this fanfic is so gripping and so full of suspense!
I can't wait for the next chapter. :DAuthor's Response: I'm not sure when the next chapter is coming, but hopefully I can get to it soon. I'm glad you're enjoying it, thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I love this story! I'm sitting alone in my room with no one else home, and let me just tell you I am freaking out. The detail is amazing, and I love how you switch off to different characters! Please, don't keep me waiting!Update soon. (:Author's Response: I'm glad you're liking it! I hope I didn't scare you too much. I'll try to update soon, but I haven't been getting a lot of time lately. Thanks so much for the review. :) Report Review
This story has my heart pounding every time. I swear I am such a chicken. I used to be afraid of Scooby Doo, if you can believe that! (Does Scooby Doo appear on Austrailian television?) Point being, scary movies and horror novels are not my cup of tea. This story gets me really excited without frightening me and giving me visions that keep me up at night, lol.
On the one hand, I'm not terribly crazy about the technique you used with the horizontal breaks to rapidly switch POVs. It looks weird, and I actually think it's partly due to the horizontal lines and format here on HPFF. On a printed page, it might look better. There's no denying the technique was extremely effective, and I especially liked that you showed the scariest stuff through Peter (generally accepted to be the weakest).
All right, I am worried about Sirius now. James too. And obviously, Remus and Peter are near the chilling laugh and have just discovered a murder, so that's worrisome as well. Oh, and what about Filch? I can't just assume he's perfectly safe.
As usual, I'm anxious to find out what happens next!Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review, between working and writing my original novel I haven't been around as much lately.
We do get Scooby Doo here, I always loved Scooby Doo growing up (and still do love it). I love a good mystery.
I wasn't sure about using the page breaks, but since I was switching POVs so much I thought I needed something to make it less confusing.
I'm sorry to be cruel and leave you on a cliffhanger again, I will try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can, although I'm not sure when that will be.
Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
Whoa! What a cliff hanger! I was wondering when the boys were going to find their DADA teacher. Now, where on earth is James AND Sirius, and mostly...where is Sirius? There were a couple of grammar issues, the one that I noticed was that instead of raced, you used the present tense "race" when talking about Peter's heart. The story itself is really good and getting quite intense, can't wait for an update!
--FannyPriceAuthor's Response: Where are Sirius and James, that is the question isn't it? Thanks for picking up on that mistake, although I think it would be more likely a typo than a grammar mistake (I must have missed the 'd' when typing it out). I guess in my haste to get the chapter posted I didn't proofread properly before posting it. I'll go fix that up right now. Thanks so much for your review, I'll try not to take too long with the next update. Report Review
God it's soo exciting! Such an original story, I really like that about it ! Oh gosh I wanna know what's next lol. Hope you update soon !Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you are finding it to be an original story idea, I like to write about things that haven't been done before and I thought this would be quite a different take on the Marauders than the usual romance fics. I will try to update as soon as possible, but I am a working mum so I don't always get to update as often as I would like. I appreciate your reviews! Report Review
The plot is thickening! Wihihi I like that :D I admire you for the way you portray the Marauders btw!Author's Response: I'm so glad you're liking my portrayal of the Marauders. The plot certainly is thickening :D Thanks for the review! Report Review
This story is so interesting! It's like... the marauders are all funny and you know behaving like they do lol, but they have no idea what's coming to them.. I like the contrast between the humour and the scary stuff. Hope to see even more scary stuff though lol! I'll go read the next one now :DAuthor's Response: I've always seen the Marauders as being carefree and funloving when they were at school. I thought it would be interesting to put them in a scary situation. There will definitely be more scary stuff to come :) Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Lol I really liked this first chapter! The summary really drew me in as well, it seems like an original idea for a story, I like that! I think you've got the characters well.. in character (lol) as well. Good job !Author's Response: I've had this idea floating around in my head for a while. It's my first Marauders story so I'm glad you thought the characters were in character :) Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Gah, this chapter is so frustrating because all it does is raise more questions! Are you sure you can't tell me the ending? (Just kidding. That would spoil it.)
You might want to double-check your comma usage in Dumbledore's letter. I think I saw a couple of comma splices.
I was so relieved at first that the boys had found their map and managed to retrieve it from Filch, but of course things can't be that easy. What a scary thought that the map is still floating around out there, just waiting to fall into the wrong hands. Oh, I hope they wiped the map clean before losing it.
