haha...Star Trek and Pride and Prejudice? nice, nice, nice! i can't wait for the next update! keep up the fantastic work! have an awesome day!! (: Report Review
XDD Love the Star Trek/Pride & Prejudice thing!Author's Response: Haha, thanks! It will continue over into the next chapter, too XD
Thanks for the read and review! Report Review
Hi Dani!!! I'm so glad you updated this, I've been dying for the nexr chapter for a while. But no worries, I completely understand being busy, and you posted it now, so I'm satisfied =]
This was another great chapter - once again I'm struck by how well your writing style flows. It's so easy to read, such a pleasure to read! I felt like I just breezed through the chapter like a walk on a summer night. All the words you use fit the moments perfectly, just enough description here, the perfect amount of dialogue there...
The characterization, too, continues the trend you set of wonderfulness ;) Although there wasn't significant action in this chapter, I feel like I'm really getting to know these characters so well and I absolutely adore Alice. She's just so sweet, and I can feel all of her uncertainties about everything and her insecurities about Colby and Lily and all of this stuff that's been happening. It's great, plus your fabulous Marauder characterizations, of course!
Hmm, I seem to be rambling. Anyhow, I think this story is absolutely fabulous and I can't wait for the next chapter! Good luck with all of your work, and I hope the nice weather continues to inspire you, especially for this story ;)
~CBGAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you :) I really do feel bad about the large chunks of time in between updates - I just so busy, I don't realize how much time has gone by!
Wow, thank you! That's such a great compliment :) I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to flow, whether it's my own writing or someone else's, so hearing that is great! Just, thank you!
Ah, yes, I do apologize for that - Colton leaving was supposed to be the 'big' event of this chapter, but obviously it got moved to the previous XD
Thank you so much for another fabulous review! They truly mean the world :) Report Review
i really am immensely enjoying this story, even if it does get a tad confusing at times. alice is a really great character, and i think everyoen can identify with her in some way. and colby is deliciously dastardly!
my only complaint woudl have to be that you used James Marsden as Peter! what?! Peter is ugly, fat and short. James Marsden is teh opposite! but i approve of the rest of your wonderful cast.
10/10Author's Response: Oops, I'm sorry that you get confused! Sometimes I have the tendency to write assuming everyone knows whats going on inside my head lol I'm working on it!
Thank you! I adore writing Alice because I identify with her so much. I actually based a lot of her character on myself, not to sound pretentious. And Colby is also based on someone I once knew, which makes her more real I think.
Hahaha I knew that would come up eventually! I figure the years spent as a rat made him into the short, ugly and fat man we know from the books - he had to have something going for him to be friends with the Marauders, no? :P
Thanks so much for your reviews!!! Report Review
hey i just wanted to say that i absolutly luv your story and i really hope that you keep writing :) and dont be afraid of long chapters as long as they aren't boring i dont think that anyone will really care about the lengthAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you so much! It means a lot to hear that :)
Thanks again for the review! It means SO much. Report Review
definitely short but i totally understand your reasoning. i might end up doing something like this with one of my WIPs just to give the readers something. good luck with what's going on in your life! i can't wait for an update but do take your time. have a great day! (:Author's Response: Thank you!
It's so awesome that people understand and sympathize, it really does make me feel better as I feel terrible for the long periods between updates!
Thanks so much for your continued reviews! They mean the world. Report Review
I yay-ed when i saw that you had updated.
Pretty much of a filler chapter,but still its cool!
I can't wait for Colton to leave ,so i can get some serious Sirius-Alice interaction!
I 'm not gonna ask you to update soon.
I will be patient.
Hehe, enjoy uni life and keep up the good work!Author's Response: Haha your review made me smile :) The Sirius/Alice interaction will pick up exponentially in the next few chapters, I promise.
