This was really beautifully and wonderfully described! the way you writ this was just amazing.
I am extrememly envious of the way that you've written this.
But I have no idea what it's about but that doesn't matter because it's just written so well.
I think it's one thing but then another description makes me think of other things. Is it about a girl? a girl that Tom loved or liked?
I really really enjoyed this.
alicia and anne
slytherin Report Review
Psychee, you're writing just kills me, it's so good!
Now I know, I should have gotten here sooner, I'm a horrible challenge-issuer if I can't even keep up with the people who submit work for the silly thing! I'm sorry on the delay, of course my life is insane, but that's no excuse. I'm here now though, and fully prepared to be giddy and gushy because I just loved this piece!
Favorite line among many: 'We live in a cold world, where none but us two skate and watch as the ice beneath us cracks.' You manage to capture so much in this sentence. The word-tense is perfect and the pacing is beautiful.
Your writing is brilliant, and this piece of work proves it. I am in awe of how you'll use one word to change the entire feel of a paragraph, and reading your work is like reading poetry. So much movement, so much imagery and rich lyrical proses. Yum!
A really lovely impacting and moving read, thank you! 10/10
BBAuthor's Response: Bliss, every review you give me just makes my day so much brighter (if you could see the weather where I am now, you'd know that's a compliment!). *hugs* I can't thank you enough for your kind words. :)
Bah, don't worry about it! Every challenge-issuer gets behind, ye gods, I know I can't keep up with my own. :P Life is a perfectly valid excuse. It happens, and it does mush up our online lives. Ah, well. On we go, anyways. So please don't apologize!
Ooh, I'm so glad you liked that line. I remember reading a story one time about two people ice skating on a lake and the image, painted so vividly by the author, just stuck with me. :) So you see, I cannot lay claim to the image. Only the people frozen beneath the lake (and that in itself is rather reminiscent of Inferi, now that I think about it).
Brilliant! Nay, not me! *blushes crimson* Thank you so much! Like I've said, you flatter me entirely too much. I don't deserve this! But thank you, thank you, for this amazing review! *hugs*
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
I think I shivered more than once throughout this! You fill the senses with repulsive smells, chilling textures and creepy images to match. I love the repetitions you used - they reinforce the image you've already created. The image of Merope in my mind is SO creepy. Even though she was portrayed as weak, and rather shy in HBP, I think somewhere inside, if she were allowed to flourish - she'd be exactly this. In some ways, Tom is more like his mother than he will ever know.
I love the short, quick sentences. The stops. The jumping.
When I read your piece, I imagine a ragged orchestra playing nonsense - it's not even noise, it's just a raging of stringed instruments until the crescendo is too much to bear. The scratching of her nails just makes me cringe more.
How on earth do you come up with these? :P I'm mad jealous! You never cease to amaze, seriously ^_^ ♥ Report Review
Gawd, Kalina, your amazingness will never cease to... well... amaze me! This is dark and twisted, therefore I love it. :P Seriously though, the imagery here is just (I'm not going to say amazing again) without equal. I love the lines. 'You know my secret. I drip it into your lips, night after night.'
I think Merope's desperation, and twisted control, is perfectly relayed here. I love how she describes herself as disgusting and with no redemptive qualities, and him as a burning flame, glowing stronger and stronger. But still she is in control. She the director and he the orchestra.
Gah, I don't think I can do justice to how much I love this. It's a level of brilliance above anything I could ever dream to achieve. Can I be your acolyte? (nvrmnd, creepy) But I may have to thieve some of this talent. How rude of you to possess it all. *sniff*
~Shiloh Report Review
I'm now suitably creeped out. There's so much in this story that makes me shudder, not at the style, but the content. The nails on the chalkboard, all of that dirt... you create such an image, not just for the eyes, but also the nose, the ears - there's even texture here, and that's more difficult to put in words. This sort of atmosphere suits Merope because it is what she grew up in, all she knows. Although she aspires to love the "boy of the manor," she cannot escape her place at the bottom of the social scale, in a peasant's hut. She may have been the timid girl cowering in the corner during HBP, but here, she reminds me more of her son - darker, knowing of her power and exactly how to use it. She uses her filth to her own advantage, which is an amazing idea, and so against what one would normally expect.
