Well, I have to start off with the obligatory YAY SCORPIUS!! message from my inner fan girl. Molly II eh? Hmm, interesting pairing. I definitely wouldn't have put them together initially. Yet once again you make them work together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I seriously envy your writing ability!
Their relationship is just AMAZING. There is so much pain, anguish, but love at the same time in the relatively short piece. The dialogue is amazing and seeing Molly's thoughts allows us to feel closer to the two of them on the whole. Lovely work.
Okay, I thought I had this one down until I read the final line. Uhm, what? Is this Audrey and Percy? I'm not entirely sure. Well whatever it is, it ends the story on a bittersweet note and leaves the reader with a lot of guesswork. Still, this was amazing.
Loved it so much! Report Review
I've loved this for ages, as you very well know.
First off, that TITLE. Butterfly Serenade - if there were a perfume named that, it'd sell millions. It is poetic, yet dark, yet not, all at once. I love this for its simplicity and for the record, I knew something was wrong with Molly in this when I first read it.
And she's insane/grieving/delusional, so there. :P
But the ending got me even now, though I knew it was coming. Albus and Lucy crying while she dances? It's a strange image to say the least.
Simple, but emotional. Poetic, but not overbearing. You are a balancing act in action. I want this style; every time I attempt it, I go overboard with rain and adjectives and various unnecessary things and the minimized feel of this really appeals to me. I want to write whole novels with this style, even if I would ward off every one because I'd fail to do so like you can. I don't know why you always complain about your older stuff because it is lovely; watching your growth from it to today is equally wonderful and it's like a bridge lapsing across time.
This one-shot reminds me of December and banner hunting and meeting Gubby and you. 2009 was a special year for my reading and writing and this fits into a beloved chronology of things that I adored and that I will continue to adore.Author's Response: I love when I get compliments on the title. I'm sure I've told you before how it happened - I'd got Jane to read over it and then realised I had no title. I was really annoyed and kind of ranting at her and just - in caps - said 'I'll end up calling it Butterfly Serenade and that's hideous' but she insisted and there we go. Thank Jane.
I'm glad you picked up on something being off. The hints are definitely there throughout; it's not quite as pretty and perfect as people seem to think.
The ending still has that effect? Goood.
Now, stop it. You don't go overboard at all. You're just more accomplished at it than me. This is minimised because I can't add any more to it.
I want to write novels with this style - I've still not managed to make my one-shot style and my WIP style consistent with one another. You, on the other hand, have that with yours. I truly am jealous.
When I say older stuff, I don't mean this. I mean all the things that have since been deleted. I adore this (and Wise and A Dream Couple, the pre-CIAW rewrite stories as that's where I place the marker between my two writing eras) and even if sometimes I think I could rewrite it from scratch, I wouldn't.
2009 was a hugely important year in my writing - like I said, the turning point - and I'm so happy that you like it.
Thank you so much for the review, lovely.
xx Report Review
Really Rachell? Just when I was feeling all warm and cozy from 'Parachutes', I go and read this tear-jerker. It was lovely by the way, as is all of your work. I love the way you write Molly, I really do. There's just this softness to her, that I can't help but enjoy. This was beautiful, if not rather heartbreaking, and another job well done.
-Camila :)Author's Response: Haha, sorryyy! I must admit that this is one of my personal favourites. Parachute less so, because of the structure.
I'm so glad you like Molly. I love writing her so much (as is apparent!)
Thank you so much - I'm glad you liked it ^_^ Report Review
Lovely, I have wanted to read this for an age because the banner is just stunning, and the name oh so enticing. I wish I had.
DO YOU REALISE HOW AMAZING YOU ARE? SERIOUSLY??
I know you can't handle compliments yada yada but that is just too bad, because this elegant, lyrical little piece deserves them aplenty.
It's beautiful. The main is classic Rachel description, complete with astute observations on love, and throughout it all this tremendous sense of tension and tragedy, which seems as if it is all going to come to a grand conclusion of passion - and then the twist of the ending is a bucket of cold water, another monument to well written angst and makes what would have been a delightful story truly heartbreaking and haunting. I particularly love that though you meant him for Scor, he could be anyone, and the piecing together of clues to find him adds to the tension.