Thanks so much for the review! It means a lot. Report Review
25 minutes and quite awesome! The announcement of Colton leaving is so sad, but I can't wait to hear about their little time together in the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it, despite the length :) Yes, Colton is gone, but just think: now the Sirius/Alice action can begin! :P
Thanks so much for the review!! Report Review
I was so excited to see that you'd updated!!! I've been waiting really eagerly for this chapter =] I must say, I am a little bit disappointed that it was so short - but I totally understand being busy! I mean, I hardly even update at all, let alone in short chapters. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I promise; it's just that I was just getting involved in your fabulous writing and all, and then it was over! So it's really a compliment to your tremendous writing style =]
I absolutely love this story. I know I've said it a ton of times, but your characters are so well developed already and I feel so involved in Alice's story. She is so easy to sympathize with and to understand, both of which are wonderful qualities to bestow upon your MC, ones that are difficult to achieve as a writer.
You really are amazing, my dear. I hope your life'll calm down a bit so you can write me more of this lovely story! And, of course, so you can have a peaceful, calm life ;) Keep up the awesome work - you're doing a wonderful job!!!
~CBGAuthor's Response: Aw, yay! It's so great to hear that - you have no idea. I'm so glad you enjoyed this, despite the length! And thank you for the incredible compliments - they made me blush ^_^
Wow - thank you! Just... thank you! :) I sometimes think I focus too much on characterization and not enough on plot, but comments like this made it all worth it XD It's just really awesome to hear.
I don't even know what else to say, I'm sorry! Just thank you times a million. I know I sound like a broken record but I can't think of anything else to say but - thank you :) It means more than I can say. Report Review
Really, for writing this in 25 minutes, this is amazingg!!!
Even though it's short, it's written really well and I can tell how it's going to move the plot along within the story. I'm not going to lie, I was really surprised when I saw that that's how the chapter ends, but I'm not going to complain because any kind of update is love :)
I actually really did like this though, because Colton has always made me suspicious. I dono. And anyway, this gets him out of the way for Sirius right? YAY!! And I'm glad we didn't have to see any Colby in this chapter. ALSO YAY!!
Katrina xoxoAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you!!
Yes, I do apologize for the length. I just really wanted to get something up!
Yeah, something about Colton never really struck me either. He didn't become the character I pictured in my head, so his quick exit was very necessary.
Hahaha yes, no Colby. Writing Colby-less chapters has quickly become something I love to do (but really probably shouldn't for the sake of plot :P).
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I think I have said this before (a lot), but I cannot get enough of this story! I love your characters so much! (or love to hate haha)
When Alice won the bear for Colton, I smiled so hugely. It was a cute little role reversal. And her reason for needed to be good at aiming were funny as well.
I cant get over Sirius haha. He's so adorable, "Team Black versus – er, well, Team Everyone Else." I thought this line was hilarious. It seems like something that would happen. Either because they all ganged up on his or his ego told him that he would be able to defeat them all single handedly ^_^
Here as well: "Okay, we need a game plan...Er-well I was rather hoping you'd have a plan" oh Sirius...LOL
Oh yes, and here: "Are you going to do me and I can do you?" I think my own cheeks heated up the same as Alice's here haha. Who knew little Alice had such a dirty mind? :]
"It allows us to judge who the wittiest of the pair is"--> Wow, James said this as if that sort of banter goes on frequently, which I am sure it does. Speaking of that short little banter about the list, I thought it was very humourous. I like how youve taken a cute 'aww' worthy story and interjected little hilarious parts like that in. It DOES feature the Marauders after all, how can life not be hilarious with them?
"I promise I won't rock the seat"--> haha aww. Sirius says this like its the reason shes saying no lol. I like how it kinda reflects that childish side of Sirius we saw in the flashbacks during the books.
I think it's Colby who makes you shy--> Yay! Sirius figured it out! Good boy Sirius!
I wouldnt have minded the extra 1000 words. Honestly ^_^
I couldnt say if it was to Canadian (or even American lol). I am an ignorant American myself, so...yeah haha.
