Reading Reviews for This Animal I've Become
  
99 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alexandra Philippa Bester Lay to Rest

18th June 2013:
hay hay!


its coming along good! you don't find that much good marauder-slytherin stories but this one is great- especially with remus;) (I luv remus/oc stories) don't wana comment but could you PLEASE add a bit more romance between addie and remus? and more scenes involving evan and the other slytherins maybe? would be reaaly happy if you did!

 Report Review

Review #2, by CopperEyed Lay to Rest

19th May 2013:
You do VERY well with character descriptions and fleshing out the emotions of particular scenes. It's gripping!! I even stayed up overly late last night, cuz I couldn't stop reading! I really like Addie, your OC. She has, well, (for my lack of finding a better word) character, complexity, and depth. Her history is intriguing. Just want to say; well done! If you update, know you'll definitely have a reader in me =)

 Report Review

Review #3, by the_other_potter Lay to Rest

30th April 2011:
I am loving this story so far. Cannot wait for more. I adore your writing your so talented :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Jamile Miyagi Lay to Rest

11th April 2011:
omg i rly liked this story so far! very well written! I was sad to see this wa the last chapter you updated cuz i wanted to read more! i love the relationship between Remus and Addie so far too. pls update soon! :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by ArandoraStarr Lay to Rest

11th January 2011:
Dumbledore does know about the Room of Requirements! In the first Harry Potter book, he mentions to Harry that he once stumbled upon in when he was looking for a bathroom, and it conveniently became a bathroom for him. But, he said he searched and searched for the R.o.R. but could never find it again.

Also, about the Head Girl and prefect thing, usually prefects become Head Boy or Girl, but that isn't always the case, as seen with James Potter becoming Head Boy, although he had never been a prefect. So, if the Head Girl is a Slytherin, it doesn't technically mean she had to be a prefect. If she was a prefect her sixth year, then no, there would not be a seventh year prefect. If she wasn't a prefect, then it is possible that there can be a seventh year girl prefect for Slytherin as well as the Head Girl being from that same house.

I think you are doing an amazing job with this story. I actually am a new reader, but I'm already hooked on it. Your characterization is practically flawless, and I'm excited to see where this story goes. Keep up the excellent work!

 Report Review

Review #6, by honeybunny777 Lay to Rest

12th December 2010:
Hm...Ok, this might be a long review, so pop open a can of diet pepsi (horrid stuff in my opinion), and kick your feet up.

First off, I just wanna say I am a big fan of Remus/OC stories, so this is one of my favs. Unfortunately, I just have one little problem with it.

I think that Addie is just too great. She is a chief werewolf who can sort of control other werewolves and control herself, she has mastered thousandths of spells at age 16, can do nonverbal magic like a pro, has a photographic memory, has good looks, and is in terrific shape. I think the only baddish things about her are she's in Slytherin, and she is a werewolf, the latter being horrid. It's nothing personal, but I just don't like Mary Sue's and Gary Stu's.

That killed me to say that. I don't like bagging on other people's work because I know my stuff is worse. I just needed to get my opinion out there. And I am dreadfully sorry if I offended you in any way.
Love, hermione77

 Report Review

Review #7, by Nynfadora Lay to Rest

10th December 2010:
To make this seem more spread out perhaps you could have done it in more steps, perhaps;

a) ‘Remus glanced at her and sighed. He then ran a hand through his hair, which as an apprehensive gesture he made when he felt a uncomfortable. “I…I hurt you,” he confessed slowly.’
b)‘Remus sighed, “Fine, I agree.”
c) Addie moaned inwardly as she noticed Remus’ hesitation, but of course she understood him, after all, all those years of transforming and she had caused plenty of damage, scratched floorboards, wardrobes. Guilt was one of the worst feeling out there, and it would never just….go way. It always lingered and took awhile to leave, always leaving a bitter aftertaste in the back of the mind.
“Look, Remus, I know you feel guilty, but this is what being a werewolf is all about- you have to learn to separate yourself from the wolf more, alright? Its not you that scratched me, its your werewolf- got that?
Remus nodded, his cheeks flushing as he looked solidly at his lap.
d) “So, you want this chocolate bar, or what?” asked Addie, trying to put on a smile.
“Are you sure, I mean, I did just scratch y-” Remus started before being vut across.
“ Look, it wasn’t your fault, and whenever you hurt me on a full moon I know that it would never have been done on purpose”
e) Remus manages a smile, albeit a rather weak one, as Addie left the chocolate bar on the wooden table by his bed.
“See you later, and don’t go about hurting me on full moons again!” She grinned cheekily, and left with a cocky wink.

