I never thought to look at Bellatrix like that, it was brilliant! Report Review
This needs way more love than it has.
The way you write about the dementors and insanity is chilling. I love how you wrote about her love for Voldemort, when she doesn't even know he's halfblood. You really managed to get her obsession with Voldy down to a T.
There are a few errors:
5th paragraph "Bellatrix was could be..." just either the was or the could is good here, not both.
"...they had tortured the Longbottoms, believing that the Aurors had known where the Dark Lord had went..." This should be "where the Dark Lord had gone". Went just sounds completely odd.
And the ending seems a little rushed too, but I love this story. You have Bellatrix's characterisation so perfectly, and her madness is just BRILLIANT. As for the little bit about Sirius at the end, and that being the proof she's insane... That was just so funny.
So, veryyy good story :) I love the way you write and the flow is mostly brilliant except for the rushed ending. YAY!
Lorren.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Eeh, I'm thrilled that you thought the obsession was on. I love writing Bellatrix, and I'm so happy that you thought she was in character. :D
Ick, the dreaded typos. This was my first story, and to be honest, I've just put off editing it because I'm a bit lazy in that respect. :P I WILL get to it, I promise--so thank you for pointing those out, seeing them has given me more of a push to do so. :D
I definitely take another look at the ending and see how I can slow it down a bit. I'm glad you liked the touch of Sirius. ;)
Thank you again for the fabulous review! It's super helpful, and the edited version will hopefully be up once the queue opens. :D Report Review
wow, the start of the story was really well written- how you began with the food slopping all over the floor, I could really feel the angst and darkness already.
Just one thing that got to me, she wouldn't be wearing 'dress made of rags'- the prisoners all wore the striped jumpsuits.
I spotted a little missing word, when your describing what is going to happen to her when she dies, you missed a 'would' after 'the guards of the prison'.
When you introduced Sirius, you said Bella didn't know he was a Death Eater, but she knew he was innocent- she hated him as her family disowned him and he ran to James Potter's house. So it wouldn't be 'without her knowledge that he was a high-ranked Death Eater', she would laugh at him being in prison because she knew he was innocent, you could have her taunt him about secretly 'doing right'.
Hahah, I loved the ending- she was 'mentally insane' because she saw the dog. lol.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
And thanks for pointing out those canon mistakes - I think I got the dress idea from the movie, but I'll be sure to fix it ASAP. I'll also be sure to take another look over the part with Sirius.
Thanks again! Report Review
I really liked the abrupt opening of your story. The grit-filled bowl being thrown haphazardly into the cell gave an immediate sense of the setting without any need of a fully detailed description of it.
And your narrative was equally intriguing. It's funny how the voice of your story double-guesses itself so often. For example, when you are describing Bellatrix's attire (her dress made of rags), or when you're alluding to the prisoner's insanity (or lack thereof). It's an interesting style and it adds humour.
But I feel that the beginning of your story was stronger than the ending. And I'm not sure the story, as a whole, had much direction other than painting a portrait of Bellatrix's life up until a certain, and somewhat irrelevant, point.
But I liked it regardless.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it - and I agree, it doesn't have all that much of a point. :/ It's just a little thing I threw together.
Thanks again for the awesome review! Report Review
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