I am wondering a little how you are going to get Colton and Alice apart and Alice and Sirius together. Hmm much to ponder...and then if youre planning to make this follow canon, how you are going to het her with Frank (or maybe you will just leave her happy with Sirius and let us make up a way she got with Frank?) I dont know...but I guess I will find out in the future!!
Awesome story! Still love it!
~~ChelseaAuthor's Response: SO sorry for the delayed response - I'm horrible, I know. I've been so busy and the prospect of responding to so many reviews was daunting, and they've just piled up =S Anyhoo, so sorry!
Aw, thank you :) I also love to write (and love to hate in the case of Colby and Bradley) them, so glad it translates well!
Yes! Exactly. Alice obviously had no experience with boys, so she's not going to be a normal date. Which is why I stuck the her-winning-the-bear-for-him thing in there.
Hahaha yes, Sirius is SO much fun to write!! Sometimes I struggle with him (seriously, capturing his amazingly stunning good looks and hilarious sense of humour is a daunting task) so it's always great to hear compliments on him.
You have no idea how awesome it is to hear that I made you laugh! Sometimes I feel like a boring, droning author and I pity my readers for having to endure it - my constant fear with this fic is that I'm not funny enough.
Ah, the ending. I do know where I'm going to end this but I'm not going to say, just so I don't spoil it for you or anyone :)
Thanks so much for another fantastic review! Seriously, you make my day every time I see you've left a review!
Hey, back to review ch. 3 as requested. First off, I think you did a good job writing this chapter with what you could do, and also that I didn't find it at all confusing to understand what had happened to Alice. Next, I am feeling a strong hatrid for Colton right now; I can barely belief he'd manipulate her so while acting all sweet and charming, but at the same time it's those type of guys you have to watch out for. It's always the guys you would last expect to spike your drink at a party, or whatever. On the upside, I thought you did an excellent job introducing Lily into the story, and I also thought you got her character down right as I always imagined her to be a caring, motherly individual. Overall, great job with this chapter. As I only review three chapters per request, I'll be stopping here, but feel free to come request again for the other couple chapters. I really enjoyed what I read of this story so far and can see a lot of potential in the future chapters to come already building up in what I've read of this so far. Great job! Keep it up! 10/10Author's Response: It's really great to hear the positive response to this chapter - honestly, I don't know where the idea came from but it just kind of spiralled. Plus, I was worried about how confusing the scene would be as I couldn't be explicit.
I think Lily is my favourite HP character to write - she's just so motherly without being condescending or judemental. And her scenes with James are just too cute :)
Thanks for the reviews!! Report Review
I liked this chapter just as much as the first as I think you're pacing the storyline well. Colby's cattiness over the fact that Alice is getting the affections from a wizard rockstar is nicely written as is the whole interaction between Alice and Remus when she realizes hat Colby purposely didn't tell her about James's party that night. Great job so far.Author's Response: I was a bit apprehensive about the whole wizard rockstar bit, thinking it might be too far fetched, but I really wanted to push the point that Alice does get some attention.
I've lessened the Remus/Alice interaction the the later chapters as a lot of people were commenting on their chemistry, and as this is a Sirius/Alice fic I wanted to stay away from that - I didn't want to create a love triangle within the Marauders, too unrealistic and cliche!
Thanks SO much for the review! Report Review
Hey there, Leslie from TGS here to review as requested! I think you have a nice, solid story here and I love the characterization of Alice. It's exactly how I picture her being as a teenager, not really keeping up with the current ins and outs, and in that oh-so-awkward stage made it all the better. You've created quite a character in Alice. Great job so far!Author's Response: Sorry for the delayed response!!
Alice is really fun to write, mostly because she's a lot different from any character I've written. Plus, she's a lot like me which makes writing her a lot easier and more realistic, I think.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
This was a fun chapter. I liked the very natural interactions between the characters. I also appreciate that you are including Peter in the Marauder group rather than ignoring his existence or worse - diminishing all the characters by making him blatantly evil from day one.