So, that’s it. And those things are tiny, my wouldn’t have noticed them at all however, I’m just pinikity J Keep up the great work as I’m loving your story so much!
And in answer to you questions:

1) No, Dumbledore doesn’t know about the RoR, however he stumbles across it in Harry’s forth year, but doesn’t understand it, and can never find it again.
2) It depends if the head girl was prefect for the year before- if she wasn’t then there would be a 7th year prefect (the same one as the years before), if she was then there would be no prefect for that house

Keep it up, keep writing!

***

And thats part two- haha, it was too long to fit onto one chapter, so I had to do it over two- hope you don't mind- it was over 1200 words long!

 Report Review

Review #8, by Nynfadora Horror House

10th December 2010:
This is a long review, so its done over two chapters, enjoy ;)
***
Sorry I haven’t reviewed in so long, combination of travelling and work really mean that the fun things come second L But I’m reviewing now ( for the second time actually, finished the first one then BAM!- the whole thing just got deleted*sigh*)
Well, rambling stopping, reviewing starting…NOW!


I read this from the beginning to the current chapter, and its actually amazing seeing how much you have improved by! For example, in the first few chapters all of the description was rushed, then slowly more was added in until chapter 10, which was THE chapter for me- the one where your writing went from good to excellent. And then there was chapter 15, Horror House. Favourite chapter, for many reasons- the fact that it was the transformation did help- I think many were waiting for that! But the description was what made the amazingness that it was- the fact that you described every room in the shrieking shack is what made it so special- it just makes the story not seem so hurried, and its shows that effort and time have been put into this, not just a quick half an hour. The way you started that chapter was also one of many things that made it very effective - ‘Two people broke out of edge of the forest and slowed down from their fast paced run. They stood in a vast clearing made up of long, green grass and sticks that reached their ankles.’ it’s a great effect to not put the people’s names in when opening up a paragraph, and it worked really well here. It just shows that small, details like that are what makes up the story- I mean, from that quote I just copied and pasted I can tell so much, and with so many details like this throughout the story I think you have it almost perfect.
So, almost perfect, but I’m harsh so… ;) But there are only…. Two things I picked up on. And I’m being really harsh and mean at the moment- to be honest I’m never usually this critical, but I really think you can have the perfect writing style, and therefore everything has to be picked up on, even if it is annoying (Sorry!)

1) ‘Once she got most of the blood off, she racked her muddled brain for a spell that would magic her clothes on because she couldn’t move her arm. Even though her mind was beginning to feel lightheaded and she was beginning to feel like she was going throw up (which wasn’t unusual after a transformation), she still managed to remember the spell and quickly cast it on herself as quickly as possible, avoiding bothering her shoulder. She left her shirt and sweater off, seeing how she was sweating profusely, as well as her sandals.’ - in this paragraph, I just found that the words ‘she’ and ‘her’ were repeated a lot. I know that in a third person fic ( another reason I adore this fic, not many attempt third person, but when they do it comes out amazing) - perhaps Addie’s name could be mentioned more, and more sentences starting with connectives would be better. Sorry for being annoying, but it just stood out for me a bit.

2) ‘Remus laughed as he grabbed the chocolate from her hand…’
I just found with this that Remus switched moods too quickly- one minute hes tired, weak and upset and guilty for injuring Addie, the next hes laughing and grabbing chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, the way you described both moods was done well, you’re description is improving all the time, there just needs to be a invetween- there was one, I know, however that time was over so fast, perhaps a more gradualle slip into two contrating moods is needed- while you did it in three steps:
A) ‘Remus glanced at her and sighed. He then ran a hand through his hair, which as an apprehensive gesture he made when he felt a uncomfortable. “I…I hurt you,” he confessed slowly.’- step one- this is great by the way, the way you describe his ations are done really well J
b) ‘Remus sighed, “Fine, I agree.”’ - step two (indecently, the way you put sighed instead of said really put a mood to this of unwillingness, which is great- I noticed that you don’t use the word ‘said’ very often at all which is really positive. Without the ‘sighed’ this would have just been an add on to step three, so I think it shows that you are aware that emotions need to slip gradually (in most cases, not all) however you just to exaggerate this, and your done.
c) ‘Remus laughed as he grabbed the chocolate from her hand and said, “Deal.”’- step 3. Remus seems ecstatic in this! You wouldn’t think he’d just been feeling negative thought, so perhaps something more subtle could have been used.

