review #6, by elisalinguine_x The Gathering Storm

14th January 2010:
Hi, i'm here with your requested review.

I have to say when I began reading this I didn't think that I would enjoy the way you wrote and the way you were addressing the reader but to tell the truth, I loved it. It was kind of indirect. You weren't really speaking directly to the reader, you were just using Lucy to describe what was happening and to be honest, it worked perfectly! Wow, I'm really shocked, because I don't normally enjoy stories written this way but this one simply blew me away.

And I love the no dialogue idea, it fits very well with the mood of the story. You're telling the story through Lucy - the quiet, shy girl who doesn't really say anything. And the fact that you don't have any dialogue kind of reflects her personality.

The only criticism I would have is to make the last scene a tiny bit longer. Maybe you can explain more about how Victoire found Dom & Teddy and how Lucy felt when she witnessed the situation.

Other than that, it was simply beautiful!
Feel free to re-request any other story, if it's anything like this I will surely enjoy it. Thank you for requesting!
10/10!

Elisa x

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to respond Oo. Have been busy, and I haven't been quite sure how to reply to this. It's just- thank you.

Yeah, normally I'm not that keen on this style either. I like setting myself challenges though, and I'm insanely glad it worked :P.

Hahaha, I'm glad you liked that. It was not a conscious decision- more from my inability to write proper dialogue.

I can try- I just felt it was best to end when it was over, and I sort of wanted to encapsulate the short amount of time this scene would be over in.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and will almost definitely be back to re request!

Thanks so much for the rating, and the review! ^^

-Becca x


 Report Review

Review #7, by Margravine The Gathering Storm

10th January 2010:
Hey Becca! Here with your review =). I'll make it long one since its one chapter =).
I remember reading RSteph's original, so before I even get into the review, MASSIVE kudos for taste and bravery in taking on such an amazing work.
I like to review in points, am strange that way =)

1. Like the choice of Lucy very much, Lucy doesn't get nearly as much love as she deserves.
2.On second thought (hmm literally =) ) Lucy is not just a good idea but a BRILLIANT idea. I think your entire premise of another cousin noticing besides Lily is fabulous for any number of reasons: it is realistic, it is sad making; it plays off and subverts the original on a number of levels. You've done exactly what this challenge was supposed to be about: missing moments, and the idea is really quite inspired.
3.Interesting title, beautiful banner
4.I think the present tense works so beautifully here. It is absolutely perfect for creating that sense of tragedy unfolding just before our eyes, and also for to keep up that 'missing moment' sense.
5.I loved your opening. I am of two minds about the breaks, I think I would have preferred roman numerals to actual written numbers, but it's not a big deal, and actually feels quite musical, as if it is a song.
6.I think you could show rather than tell, a little bit more, in lines such as this "Lucy can recognise that she craves Teddy' attention"
7."Lucy wonders what it means"- lovely ending to that section.
8.You've characterized Lucy very strongly, and I thought the pies were a very nice touch.
9.Also, you call Ted her 'eldest cousin' a few times. He's not actually related, was this intentional to show her POV?
10.'Her room is cold, and it hits her in a colossal wall'. I'm not too sure about the last bit of this sentence, it was very jarring, but you could work that. Just thought I would mention =)
11."Lucy is left shocked. She watches as Lily slips inside, away from the storm that is about to erupt.
Lucy wonders why it happened"

This is a very powerful ending, which you built up to nicely.

On the whole, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Well done!

Author's Response: Hey Jo! Thanks so much for the lovely review! I love your system of reviewing ^^.

