Ok you have my attention. Please put the first chapter up. Obviously from my penname I love Remus. Can't wait to read more.

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Hi there :).

There was good and adequate description in the first couple of paragraphs. The scene was set up very nicely, so I had no problems picturing everything that you were describing. It didn't make the piece boring at all, but added just a bit of something that has the reader appreciative of the fact that they can see things clearly in their head. Nothing worse than figures in a black scene.

I like your use of flashback. I was wondering why she was having problems walking past the house (at first I thought it was the Potter home, haha), but then it all became clear. Once again you paid enough attention to detail, and was a good enough writer to have the reader still interested. Her reaction to the news, although unexpected, was still very realistic. Not everyone would be as welcoming to a werewolf, such as Remus' friends were, especially in that time. With the Dark Lord's rise, and werewolves being considered virtually dark creatures, there's just this general fear of them. Then add in her natural jealousy of Lily, and then Lily's knowledge, it all contributed to her running away from it. At that time, she couldn't have been able to understand that being James' girlfriend and soon-to-be wife, Lily may have been privy to certain information that she as Remus' girlfriend couldn't have been. Or, Lily having figured it out on her own. In any event, her fear, possible disbelief, and envy, made a lot of sense to me.

I like your mention of Sirius, and Meghan's wholehearted belief that he murdered his friends. I like that she's on that train, and isn't one of those characters who know that he's innocent, or believe it completely. If his own friend, one who has been with him for so long in Remus, still believed in his Sirius' guilt for so long, how can someone else believe him to be innocent?

There were a few run-on sentences, and sometimes the wrong usage of a word. Like here ...he had always had that affect on her. It should be 'effect'. And this in your final sentence There are something’s that time cannot heal. It should be 'some things'. A quick read through should find everything.

I like the little moment between Meghan and Remus. It shows that there's still something buried there, and I can't wait to see how it all plays out.

Your concern was whether or not people would want to read on. You've definitely captured my interest with this, and I do want to know what comes next. Your description and the general flow of this was nice as well. It's really, really good for a first story.

Keep it up!

~Leigh

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! (:

It always annoys me in stories where Remus' love interest just accepts the fact that he's a werewolf without so much as blinking- especially at a time such as it was. And yes, she was friends with Sirius but not best friends and as you said if even a marauder believed him to be guilty, who is going to think he's innocent?

Yes, I'm bad with run-on sentances, it's something I need to work on, and I always manage to mix up affect/effect. xD

Thanks again for taking the time to review, and for the nice comments. (: As I said in the thread the next chapter is pretty much ready to go, I just wanted some feedback on this first.

-Ella

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