 Report Review

Review #9, by helenpotter94 Lay to Rest

4th December 2010:
hi im helen
just like to say i really liked how you described the transformation. it was really good that you went that deep and detailed. i enjoyed it :)
i just want to make one comment: can remus please just man up and kiss addie or something?!?! i mean geez he should be dominant for once and just go with his feelings.

as for your questions; yes dumbledore does know about the room of requirement as he mentions to harry that one time he was really in need of a toilet and a bathroom appeared out of nowhere. but as to him knowing its exact whereabouts i assume he does (is there anything he doesn't know? (or can guess for that matter)) but you never know, he may have wanted harry to find out about it by himself. if you were to write about him knowing i suggest he give subtle hints that he knows about it but not give anything away.

as for the second question im not sure it was never said in the books that i can remember but im sure there is because the heads are from different houses and are completely seperate from prefects, and it would be fair to have 7th year prefects for all the houses so the heads would be encouraged not to be so biased towards their house. im not sure if that makes sense but thats what i think.

this has made a very long review actually and you can expect more to come :)
~ Helen

 Report Review

Review #10, by Diamond Lay to Rest

22nd November 2010:
Wonderful chapter! I can barely wait for the next one!

Keep up the amazing work!

Diamond.
xoxo

 Report Review

Review #11, by Diamond Horror House

22nd November 2010:
Your descriptions of their transformations are brilliant - I've never read better! I never really paused to think much about what Remus' transformation would FEEL like, and you really managed to express the pain of it!

Amazing!

Diamond.
xoxo

 Report Review

Review #12, by Diamond Finding Common Ground

22nd November 2010:
You have a wonderful writing style - it's so easy to get drawn into the story, and into the characters!

Loving the story so far!

Diamond.
xoxo

 Report Review

Review #13, by Diamond The Sorting Nerves

22nd November 2010:
Slytherin! Omgoodness! I most definitely did not see that one coming!

Great job so far!

Diamond.
xoxo

 Report Review

Review #14, by naflower05 Lay to Rest

13th November 2010:
great great chapters!! sorry i haven't been reading or reviewing, ive just been really busy. i cant wait for more, i love this story, so update soon!! =]

 Report Review

Review #15, by orangezauber Lay to Rest

3rd October 2010:
I know I already reviewed today, but I must continue my praises to you. I just can't get enough of how you describe people, rooms, feelings...it's just...wow!

A possible editing thing may be done in the third paragraph of this chapter. You talk about Addie's inability to perform higher levels of magic after a transfomation. You end up using the word magic five times in two sentences. I don't want you to feel that you have to change this, but maybe cut down on the number of times that word is used in the paragraph. It got to be a bit repetitive sounding. However, I did like how you explained how Addie felt after the transformation and how magically weak she felt.

Now for your questions...I am sure others have answered these for you, but I will too just so I can feel helpful. I do believe that Dumpledore does know about the Room of Requirement because he made reference to it once being a bathroom in the middle of the night when he was talking to Harry in the First book. As for the prefect question...I am not sure, but to me it makes sense to have a replacement prefect if someone becomes head boy/girl.

Well, there is another long review for you to read. I didn't mean to leave two reviews, but I was just so extatic when I saw that you had posted more chapters that I really couldn't stop reading. I look forward to another great chapter!

As Always,
orangezauber

 Report Review

Review #16, by orangezauber Of Meetings and Sweet Scents

2nd October 2010:
Time certainly has gotten away from me. I seem to have lost track of this story, but I luckily found it again tonight (much to my relief). I am glad to see that this story is still as fabulous as when I first started reading it. Your writing style still seems to catch the imagination and pull the reader right into it. Everything continues to flow together with uncanny brilliance.

I would like to say that I really loved your description of Flitwick's classroom. It was like going through one of those virtual tours of house one is wanting to buy. I don't know how to explain it, but your description was very...clean and clear (haha, if that makes any sense). I think that small descriptive paragraph was the best part of this chapter.

Thanks for the great descriptions! Keep it up!
Also it was very nice of you to give a special thanks in the chapter to me and the other reviewers. You deserve all the praise you get because it is a fantasic story!

Always,
orangezauber

 Report Review

Review #17, by Amused Snorer Lay to Rest

2nd October 2010:
Yet another great chapter. Can't wait to read more! As for your questions, I have no idea...sorry to be so useless.
Update soon please! Oh, and Happy Anniversary!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! It's alright that you don't know the answers lol. I obviously didn't know either haha.

I'll update as soon as I can! And thank you! :]


 Report Review

Review #18, by Riva Horror House

13th September 2010:
I'd like to commend you on your wonderful story.Your descriptions sound spot-on to me and I have spent the lat several days eagerly reading chapter after chapter. You portray the characters really well, and have so many original concepts that I hungrily lap up.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks!! This review made me go like this -> :D
It's always nice to hear things like this! I'm glad you really like the story so far, and I hope you continue to like it as it goes on :]

Thanks for the review! And I hope you'll review again!


 Report Review

Review #19, by obsessionizagoodthing Horror House

31st August 2010:
I love the story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Wow I haven't looked at my favorites list in a while, and this one is definitely one of my favorites.