Your descriptions of the fair are great - vivid enough to give a good feel of the atmosphere, and you manage it without getting lengthy. That actually goes for the beach scenes as well - I'm not sure if I mentioned that before - but you provide a good feel for being there and you evoke all the senses.
"What do you want to do well we wait?" -- Should that be 'while we wait'?
I loved the talk of siblings - so true!
Wow, this is the end of my first review exchange. I tend to ramble on, but I hope something has been helpful.
I enjoyed reading your story and I will keep an eye out to see how Alice is doing.
TyAuthor's Response: And it was so incredibly fun to write! It's definitely my favourite chapter so far, probably because Alice is really getting in with Lily and the Marauders now.
I make a point to include Peter - as awful as he becomes, he WAS their friend at one point and we can't forget that, you know? So yes, even if it hurts, he will be there.
Perfect! In my 1000 word cut, I removed a lot of descriptions of the fair and whatnot and I actually like the final product better - it's cleaner and more to the point, not long and boring.
Ack, yep. Thanks for noting that!
LOL, I only have one sibling (a younger sister, at that), so it's difficult to relate to Alice having all those brothers, but I do try!
You've helped loads, thank you SO much for all your insightful and amazing reviews!! Report Review
Loved the wake up scene! It was pretty humorous.
I notice a few sentences ending with 'you know'. I see it in both Sirius' and Alice's dialogue. Is that intentional?
I really liked this: "But there are some friendships and relationships that will just never work out. People just have to know when to let go, even when it hurts." Foreshadowing, perhaps?
This is incredibly nitpicky, I know, but I'm going to mention it: A hiss involves a prolonged 's' sound. You have Alice and Colton hissing things in their confrontation that can't actually be hissed. Ok, done with the annoying splitting of hairs, sorry.
On to the actual important stuff. I'm going to say again that I think you do a great job of characterization. Alice's growing awareness of Colby's negative influence on her and her growing relationships with the others is not rushed. The development is realistically paced with normal struggles and backslides.
NICE!Author's Response: Writing the Marauder's is just so much fun - I can't help but throw in a scene with the four of them together when I can lol
Ah, intentional to a degree, yes - I intended it to be a sort of 'tag' of Alice's dialogue. The problem is that because I say it a lot, it transfers over into my writing (as does 'eh' which is always humorous as people generally comment on it and ask if I'm Canadian - guilty as charged XD).
Yep, foreshadowing indeed ;)
Hahahaha that's no problem, I appreciate when people tell me these things so I know for future reference! Thank you :)
Compliments on characterization are pretty much the best ever, so thank you. I work really hard at that so hearing it means a lot.
Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Lots going on here, but I think it flowed. Even as you explain the need to revise for tos, I think you handled it smoothly.
I appreciate that you have Alice and Sirius interacting very naturally rather than all electricity or forced interaction. It's nice to have a plot extend beyond the ship involved and be a real story. Alice branching out to be friendly with Remus and Lily (quite the contrast to the friendship dynamic with Colby) as well as her interaction with Colton provides a lot more interesting development for Alice as a character.Author's Response: That's actually so incredibly relieving to hear. I struggled for a long while with that scene because I wanted it to be TOS complient but I wanted to get the message across as to what was happening. It was definitely a lot harder than I expected it to be.
I say I'm really concerned with a lot of elements of my writing, but having a plot is something that I am so utterly focused on because I don't want to bore the reader. So yes, definitely wanted a plot outside Alice/Sirius and that will definitely evolve as the chapters go on.
Gah, thanks again for another amazing review. All the things you're commenting on are things I really wanted to get across, so hearing them means the world!
Anna? Ouch. Of course she would be too flustered by the presence of the boys to think about the name thing herself until James made a deal of it.
Colby is shaping up to be a rather toxic friend. Big difference between Jules's concern for Alice which you gave a sense was rooted in genuine concern for Alice's happiness, even if it was wrapped in sibling teasing. You get the sense here that Colby is the type that thinks someone else's happiness takes away from her. Not good for Alice. Good for the plot, though.