1. I know! Lucy is so unloved :(.
2.Thanks so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it ^^. It was really the only idea I had for the staff challenge. Plus, I always wondered if someone other than Lucy noticed.
3. Yay! The title gave me a lot of trouble :(. And that banner was awful- I made it in a hurry. I like my new one more :D.
4. Thank you! I tried out several tenses, and this one worked really well.
5. Actually, I think you're right. I've changed it to numerals now.
6. Yeah, I have a problem witht that XD. But changing some of them messed up the flow, so I left some of them there ;)
7. Yay, Thank you! ^^
8. Thank you! ^^ I think this was an exercise in characterisation as much as anything else
9. Damn, I thought I'd gotten all of those >:(
10. Oh, I wasn't sure about that line. I've changed it now, but I'm considering removing it altogether.
11. Yay! I'm glad you liked it ^^

Thanks for the lovely, constructive and helpful review.

-squishes-

reasons why Jo is awesome
1. She saved me from the dungeon XD
2. She leaves lovely reviews
3. She is a very nice person, and a lovely person to be bodyguard for XD

Thanks again! ^^


 Report Review

Review #8, by lovelyinsane The Gathering Storm

7th January 2010:
Hello there. :) This is torrentaldownpour from the forums with your review!

First off, I really like the point of view. It caught my eye and you wrote it very well. It also helped with the story. Lucy's emotions seemed to trigger my attention, and you added some originality when you wrote about her being the "forgotten Weasley." I liked that.

One line that also caught my attention was: "Lucy watches as her Audrey..." I think that you should replace Mother with Audrey. It would make more sense and easier for the reader. ;)

Also, another line that I really liked was: "his lips meeting hers in a passionate, sinful kiss." That really described the situation. All in all, great job! I enjoyed reading the story. 10/10

~lovelyinsane aka torrentaldownpour

Author's Response: First of all, thanks so much for reviewing! ^^

I'm so glad you liked the point of view. I wouldn't have dared touch a cheating story without telling it through someone. And I do actually think of Lucy as the forgotten Weasley- she's the most underwritten next gen. child.

Argh! I saw that too, and I could have sworn I'd corrected it. Thanks for pointing it out, I'll go and correct it now.

Thank you! I like that line too (but it was a very last minute decision to include it).

Thanks you! ^^


 Report Review

Review #9, by crumble The Gathering Storm

4th January 2010:
hey there! it's crumble with your review (i've been busy lately, so sorry it's been awhile).

well, what is there to say? that was beautifully written - succinct and simple. too many authors get carried away with synonyms and long words, which is not only tiring to read but irritating. your style flows beautifully, and you really draw the reader in to lucy's world with just enough detail to entice the senses.

i love how you tell it from lucy's perspective (i'm not too clued in on the next gen, so i had to remind myself who she was!), injecting bits of her personality and especially her innocence and naivity.

for some reason this reminded me of ian mcewan's 'atonement', probably because it was told from the perspective of an 'innocent', so to speak. my only comment would be that you could have delved a bit more into lucy's world - you've left me wanting to learn more about her.

well done! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! ^^ Don't worry about being late, I know this time of year is incredibly busy :D.

I do agree with you about too many authors getting bogged down with thousands of synonyms ect. Thank you! I really like writing simply, but still with some description.

I'm really glad you liked Lucy!I think this was as much an exercise in her characterisation as anything.

I'm reading Atonement at the moment! (I've meant to for years, but never had the time :P). And actually, Lucy is quite like Briony.

Actually, I am working on another Lucy fic, set about a month after this, so I'll request when that comes out then.

Thank you! XD


 Report Review

Review #10, by BipBopBoop The Gathering Storm

2nd January 2010:
Wow! This was a very well-told story. I like the way the plot was about Teddy, Victoire and Dominique but the main character was Lucy. Mostly cheating stories are sort of irritating, but this was really very good. Poor Victoire. ):

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing ^^! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Yes, I definitely agree with you about most cheating stories being irritating ;).

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #11, by Plata The Gathering Storm

30th December 2009:
Very well written, but I can't exactly understand why their relationship was forbidden and sinful :s

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Their relationship was forbidden because Teddy is dating Victoire.

 Report Review

Review #12, by Tinkerbell01 The Gathering Storm

28th December 2009:
Hey Becca!