Author's Response: Oh, good good good :D
I'm glad you love it and that my story is basically one of your favorites! So good to know that!
So thank you! And the next chapter should be out soon :]


 Report Review

Review #20, by pinaygrl3123 Beating the Playboy

18th August 2010:
Oh Remus. How I love theee. Haha. Seriously - he's totally my favorite character ever and I love how you wrote of him. It's so cute... I love reading about the ways boys react to girls.. and how strongly they can be affected. It's always such a heart-warming kind of reaction. Heh. Sirius can be such a pain if you aren't charmed by him - so it's funny. I like this Addie girl so far.. She's definitely making quite the impression on the Marauders, to say the least (:

Author's Response: Haha, he's definitely my favorite too :]
I wanted to make him sort of awkward, yet have a little bit of smoothness in him, because you know, he is a marauder. You cannot be a marauder and not have a little suaveness in you...except for peter, but that's a different story lol. And I'm glad to know you like the Sirius I created so far :P And that you like Addie too :D

Thanks for reviewing!!


 Report Review

Review #21, by RandomRyter Horror House

17th August 2010:
I liked it. I live for descriptions and I think that you did a wonderful job with this chapter. I obviously cannot wait for the next one, to see the first confrontation post-moon between the two wolves...and yeah. Great chapter, once again.

Author's Response: Good! I'm ecstatic that you enjoyed it all :D
I'm glad that all my descriptions did not go to waste and at least someone read most of it lol.

I just submitted the next chapter and so it should be up by the end of the week! So, THANK YOU, for this wonderful comment :]


 Report Review

Review #22, by Amused Snorer Horror House

17th August 2010:
ARGH! so good!
i love how detailed you were with the transformation. it was so specific and credible i started cringing just at the thought.
seriously enjoyable and wonderfully long.
UPDATE SOON! XD

Author's Response: Ah, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :]
I'm glad you liked it so much. I'm SUPER happy to know that you did. And I'm glad you didn't mind the length, I was a bit worried about that :/
Just updated ;]


 Report Review

Review #23, by Amberfire Horror House

17th August 2010:
Yey new chapter :D
I quite liked it, it was a very different take on the transformations to what I think I would have written and it was all the more interesting for that. I'm looking forward to human Remus and Addie though, the chapter felt like it was missing something by not having them in speaking roles for most of the chapter.

The transformation was well thought out and I liked the description of the actual change and the stages involved. It was very interesting and I liked hearing about every stage they went through. It was rather cool how you wrote about Remus' reaction and Addie's as well for most of the changes. Very interesting :D

I'm so glad you updated because I was really looking forward to a new chapter :D Especially after all those revisions of the last chapter that made me think there was new chapter! ;)

Thanks so much for updating :D
Amberfire

Author's Response: Yeah, it was really hard to write this chapter without any dialogue haha. But, I tried to make the transformations a little different from what people usually describe them. And if Addie wasn't a werewolf, I wouldn't have spent this much time on a transformation, but since she is, it was important to write it all out. Usually people just write 'the skin ripped off and fur grew. then the bones changed shape', but I really wanted to get into it since a lot of people were looking forward to the transformations :]

Anyway, I just updated after not updating forever! :D
Haha, yeah, if you see me making revisions, that means a new chapter's coming ;]


 Report Review

Review #24, by Mayhem Horror House

16th August 2010:
I liked how you described the transformation!! I know I always have trouble with scenes where I want to go into explicit detail but I never seem able to find the right words and I just want to say you did really well. I wonder why the idea of werewolf mating seems so gross to Addie, I meanyou wouldn't do it witha stranger/friendbut if they were actual mates in their human forms I wonder if her impression of ww-mating would change.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy that you liked the description and that you think I did it well :D It's always good to hear that.

You definitely have a wonderful question. First off, Addie's only 16 years old and at 16 having sex in a form that's away from the norm or not your day to day body is definitely not something most 16 year olds would like to do. Secondly, it's not something she's completely comfortable with, and she probably wouldn't be until she was head over heels in love with him to attempt to.

So I hope that answers your question/wonderings :]
Don't hesitate to ask any more!


 Report Review

Review #25, by Lupin.mayhem Horror House

16th August 2010:
Nice chapter,'i admit it was a bit boring but I liked it anyways. I'd kill to be Addie! Keep writing!

Author's Response: Ah, yes, I can see why it was boring because of all the description :P I really wanted to describe the Shrieking Shack because it's basically a place that doesn't hold great memories for Remus.
But I'm glad you liked it anyway despite the lengthiness.

So, thank you for the review!!
And let me know how you like the next chapter! :]


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>