I'm looking for something - anything - that I can stick under my 'could be improved section' in vain (although some people might not like not having concrete Scorpius clues, I adored, as above)
xoxoAuthor's Response: The banner is rather yummy and the title goes only to me losing all will and telling Jane "I might just call it 'Butterfly Serenade' after that line" (which I hated, actually, and nearly scrapped) and her saying "sounds good." So that's technically her!
I really need to start getting better at listening to people about this but I really don't see it.
This is 'classic Rachel description' before it was classic! This was written just about when I started finding my voice and style so it's still very early days in terms of that. It was just after the whole description thing started clicking for me.
I only made the Scorpius thing explicit so that I could say "Look! Concrete Molly/Scorpius" - really the only reason :P
You know what, I've left this for a week but still just don't know how to answer it. I cannot thank you enough - really - for this. It's absolutely ridiculous and lovely and silly and brilliant and undeserving. I reread this the other week and just wanted to tear it to pieces but I shall restrain myself.
I am so glad you liked it - really - and thank you, thank you, thank you.
xxx Report Review
Break my heart, why don't you, Rachelle? -sniffle-
Anyway, I'm here (finally!) with your review for the review exchange. I'm really glad I got paired with you, because I wanted to read this story anyway, and it was sheer laziness that was keeping me from getting around to it. XD
First of all, I'm really in love with the title Butterfly Serenade. It's a gorgeous piece of imagery (as is the line that it corresponds with in this one-shot). I think the title also really sets the tone for this piece, and it reflects what it's like to read it. The whole thing has a soft, ethereal feel to it. It's undoubtedly angsty, but it's not bogged down or oppressive in its angst. It's almost light - and uplifting, even, until you get to the end.
There's a really gorgeous purity in your writing, especially in this one-shot - the way you choose your words. This is real romance and emotion, and none of it seemed overdone.
I also wanted to comment on the paragraph you included where Molly acknowledges Scorpius' more irritating and less ideal traits - I loved it. It really anchored things and made it more realistic. It also gave more depth, I thought, to Molly's feelings - like she truly loved Scorpius for who he was, not some nonexistent personality she constructed in her mind (slightly ironic, yes, considering this scene was actually in her mind...but even then, it's meaningful that she still remembered those parts of him even in her hallucination or daydream or whatever you want to call it).
The last line was an awesome twist and took this to a whole new level. I went through various ideas as to who the mysterious girl and boy could be (and then, yes, I peeked at your responses to the other reviews). ^_^ My immediate thought, for some reason, went to Rose and Albus, but pale brown hair didn't seem to fit Rose, so I considered Lucy, though I couldn't figure who the boy would be. At one point I even entertained the idea of Audrey and Percy, because the glasses instinctively made me think of him (but I, for obvious reasons, am biased!) - I knew they didn't exactly fit the "girl" and "boy" aspect, but then again, in a very quaint way you could describe them as a girl and a boy. Anyhow, I like how you left a lot to the imagination! That sort of thing always makes a fic seem so much bigger, if that makes sense.
I loved this! I'd quote you my favorite lines, but I think I'd end up pasting most of the one-shot! It's really stellar.
MelanieAuthor's Response: I'm sorry!
-finds sellotape to fix you up-
Same! Irrational had been on my list for a long, long time.
Oh I love when people read into things! I like to know what my subconscious is playing at whilst I'm writing my nonsense. That line was written as a kind of temporary line, and I'd planned to take it out and replace it with something better. I'm quite glad I didn't.
Light is what I was going for, so that the end would be all the more hard hitting. I love angst. So easy to write :P
Wow, thank you. That's such a compliment, really. That's what I wanted from it so to know it was achieved is brilliant.
I thought creating a depth to the...image of him would probably help create a greater sense of reality about it, and adding depth to her feelings is a lovely side-effect of that :) I think she, without doubt, did love him.
I blame Jane for that. I'm sure she had something to do with me adding the boy because, to start, it was just Lucy. I might take him out again. I don't think it's all that significant :P
Thank you so, so much Melanie. This review is (a) ENORMOUS and (b) such a day brightener. It really put a huge smile on my face, so thank you.
xxx Report Review
wow, the ending was really creepy in a weird way. so, molly imagined it? reminds me of an episode of the tv show "ugly betty", but sadder and better.
9.5/10. i did rather like itAuthor's Response: Creepy? Haha, I guess it is.