Sorry it's taken me a couple days more than I said I would have come. Things got a little out of hand. But I am here!

I am going to be honest when I say that I haven't read Romina Stephanie's one-shot. Any of her stories for that matter, at least I don't think.

But this, this is just amazing dear! You captivate Lucy's thought in each situation wonderfully. Even though each scene is short, yes. You still manage to make it work.

I don't know what else to say, hun. This is simply wonderful! I love it!

Brilliant work, hun!


xx

Author's Response: Hey Alicia! Thanks for reviewing! (and no worries about the lateness, it's hardly what I'd call late ;D).

That's actually good in many ways, as I like to see how people who are not familiar with the original story see this one shot. (I would, however, advise reading Romina Stephanie's stories :D).

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! This story was more an exercise in characterisation :D. And I'm glad it worked. It's slightly different from my normal style.

Thank you so much! ^^

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #13, by vintageoctober The Gathering Storm

23rd December 2009:
I don't want your story to lose any of its magic, so I don't want to dissect it too much... but I just wanted to say that I adored the simplicity of your sentences--especially contrasted with the complexity of events. The style worked really well, the language was loaded, and each word was heavy.

Obviously the plot focuses on Victoire/Teddy/Dominique, but I feel so much for Lucy at the same time. Without characterizing her explicitly, somehow you've said so much about her. I know she feels jealous, naive, confused, etc, etc. In the case of Lucy, less explicit description really means more. Great job.

Beautiful, through and through.

Author's Response: Sorry for taking a while to respond. I've just been staring at this, and smiling like an idiot ^^.

Thank you! I've got a few compliments about my writing style :D. I never really thought I had a particular style, but maybe I do.

The aim of this story was to make Lucy relatable, so I'm glad I suceeded. I think this is far more telling of Lucy than of any other character.

Thank you. Thank you so much ^^.

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #14, by collette michelle The Gathering Storm

22nd December 2009:
Becca, darling! Hello.

You are lucky, ‘How a Heart Behaves’ is one of my favourite one-shots, and incidentally one of the few stories that centre cheating that I can tolerate.

Anyway, Lucy’s POV, that should be an interesting take on it.

I think this is the best display of descriptions I have read of yours, especially the 'part one'. I think that was the best description section of the lot. I could vividly picture Lucy sitting in the tree, looking down upon her cousins, watching them closely.

I think Lucy, as a character, is believable. Just like Lily, she hasn't much of a clue as to what is going on, she just watches, wonders about it all. I also think the flow is nice, thought it is broken up into three part, each come after the other and makes sense of how events would come along.

I think you had a lovely take on the lovely original, my dear! :D I liked reading it from Lucy's POV. That was good idea!

xx.
Collette

Author's Response: Hey Collette! Thanks for getting to this so quickly!

Yes, I saw your review for HAHB. And it is definitely one of my favourite one-shots too ^^.

Really? Thank you! That's one of the reasons I love one shots. I can go all out on the description, while in novels it would just get too boring.

I'm glad. Sometimes naiveity can be overdone, so that's the part I was most nervous about.

Thank you Collette! This was such a lovely review ^^.

Becca xx


 Report Review

Review #15, by blueirony The Gathering Storm

19th December 2009:
This was beautiful. It really was. I almost feel like reviewing it will take away the power of it.

I normally leave very long reviews. And I long to. I long to gush over this. I long to write about how much it touched me. But I can't. Because I feel like it will... cheapen it, somehow.

Know and understand this: Romina Stephanie, we know, is amazing at one-shots. She really is.
You are no less. Not by a single ounce.

Ju :]

Author's Response: Hey Ju! Your reviews are always so lovely to recieve.

When I first saw it was from you, I was really afraid that the short review was because my story was terrible. But really, I could not have asked for a better review. I've sat here for ages now, trying to think of a reply.

Well, let's start by saying you speak nonsense :P. There is no way my writing at all matches up to that of Romina Stephanie's.