Sirius is missing! I'm positively alarmed, but I'm also suspicious. I mean, having him turn up all fine wouldn't be the first twist in this story. However, I am afraid his disappearance bodes ill. He's lucky (maybe) he has a gang of friends wandering around who will miss him.
This sure was an exciting chapter! My mind is positively racing.Author's Response: We're really starting to get into the story now :)
Commas are the bane of my (writing) existence at the moment, I swear I'm getting worse with them.
You are right, nothing is ever that easy. And to make matters worse (and because I am a cruel author) now the four Marauders are all split up, with no sign of Sirius. Of course I couldn't possibly tell you what I have planned for them in the coming chapters, but I will try to get the next chapter finished as soon as I can.
I'm glad you found the chapter to be exciting. Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
PLEASE be one of those fast updaters. I AM DYING FOR AN UPDATE HERE!Author's Response: I update as fast as I can, but as a busy mum I sometimes don't get time to update as often as I would like. I will try to update soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Another intriguing chapter! Did Filch leave the map behind purposely to trip up the boys? And where on earth did Sirius go? I thought the prank James/Remus played on Filch was a lot of fun, and the letter exemplified Dumbledore's character quite well. Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Filch had the map with him, but most likely tucked away in a pocket, he wasn't going to let that piece of evidence out of his sight. As for where Sirius went... you will find out. I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Dumbledore in the letter, I really tried to capture his voice. Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Phew! For a moment, I thought the parchment had fallen into the hands of the evil person who's skulking around the castle. I was afraid the boys had left it showing the map, and that the person would know where they were.
But darn it, you're drawing out this mystery! You're going to make me wait to find out what's going on! Gah! I can't stand it. Ok, I can, but this story is gripping and suspenseful. You always leave me panting to know what comes next.
Whoa, snooping in Dumbledore's office. Now that's naughty. I was greatly amused by Peter and Sirius' assumption that the password would be something "noble" since I know it's likely to be some sort of sweet. Lol! Still, I suppose they weren't the only ones to ever make that mistake. It really was a stroke of brilliance on Dumbledore's part to make the passwords so silly.Author's Response: That lost map could certainly have spelled trouble for the Marauders.
Sorry for making you wait, it's such a busy time of the year and I'm not getting much time to myself at the moment, hopefully once the new year rolls around I will have some more time again.
It was definitely very naughty of them to snoop in Dumbledore's office, but I always thought the Marauders were much naughtier than Harry ever realised. I don't think many people would ever have guessed that Dumbledore had such silly passwords.
Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Oh! You can't just leave a cliffhanger like that! Please update soon! I want to know what happens, and who the murderer is. And, is Lily going to make a reappearance?Author's Response: Sorry about the cliffhanger, but suspense is important for the horror genre ;) You probably won't be seeing much more of Lily, I really just wanted to focus on the four Marauders in this fic. I'll try not to take too long with my next update (although it is a busy time of year in the lead up to Christmas, so I'm sorry if RL does end up getting in the way). Thanks for all the reviews so far. Report Review
There was more great imagery in this chapter. My favorite moment by far was:
"The figure approached the lifeless woman, gazed down upon her dead body and was momentarily mesmerised by the brown potion that oozed out from the broken phial and bubbled on the wooden floor."
I love this, because in horror films there is always this moment where they focus on the blood spilling across the floor or whatever. But the Killing curse doesn't make people bleed, so there is this brown potion instead. I don't know if that was your intention, but it was really cool.
Also, the line that the murderer says after it reminds me a lot of the show Dexter. Anyway, another great chapter (if a bit short, but it works for this genre--to heighten the tension, etc.). I've never read a horror fan fic before, and I'm really liking it!Author's Response: I think imagery is an important element in creating atmosphere in a horror fic, and I loved the idea of having the potion spill out onto the floor, in much the same way you would see blood flowing on the floor in a horror movie. I've never watched the show Dexter, so I hope that's a positive reference! I'm so glad you're liking this fic, thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Yay! I loved the end with the dark, lurking figure--it creates the perfect image of a horror film in my mind. I saw this story on your sig. on the forums, and I'm glad I'm reading it. I was in the mood to watch a scary movie! And this is really great! I really like the idea of Peter using his animagus form to be lookout; it makes a lot of since. I also enjoyed the reappearance of the Harry's pocket knife to open any lock. Brilliant! And, I'm intrigued...I wonder how all these disappearances are linked. Poor Maureen Higgs. This also kind of reminds me of some of my favorite Agatha Christie books. Two thumbs up!Author's Response: I really did want to capture that horror film feel with this fic, I'm so glad you think I'm pulling it off. I think it is mentioned somewhere in the books that the reason Peter is a small animal is so he can do all the sneaky things, so I'm building on that idea in this fic. I'm an big Agatha Christie fan, I love her books, so I guess that has influenced me somewhat. I'm glad you're liking it! Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
I really like this story so far. It is very well-written; I only saw one grammatical error the entire time and that was just a missing set of quotation marks. Your characterization of the Marauders is very enjoyable and canon-tastic. And I really like the idea of mud Quidditch--I'm assuming they enchanted mud into balls and such? That's extremely amusing image. Great job!Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I had a look through and couldn't find the missing quotation marks, unless you meant in the letter because I didn't use quotation marks when I started a new line. If it was another part I would love for you to PM me on the forums and let me know where I missed them, I'm a bit of a grammar nut, so I hate thinking I've got any bad grammar! This is my first Marauders fic, so it's good to know I'm getting their characterisation right. Mud Quidditch would definitely involve enchanted mud balls lol. Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
Whoa. Chilling again. *shiver* And I'm about to go to bed! You mentioned in a review response (or was it a comment . . . I forget . . . I'm communicating too much, I think) that you weren't sure if you were making this story creepy enough, but I think you are! I'm a chicken, so this is enough for me.
Before I forget, I think you wrote "be" instead of "been" in the first paragraph. Also, even though I found the bit at the end chilling, I thought the final paragraph was a little too revealing. It just didn't have the same suspense as the rest of the chapter. It wasn't subtle enough for my tastes.
However, the paragraphs before it with the Invisibility Cloak snagging were super-tense! I was so anxious for them! And I loved the bit about Sirius changing into a dog to scare off Mrs. Norris. I wouldn't have though of that, but it seems obvious now.
Also, I thought the part in the kitchen was well-written. Obviously, that was mostly an excuse to keep them out and about in the castle, but you portrayed the house elf well.Author's Response: I believe it was in one of my responses I said I wasn't sure if it was creepy enough, it's good to know that it is! I hope I didn't give you nightmares.
I'll be sure to fix up that mistake you mentioned. I was rushing a bit to get this chapter posted before NaNo and could have proofread it a bit better, lucky I have you to pick me up on these things :) I wasn't sure if I maybe overdid that last paragraph, I wanted to reaffirm the fact they had nearly walked in on the dead body, but I did think maybe I wasn't subtle enough.
I thought it would be just like Sirius to use his animagus form to scare her off lol. I'm glad you liked that bit.
I did want to write a bit about their escapades at Hogwarts as well as the horror plot line.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Haha, that line about handing over the prefect badge made me laugh! I also got a kick out of Peter's "acceptable" and the penmanship comment. It's been ages since I've heard the word "penmanship." I love the way the boys are interacting with each other. There's some good-natured teasing and an easy rapport.
You know, it makes sense that Filch would know something is amiss in the school. JKR herself implies he knows nearly every nook and cranny, which is hardly surprising, since he must be quite familiar with the place through all the cleaning, chasing after Peeves, and general lurking.
Gah, I want to know more about the cloaked figure! After all the chilliness and creepiness of the previous chapters, this was positively light-hearted . . . perhaps reflecting the killer's mood now that he (or she) has made a kill?Author's Response: I thought it would be just like McGonagall to take marks away for poor penmanship lol. I really wanted to show some interaction with the four boys here, as well as introducing another 'Filch' moment. I love the idea of the Marauders just being 'the Marauders' and not just chasing girls as they are so often portrayed. I wanted this fic to be more about their friendship and steer away from the romance genre.
I think Filch would know a lot more about what goes on in that school than anyone gives him credit for. As you say, he knows the school better than just about anyone, and he always seems to be around.
Although this is a horror fic, I do want to include some light-heartedness, after all it is the Marauders. The cloaked figure will remain a mystery for now...
Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Gee, what a weirdo! DEFINITELY not someone I'd want to meet in a dark alley (not that I frequent dark alleys anyway, but still). I'm a bit curious as to how this death is going to be passed off as an accident, though. Maybe the potion is a particularly poisonous one or something? Or maybe the killer finally slipped up? I mean, with the girl presumed drowned, if she was found in the lake, maybe no one thought to check if she'd been hit with a Killing Curse, but I don't see how that could work here yet.
Ohmigosh! I just remembered this is the Marauders era, which means . . . never mind. I'm bad with the timelines back then. Voldemort is out of school by now. I was about to say maybe the cloaked figure was Tom Riddle, but that can't be right.
The bit about the cruel laugh at the beginning continued the creepy feeling from the previous chapter very well. I did think the sentence about the figure slipping away came a little abruptly, though the fact that it was included was good. Overall, you are setting a palpable atmosphere for this story! Well done!Author's Response: Lol, yeah, I don't think I'd want to be meeting him in any dark alley either. As for the teacher's death, I guess you will just have to wait and see ;)
I'm glad I've got you guessing with the identity of the killer. *evil grin* lol
I'll keep in mind about the abruptness. I am glad you're liking the way I'm setting up the atmosphere for this story.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Whoa. The ending creeped me out. Chilling! (I have a low tolerance for scary/horror stuff, so it doesn't take much to freak me out a little.) Probably I wouldn't have felt that chill if the boys (you) hadn't just listed all those disappeared and/or dead students! Something very wrong is happening, or so I am being led to assume.
Jo, your writing has gotten tons better since the very first story you posted. Compared to your first Halloween fic (which was very intriguing as well, not to mention a bit scary), this is just so much more professional-sounding. You've really polished up your writing skills, and you've gotten better at drawing out a scene, whereas in your earlier work, there was a tendency to cut things a bit short. You just . . . cover the material better now.
Anyway. I loved the way you had Peter transforming into a rat to check the corridors! I have never read that before (but I don't read much Marauders either), but it seems completely obvious in hindsight. Also, the way he scampered up into the statue's ear to be safe from Mrs. Norris was a good touch. For me, in a way, it represented the danger that the risks the Maruaders are running by being out after curfew (not that they're worried), as well as the danger the students appear to be in.Author's Response: I'm glad to know I creeped at least one person out with this fic, sometimes I wonder if I'm making it creepy enough.
Thanks for the compliment about my writing! It's always good to hear that I am improving, and I definitely owe a lot to HPFF for that. Hopefully some of this will translate over into my original novel that I'm writing.
I'm positive it was mentioned somewhere in the books (probably PoA) that the reason Peter chose a rat for his animagus was so he could sneak into places (I think Remus mentions it). Anyway, it does seem like it would be useful for them when they are getting into mischief.
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Another interesting chapter. Not much action happened in this chapter, but you are building good suspense and developing the characters so I'm enjoying this anyway ^_^ . That was a good idea to have Filch appearing mad to the marauders, it leaves me wondering if the marauders will get Filch to elaborate, and of course, it makes me more curious then ever to find out who exactly the murderer is.
Good chapter. Hope you update soon :)Author's Response: Yes, this one was a bit more slow, but I think it's necessary to have a few slow, suspense building chapters rather than action all the time, I hope it works for the story. I'm glad you're liking this so far, and it shouldn't be too long before I update again. Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Ooh, I love your chapter images! Very eerie. This story has an odd sort of old murder film kind of vibe, which I love! I can't wait to see what's going on with all the creepy grins and laughing. Pretty good so far!Author's Response: Thanks! I was going for an eerie effect when I made them. I'm glad you love that old murder film vibe and I'm glad you're liking this so far. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Filch may well be lacking brain cells but what does he know?
Another excellent chapter!Author's Response: Yes indeed, what does Filch know? Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
This is really good so far. Your characterisations are great, and your plot is very intriguing. I'm really wondering who exactly the murderer is, and can't wait for you to reveil who it really is. And your writing in this seems good too. I'm already looking forward to the next chapter ^_^Author's Response: Thank-you so much for your lovely compliments. I'm glad you like my characterisations and are finding the plot intriguing and also that I have you wondering about the murderer. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon :) Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Uh oh. This is still brilliant =)Author's Response: Thank-you so much. :) Report Review
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