I think this story definitely shows potential, although I feel that you jump around from one point of the plot to another. I can see why you do this, as you have pleanty of ideas and things to say, but I think that if you bridged the gap in a more sutble way, it would make the story flow alot easier. For instance, adding more detail for each "section" of the story, would engage the reader in the story more.
Having said all that, you are of course, at liberty to ignore what I say as you are the author and what you write in your story is completely up to you. Also, I did thoroughly enjoy this stoy, so well done. :) Report Review
Merlin. I am such a wuss! I am like sobbing right now! But wow. Amasing story. Truly Amasing. This is the third time I read it! I am so glad it did not have a happy ending. Those are over rated any ways. Hehe!
-GinervaMollyWeasley Report Review
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