"Colby said she'd keep me company tonight." This threw me, shouldn't it be Alice rather than Colby?
I don't think Alice is whiny. Ocean waves have a way of making you very introspective, and you set the scene for precisely that kind of reflection. I think you achieved what you were going for.Author's Response: The whole Sirius calling Alice 'Anna' incident actually was a mistake I made int he first draft XD When I was re-reading for edits I noticed it and was about to change it when I decided that having Sirius call her Alice would be good for character development, so I kept it. Sometimes my best ideas are complete flukes lol
Yep, Colby is an absolutely horrid friend. To the point where I dislike writing her, but kept her this long (as in chapter 6) for the sake of plot.
Oops, yep. That's supposed to be Alice!
Okay, perfect. That's so great to hear!
Thanks so much for another fantastic review! You're the best. Report Review
Dani, I'm so glad I got you in the exchange. You are on my list of authors to read, and I shouldn't need an excuse to do just that, but sometimes I do.
Nice beginning. I already have a good sense of Alice as a character. She is real, and I like her.
I especially appreciated how when she thinks about it, her swear words are on the lines of 'crackers and cheese', but when she reacts without time to think she starts dropping the big ones - gives me a sense that her inner auror is in there somewhere amidst the awkwardness. Nice!
And, might I add, that Bradley sure works fast.
The Sirius pairing is intriguing. I can imagine great potential for him to be a rather nice catalyst in Alice's development.
I like your dialogue. The exchange between the sisters shows a lot about their differing personalities and their relationship with each other. I think you can even give your dialogue a lot more credit, and by that, I mean it feels like sometimes you use adverbial tags to make a point you have already made through actions or the character's words.
"I'm perfectly loose, thank you," sounds indignant enough without tagging it as such.
"I nodded distractedly;" You give the reader the sense that she was detached from the conversation when she had already turned back to the suitcase and moved on to straightening her clothes. Your description is vivid enough to convey your point without having to reinforce it with 'distractedly'.
What I'm trying to say - rather badly I fear - is that if you can get by without them, and I think you can, I would drop them. Your description and dialogue are strong enough to ditch them - that's a very good thing.
Do you realize Julie and Jules are interchanged in the narration and dialogue? I only bring this up because I have a character whose given name/nickname I struggle to keep consistent so I'm hyper sensitive to that sort of thing.
One other small thing: 'screeched to a half beside me'. Should that be 'halt'?
"I should go to the grocery store more often." Indeed!
Very promising start, and I'm off to see what you have in store next. (I probably should come with a warning- watch out for Ty, you might get bad puns in the exchange.)Author's Response: First off, SO sorry for the delay in getting back to you. When the unanswered reviews start piling up I tend to convenientally ignore it XD
Aw, hearing that means a lot! I'm also really happy to have gotten you - I absolutely adored your fic. Really and truly, it was awesome :)
I'm really picky about characterization and keeping it consistent, so it's great to hear thta you like Alice from the start.
Yes yes! Wow, majorly spot on. This fic is not just about Alice getting together with Sirius, it's about her growing up and getting out of her comfort zone - becoming the strong Auror we know she was. Sirius, of course, is a huge help with that, so I'm glad you picked up on that :)
Dialogue is always an uncertain point for me - sometimes I feel like it's a struggle to make it believable, so that's great to hear. Gah, adverbs. My arch nemesis. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll definitely take that into consideration when I'm writing.
Yes, Jules and Julie are the same person. I suppose I should keep her, in narration, always Julie XD
Ack, yep! Typo. Thanks :)
Hey my favourite english teacher from high school lived on puns - therefore I've grown to enjoy them! lol. Thanks so much for this fantastic review!! Report Review
First of all, I've just realised that I haven't reviewed the fourth chapter yet, which officially makes me a horrible person. Why you haven't dropped me all together, I honestly don't know.
