I've never read a fic about Merope before, so, firstly, I'd like to point out how, already, I love this fic because you've attempted such a difficult and 'unknown' character, so to speak. I should also point out that I've read quite a few of your things, and I'm kind of in awe of you, so this review might be nothing more than incoherent flailing.
First: oh, your imagery! It's so beautiful, especially that first pragraph - you can instantly see the parallels between Merope in the house - 'loosening the last rusty nail of sanity'.
There were certain passages I simply loved, but I'll only quote a few, otherwise I'd just be quoting your own fic back at you. 'Knows that somewhere along the way, black ink spilled upon the pages of her fairy tale, rendering it unreadable.' - things like that. You really communicated Merope's plight through the imagery here, and, ah, it's so well written (told you this might just be incoherent flailing).
Some of it was quite chilling - 'she would give anything to be numb'. You did a really good job of expressing Merope's grief and pain, and that just sealed it. Eee eee eee this is so good!
and - oh my word. THE ENDING. THE ENDING. This raises so many questions I can't even - this would be a world without Voldemort! I would type something like 'omg' several times right now, but I'm trying to be a sensible reviewer and that would probably ruin it. But, wow. Merope's pain, and then the pain of wanting a son so bad and then her child being stillborn - but the last line! 'she says to the night' - I wonder if this means Merope has died already, if she ever realised her son was stillborn? I have no idea. And I love it.
The short and short of it is I love you for writing this. It was so poetic and heartbreaking and - I'm going to stop before I become incoherent. I thought it was wonderful ♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
I thought the present tense worked really well actually. Sometimes with present tense I find I'm overly concious of it, but I didn't quite realize until you mentioned it in your A/N at the end. It just seemed natural and suited :)
Your writing was beautiful. The description was powerful and I love short fics like this which convey so much emotion! Really beautiful language. I liked the phrase where she wondered if she was just an illusion through fogged glass. Such a poetic and effective way of describing love potion induced love.
This was really brilliant ♥ Well done! Report Review
WOW! I didn't expect that at all! The language carried me through the story so well, the imagery surging toward a climax. I could really feel Merope's pain, yet strength and her wavering hold on life. When I reached the very last words, I just did a little real life gasp to myself, which is kind of how it ended too. Like a gasp, swallowing up what little Merope has left.
Brilliant! ♥ Report Review
Gah I did not notice that it was AU! So you really got me there.
So Voldy is dead.
For reals dead. Wow. Wow! That is definitely AU intervention I have not seen before. Well done, at any rate! I still think you wrote it brilliantly. Now I wonder if Merope lived?
10/10 Report Review
Wow, this was incredible. Your description of Merope giving birth was both frightening and powerful, and I could smell the fear and slight relief, her anxiety to see Tom's child in the flesh, and her willingness to finally let go. I can see from this one-shot how attached she must have been to the pregnancy, dragging herself through it just for the sake of continuing, because she loved Tom and therefore she loved his child. And no matter what the cost, she was determined to see it all the way through to the end.
I think the most impacting wow factor was how you made it appear as though the baby was stillborn. It says so much about Voldemort's character already, that he was born dead-looking, not crying. So startling, and a bit scary, and reminds me of movies with demon children. I wonder if Merope died before she learned that her baby was actually alive.
Well done! Report Review
Your writing--your writing is so eloquent, capturing so much in a small word count. Like the words expand and contract on themselves, ball up into a little packed punch of emotion. I love how Merope's thoughts are beautiful enough to balance out the way that her appearance looks; it sort of reminds you that that's never the point.
I do find it striking the difference between Merope's inability to be loved, really loved, and her desperate wish for it, and her son's fear and scorn of it. It's very interesting. Although the ending doesn't give itself to that plot here, it kind of gives me shivers to think about how people are born. You're so much a part of the flesh of your mother, but you can still turn out--lifeless.
I found myself sad for Merope in much more of a real way than I would have thought that I could. Something about her is much more real than magic; she has the same struggles as the ordinary woman who doesn't have the look or temperament of archetypal beauty.
This is so well done, I really love it. Report Review
I really should read more of your work. I know I've read one or two one-shots of your before, and everything I've read of yours has been absolutely fantastic, this one-shot included.
I really loved all the descriptions of emotion and such that you used in it. And it seemed there were quite a few like, contradictions in the sense that what Merope wanted and her wishes were so drastically different from the reality around her. And how her life had gone from picture perfect with Tom to devastating when he left. The ending was rather interesting as well, heh.
Great work! I really enjoyed it! Report Review
That was wonderful! Great job, 10/10. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh my gosh! I had to go back and check that this was AU, though I thought at first that Merope had died, and that was why there was silence (as she couldn't hear anything, being dead). But this! It makes for quite a surprising twist that makes this story even more memorable.
The rest of the story was very moving. You really capture Merope's suffering - physical, mental, and emotional. She couldn't handle all that suffering all at once, which I guess is why she died in canon. You leave it very much up in the open here - while Merope is waiting for the child to cry, there's still the possibility that she, too, could die, or be very close to death. But she almost gains strength at the end, thinking of the ancient magic, then Tom's son. I'm probably looking too deep into this, but I can almost see the moment when the baby dies and she is able to live. It's like one cannot live without the other, just as in the prophecy.
Anyway, the allusion to Les Miserable was fantastic, and it made an interesting contrast to Dido - both women abandoned by their lovers and left to tragic deaths. I've never thought of Merope as being similar to both of them, but she is, placing her in a role that appears in literature numerous times.
I loved reading this and thought you had produced a beautiful piece of writing. It's very short, yet it's made me think of so many different things, and I love it when stories are able to do that. ^_^ Once again, you've written something amazing.Author's Response: Hello Susan, dear!
Ack! I've been so bad with my review replies lately. I'm so sorry I took forever to get back to you. I do hope you can forgive me.
As always, your review was amazing. Honestly, I think you know more about my writing than I do...you pick up on so many little facets.
Haha, yes, this story was grossly AU. Sometimes I think I'm allergic to canon, what with all my AU plotlines. ;) I've always felt extremely sympathetic to Merope's plight. Even though her brother and father were quite twisted, I think she was innocent. But, of course, I couldn't resist giving her an unhappy ending in this fic. I'm evil like that. ^_^
I'm so glad you enjoyed the Les Mis and Aeneid references. From the first time I read HBP, I always thought of Merope as Fantine. The Dido bit was sort of spur of the moment. Her character always impressed me greatly and I've always wanted to use her as a metaphor for the tragic lover.
*blushes* Gosh, I never know what to say in response to your praise. I'm sure I don't deserve it. Thank you so much, Susan! Your kind words truly mean the world to me. I hope you have a great weekend!
Lee Anne Report Review
This was a wonderful piece, truly. The imagery, the wording you've used - it's all created a portrait of her life, of her pain. I like the use of present tense - it gives the story a crisp feeling and I really enjoyed it. I only saw a tiny mistake when you slipped into past tense but I can't seem to find it again! :o Strange.
My favorite part is And she wonders if she was ever beautiful to him…or just an illusion glimpsed through fogged glass.
It just adds to the tragedy, to the chills that ran down my spine. This is a truly beautiful piece, albeit tragic, and I'm so glad you wrote it. :DAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you, soliloquy! Your feedback was awesome. ^_^ I really do appreciate it. And only one tense mistake? Wow! I'm quite surprised. I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to the present tense. ;)
Again, thank you so much for the review! It was wonderful hearing from you. Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection