Aww, I love the relationship between James and Rose. They're so close. And I loved the detail about Rose not always knowing when to stay quiet. Sounds like her dad. ;) Really, though, I love those little details you add that bring your characters to life.
Now I'm beginning to think "Lily" isn't Lily after all! I hadn't really thought about why she had rung the doorbell, but now that it was mentioned, it does seem rather fishy. Why wouldn't she just walk in the door? It is her own house, after all. I sincerely hope it's not a phony Lily under Polyjuice Potion, someone who wishes to cause harm to the Potters. Oh dear.
As to the ending... I think it's rather fitting. Harry finally showing some genuine emotion, breaking down that stone cold facade at last. The poor man. I can't even hate him for being so cold to Ginny, seeing him broken up like this pulls at the heart strings. I do think he's right, though--he needs to be stronger for the family. Where's the courage we've seen in the past? My heart just breaks for all of them.
Another great addition. There's been a twist in every chapter! Your imagination astounds me, dear!
xx Gina, your Secret Santa Report Review
I was not expecting that. Wow. I'm not sure what to type as a review.
Obviously some sort of magic is at play here, something the Potters knew nothing about. I have so many questions! Did they go looking for her when she "left" a year ago? Did they just assume she walked away willingly? Did they ever consider she'd been kidnapped? What sort of magic is at play here, and who set it in motion?
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm excited to see how the Potters take this reunion and if there will be any immediate effects. So intriguing! Great stuff, Becca. I can't wait to read on.
xx Gina, your Secret Santa Report Review
Merry Christmas, Becca! I'm here with a few reviews to brighten your holiday. :)
Though this chapter was short, there were quite a few gems that made it come to life. I loved those small touches that made the characters unique and relatable--like James trying to heal his mother with compliments. Beautiful and heart-breaking.
I'm curious why Lily left her family, and how such a golden family ended up so broken. This is such a different portrait of the Potters than we typically see, and I applaud you for attempting a new angle. It's dark and stirring. There's so much going on underneath the surface to be explored. Whether Harry and Ginny blame each other for Lily leaving... or they're simply hurting so much they can't approach each other... or something else happened between them that is unsaid in this first chapter. And the remaining children--how are they coping? We've seen a bit of James' point of view, and might I say I love the ending--the bit about him loving his sister, but at times, when caught off guard, he finds himself blaming her. *shudder*
Off to the next chapter, I am!
xx Gina, your Secret Santa Report Review
Hi darling! I wanted to check out one of your longer works, and now I just want to know WHAT HAPPENED?? How did they get like this? What's wrong with them? What did Lily do?
Yes, look at all those questions! Haha! I am very excited to read on (after I be an adult and go grocery shopping) because this was a really interesting first chapter.
It's so sad to think of the Potter family as such a broken one, because there those people you always image to be happy no matter what. After everything Harry and Ginny went though, you just think that after the finally get married and have babies, it will all be okay because they'll spend their entire lives together and happy.
But, things still happen and sometimes even harder burdens can be placed, I just hope that whatever the reason is, it's one that is eventually salvageable. I feel so sad for James in this, because he just wants his family back. He wants his happy, smiling, loving parents back and he probably wants to just be able to feel like a normal kid in a normal life.
This was a very captivating first chapter! Your word choices were beautiful and really helped the story feel alive, great job! Report Review
Or a simple 'Write some bloody more!'Author's Response: I'm planning to! We'll see how it goes. Report Review
just started reading this and it's really good. I hope you continue it, even thought you posted it like, 3years ago.Author's Response: I hope to! I'm doing a rewrite, and I've actually plotted an ending now, so that's progress :P. Report Review
First off, love your writing. Really, it's some of the best I've seen on this site. The attention to detail is great. I loved the description of the rain making his clothes stick to him. Beautifully done. However, there are a few minor flaws in plot. For instance, there was a bit earlier about how he had failed his aparation test, and suddenly he can aparate? And he's only seventeen, so Lily must be at least two years younger, so why can she? It just broke the illusion that you'd obviously worked so hard to build. Don't take this the wrong way, though because I am entirely addicted to this story! I just needed to point out this discrepancy. Love the plot, so original! I'm actually really, really shocked I like this story, as I generally view James as a bit of a git (haha rhyme). So bravo!