Second, this was AMAZING. I loved it! FINALLY, we got a lot of Alice/Sirius interaction. The amazing thing about it? Not one word of it seemed forced. I know that a lot of people, myself included, push a bit too hard when it comes the female character interacting with Sirius. But your Alice...well, she's great in the first place, so why her and Sirius' conversation seemed so natural is explained right there, lol. Honestly, this is one of the few stories I've read - or seen, for that matter - where Alice is the main character and not a total mouse of a girl.
As far as Sirius goes, well, I have mad love for the man. He was perfect in this! He was just the right of amount of mischievous, carefree, and geniunely nice guy that I've always imagined him as. Also, I LOVE the fact that he isn't a complete womanizer. I hate it when people cast Sirius in that light. If anything, I'd say that his deep loyalty to his friends would be applied in all of his relationship, romantic or not. And you showed that here, which is amazingly awesome. But what else should I have expected from you, my dear?
In short, this was sheer brilliance! I particularly loved the fight in the ball pit. You wrote it very convincingly. I wanted to jump right in!
Until the next chapter, my dear!
MollyAuthor's Response: MOLLY, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT. AT ALL. LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES, YOU DO NOT NEED TO REVIEW :)
Yay! Sirialice is finally beginning to take shape. I adore writing scenes with them together and I'm glad it transfers well.
I'm so glad I've been getting really positive comments concerning the interaction/dialogue. One of the most painful things to read, in my opinion, is awkward unrealistic dialogue - so hearing that mine comes across well is music to my hears (hahahaha, I apologize for the lame joke).
ME TOO! So expect this Sirius to be a complete 180 from the stereotype he has unfortunately been cast into. No twelve girls hanging of his arm. At. All.
That's exactly my reasoning - the Sirius from the books is so incredibly loyal to his friends... why would he be so careless in romantic relationships??! Gah. It kills me.
Hahaha that was so much fun to write. It wasn't originally included, it just kind of came as I was writing it. But then, mu favourite scenes are usually born that way :)
SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS DEAR AND SO SORRY FOR MY LAMO RESPONSE. ILY.
Dani Report Review
i am falling in love with this story. keep this up.Author's Response: I seriously could not stop grinning when I read this review. I'm so glad you've enjoyed it so far and I hope the next chapters are as satisfying! :)
Thanks again! Your continued reviews mean the world. Report Review
I think I'm in love. XD This is the best fan fic I've read in awhile. I was swooning, squeeing, and grinning from ear to ear. :)
Continue, continue, continue! Author's Response: Oh, wow. Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much. When I first posted this and it didn't get much of a response, I really questioned the quality of it. Though it is my favourite fic to write at the moment, it wasn't really reflected in the view count/reviews. But lately everyone has been so lovely and restored my faith in this fic! So thank you so much. It means more than I can say :) Report Review
I adore it!!
Please, read my story and give me some advices. kk " The bench next to the lake" - hope you like it.
xoxo, S.Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this and if I get a chance I'll be sure to pop over to your page, though RL is quite time consuming at the moment :)
Thanks! Report Review
I really like this story! I rarely read sirius /oc stories , but reading this has definitely made a sirius/oc fan. I really like alice too,when she's shy ,she sort of reminds me of neville. Woo, i can't wait for your next chapter.
Keep up the good work c:Author's Response: Though Alice is technically canon, I get what you mean about the whole Sirius/OC trend. I wanted to get way from that and hopefully I managed to do it here! :)
Yes, yes! That's exactly what I wanted to get across - Alice is 100% Neville's mum, and just as Neville eventually gains some confidence so too will Alice.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!!! It means the world! Report Review
i know i have mentioned this nearly a million times already but i just wanted to let you know that you really know how to make a story work in every way possible. that is not a trait that you can really lose. keep it up!Author's Response: Aw, thank you!! That is such an amazing compliment and I don't even have the words to express how happy it makes me! :) Thanks so much for your continued dedication to this fic - it really means so, so much! Report Review
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