I just- I don't know what to say. Thank you so much :D.


 Report Review

Review #16, by AnnaKay The Gathering Storm

18th December 2009:
A good story. I enjoy it, but some of the things I have noticed I think I'll point out.

Your story have a very choppy feeling to it, and I think it's because you have very short, and choppy sentences. You might be able to go back and fix it.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'll take a look at the sentences and see if I can make them less choppy.

 Report Review

Review #17, by Cherry Bear The Gathering Storm

18th December 2009:
It's easy to empathize with someone who feels forgotten, like Lucy. I think everyone feels that way at least once in their life, so that was easy to relate to. It was also easy to relate to the terrible sensation she experiences from knowing a secret, but what really made this story so fascinating was not being able to relate to how Lucy didn't understand why.

That didn't come out quite like I wanted to, because it's so much more then Lucy being simple and not understanding why Teddy would cheat on Victoire with Dominique. It's like, instead of being dumb, Lucy is actually smarter than us all in not knowing why this happened. It happens in society all the time; people fall in and out of love, and they betray the ones they love (a la Tiger Woods style). We're so used to people doing this that we don't even question why it happens so much anymore; sure, we're surprised, but nobody actually stops and deeply ponders why. That's why I particularly adore this piece, and your character Lucy - she goes past the ingrained acceptance of Teddy's betrayal and wonders why.

Another part of this story that I absolutely adored was your intricate detail and descriptions. You gave me such a feel for what type of person Lucy was - the mince pie scenario, her obviously twisted relationship with her mother, her disgruntlement over being sent to bed. Even though you didn't need to provide this insight, you did, and it made the story a hundred times better than it would have been before.

But, beyond your amazing characterization, descriptions, and general ideas, I loved your writing style. It flowed so smoothly, and so powerfully that some of the lines are still echoing in my head. I particularly loved the last line of each section, which you made extra-powerful, but my all-time favorite quote in this one-shot was: "To understand why Dominique grazes Teddy’s thigh would surely cause her world to end." Maybe it's just that high school English has made me over-analytical, but this line seriously caused an explosion in my mind (in a good way). Going back to my earlier comment about Lucy questioning society's instilled acceptance of betrayal, this line really showed this fantastically well, and delved deeper into Lucy's character as well. It makes her seem so innocent and...I suppose optimistic would not be the right word, but something like that. It's almost as though, before this incident, Lucy didn't really know wrongdoing or evil or betrayal or anything like that, and that it would tear her world apart to understand it.

I'm sorry; I'm pretty sure I'm rambling and you have no idea what I'm going on about, but I just wanted to let you know that I adored this story. I might just have to check out 'How a Heart Behaves'; if it's anywhere close to as powerful as this piece, it'll be amazing.

And, in reference 'I own absolutely nothing' statement in the author's note, I disagree; you own the amazing characterizations, descriptions, and ideas of this piece. Believe me, it's what made it truly beautiful.

I'm officially inspired to check out what else you've written. Good job (:

Cherry Bear

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for this. I have no idea how to start replying to it. I've just been looking at it for a few minutes now, and it's made me feel really- for lack of better description- warm and squishy. This made my day, my week, my month! :D. Especially thank you for making it so long- not many readers do that anymore :D.

I think Lucy in some ways is a very relatable character. I know there are times when I've felt as noticed as the wallpaper. But I think you're right about her being unrelatable in the aspect she thinks more about love, and why people cheat on others. At that age, love is something very confusing. I think it's also the fact she sees Teddy and Victoire as something that is RIGHT, while Teddy and Dominique is WRONG.

Thank you so much! I wanted to provide as much insight as possible to Lucy's character,and I think the little details are what matter in stories.

Thanks! (I know when I review, I tend to go into analitical mode). Thank you so much for noticing, that's pretty much what I was going for :D.

Yes, definitely check out 'How a Heart Behaves'. It's well worth the read.