Yeah, it was all in her imagination.
Thank you :) Report Review
Oh my GOD. This is so, sosososo beautiful. Wow. I am in love with you for writing this. Seriously. Wow. I love how you used simple words, romantic words, that have been use one thousand and one times, and made them so beautiful together. I want to cry now. The most beautiful tears. Fantastic. 10/10.Author's Response: Oh wow. Thank you so much. It really means a lot to hear that my writing had this effect on you.
xx Report Review
I really liked this! It's so well written - you used a lot of really good imagery. I hope that someday my stories will be just as good! For now I'm just reading a bunch and hoping that it improves my writing skills! Love it though. very bittersweetAuthor's Response: Oh thank you :)
I think that's a great way to do it. There are certainly a couple of authors out there that inspired the style of this, and I've learnt from what they write.
Thank you for dropping by
xx Report Review
Rachelle. Honestly. Why do your stories always make me want to cry?
I'm completely floored by this - I totally did not expect that ending. Nuh-uh, while I was suspicious about Molly's easy acceptance of Scorpius' sudden appearance, I was expecting some kind of revelation. The last paragraph actually broke my heart - Rose and Al (I think?) seeing her like that, so distraught and grieving, it makes me really sad.
The writing in this was just amazing. A lovely dreamy prose and it held a sort of mystery about it - I first Scorpius left her, though Molly's reaction seems a bit extreme for simple abandonment; so now I'm thinking he died (?) - that really engages the reader. The last two words - "emptiness, alone" - really made a big impact on me; it speaks world for Molly's mental state. I think she is struggling to connect with people after Scorpius' death/disappearance, leading to a decay on her sense of reality. [/pompous tosser talk]
So I just remembered; in the first paragraph (if I am right about Scorpius being dead), Molly said that it was "a day that should be full of solemnity, grief and heartbreak" - does that mean it was Scorpius' funeral? How upsetting :(
Anyway, I only have one little tiny bit of critique. The last paragraph - which I adored, don't get me wrong - felt a bit weird. Maybe it is the jump from first to third person, but I felt it didn't flow as fluidly as the rest of the story. Maybe consider putting a break above or perhaps splitting it into two sentences?
Anyway, regardless, this was amazing. Great concept, heartbreaking twist and gorgeous writing style. Well done Rachelle, this was genuine gold :)Author's Response: That might be because I'm just a big ball of angst and when I cannot get an ending, I kill people off :P Unless you are crying at the atrocity of it.
-picks Georgia up and dusts off-
There is no need to be floored.
Rose & Al, James & Lucy - either/or really.
The ambiguity was what I was going for, because whilst he was dead in my mind, I thought that it'd be silly to make it TOO obvious.
You may continue with the pompousness. I am quite happy to read it :P And yes, that is basically it though phrased much more eloquently than I ever could.
Actually, I don't know. I wrote the first paragraph ages ago, when I didn't know where the story was going and now can't remember. I will assume so :P
Yes! I will sort that out now
Thank you so, so much, my lovely ^_^
xx Report Review
Okay, I confess I read this a while ago... and then just didn't review. I know, I know, it's criminal, especially when it's something as amaaazing as this :D My bad xD
But seriously, I loved this! I love the idea of Molly/Scorpius (which I'm pretty sure I've never ever seen before), I love your writing, I love the way it seemed all lovely and dreamy and made me feel all cheery and happy up until that last line, at which point I think my heart may have broken just a little bit :( But I loved it all the same.
The whole air of mystery of the piece was just brilliant, as well. Was Scorpius dead, or had he just left her? (I thought it was the former?) Who exactly was there watching her at the end? (I was guessing Lucy and Albus?) I could have got the completely wrong idea (as per usual) but whatever x)
Anyway, I have no more words, but I LOVE. Definitely my new favourite one-shot (I loved it even more when I read it this second time around :D) 10/10!Author's Response: You should be shot. I am joking, of course. I am the world's worst for not reviewing straight away...or at all :P
I think I'm the first...again. I'd been meaning to do it for a while and had a splurge of inspiration for it.
That is the EXACT effect I was going for. Lovely, dreamy etc then bang, so I'm glad that worked out.
