You need to get this through a beta. This is a very VERY touche story but those tiny little mistakes sort of draw it a little bit back. Also, Dumbledore never called him "Mr.Potter" by this time, he was used to calling him "Harry" as he had from the beginning.
Other than that there were no mistakes. The story layout is very well done. I like the way you started the whole scene, with Albus forcing Gellert to take it back, which reminds me, they're calling each other by their names in almost every dialogue. Maybe you did this to tell us who's talking but it's a wee little bit overdone. It's not confusing so cutting out a couple of those would make it better.
I love the way you've explained the duel. Actually, you haven't explained much but that's the best part. It's nice the way it is.
You've covered so many years in this one shot. Amazing. If I wrote this it would have taken me several books :P So great job there.
All in all, successfully done :)
*Hugs*Author's Response: Those mistakes have been bugging me since FOREVER! :) I know, I know. I just can't proof read this, because the point of the challenge I wrote this for was stream of consciousness: we had to write what came to our mind without re-reading anything. So, I had to leave those be. :) The one-shot remains the way it came out from the tip of my fingers. :)
I'm so glad you liked the duel scene. It was such an emotional process for me to write that; I was crying at that point of the story and I'm just happy you like it. Thank you very much for the review! :) Report Review
I'll be honest... I've never read a fic about Dumbledore and Grindelwald before. I'm glad that I have now, and I'm glad I started with this one. You write so brilliantly.
I love Grindelwalds voice, but I haven't read anything else with him in so that might be it, but still it's fantastic. He really believes allt he crap he's coming out with.
I love how it jumps from point to point in Dumbledores life. All the parts about his sister made me tear up, and so did the ending. This definitely fits in with the whole "remorse" theme. It's lovely, and really touching. I've had a bit of a dislike for Dumbledore since reading the last book because of what he did, but this has made me think so differently about him. I repsect his character again now, so thank you :)
Lorren.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. :) Writing this one-shot was crazy. In the middle of it I got so caught up in Grindelwald's personality that I started to really believe in the things he was saying... In the end, it turned out to be a cathartic experience. :)
I'm glad you respect Dumbledore again. I had a bit of trouble understanding his motives too. I really wanted to punch him while reading HBP and DH. ;) Report Review
Hello, WeasleyTwins here to review for the challenge. I am so sorry for the extended delay!
I've got to be rather quick with this review, so...I love the drama. I cannot believe that this is your most dramatic piece! You presented the characters excellently and the mood with striking clarity. I must say that you did a great, great job! :]]
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :] Report Review
Wow. Just... wow. You did all that in a single stream of consciousness? If you hadn't come right out and said as much, I never would have guessed it. It was incredible. The twist of fate where Albus is fighting with Gellert for his views of the sacrifice of others and then his own plans to sacrifice Harry... I wasn't expecting that extra scene at the end, and I think it was a wonderful addition to the story.
As it's a stream of consciousness and I'm guessing you still aren't allowed to change anything, I don't expect it to change, but I thought I should mention that 'Abeforth' should actually be 'Aberforth.' I only barely caught the missing letter, though.
The story definitely pulled at my heartstrings. Poor Ariana! The confrontation between Albus and Gellert was done well, even if it skirted around the actual fighting. Albus's thoughts afterward were perfect. I'm glad I read this!Author's Response: I wasn't expecting the extra scene either. But it came out like that. :]
Aberforth... I usually don't pronounce the 'r' and I guess I cancelled it from my memory. Silly me. :]
Well, fighting scenes require me lots of thought, but stream of cosciousness didn't let me go back and add bits of fighting, as I usually do. :]
I'm glad you liked my story. :] Report Review
I enjoyed reading your take on how the argument and fight among Albus, Aberforth, and Gellert happened. The intellectual argument brought to mind a Locke vs. Hobbes debate, and I thought that whole thing was very well done.
For stream of consciousness, this seemed very straightforward and well-ordered! But I came to terms long ago with the fact that most people's minds work in a more logical manner than mine. XD Anyway, I know what you mean about the not being able to edit or anything (I did this challenge too) and I definitely mean it as a compliment when I say that, had you been able to edit this, I'm sure it would have turned out ten times as good as it is now. The raw material you were able to come up with, without any editing, is wonderful on its own! ^_^
I think my favorite part was how you managed to tie in the greater good dilemma with the scene between Dumbledore and Harry at the end - I imagine that must have given Dumbledore no end of trouble and emotional torment.
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you very much! :] I wrote this after a day of Philosophy classes and so my thinking might have been more logical than usual! Especially because we had talked about Ethics and Politics all day :]
The last scene was a surprise for me. But I guess that Dumbledore had some trouble leaving Harry to his mission to find Horcruxes, knowing he would have to sacrifice himself. :] Report Review
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