This made my day so much! Thank you again.

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #18, by WeasleyTwins The Gathering Storm

17th December 2009:
Hello, WeasleyTwins here to review.

I'm going to be to the point. I thought the characterization was fantastic. You show little insights to Lucy's personality through your description. These insights are littered here and there throughout the story, subtle, but also obvious and striking.

Plot. Perhaps it's just me, but your plot seemed almost - if this is possible - stream of consciousness. There were almost random sentences scattered here and there; it gave the piece a very stream of consciousness air. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I found these particular parts of the piece to be...comforting. They provided a reality to the piece that would have otherwise not been there. For example: "Her mother has forbidden her to eat one until everyone has been served, but Lucy wishes to disobey her for once." - This has a twinge of relevance, but otherwise a totally unnecessary sentence. And for that, it pulled the reader out of "reading" and into reality. I know that doesn't make a bit of sense, but that's just my interpretation.

The description was excellent. Your style is very quirky. Being that the piece is very heavy and downcast, your style gives it a bit of an uplift, lighting the mood just a tad. Overall, I really enjoyed it!

Shelby

Author's Response: Thanks for the review Shelby!

I'm so glad you liked the characterisation! It's one of my favourite things to do in writing :D. I tried to include some little hints to her character in this story, so I'm glad you picked up on them.

Hmm, I suppose it is quite SOC. I'm not sure about comforting, given the subject matter, but I love reading SOC pieces.

Haha, I like unnecessary sentences. XD. That did sort of have a purpose, to show how Lucy is controlled very much by the adults in her life.

Thank you! I have got a lot of comments about this being 'different' or 'quirky'. It's just how i write really.

Thank you so much! This was so lovely to read this morning :D.


 Report Review

Review #19, by Jessabelle The Gathering Storm

17th December 2009:
Jesi here with your requested review!:

This was VERY good! (: It was a bit confusing at first but I'm guessing it was meant to be? It's not confusing in a way that it's completely impossible to understand, it just makes you think.

I love the characters in this story, especially Lucy. Her naivety is refreshing and somewhat amusing. x) It is so much fun to take what she is seeing and try to understand what's really happening; to fully understand the twisted characters of Teddy, Victoire, Dominique, and Lily. Am I right to assume that Victoire and Teddy are "dating" and Teddy is a bit of a player?

Very good plot line, you should keep it going!
-Jesi

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :D

I don't know about confusing. I suppose it is if you haven't read How a Heart Behaves.

Yes, Lucy's naivety is amusing (well it was to write, anyway ;))

Yes, that's pretty much the story ;).

Thank you so much! (but I am keeping it as a one shot for now ;))

-Becca



 Report Review

Review #20, by long_live_luna_bellatrix The Gathering Storm

16th December 2009:
Wow! Well, if nothing else, I must go read How a Heart Behaves. You introduced Lucy and her family spectacularly in few words, and your descriptions were incredible. Seeing everything happen from Lucy's outsider, naive perspective made it even more enrapturing, and I watched the night unfold with awe. Your writing was graceful and elegant, your characters realistic and described perfectly. You brief mentions of Audrey were heart-breaking, and Lucy's little knowledge of what was going on, while at the same time knowing how she was supposed to act, was written amazingly.

It was an interesting effect, to have mini chapters within the one shot, but I didn't like how they weren't capitalized and had periods before them. The human eye is accustomed to a certain way of seeing words, and your .ones were a little irritating and didn't look that good.

That's my only suggestion, really. I loved the writing, the descriptions, the unfolding plot. This really captured the meaning of staff challenge 5. :)

~lllb

Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for reviewing!

Yes, definitely go and read How a Heart Behaves. It is well worth it.

Thank you so much for the compliment! I'm not quite sure if I deserve them '_'. I'm glad you picked up on her relationship with Audrey. I probably could have written the whole one-shot about that ;). I'm so glad you like the descriptions! They are my favourite things to write.