I wrote it so he was dead but then couldn't find a way to make that more evident without stating it explicitly (or not at midnight when I finished it). The people at the end don't really matter: Lucy and James were who I was aiming for but you've done better than everyone else for getting one right :P
Thank you so, so, SO much, Lizzie. It really means a lot.
xx Report Review
I guess I'm on a reviewing spree of your stories :). So, I again thought this would be a happy, sweet one-shot. And of course, it turned totally dark in the last sentence. But it was brilliantly done! Quite a twist...and you really had me thinking he was real. So, now, this is my take-that Scorpius was there for her, and he either died or left her, and then she's in delusion, has gone slightly mad or is, well, heartbroken and knows that he's an illusion she can only see by night. But, that sentence, about Rose and Albus (at least I think it is) almost made me cry. It was that good.Author's Response: Ah, I'm doing well with deceiving you, aren't I?
That's it, I think. I wrote it as he was dead, but he could have left her too. She's grieving, I think, and was just totally lost.
Rose and Albus. Percy and Audrey. I've heard it all :P For me, it was originally just Lucy...then James joined her, hence the grammar error in that paragraph.
Wow. Thank you. Really. I can't say it enough!
xx Report Review
I have a funny feeling that this is the first time I'm formally reviewing you, and I feel horrible about it. Anyway, I saw Liz squeeing about this in the cbox and made a mental note to check it out; then, upon my nightly browsing of the recently added pages, I found this.
Now, to start off. Your Molly has become the ultimate Molly in my mind - this is inevitably the character I look to whenever I read stories about her, thanks to CiaW (which I do adore). And while I have read a smattering of your other stories, Molly-centric and otherwise, this is the first I'm reviewing. And - shock!horror - on the first read. I don't do that very often anymore, so you know that this had a profound impact on me.
As Liz and Collette said, this is incredibly, ridiculously dreamy. As I have issues keeping a straight face when it comes to romance of this sort, I really respect it when an author can portray this relationship without satirising or exaggerating. (Note the British spelling! More to come as we go on.) Moving on from the romance side, though, the style is just gorgeous. The sentence "His voice is no more than a whisper but to me, it feels like a serenade of a thousand butterflies" is to die for. Anything that involves butterflies usually is usually beautiful, but this is just... I want your style. It's lovely and lyrical and even though it's dreamy, there really was something off; if I weren't looking closer (because I had seen Liz's comment that the ending caught her off guard), I probably would have missed it. That kind of subtlety is, again, to die for. There's so much in this little story that it truly is dizzying.
And that ending! I was expecting something to go horribly wrong; for example, I was sure that she was going to kill him, or vice versa. But again, you're so much better than my crude imagination and you do this instead. Now, while I adore your characterisation (!) and style, I really was going to put this on my "review at some point" list and move on. But that ending completely and utterly made the fic. I, being dense as usual, didn't catch it at first. I reread it, then (silly me) went to see the previous reviews, and that's when I got it. My jaw dropped. My heart skipped a beat. God, Rachelle, I don't know how you could do this! I never would have thought of it - I'd either leave it as this lovely dreamy little piece or turn it into a bloodbath. Obviously, this is a much smarter path and so delicately/geniusly worded. (I'm in love with your diction.) But if I may make a tiny suggestion: the shift from Molly's first person to the third person is sudden; maybe you could put in a few extra spaces between the sections just to subtly indicate a break? But that's totally a personal preference, and I do like the suddenness, so feel free to disregard my ramblings. :)
I'm crazy jealous of/in love with this. Can you please teach me how to plot? I fully expect to see you promoted in November. You deserve it. Favourited and have made another mental note to properly read and review more of your work. Stunning.Author's Response: I think you reviewed a chapter of CIAW actually. I think...
Oh wow. Erm...yeah, don't adore CIAW. Don't. It needs to be shot (and IS going to be very soon).
To hear that about my Mollys is...just...there are no words. Really. I love writing her. It's such a pleasure so to know that other people like her too is wonderful.
Oh me too. When I started writing this, I laughed at it and gave in. It wasn't until I went back to the start and built on it that I really started to see how it could pan out.
Ahh! British spelling = (love)
Yes...I still don't know where that line came from. And I'm glad that came across subtley. It's what I wanted. For someone to go back to it and see that it was really there all along.
Hahaha, Molly killing people is coming up far too much in conversation. Really.
I'm so glad the ending worked. The idea itself came to me when I was in a start of term lecture and I was daydreaming. Then boom. There it was.