-AnnaAuthor's Response: I could have sworn I replied to this review. Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to review, and for pointing out flaws. The reason for them, and while not a particularly good one, is the fact that between this chapter and the last few, I took a long break because of family issues, and I must have missed those details when reading the stuff I've written before. Thanks so much for bringing them to my attention, and I really appreciate the attention you put it when reading them to notice them in the first place. And the praise is completely undeserved, but lovely nontheless. Thanks so much :D. Report Review
I love this story! You're very good at suspense and have a great writing style, and all the characters are portrayed in very believable ways. I cannot wait for you to update this, it's so addicting! Keep up the amazing work! (:Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
I kept coming across the link for this and was debating whether to read it or not, Im glad I did in the end, its nothing like I expected, Its better!
Would reccommend taking the part out of your summary that says Its not the real Lily, it gives to much away!!
p.s.how come Harry and Ginny weren't out looking for Lily?? They defeated Voldemort so why would they give up that easily??!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I think I'll keep it in for now, as it's quite a big draw, but I definitely see where you are coming from. I see it as Harry and Ginny were looking for a while, but have become disheartened. Report Review
Wow. Just wow. Read the whole thing because I was bored and so happy I did it!!! I am really dying to know what is going to happen. So yes, brilliant. :-D
Really like James too :-) He is a darling.
-x-Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
great chapter! write more soon please :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
I've read this since the beginning and let me tell you it's bloody amazing!
I hate that Al is so different here, but I see why...Although, can youu pleasee make him lighten a up a bit? He's my favorite next generation Potter; don't ruin him for me!(;
Rose is absolutely Rose. With the big history of Transifguration and her punching James for waking her up, I think she's perfectly in character. :D But you still make the characters your own.
Dom is exactly what I would expect from her. The guys drooling after her, her being blunt, and not exactly caring about anything but the 'juicy goosip'.(x
I don't like the fact that James doesn't like Louis very much, but I'll deal with it.(; No character is perfect, eh? Louis reminds me of Scorpious a tad; the blonde hair, the girl magnet, etc.
Hugo is just right. You made him say the exact right thing at the right time even if it wasn't the most meaningful conversation.
James. James. James. HE'S SO SAD! D: I wanted James to be cheerful and a prankster and all, but no. You HAD to go and make him depressed. I'm very disappointed in you. *waggles finger* As long as you post a new chapter soon, my disappoinment will fade, you know.In any case, I'm glad he's moving away from his close relatives. Doing some shopping, going out to pubs. I think there's something suspicious about Julie (or Julia; couldn't be bothered to look for her name again xD)...
And now, LILY! Gah. YOU FRUSTRATE ME!, in a good way. :D What's with the missing scar? Why is she acting so differently? Why isn't she bossing anyone around?! Dx
I love your fanfic. It's so mysterious. :D And I love your style of writing. I'LL BE ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! Update soon! Sorry about the immensely long review. Got carried away. xD
Victoria(:Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm afraid Al is going to be angsty for a while though, I wrote it with him less ansty and it felt less real, somehow. I can see why you'd disagree though. I'm glad you agree with my characterisation of other characters (and sorry about the James depression - it had to be done, I'm afraid!).
Thanks again! Report Review
I loved it! :)
Poor James, having to refuse a job he'd love because of his dad!
Great chapter, can't wait for more :)Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
Julia seems nice, though part of me feels like she might be secretly evil!
And Lily is confusing me...I wanna know who she is!
Can't wait for more, such a great story!Author's Response: Julia is a bit of a loose canon - you'll have to wait and see her true nature! Lily's mystery will be unraveled soon enough - there are some clues along the way!
Thanks SO much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Report Review
A new chapter!!! :D I was so excited to read it! I adore your writing style and your storyline is really good. I really hope you don't abandon this idea of yours because I can see you taking this story in a really cool and creative direction! [well it's already heading there but I know it'll get better] I hope you can update again soon! :]Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm responding far, FAR too late to this, but I do hope to continue this story eventually. Report Review
Oh, finally! A new chapter! I was so excited when I saw it!
This chapter was another interesting one. It was good to see James finally skivving off to, at least, push some of the stress off of his shoulders! I think it'd be good for him to have a woman at his side, although, I am just a tad worried about what will become of their possible relationship if Lily gets all weird again.
