Reading Reviews for Ma Soeur
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ellerina VICTOIRE I

21st March 2010:
The parallels between this chapter and the first were really nice! Hearing how one sister thinks the other has everything is very typical of siblings, perhaps even more so because this particular situation is so complicated, and I like how you felt comfortable using a gap of a year and a half.

It isn't surprising that Teddy won't set a date for his and Victoire's wedding if he was cheating in her with Dominique at the time. Ugh, what a jerk! Lysander sounds lovely though. I love that he calls her 'Doe'. The only thing was that before you said his name, I thought he was Teddy. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but I thought I would mention it because it was a little confusing.

"You are still waiting, waiting, waiting. You are still engaged, still waiting, still just Victoire, still so, so guilty. You are still hidden, blended in with the shadows and the wallpaper." Loved this. I read this paragraph over a couple of times because I really enjoyed your phrasing.

Cheers!
Annie

Author's Response: Annie! :) Thanks so much for reviewing again, hon. I'm really thrilled you're liking this.

I was actually incredibly concerned with the gap of time, as I wasn't so sure that the reader's having to piece together the span of each sister's life within that year and half would work out well. :/ But hopefully it's not too ambiguous.

Now, you bring up another point of concern in the story for me. I tried to set it up to make it clear that, in fact, Teddy wasn't cheating on Victoire. In my head, they've got this completely ridiculous off-and-on thing going on and Dominique has just been this rock and this best-friend-whose-more sort of girl for Teddy during the "off times." Still sort of makes him a jerk, but oh well! XD

I'm glad you liked the phrasing, as those flowy sort of paragraphs with no real structure were written very much whilst I was particularly moody about something. :P They just sort of formed as I typed.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, Annie! Hope to catch up with you in the cbox soon. :)


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Review #2, by Ellerina DOMINIQUE I

21st March 2010:
Annie from the cbox over at TGS here. I love this story because of your use of second person! Also, it was really interesting the way you interspersed the dialogue with Dominique's thoughts. It gave this chapter really constant flow and a nice rhythm. You description was lovely and helped set the mood. I so sympathize with Dom! Teddy sounds like a real jerk, playing her like that. I'm interested to hear his side of the story, and Victoire's.

"Teddy and Victoire are getting married. You lost your dress, your mind, true love, your glass of red wine. You bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. There is going to be a wedding." These were some of my favorite lines. I thought they really summed up the chapter beautifully.

Lovely writing!
Annie

Author's Response: Annie! So lovely to hear from you, hon! Thanks tons for leaving a review. :)

I'm thrilled you like the second person, as it's not always much used or liked, but it's honestly one of my favorite narratives to use. It's good to hear that the flow and Dom's thoughts were working well too, as I was slightly concerned with the dialogue/description ratio. As for Teddy, is wasn't really my intention to make him out as a jerk, but it seems as though that's the way it's going! In my head, Teddy really did love her but in the end he sort of came to realize that the way it was supposed to be was him and Victoire.

Yay, I'm glad you like those too! The way I tried to write this was as though the sentences were short and erratic, flowing together almost hastily as though they were Dominique's thoughts. To hear that they summed it up, almost as though they're Dom's thoughts coming together as a whole, is really lovely.

Thank you so much for the lovely review, Annie! I so appreciate it. :)

Zinny


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Review #3, by Margravine VICTOIRE I

21st February 2010:
Zinny (it is Zinny, is it not?) I've heard lovely things about you around TGS but haven't had the chance to stalk your stories until now, but I am so glad I have. This is, I am afraid just a line, but reviews are all love, yes?

Engaging as the first chapter was, it was this one which really won me over, it was refreshingly different from standard Dom and Vic stories. You give a tantalizing amount of information, the contrast between POVS is inspired and your writing is beautiful and verging on lyrical. I look forward to seeing what you do with this!
-Jo

Author's Response: Yep, I'm Zinny! :) Lovely to meet you Jo -- I'll have to drop you a line on TGS! And I can't thank you enough for reviewing, I smile like an idiot whenever I see that I have one. xD

Really?! xD Oh my goodness I'm actually really glad to hear you say so -- the second chapter captivating you, that is -- because I've always sort of been fond of the first. But Victoire has started to grow on me I suppose, and so I'm glad I did her some justice!