Lucy is an outsider, which is one of the main themes of How a Heart Behaves. It wouldn't have worked from the POV of one of the main characters.

Okay, I've fixed that up now. (It's awaiting validation). Thanks for the tops!

Thank you so much for the review and the favourite! :D


 Report Review

Review #21, by me The Gathering Storm

15th December 2009:
like it- quite a lot actually :) kinda reminds me of myself...

Author's Response: Thank you! And that's sad :(. Lucy's very lonely.

 Report Review

Review #22, by dracos_hotter The Gathering Storm

14th December 2009:
Ah... from the eyes of an outsider, this story develops brilliantly. I love the description, the feeling, the want to be noticed in the story. Her dismissal is wonderfully written -- though hardly noticed, she plays such a big part.

I quite like this. Bravo!

xE

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I wanted to keep that 'Outsider' mood that How A Heart Behaves has.

Thank you! I think that's the major theme of this story- the need to be noticed. That's why I think Dominique pursues Teddy (in part) actually.

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :D


 Report Review

Review #23, by marinahill The Gathering Storm

14th December 2009:
Becca! Here for Review Tag :)

I really like this twist on the original story. Your use of present tense was most wise and it was really effective - the action feels more impactive in this tense than had you used the past tense. I'm also a fan of third person narrative, so I'll applaud you for that too.

Now, as far as I remember, in the original Victoire didnt find out about Teddy and Dominique... is that right? I cant remember, I'll have to re-read. But if she didnt, I'm glad she did find out because you sort of secretly enjoy seeing her reaction. Also, I loved the passing comment about Lily slipping inside, that was really clever. Had you not read the original that probably goes over your head, but I noticed it and it made me squee a little. True to the original, but with your own take on it. Fantastic.

- Marina

Author's Response: Hey Marina! :D

Thank you! This was first written in 2nd person, and then in past tense, so I'm glad I chose the right one.

Yes, she did :P. Thank you for all the lovely comments! They made ME squee.

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #24, by Clair Clementine The Gathering Storm

13th December 2009:
This was different to anything I have ever read and I loved it! I am in LOVE with description. I am in love with YOUR descriptions. You describe things so well. It make it all so real! I really wish there were more words to fill the story. It seemed so short! I love every minute of it. I really liked the tone you set with this story. It doesn't really tell the reader what has led up to the scenes you described and that makes it more enjoyable in my opinion. It goes with the flow and generally tells it how it is :D You did great!

Did I mention your description was phenomenal?

It was so poetic. So moving. It makes the reader wonder and think. I love this:

Just as she shuts out the last sliver of the night sky, something catches her eye.

I really like 'the last silver night sky'. The words you use make this story such a pleasant read despite it having a rather eerie tone to it as you describe things from Lucy's perspective. I just wish there was more!

I really didn't see any mess-ups, mistakes or flaws with this. You did such an incredible job! You have a great writing style and I would love to see another request from you for more stories!

Thank you SO much for requesting!

Clair :D (EvelynCullen09 from the forums) ;)

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for getting to this so quickly!:D. I'm horrible with requests.

I adore descriptions (just descriptions in general, not mine particularly), so I'm glad you like them too! :D I'm also happy you like mine.

If you want more information, I'd go and read 'How A Heart Behaves'. Seriously, it's amazing.

Thank you! I love it when people point out favourite lines. LD

This was so lovely to read. Thank you so much! And I'll definitely request for another story. LD

Thank you SO much for reviewing! :D

-Becca


 Report Review

Review #25, by Estelle Black The Gathering Storm

12th December 2009:
Hi MissSpitfire/Estelle Black here from the forums.
Wow that was different, yet amazing.
That's all I can say because I couldn't see any mistakes. Or anything wrong with it for that matter.
Very nice
Estelle XOX

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing so quickly!
I suppose it is different. I'm glad you enjoyed it! This review made me very happy :D.
-Becca


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>