Like Ilia said, the short, punchy sentences you've used are perfect for the short length. You're able to say a lot without needing too many words, which is what always makes your stories so captivating and thoughtful. The repetition only adds to the creepiness of your story, as though she's chanting a witch's spell (very Macbeth :P).
The one line I had an issue with was Because I am the cat, and you are my prey. because you were mixing the metaphours - everything else in the story relates to music, her using Tom as her instrument, directing his movements as a conductor does an orchestra. While it also makes sense to use the cat/prey image, it seems out of place with the musical imagery. (as a side note, there is musicality to this story beyond the imagery - both in the rhythm of the lines and in the scratching on the chalkboard)
I tried to make this review, but it didn't work. *hides* This was another brilliant story from you, Kalina. Really, you can write anything, can't you? ;)Author's Response: Having you be creeped out is extremely satisfying, especially as that was my entire goal. One doesn't enter a challenge entitled "Grubby, Gross, and Gritty Inspirations" with the intention to write fluff. :P Nails on the chalkboard are just ... ick. *shudders* I despise them and the sound they make. It is both frightening and terrible. You know, Merope is more like her son in this one-shot than I could ever have pictured her to be so. You know me, I love skewing canon every which way. But I felt that this was more Merope's subconscious, the one suppressed by Marvolo and Morfin, the one who, ultimately, consumes her and her desire for Tom.
Short and punchy is the way to go! I felt like it would ... oh, I don't know, electrocute? the reader. At least, I hoped those sentences would. Macbeth! Oh, how I adore Macbeth! You're right about that! Double double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble! (Though if we are to take that grammatically, the cauldron can't exactly bubble, can it? :P Aha, a flaw in Shakespeare!)
I see why you have issues with that line. Honestly, I hadn't been going for a music theme, it just sprung on me. There is that line about the lemon and the acid, as well, though. But thank you! I'm glad you found that there was musicality, though it wasn't intended. XD Until I think of a better, more lyrical line for that one, I'll keep the cat one in. I'll let you know when I've switched, if you like. ^^
Coming from you? *faints* My dear, who won the Dobby for most versatile? And have you ever been to Gubby's page? :P But thank you so much, Susan! *hugs* It's always great to hear what you have to say and I can't thank you enough for this lovely review. :)
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
I was thinking of taking Blissbug's challenge, but decided against it. After reading your entry, it makes me think maybe I should have! This story is so awesome. I love that you wrote another entry for my challenge. It seems like your voice, this staccato-style writing, is best suited for a short-worded story. This is definitely amazing.
I love that you chose to write such an obscure ship. I can always count on you to pick something like Merope/Tom Sr. =P Seriously, how do you think of this stuff? XD You're amazing, that's how.
Another awesome entry. Thanks for taking my challenge (again)! I hope you enjoyed yourself ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Hey Ilia!
You should have taken it! There's still time, and I'd love to see what you come up with. :) Thank you so much - your challenge is too amazing to be refused. It's so innovative! 500 words, a pure challenge. And, well, you know me. Staccato style all the way. It's so much fun.
LOL! Well, I do love obscure ships, and Merope doesn't get her due in fanfic (unless one has read Girldetective85's amazing story "Give Up This Fight"). So I try to add a little bit to the ship's fanbase. ^^ It's just a small contribution, but I had fun writing it.
Thank you so much for this amazing review, Ilia! It's really made my day. :)
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
Ew! I got chills when I started reading because I HATE nails on chalkboards! Ugh, I still have the willies.
The whole thing was chilling and enthralling, and it's remarkable to see Merope written so darkly. Instead of this weak, lovelorn girl, she's powerful in her own way. And, to me, her repulsiveness (whether in her own eyes or Tom's) only highlights that power, because no matter how base she is, he has no choice but to keep coming back.
And I love the last line! The whole thing was a perfect entry for both challenges. ^_^ Excellently done!
MelanieAuthor's Response: Aw, Melanie! Strange as it is to say, I'm glad the nails on chalkboards gave you the chills. :P That was, after all the intention! I'm so happy you liked this one-shot! I'd been wanting to write Merope for a while and the opportunity had never fully arisen. So, when it came up, I grabbed it! Who better to be grimy and grubby than the daughter of Gaunt herself?
Aha, thank you! I had fun with that last line. ^^ Again, thank you so much for your lovely, lovely review! *hugs*
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
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