*squee* I'm so glad you like the alternating POVS; it was one of my favorite things to do, really. I always figured that with Dom & Vic stories you really only get one sister's side of the story, and I wanted to encompass both in this. I wish I could say more or even address your lovely comments on my writing, but I'm far too busy smiling like an idiot and being flabbergasted over this review. XD

Thank you again - so much - for leaving such a wonderful review!!

Zinny


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Review #4, by Phoenix_or_Sphinx VICTOIRE I

19th November 2009:
Hi,
oh my god this is so my fave story at the mo. I love it, although its so sad. Liked the first chapter more than this one.
Wish you luck and keep on with it :)
Ruby
x

Author's Response: Is it? I'm so flattered!

I'm so glad the sadness of the whole thing doesn't put you off too much! Thank you so much!

Will do, third chapter being written at the moment!

Thanks for the lovely review,
Zinny


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Review #5, by explosion VICTOIRE I

1st November 2009:
perfection i love love love this.

Author's Response: Perfection? Wow, thank you!! I'm so glad I'm getting positive responses. I'm really happy you love it!

Thank you for your review!!

-Zinny


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Review #6, by xXChristabellXx VICTOIRE I

31st October 2009:
This is really good!! I like the chande of perspective

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! I'm really enjoying writing from Victoire's perspective and Dominique's.

Thanks so much for the review!

- Zinny


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Review #7, by Lostaroundlondon VICTOIRE I

29th October 2009:
I like it! I was going to start a Dominique story... and yours is so good! I love the nickname you have for her! It's going to be really difficult to think of a better one... anyway. I really liked your descriptions and how one sister was jealous of the other and vice versa. well done!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you!

You should definitely start a Dominique story, she's such an underwritten and under-appreciated character! I'd love to read yours if you do choose to write something.

Hehe, thanks. The nickname just sort of came from nowhere. I believe the French pronunciation of her name is Doe-men-eek, so that's where Doe came from. Otherwise I just call her Dom.

Thanks so much for your lovely review!!

- Zinny


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Review #8, by brunetteweasley DOMINIQUE I

20th October 2009:
Hello, this is brunetteweasley for the review you requested.

I must say, I love how you made me empathize with Dominique. The reader felt her pain through the piece. It is very hard to have an author relate to a character, and you did a very good job. And, you also left the reader wanting for more. I wanted to know what happened next, and how Dominique and Teddy started this affair.

But, the main flaw that I see in your story is the grammar. It's not a huge issue, just a little things here and there (especially in capitalization). I would suggest getting one of the wonderful betas on the forum, just to make the story a little bit cleaner.

Can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve for this story.

Love,
brunetteweasley

Author's Response: I am so, so glad that you're empathizing with poor Dominique! I dunno, lots of people don't like her because Victoire/Teddy was hinted upon in the Epilogue, and I guess they want to stick with canon (even though it's really not!) I'm so glad that you can really feel her depression - I wrote a bunch of this story when I was in a bad mood. xD Perhaps that worked? I think for the next chapters I'll have a playlist of sad music on in the background.

Oh, and just to get it out there, maybe I'll have to do some edits to make it a bit more clear. Teddy and Victoire were never a solid couple; a very off-and-on relationship. Dominique was really just a total rock for Teddy during everything, and so that sort of developed on the "off" times. But she really just loved him all along. Or at least, that's how it works in my brain. xD

Ugh. I know. My grammar is rather atrocious. I think I will take your suggestion; I can definitely tell I need some help with the grammar!

Thanks so much for the spectacular review!

- Zinny


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Review #9, by Alopex DOMINIQUE I

20th October 2009:
You are the first person to ever request a piece written in the second person. I guess that's because it's not very common. I have to confess that I am not a big fan of second-person writing. I find it confusing, personally. Every time I read "you," I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it and picturing what's going on . . . sort of being inside and outside the situation at the same time, you know?

Anyway. Despite the second person (which I don't think I will ever like no matter how well written), I thought this was a unique start to a story. I have to admit the second person writing does make the story stand out. It grabbed my attention.

I wouldn't say there was a whole lot in this chapter that surprised me, plotwise. I was, however, surprised about Dominique providing the inspiration (or template or script or whatever you want to call it) for Teddy's proposal to Victoire. As Dominique points out, what irony.

I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I enjoyed the symbolism with the red wine spilling to the floor. Obviously, readers will associate red with blood, which is in keeping with the Romeo and Juliette aspect you introduce. Furthermore, that she spills the wine shows (to me) more than any of the other things she mentions (the wedding dress, etc.) that her dreams and illusions have been spilled or shattered, so to speak, and that she herself played a hand in it.

Author's Response: This is going to sound very strange, but I'm actually really glad that you're not a fan of second person! I wanted to see if, for those readers who don't necessarily enjoy this type of narration, the story would still be enjoyable despite how it's being told. I'm quite fond of the uniqueness of second person myself, so I'm rather glad that it stuck out to you!

I completely agree. I see Dominique/Victoire/Teddy fics a lot, most of which have Victoire getting to be the bride, but I wanted to start this fic off with a rather common conflict - unrequited love. The general topic of the character, I knew, wasn't going to be very surprising, but I'm glad I surprised you with Dominique's proposal bit. I suppose it was my own little twist to make the chapter unlike loads of Dom/Ted/Vic stories out there.

Aha! I am so glad that you caught onto the red wine bit! You're right, there was some symbolism going on there. :)

Anywho, thank you so very much for the absolutely fantastic review!!

-Zinny


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Review #10, by luna DOMINIQUE I

20th October 2009:
I reeaaalllyyy liked your story, it makes me want to know more.of course it's a bit dramatic.but thats what makes it so good. xP
Anyway, hope you continue.
cheers

Author's Response: Heh, I agree - quite dramatic! But I'm so glad you like it! :) No worries, second chapter is in the queue!

Thanks so much for your review!!

-Zinny


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Review #11, by Illuminate DOMINIQUE I

18th October 2009:
:D This is wonderful, very wonderful. A lovely idea.

I think your prose is spot on- I've gone through something similar to this and I think you've got Dominique's feelings perfectly.

I dont know if you are continuing this, but I think if you don't then it's perfectly alright.

Anyway, well done, 10/10 :)

Author's Response: Ahh thank you so very much! :) I'm so glad you think it's a good idea, I was so torn about writing it with the entire Teddy/Dominique/Victoire triangle cliche - but meh! I loved it too much to stay away.

Oh that's good to hear! That I've got her feelings correct, that is. That was tricky to write, her trying to be happy for her sister, desperately upset with Ted, guilty and heartbroken all at once. xD I'm really happy that it turned out okay!

In fact, I am continuing this! There's going to be a series of vignettes with Victoire and Dominique alternating narration. Second chapter is in the queue as I write this.

Loads of thanks, I do appreciate your review so much. :)


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Review #12, by Phoenix_or_Sphinx DOMINIQUE I

15th October 2009:
Wow. Really, WOW. I love it, and its so sad, but it's really been written well.
Post soon as poss, thanks.
Ruby x

Author's Response: That's so good to hear, I was so worried that the style I've written it in wouldn't catch on with the readers. I've been writing some fluff on the side, so I needed a break from it and this was the outcome!

Second chapter, Victoire's POV, is undergoing some last minute edits. Should be posted this weekend!

Thank you so much for the review!!


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Review #13, by Damaged_Sky17 DOMINIQUE I

14th October 2009:
Oh..well.WOW
I loved the language and they way it was written. The romance between Teddy and Dom however I do not really agree with but I love this story so far.

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear it! This was my first time writing in second person, and I'm very pleased to see that it looks like people are responding well to it.

Really? I love Teddy/Dominique! The sister-boy-sister romance conflict is really interesting, I think! ^^

Thank you so much for the review!

-Zinny


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Review #14, by fred is dead DOMINIQUE I

13th October 2009:
this sounds really promising. it already is bursting with tragedy and heartbreak. hopefully there's more to come?

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that it sounds promising, I was so worried that it was just another fic with jealous sisters and that it wouldn't be going anywhere. So really, major confidence boost right there. :)

The tragedy and heartbreak will be quite severe in the next few chapters to come, I must say. I'm really packing on the depression in this fic.

There is definitely more to come, no worries, and thank you so very much for reviewing!

- Zinny


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