Actually, that's a bit concerning because Jane didn't get it either. I might work on making it a bit more obvious.
Yep, will do. I wasn't sure how to go about the switch so a space will disappear. I spent a while debating how to do it before giving up :P
That is just ridiculous. Seriously. Completely and utterly ridiculous. Go and read Colour Me or Oeil Pour Oeil and then retract that comment. You have absolutely nothing to be jealous of. Seriously.
Plot? Easy. Write when you're half asleep and determined to finish. It's amazing what an exhausted mind can invent.
Ah.no. Haha. I'm happy where I am :P I'm not even going to try and touch you and celticbard in Prodigal. Nuh-uh.
Gubby, seriously now, there are NO words to describe how happy this review made me. I laughed the most incredulous laugh you've ever heard. Just seeing your name there made me smile. It has actually made my week. Maybe my fanfiction career. I don't know.
Thank you so, so, SO much
(PS Don't read anything else on my author page ... please?) Report Review
I don't have words. I mean, I was so swayed by the piece. It's so dreamy, and I felt so happy, and then the last sentence just ripped all that away from me. Now I'm left open-mouthed, shocked and I think my heart cracked a little.
But let me start from the beginning. I'm seeing the magic of these NextGen characters. Pairing Scorpius with Molly...wow, that's a great idea in itself. Then, the entire tone of this piece is enchanting. It's just this absolute, dizzying ROMANCE. It's hard to write even a short piece of writing that is centered only around romance and make it interesting enough. But sometimes I find myself with a beating heart and completely awed by the emotions described. This was the case. I loved it all. I loved the feelings, the brief actions, the descriptions of this grand emotion. This was so simple, subtly gorgoeus. And still it bears this fragile air, making one feel as though all this wasn't as easy as it appears to be. But we don't even notice because we're too much in love with the story.
And then the ending comes and all the words I have prepared for my review are gone. It's such a perfect, stupefying ending. I swear I was lost for breath. Then this huge, haunting sadness kicks in, and just when I imagine the reality of it, I even want to cry.
I wish I could say more, but I don't know how. For such a short piece, this was incredible. I knew it would be good the moment I started reading, but it turned out to be so much more.
PS: I assume the two people looking down at her were Audrey and Percy? Wouldn't it be better calling them 'man' and 'woman' then? And...'they cry as she watches' Isn't it supposed to be 'as they watch'?Author's Response: I also lack words, hence why it has taken a while to get a reply to form. I really do not know what to say in response to this...ridiculous review! I mean, it's ludicrous to get such a response for something you manically wrote in an hour whilst falling asleep.
Magic indeed. Shipping Next Gen is so much fun, and once I did Molly/Teddy, I had to complete the set with some Scorpius love.
Oh...wow. I really do not know what to say. I don't. I leave this kind of review but never get them, and now realise how difficult it is to reply to them. I really can't even comprehend what you're saying, and this is about the 50th time I've read the review.
I can't even reply with the structure I usually do because it would imply an arrogance and complacency that I lack. I'm gaping at my screen. Seriously.
Liz, thank you SO much. I'll seriously treasure this review forever and ever. And ever more. Might even get buried with a copy of it.
Could be. I was thinking Lucy and James, but someone else has noted Albus and Rose. It's subjective.
And yes, you're right. It was initially just Lucy and I missed it
-flies to change-
xx Report Review
I really enjoyed this, I like the idea of Molly shipped with Scorpius. It's something that I think could be developed and well written, as well as interesting. I am almost sure I have never read one before!
I thought I knew what was going on, I really did, but then I read the last line and I was like 'WAIT! Did I miss something?' and clearly I must have! But I reckon poor Molly was just imagining it all, as in it is not truly happening. Like she is living it from a memory.
Anyway, I could be beyond wrong, but I loved this. You played the emotions well the the beginning. You could really catch her distress.
ColletteAuthor's Response: I do believe I am, yet again, the first. I've been trying to write one for about a month now and had a burst of inspiration last night. Stayed up to 2am because writing it took priority over my insane amount of work.
Hahaha - that is what I wanted. She was imagining it. From a memory is definitely one of the options. For me she's grieving and hallucinating but I really wanted the reader interpretation :P
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Collette ^_^
xx Report Review
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