I'm still anxious to know what happened to her during the time she was gone. Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I actually have chapter eight and a bit of chapter nine pre-written, I've just had to wait for validation on other bits and pieces :D.
Yeah, James needs to relax once in a while, or he will go crazy :P. Julia will come up a few times. Lily going crazy again would certainly put a lot of strain on them!
I'm trying to drop a few hints along the way, although it's certainly hard. I can't give too much too quickly!
Thanks again for the awesome review :D. Report Review
Nice than the rest of chaptersAuthor's Response: I hope that's a good thing! James is finally learning to relax :D. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
holyy shitt this is so good i want to know whats up with lily but obviously thatll give the whole thing away more soon please!!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! You'll find out soon enough what's happening with Lily ;). Sorry I can't say more! Report Review
I must tell you that I'm addicted to your story. I really wish I'd found it much later in life though, because that way I'd be able to goble down the entire thing at one time. (: But I suppose we can't have everything.
So anyway, this chapter- perfection. 10/10 if I say so myself. The only thing about this chapter that I can't stand is that I can't hit that double arrow button and get to the next chapter.
On another note, I love your James, Dom, Rose and Al. They're such interesting characters, and you make them even more interesting. Disregarding whatever flaws they may have, I want these characters to be my friends. When an author makes the reader wish that the characters were their friends, well then they've done something right. (:
Now onto the mystery that is Lily Potter... or quite possibly not Lily Potter... I LOVE IT. I seriously have no idea how you came up with this amazing plot! I've read a lot of great stories that have no plot but get by simply because of the high quality of writing, but fortunately yours has both. This was a really original idea, so kudos to you.
Sorry for the long review, you probably don't want to read all of it, but I just want to stay that I love your story and I'll keep checking back for any updates! And to James Sirius Potter, she's got a gash on her cheek- do something about it! (:Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and it's reading these old reviews that make me want to restart it. You really are far too kind. Report Review
Oh man! I want to know what's up with "Lily" so bad!!! Nice job on the suspense ;)Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! I'm so glad you're interested in the story :D. I'm hoping the mystery of Lily will get clearer soon enough :). Report Review
This is such an interesting first chapter! (: Now I have to keep reading this story to find out what happened. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you're enjoying it :D. I hope you keep reading it! It should get to the exciting part soon enough :D Report Review
It's okay, pretty good, I like the use of names to feed into more meaning of the book. Would like to see more of a 'cliff hanger' effect.Author's Response: I'm glad you've enjoyed it! I'm a bit confused what you mean by using names to inject meaning into the book, because these are pre-existing characters in the HP universe. I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I'll try and include more cliffhangers. Report Review
Please write more! I would like to know the end!Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! The end is quite a long way off, but I hope you'll stick with it! Report Review
You're a wonderful summerizer. The summary just realed me in at once and I began reading. I liked it. The characters are exactly the way I imagined them - James being the only one intrigued, Albus losing it, Harry just walking out... it made sense.
I really like this plot. I was never a Lily Potter II fan, but this fic changed my perception of her. Let's see where you take this.
By the way, I've noticed quite a few typoes through out the fic. Some are trivial but a few are slightly confusing. Perhaps a beta would prevent any more of those. =)
I haven't got any theories about what's happened to Lily because I suck at that. I'd rather the suspense eat me alive.
Or read it and find out. You get to decide which happens first. =p
JazAuthor's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! I'm glad you like the summary, because I feel this is the only one of mine which is worth anything at all - usually I suck at them! I'm glad I stayed true to your idea of the characters, because I want them to be believable as humans - especially since it's a less than normal situation.
Lily Potter II isn't necessarily my favourite either - it was more the need for a close family like the Potters, and Lily made the most sense to disappear - babied by her brothers, close to her parents ect.
Thanks for the tip about the typos! I'll definitely take your advice about a beta.
Haha, I'd love to hear the theories anyway! I hope the story will keep you in suspense :D.
Thank you so much again! Report Review
Ok, this story is AWESOME! I love it already :D
I'm very suspicious of Lily, really want to know who she is because she definately is not the real Lily! Hopefully James can figure it out :D
Can't wait for more :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm so gad you're enjoying it. Haha, you'll find out soon enough who Lily is, but you're right about her not being the real one.
Thank you so much! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection